Bates 29: Marrying Off the Sons

[rebeccawriter01]

9 hours ago, lumpentheologie said:

I'll believe that when he actually joins the Marines. Kelly says all kinds of things to deflect from the truth, and they walk a fine line between claiming they respect and admire the military but never allow their kids to actually serve. They get sent to ALERT instead. 

There will always be an excuse to keep him from it. For now it is this idea that someday he'll join the Marines that keeps him in the overall narrative of the family that they are just like the rest of us just with more kids and more God. 

[CanadianMamam]

They are defintirly prepping Addalee as the next in line. She gets to be with the older girls now and they keep talking how grown up she is. She isn't even 16 yet. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

20 minutes ago, CanadianMamam said:

They are defintirly prepping Addalee as the next in line. She gets to be with the older girls now and they keep talking how grown up she is. She isn't even 16 yet. 

It happened with Katie and Josie too. And look how young they were when they got married. 

[MaryOrMartha]

Was Josie the youngest to get married? She was 19, right? How long was she special friends with Kelton before that?

[GreenBeans]

16 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Just imagine a Duggar or Bates going into the military. The parents no longer have control of their adult child. The son is now far away doing things they likely wouldn’t approve of. They meet a lot of non religious people. They become friends with people that aren’t fundie. Fundie parents would hate this. 

And worst of all, they might end up under the authority of a WOMAN!

I think lack of education is only one reason fundies are pushing their sons towards self-employment. Avoiding a situation where they might have to answer to and follow instructions of a female boss is another.

[QuiverFullofBooks]

11 hours ago, GreenBeans said:

And worst of all, they might end up under the authority of a WOMAN!

I think lack of education is only one reason fundies are pushing their sons towards self-employment. Avoiding a situation where they might have to answer to and follow instructions of a female boss is another.

Or a black man, or an LGBT person, or a non-Christian, or a white Christian man who voted for Biden.

[theotherelise]

14 hours ago, MaryOrMartha said:

Was Josie the youngest to get married? She was 19, right? How long was she special friends with Kelton before that?

According to Duggar Data info:

First Meeting: In 2014 (Josie was probably 15, Kelton was probably 19) Josie + Kelton met at a piano recital at which Josie and Ariana Balka both played.  (Erin Bates was Ariana Balka’s piano teacher.)

1st Pre–Courtship   (Summer 2015—c. December 2015) Kelton approached Josie again “at a church service.”  They got to talking and really hit it off.  That summer, they got to know each other and became increasingly close. (Kelton turned 20 that July, Josie turned 16 a month later in August)

Break–Up   In Fall 2015, Kelton returned to college in Florida.  They kept in touch but, at the end of Fall Semester 2015, Josie broke it off with him. Gil + Kelly encouraged the break up, believing Josie was too young for a serious boyfriend.

2nd Pre-Courtship: In October 2016, Josie was one of several Bateses who tagged along with Tori to Florida to visit Bobby.  Josie + Kelton reconnected during the trip and started talking again. (Josie was 17, Kelton was 21)

Courtship: January 11, 2018. Josie was 18, Kelton was 22.

Engagement: June 19, 2018. Josie was 18, Kelton was 22.

Wedding:  October 5, 2018. Josie was 19 years and 62 days old. Kelton was 23 years and 93 days old.

Josie is the youngest Bates to marry. Alyssa was 19.54 years old. Kendra (19.08) and Lauren (19.12) were both younger than Josie when they married into the Duggars.

 

Edited November 1, 2021 by theotherelise
clarity

[MaryOrMartha]

15 minutes ago, theotherelise said:

2nd Pre-Courtship: In October 2016, Josie was one of several Bateses who tagged along with Tori to Florida to visit Bobby.  Josie + Kelton reconnected during the trip and started talking again. (Josie was 17, Kelton was 21)

 

 

Very helpful info. Thank you!

If we base it off this quoted point, at the *latest*, it's not out of the question that Addalee could be getting to know someone within the next year or two. That would not seem so scary if it was just for age-appropriate fun... but nope, it'll mean marriage soon after.

[JermajestyDuggar]

10 minutes ago, MaryOrMartha said:

Very helpful info. Thank you!

If we base it off this quoted point, at the *latest*, it's not out of the question that Addalee could be getting to know someone within the next year or two. That would not seem so scary if it was just for age-appropriate fun... but nope, it'll mean marriage soon after.

My niece is the same age as Addie and she has a little boyfriend. It’s not serious. They just like each other and text a lot. They went to homecoming together with a group of friends. We think the boy is a nice boy and it’s fine that they are in a relationship. But no one in the family expects it to last. They won’t get married. And that’s fine. 

[MaryOrMartha]

11 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

My niece is the same age as Addie and she has a little boyfriend. It’s not serious. They just like each other and text a lot. They went to homecoming together with a group of friends. We think the boy is a nice boy and it’s fine that they are in a relationship. But no one in the family expects it to last. They won’t get married. And that’s fine. 

Exactly. There's so much pressure on these kids. I'll admit, I had my fair share of heartbreak when I was a teen and in my early 20's and I guess I understand the intention of trying to prevent that, but I can safely say that I felt like I was sooooo in love with my first boyfriend (together almost a year, lost my virginity to, broke up weeks before my sweet 16),  and I would have married him if that's what we thought we had to do to have sex. I cannot imagine what would have happened if we felt pressured to.

[JermajestyDuggar]

15 minutes ago, MaryOrMartha said:

Exactly. There's so much pressure on these kids. I'll admit, I had my fair share of heartbreak when I was a teen and in my early 20's and I guess I understand the intention of trying to prevent that, but I can safely say that I felt like I was sooooo in love with my first boyfriend (together almost a year, lost my virginity to, broke up weeks before my sweet 16),  and I would have married him if that's what we thought we had to do to have sex. I cannot imagine what would have happened if we felt pressured to.

I stayed with my first boyfriend for way too long because my sister married her first serious boyfriend and so did lots of the people in my family. My mom pushed the idea of sex is for marriage (yes, she’s religious but not fundie). So when I had sex with my first boyfriend in college, I felt like I should stay with him. Even though the relationship wasn’t working after a few years. That break up was not good and I think it was because in my head, I said I “must” stick with him even if it got bad. I wish I could go back and tell my younger self it’s completely fine that we broke up and it doesn’t matter if you don’t marry your first love. 

[Smash!]

3 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I wish I could go back and tell my younger self it’s completely fine that we broke up and it doesn’t matter if you don’t marry your first love. 

Exactly!

I just talked to my first boyfriend on the phone and it was so nice catching up with him. He‘s a great person and I‘m looking forward to meeting his little daughter soon. Even tough I have fond memories of our time together we were not compatible as a couple and I‘m so glad we broke up. He married his next girlfriend while it took me a few more relationships until I met someone I wanted to spend my life with.

[JermajestyDuggar]

I kind of wonder how Kelly would react to one of her daughters breaking up with a boyfriend. None of her girls have yet. But some of her boys have. Would she make them feel guilty because they are females and damaged goods? 

[BeccaGrim]

1 hour ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I kind of wonder how Kelly would react to one of her daughters breaking up with a boyfriend. None of her girls have yet. But some of her boys have. Would she make them feel guilty because they are females and damaged goods? 

I think Carlin and Evan have said that she broke up with him for a bit. And, Josie ended it with Kelton.  

[JermajestyDuggar]

14 minutes ago, BeccaGrim said:

I think Carlin and Evan have said that she broke up with him for a bit. And, Josie ended it with Kelton.  

So maybe Kelly guilted them into getting back together?

[Pecansforeveryone]

I am wondering which of the younger Bates will really be pushing the boundaries of courting just like I wonder about the younger Duggars? I could see blatant pre-marital kissing, but would someone dare to live together before marriage even if Kelly and Gil were getting up in years? 

[JermajestyDuggar]

25 minutes ago, Pecansforeveryone said:

I am wondering which of the younger Bates will really be pushing the boundaries of courting just like I wonder about the younger Duggars? I could see blatant pre-marital kissing, but would someone dare to live together before marriage even if Kelly and Gil were getting up in years? 

I bet someone will get a girl pregnant before marriage. 

[Pecansforeveryone]

Fundies, to varying degrees, do the same things us "heathens" do. They just shame themselves and each other for it. 

[MaryOrMartha]

1 hour ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I bet someone will get a girl pregnant before marriage. 

Given the recent developments about Nathan, if he didn't just get married I would've guessed it would be him.

[JermajestyDuggar]

3 minutes ago, MaryOrMartha said:

Given the recent developments about Nathan, if he didn't just get married I would've guessed it would be him.

As we’ve seen lately, Kelly is still very busy even though half her kids are out of the house. I think she will stay very busy and the younger kids will get away with much more than their older siblings did. That’s why I think one of the younger ones will get a girl pregnant. And as all fundies do, publicly they will spin it as a good thing because all babies are blessings. But privately they will be seething and constantly shaming the kid to get married.

[just_ordinary]

8 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I bet someone will get a girl pregnant before marriage. 

I really don’t think so. There are millions of Christian and non-Christian people that choose to save sex for marriage for whatever reason. I can see them doing lots of physical things, but I doubt they would stray from their core believes THAT far. Especially as that is one of the core ideas that gets accepted by a very big group and even many mainstream Christians. I don’t know if there is a very clearly worded part about in the bible though. But the extra harsh rules were always made up by extreme interpretations of not so clearly stated parts.

Edited November 2, 2021 by just_ordinary

[formergothardite]

10 hours ago, BeccaGrim said:

I think Carlin and Evan have said that she broke up with him for a bit. And, Josie ended it with Kelton.  

Didn't Josie end it with Kelton because she was like 16 and he was in college and her parents said she had to wait?

[JermajestyDuggar]

1 hour ago, just_ordinary said:

I really don’t think so. There are millions of Christian and non-Christian people that choose to save sex for marriage for whatever reason. I can see them doing lots of physical things, but I doubt they would stray from their core believes THAT far. Especially as that is one of the core ideas that gets accepted by a very big group and even many mainstream Christians. I don’t know if there is a very clearly worded part about in the bible though. But the extra harsh rules were always made up by extreme interpretations of not so clearly stated parts.

I think it because they are all so extremely anti birth control and anti abortion. So theoretically, they would be more likely to get someone pregnant and carry to term.

[Melissa1977]

12 hours ago, BeccaGrim said:

I think Carlin and Evan have said that she broke up with him for a bit. And, Josie ended it with Kelton.  

Carlin a a boyfriend or a suitor or a precourtship before Evan. FJ suspects he could have been Joseph Duggar.

[just_ordinary]

2 hours ago, formergothardite said:

Didn't Josie end it with Kelton because she was like 16 and he was in college and her parents said she had to wait?

I wonder if that was the one time G&K really made a responsible parenting decision that would hold up in the normal world.