Jump to content
IGNORED

Bro Gary Hawkins 16: In BetWeen


Recommended Posts

Four is Enough
14 hours ago, Black Aliss said:

What state is his penis in--erect or flaccid--when he gauges the proper length? Asking for afriend.

OK, i'll go there. He is completely clothed when the tie goes on, so I can't say for sure, but let's just say that when he's walking around the bathroom in the altogether, the tip is DOWN, and where he places his finger fully clothed, is the same place..

  • Upvote 5
  • Thank You 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Replies 607
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • thoughtful

    222

  • Xan

    52

  • Ozlsn

    51

  • Black Aliss

    41

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Posts

OK, I'm not eating, I'm feeling strong . . . I'm going to listen to the rest of Pastor Racist Who's Been in a Cave for 50 Years' book commercial - er, message. I'm imagining you all chanting "tho

NB: I scrolled back to the top of this post before submitting, to add this note - this one is not funny. It is sad and could be triggering to some. Still Thursday morning at the camp meeting (the

Thank you! Just know that I've been lurking and enjoying everyone's commentary, and making sure that in my daily life I use the phrases "weens," "the Walmarts" and "OK folks." And I am proud to share

Posted Images

thoughtful

I'm sure Gary would say they just made up the numbers.

Quote

Sadly, more than 5,000 North Carolinians have lost their lives from this virus since our first death on March 12 of this year,” Health Secretary Mandy Cohen said during a Dec. 1 press conference.

“To give some perspective, just under 1,500 people died from the flu in the past 10 years,” Cohen said. “In just 11 months, Covid has killed more than three times that number.”

https://www.wral.com/fact-check-cohen-compares-covid-deaths-to-10-years-of-flu-deaths/19411142/

  • Thank You 6
Link to post
Share on other sites
thoughtful

Looks like Gary did the Sunday school service at Grace Baptist in Newark OH, and the regular service.

Sunday school begins with singing Leaning on the Everlasting Arms, with a trumpet accompaniment. Then a prayer.

Spoiler

image.thumb.png.097199a87c232960a2053f2b7e09ef36.png

Look! A banjo! Maybe Jill will come! No, wait - it looks like it is being guarded by a vacuum cleaner (?) - she wouldn't touch one of those, even to move it. Actually, if anyone knows what that is, let me know - the bottom looks like a vacuum cleaner, the rest like an oxygen tank - what is it and why is it there?

At least this church has a place for the altar tissue box that isn't a tripping hazard.

During the prayer, Gary moans as usual, and the man on the left, who is covering his eyes, removes that arm to pull out a wedgie,  wipe his eyes, and putter with his nose and mouth.

The man in the red shirt (pastor?) tells them that God wants them to be in church, the Bible says so, and Gary amens and says "You better believe it."

The Hawkinses (G, B and both boys) sing Standing on the Solid Rock.

Gary comes up to preach, and rambles as usual. He'd been scheduled to come to this church earlier this year, but they'd had to cancel (it's unclear why, but Covid-19 concerns are implied). This time, Gary says, they told him that they'd "had the coronavahris 'round here. Ah said, 'Well, ah'll come anyway amen. Ah'm tryin' to fahnd out where it's at, see if ah kin git a holt to it.'"

Gary laughs at his own hysterical joke. :roll:

And, the stuff he's said a million times begins, hence, spoiler.

Spoiler

He ain't makin' light of the vahris, he knows it's a real deal, but what's killin' people is the news media. They're skeered of their own little shadow. Gary thinks he had it, before they even knew what it was, in February. He doesn't know why he's preaching on this, but he tries to obey God. All of the usual stuff that goes with the story of Lazarus and the rich man. Not everybody who says they are saved are actually saved. Salvation isn't easy, it isn't hard, it's simple. Gary was a PK, so he's seen a lot of things. Old rugged cross. Gary speaks hillbilly, English is his second language. Eternity is a long time. After being in Hell, you'll be judged, then cast into the lake of fire. You won't have friends in Hell. The Bible says he can judge your fruits. If Jesus was walking the earth today, some people still wouldn't accept him. Gary thinks about America. Gary used to play games. If you're not saved, Hell's your home. If you are saved, you have to tell others how to get saved.

Re Covid-19: "If anybody should have it, it should be me. Ah have been to the worstest places to where they - ah bin to New York! And, uh, New York was one of the hottest spots. And uh, but uh, ah went to the colder spots of it amen?"

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=luke+16%3A19-35&version=KJV

Lazarus and the rich man. Even in this favorite passage, he makes errors.

Gary tells us he's trying to get in the "holiday spirits," then corrects himself to make sure we know it's the "Christmas spirits." "So ah listen to Christmas music, and if you're aginst that, you kin throw me out the door, it'll be all right, amen!"

Gary, you are in a Baptist church - why TF do you need to be belligerent and defensive about Christmas music?

He stumbles through something he heard on the radio, never making it clear whether it's a song or an anecdote, about a little girl asking her grandmother what she wanted for Christmas, and the grandmother saying the best gift would be if the girl accepted Jesus. The little girl said she'd get to it later, and tried to get grandma to tell her what else she wanted.

I was braced for the ending to be that the child died a horrible death unsaved, but Gary just veers off into saying the best gift anyone could give Grace Baptist Church would be to get saved.

Gary screws up quoting the bumper sticker on his truck, about the party in Hell being canceled. The reason this isn't under the spoiler is, he also says he doesn't have his truck with him for reasons he doesn't want to get into, refers to it in the past tense, and says "Ah will put it on another vehicle when ah git one."

So it sounds like the beloved truck might be well and truly dead. A moment of silence, please.

Spoiler

Hope it went here:

image.png.8a69f0baf46305b8ad5b9f46dd8b8f17.png

I wonder if this is related to Caleb's injury, and/or Gary's lack of lives from the moving truck this past week. Did the truck die of pre-existing conditions, or was there an accident? Gary will probably let us know at some point. Sort of. Garbled.

Gary knew a preacher's wife who was a good woman, but going to Hell, until she got saved.

"Was it Felix that told Paul 'Almost thou persuaded me?'"

No, Gary, that was Agrippa - even I know that, just from your readings!

More later - I have a teaching appointment. Y'know - via the Internet, safe, none of us breathing on one another, because there's a pandemic, Gary!

Edited by thoughtful
riffle
  • Upvote 1
  • Haha 2
  • Thank You 11
  • Love 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
29 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

Look! A banjo! Maybe Jill will come! No, wait - it looks like it is being guarded by a vacuum cleaner (?) - she wouldn't touch one of those, even to move it. Actually, if anyone knows what that is, let me know - the bottom looks like a vacuum cleaner, the rest like an oxygen tank - what is it and why is it there?

...................................................

Gary screws up quoting the bumper sticker on his truck, about the party in Hell being canceled. The reason this isn't under the spoiler is, he also says he doesn't have his truck with him for reasons he doesn't want to get into, refers to it in the past tense, and says "Ah will put it on another vehicle when ah git one."

So it sounds like the beloved truck might be well and truly dead. A moment of silence, please.

The tower thingy is an air conditioner/heater.  My mom had one of those in that tower configuration.

As for the truck -- I wonder what happened.  Whatever it was, it was bad enough that he's talking about his next vehicle.  How long before we hear him begging for a new one or asking someone for any leads they have on a good truck -- for free or cheap?

  • Upvote 4
  • I Agree 4
  • Thank You 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
thoughtful
3 hours ago, Xan said:

The tower thingy is an air conditioner/heater.

Ah, thank you. There is something white over the base (sunbeam?), that makes the side of the base near us look flat, which is why the bottom looked like a vacuum cleaner to me. But I couldn't figure out why there was no handle.

I hope it's not on, that close to a banjo.

Back to Gary's lesson.

Spoiler

Without a vision, the people perish. Ah unnerstand that we're goin' through the covid-19 thang, and people are skeered to talk to people, but Gary hasn't stopped passing out Gospel tracts. The police officers waved to him when he handed out tracts in NY. We're in the last days. Unless we git Donald Trump back in the White Houssssse, 2021 will be even worse than 2020. The Democrats will lock the church doors, and everyone will have to hide in their closets like Joe Bahden. We need a burden for America. I can't quit. Noah preached 120 years, to just his wife, sons and "daughter-in-laws." People should be able to see somethin' different in ussssss. Gary doesn't want his worst enemy to go to Hell. Jesus had enemies too, and Gary has them because he stands for Jesus. People will come to his funeral to make sure he's dead. Old time preachers. Ah'm not tryin' to make a name for Gary, ah'm tryin' to make a name for Jesus. The preacher whose wife has siezures, whose daughter ended up in jail because she was hanging around with a bad crowd, even though she didn't do anything wrong. Prodigal son lost his friends when his debit card started being declined. Billboards never tell you the results of sin. This world don't like you. People at work boast about how they got drunk, smoked something, slept with somebody, over the weekend, but never tell you about how they spent all of their money. He tells his children not to buy anything if they can't afford it. Jesus preached more about Hell than Heaven. Hell was created for the devil and his angels, not human beings. You send yourself to Hell, God doesn't send you. Jack Woods once scheduled a month-long revival. Gary wants to incourage them. Our forefathers fought and died. Churches has laid down and given up. We're more frightened of the covid than we are of lost souls.

"That Harrison woman - ya say, why are you talkin' about all this stuff? Now awana say somethin' to ya, we need to pray for Harrison Ya say wha? Well, if she don't get born again she's gonna dah and go to Hell. Ah'm gon' be honest with ya, ah've seen a lot of people that hate God, but ah ain't never seen nobody hate God like she does. Amen. She hates Gawd."

"That Harrison woman," BTW, is Kamala Harris.

Even though Catholics are wrong, at least Joe Bahden is a Catholic. "She says - she won't - she ain't nothin', amen?"

Wrong, Gary - Kamala Harris is a Baptist. Seems to me she's doing better with this Christianity idea than you are:

Quote

"Jesus tells us how we should define neighbor," she said in August 2019. "Jesus tells us, your neighbor is not just the person who lives next door, who drives the kind of car you drive, the person shares your zip code." 

"Jesus tells us your neighbor is that man by the side of the road who you walk by, who has faced hardship," she added.

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/factcheck/2020/08/15/fact-check-kamala-harris-sworn-bible-baptist/3374663001/

In New York, he talked to "this lady" who he says was probably 70-some years old. She was fishing, with her hands "shakin' lahk crazy." He didn't know how she could catch anything. He tried to talk to her about the Lord, and offered her some Gospel tracts. She told him to put them on her car.

And that's the whole story. :confusion-shrug: What? You were expecting a point?

Gary teases that he sometimes tunes in to their pastor's services on Facebook, and turns it off if he doesn't agree. "That's the good thing about Facebook."

Yeah, Gary, and people turning off your babble, and not giving you money, is what you fear.

"Ah remember mah uncle talkin' about - mah uncle was the biggest drunk in the little town we lived in - he lived in, in North Carolina - I mean, rough. Mah grandfather had a packhouse and he'd go to every day, before they started farming, and he called out every one of his children's names and his grandchildren's names, before God. And he prayed for anybody that walked bah could hear him and my uncle would talk about when he would walk bah the packhouse and he said 'ah'd hear mah name,' and he said 'ah'd lit'rilly run becowse of the conviction.' 

If you couldn't follow that, I'm pretty sure that Gary's grandfather used to stand outside of his tobacco packing building and guilt-trip his son (son-in-law?) by yelling prayers at him. Uncle had to run by, because he felt so compelled to repent.

We're livin' in a fast-paced world, and nobody has a schedule any more. Gary remembers when there used to be a schedule in his house, but not any more.

Gary, I have a schedule. Many people stick to a schedule. Some, like the Maxwells, even overdo it! Maybe your household doesn't because of your compulsion to run around the country and your allergy to work, idiot.

The woman who sang the "Preach On" song gave it to Becky so she can learn it.

They will be visiting Becky's relatives before they go out west, but Gary's pretty sure he won't be able to find a church that's open in West Virginia, and that's going to be a sad time.

Gary's made sure to "mention Hell" near the end of every message "for the last month or two, maybe even longer than that."

Actually, you've been harping on Hell, throughout every message, for the last 12 years, Gary.

So there, folks, is your Sunday School lesson on the story of Lazarus and the rich man.  I hope you learned something new and inspiring.

Just as we refer to Jill's way with tchotchkes as dreckorating, I think we need to refer to Gary's unique way of pulling ideas from scripture as "yechxegesis."

  • Upvote 4
  • Thank You 12
  • Love 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Gary doesn't go to any churches with which he has disagreements. Almost every church seems to be on his wavelength -- even to the extent of calling back to him when he does his "Amen" shtick.  So, I can't see that he's saved anybody.  I haven't watched him for that long but I don't see a single soul that he's saved.  He might have gotten someone up to the altar who was already at the church and got guilted into it.  It's not like he's pulling in the lost from off of the street.

I have this problem with the Rods as well.  How do you rationalize doing this for a living when you are only preaching to the choir?

14 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

"That Harrison woman - ya say, why are you talkin' about all this stuff? Now awana say somethin' to ya, we need to pray for Harrison Ya say wha? Well, if she don't get born again she's gonna dah and go to Hell. Ah'm gon' be honest with ya, ah've seen a lot of people that hate God, but ah ain't never seen nobody hate God like she does. Amen. She hates Gawd."

"That Harrison woman," BTW, is Kamala Harris.

Even though Catholics are wrong, at least Joe Bahden is a Catholic. "She says - she won't - she ain't nothin', amen?"

Wrong, Gary - Kamala Harris is a Baptist. Seems to me she's doing better with this Christianity idea than you are:

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/factcheck/2020/08/15/fact-check-kamala-harris-sworn-bible-baptist/3374663001/

Gary is a lying liar who lies.  If his Hell exists, he will end up there.  (Personally, I don't believe in Hell but I enjoy entertaining the thought of Gary waking up there anyway.)

  • Upvote 7
  • I Agree 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
Black Aliss
5 hours ago, Xan said:

Gary is a lying liar who lies.  If his Hell exists, he will end up there.  (Personally, I don't believe in Hell but I enjoy entertaining the thought of Gary waking up there anyway.)

I have managed to convince myself that hell does exist for those who truly believe it does.

  • Upvote 7
Link to post
Share on other sites
thoughtful

Sunday morning service at Grace Baptist in Newark OH (wonder if they say "New'rk" like New Jerseyans, or "New-Ark," like Delawarians) begins with Amazing Grace.

When they ask for prayers, we hear Becky's voice asking for prayers for a friend in Texas whose son was murdered two months ago.

A man mentions a woman who had been at last Sunday's service, and for whom they asked prayers at that time, because she thought her 12-year-old was lost. I couldn't figure out if he meant literally or spiritually, but then he says that the child was just staying over at a friend's house. So I guess he meant literally.

I know these people believe in the power of prayer, and never missing church. And I know their level of patriarchy might rise to the point of telling a Mom to just stay put and let the men search. But, if your child was missing, where would you be and what would you be doing?

Someone asks prayers for this family.

The man at the podium (song leader, I think) asks prayers for someone with cancer, then bursts out with a plea to "make the doctors eat their words" because they say she'll never be cancer-free, "but we know God can change all that."

During the general prayer, I don't hear Gary moaning. Maybe he's out in the bathroom.

They sing Joy to the World, then the pastor (?) gets up and declares that he likes Christmas. Some Scrooges want to do away with it, call it Xmas, but he thinks ya ought not take Christ out of it. 🤦‍♀️ Yes, someone who does what he does for a living doesn't know that the X means Jesus - why am I not surprised. None of that scholarly understanding Greek for these guys!

This country needs to get back to Jesus, "every place you see" should put out mangers. He makes announcements, and tells about someone who puts tracts in with all of his bills when he pays them. :roll:

He actually asks people to respect the wishes of a woman with cancer, who is concerned about the coronavirus, not to visit, but to send get well cards and gift cards, and says that the church is going to do something for them, as well. I am happily surprised.

I think this is the first instance of someone giving real help to a member of the congregation I have heard, in all the time I've been listening to the services at which Gary preaches. The pastors ask for prayers, they ask for help with church activities, but I've never heard any of them say that they were going to give money, food, time or work to an individual in need.

He also talks about contributing clothes to a mission they run. Since it's a mission, I assume the ultimate goal is converting people, but at least they do give real things to living human beings, like people in mainstream religions do. For the IFB gang, that's practically miraculous.

They sing Happy Birthday for December birthdays, then sing Oh Come All Ye Faithful and Victory in Jesus. The song leader says more about the mansion in Heaven, and how "some perverted bucks" want to call it a room, and Gary responds with hearty yells.

"Perverted buck" is a resonant insult, but I don't think Rufus would like it.

Gary and his family come up, and it's time for the spoiler.

Spoiler

Despite getting a very loud response to his "How many glad to be in church?" Gary still does the "C'mon, this is a Baptist church, ya gotta do a little better than that" and, at the even louder response "There ya go - 'bout half of ya, amen." Gary, try listening some time. The closer we get to the end, the less people want to be in church. The "Trump has 2020" joke - and it actually gets some laughs! He's still got hope that Trump will remain president. "Verses" for "verse." Gary doesn't believe 12/25 is Jesus' birthday, because he's done some studyin'. Jesus died for you. Gary can't do anything without Jesus. Gary could put on a show, but that's not what he wants - he wants Jesus. Jesus was persecuted - foxes/holes, birds/nests,  Jesus/nowhere to lay his head. When you come to the altar, leave it there. There's a lotta people wants miraclessssss, but they don't wanna do their part. Nobody uses their altars any more. If Gary went to "them people where you lay down on the couch," they'd want to commit suicide once he got done with them. All they do is write things down, and, when you leave the room, say you're an idiot. But Jesus ain't like that. God's got a hotline that's never closed. Jesus said PEACE! BE! STILL! He didn't used to like the "footsteps" thing, but now he does, because he knows Jesus carries him.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=mathew+17%3A20&version=KJV

With many errors, of course. He still doesn't communicate that we are to have faith as tiny as a mustard seed, rather than as much faith as a mustard seed has. People have lost their faith. JOOLAH 11, 1999! We had four good years with Donald Trump, and people said "We got Donald Trump, we don't need God! And God said "I'll fix ya. I'll show ya." Gary deserves Hell, but mercy came by. America, per se, deserves Joe Bahden. America, per se, deserves Democrats. Gary would like to be able to go knock on somebody's door without going to jail, but, "with the help of the Lord, ah'm prob'ly lookin' for the 'lectric chair." Ron Beatty being asked to give a non-denominational blessing and refusing (Gary now claims they told him he couldn't pray "in the name of God"). Allah is in Hell screaming and pitchin' a fit. Ditto Buddha. Obey the speed limit laws, but don't obey if they say you can't have church. God said to render to seizure what was seizure's. Church is issintial. If Daniel hadn'ta prayed, the lions wouldn'ta had lockjaw. PRAY!  If you can't spend an hour a day praying, there's an issue. When Gary used to go to restaurants (now it ain't worth it, because you have to take your food and eat in your car, and he'd just 's soon stay home) and picnics, he prayed (he announces this as if he is unique, a rebel). Gary's forefathers was hung to crosses, burned to death, stabbed, killed. Wha? For their rahts. Ah lahk mah freedom rahts. Jack Trieber being fined over $100,000 in fines for having church. Some people should stay home (the implication is not-exactly-like-Gary churches, not for health reasons). You can't get flu now - the only think you can get is corona (he means this to mock the statistics, not that he actually believes that).

I can understand enough lyrics from Becky's droning to realize she's singing I Can Trust Jesus, which may be the most positive, non-bloody, non-guilt-producing song I've ever heard a Hawkins sing. Gary and Jacob (I think - nobody moved the phone, so we can't see them, just hear them) join in on the refrain. Someone moves the phone, and now it's just Becky and Gary at the piano. They sing No One Else.

Gary announces Luke 9:40, has them all stand, then says "just a second here . . . this is not what ah wanted. It's what ah wrote down, but it's not what ah wanted."

Again, Gary?

Gary, you've got to get your family to sit right in the front. Because, once again, a woman in the front row turns around, and chuckles with Becky.

Gary mumbles "the woman with the issue of blood." He realizes it's chapter 8, not 9, I think on his own. I am deeply disappointed, because I was really hoping that someone who had a Bible app would look it up based on the subject  and call it out to him.

But Gary knows who to credit - he says "Praise the Lord - thank you Lord."

I guess the devil made him write down a 9 instead of an 8 during the careful planning of this message.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=luke+8%3A40-48&version=KJV

KJV: And, behold, there came a man named Jairus,
Bro Gary Version: And, behold, there came a man named Jaredus,

Too many Trumps on the brain, Gary?

KJV: Came behind him, and touched the border of his garment: and immediately her issue of blood stanched.
BGV: Came behind him, and touched  his border - touched the border of his garment: and immediately his issue -  her issue of blood was stenched - stunched.

KJV: And Jesus said, Somebody hath touched me: for I perceive that virtue is gone out of me.
BGV: And Jesus said, Somebody has touched me: for I perceive that virture is gone out of me.

"The doctors, even in the Bahble days, was practicin' madison, amen."

"With the help of the Lord, for just a few minutes, awana preach on When All Else Fails, Try Jesus."

Sounds like a commercial - order Jesus from Amazon!

Spoiler

image.png.73b60dcbc292e9201dba4f45b4793656.png

 

Sorry Gary:

Spoiler

image.png.03f902987a8f862dfd84e45dbe89f774.png

While listing all of the things people try before they try Jesus, Gary tells us that, when Caleb was at the hospital "the other day" (which, from Gary, can mean any time in the past year, but I figure it was for whatever happened to his arm, during or right before the Gatlinburg trip), they gave him pain pills and warned him not to get hooked on them.

Gary "recormends" you give Jesus a try - He's been workin' out things for decades - He created this big ol' earth. Jesus also sends all of the weather and holds the ocean in His hand.

Yelling: "Amana tell ya raht now, you kin meet the president of the Unahted States, you kin meet one some movie star, and you may think you've done something, hey, but if you've never met Jesus Christ, you will dah and burn, and split Heyull wahd open."

Spoiler

image.png.85936519578981ed26051b06eaa2406b.png

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=mark+4%3A35-39&version=KJV

Read with lots of errors, of course, but none of them funny.

"Whenever Gawd put in the Bahble that laughter is lahk a madison, amana tell you raht now you better do a little bit laughin' once in a whahl, 'cause there gonna be a whole lotta heartache, and there gonna be a whole lotta storms, and there's gonna be a whole lotta problems, there's gonna be a whole lotta disappointments, but amana let you know somethin' hey here's the difference than me than somebody that's not saved, ah got somebody to walk with me through the storms, ah got somebody  . . ." and he goes on shouting about how Jesus is always with him - I got bored.

He yells about how this is not the first time people have turned against Christians, it's been happening "for decades." "This ain't the first tahm people's turned on us, this ain't the first tahm America's had trouble lahk this, this ain't the first tahm God's been surprahsed."

Ooops. He quickly reassures them that God is not surprised - "We're the ones surprahsed."

For the last four years, people had jobs, money coming in, didn't need food stamps. Gary, what country were you living in?

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=daniel+6%3A10-11&version=KJV

Read with lots of errors, then, immediately: "Now, we know the story here, they had to write it, 'n' you couldn't talk ta - ya had to talk ta Allah or talk to some King or something, but couldn't talk to Gawd."

In assuring them that prayer has direct results, he says "Hey listen, as liberal as New York is, they've given churches - uh uh - they're givin' churches the right to meet. You can't think - you don't think God don't hear prayers?"

Despite your double negative and stumbling around, I think I understood that, Gary, and I don't think it was due to people praying for it.

It's very easy to be persuaded to pray in private, but Gary says you should let people hear your praying, like his grandfather. Gary, in the many times you have read the Bible (how are you doing with reading it all by the end of 2020?), do you  always skip Matthew 6:5?

They were at a flea market on their way there on Saturday, Becky sneezed, and a woman told them "Y'all need some masks." Somebody he knows in Texas coughed in a Home Depot, near the beginning of the pandemic, and "the people" made him leave. He makes no point about these stories, just asks for an amen, then tells them that prayer works.

:confusion-shrug:

The video cuts off as he rants about prayer.

  • Upvote 2
  • Thank You 12
  • Love 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
thoughtful

Becky posted:

image.png.5bb905f4a3ba685905eec8af65884b4b.png

I do understand this metaphor; the blood of Jesus, rather than staining things red as our blood would, miraculously makes things clean. I know that a truly white piece of fabric was not as easy to achieve in the ancient world as it is now, and that, even now, white shows stains more easily than many colors. I get it.

But, between the fact that I have many dark things (including a lot of deep red) in my wardrobe and decor (and I know they are clean), and the level of racism among the IFB crowd, I wish they'd stop using "white" to mean pure and clean and decent.

  • Upvote 5
  • I Agree 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

Gary has slots in his calendar to fill in the new year.  After all, he has a burden for the America.

305855841_Screenshot(2328).png.2ae6bc6967f5b407387050b7cde93be2.png

He isn't looking for churches in the north at all.  So, Gary -- no Christian love for Michigan or Montana or North Dakota in the winter?   Nope.  Gary is a snowbird.  He like to stay in the south and southwest in the winter.  Must be nice to be a Rod or a Hawkins and leave winter behind without worrying about having to pay for it.

  • Upvote 5
  • Thank You 5
Link to post
Share on other sites
griffin

He thinks AR is the abbreviation for Arizona. Rufus, he's an idiot.

Update:

Oh wow! He corrected it. Someone must have told him. No way he reads here .... (Hi Gary!)

Edited by griffin
update
  • Upvote 3
  • Haha 6
Link to post
Share on other sites
thoughtful
1 hour ago, griffin said:

No way he reads here

I think if he read here we'd hear about it in his messages and Facebook lives.

Amana tell ya somethin' - them freejin - freebird - freejersessss mowkin' me! Hey, listen, ah'm gonna pray for them. Ya ask wha? They're gonna burn in the lake of fahhhhr! Ain't nothin' worse than a woman cussin'. If they even are women - cain't tell these days. Haymayun!

Gary, tell us what you will be driving on this trip out west, and who sold their worldly goods to buy it for you.

 

 

2 hours ago, Xan said:

He isn't looking for churches in the north at all.  So, Gary -- no Christian love for Michigan or Montana or North Dakota in the winter?   Nope.  Gary is a snowbird.  He like to stay in the south and southwest in the winter.

I wonder what he would say if someone from a place that is frigid and deep in snow called and begged him to come. How conflicted would he be if the pastor said they were in deep trouble - no?  How about if they are in need of hard preaching? Not enough? They are hellbound, with sin all around them! Not enough? That sin is tempting

Spoiler

the many new members from a wealthy community.

😁

Think that might get him to brave the cold?

Edited by thoughtful
not enough Garyismsssss
  • Upvote 5
  • Haha 8
  • I Agree 2
  • Love 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
thoughtful

Gary has a special Pray. The LORD will be done.

When will the Lord be done, Gary? I mean, you keep saying He's still on the throne.

image.png.437c699f0923474832566bda82d1a8db.png

So, I guess this is the Facebook version of an "unspoken." Hmmm . . . I wonder what Gary wants  . . . could it be:

Spoiler

image.png.17c11be1cae3df19631dc0b71064c6d0.png

 

  • Upvote 2
  • Haha 15
Link to post
Share on other sites
On 12/8/2020 at 8:49 AM, thoughtful said:

We had four good years with Donald Trump, and people said "We got Donald Trump, we don't need God! And God said "I'll fix ya. I'll show ya."

Gary's God is kind of an arsehole.

  • Upvote 6
  • I Agree 8
Link to post
Share on other sites

Gary wants everyone to email Gov. Cooper:

2004489026_Screenshot(2334).png.4fe56a0b03b9dbb637fe50549ef19e9b.png

Exactly what does he hope to accomplish by emailing the governor?  I suppose it's about the masks but Gary doesn't make that clear.  Will the lives of North Carolinians improve if Cooper gets emails?  Do taxes go down?  Will the sun shine more brightly tomorrow?

I saw a meme recently on, I think, the political threads that Gary should use:  "I can't brain today.  I has the dumb."

  • Upvote 4
  • I Agree 4
  • Thank You 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
thoughtful

I don't think Jim has a right to call anyone else a pea brain. He's almost as hard to understand as Gary.

A new post, warning us against believism and heartism. But Gary, don't you always tell us we must believe with our hearts?

Also, what did JESUS CHRIST do on Old the cross? Was it rugged?

Interestingly, most of this one seems to be spelled correctly. But some of it reads like someone threw their Christian poetry magnets at the fridge and copied down whatever happened. I think the "rugged" magnet fell on the floor, Gary.

image.png.44452bb95c529699ce6b2083f1b77e21.png

Edited by thoughtful
excuse me - I riffled
  • Confused 1
  • Haha 9
  • Thank You 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
Don'tlikekoolaid

OK Folks I just have say, every time I check on Bro Gary this is right at the top of the page and it hits me every time and I just get the giggles.  This can only happen on Free Jinger.  Mr Kool thinks we are weird.  I love you guys!

Spoiler

A8DCD2C8-8F33-4C43-B474-8228847EA0C4.jpeg.a072c44c6647d801be125ec34a317bf3.jpeg

 

  • Haha 14
Link to post
Share on other sites
Four is Enough

My face is about as red as your kool Aid pitcher... I KNEW I shouldn't have gone there.....LOL

Oh, and I love you guys, too.

  • Haha 16
Link to post
Share on other sites
thoughtful

Uh-oh - looks like Gary's inability to know which homonym to use may be contagious:

image.png.5b30333372f956f8040049f700be4836.png

Who's going? Show of hands? Anybody? Beuller?  🦗

  • Haha 8
Link to post
Share on other sites
thoughtful

Tapping foot, looking at watch . . . where is He?

image.png.1f24a0aa3ac875425589c75bb8f92dd1.png

I was trying to figure out what Gary was talking about, thinking it was something current. Then I realized he's just referring to the Lazarus story. Again.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John+11%3A17&version=KJV

 

  • Upvote 2
  • WTF 1
  • Thank You 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
18 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Tapping foot, looking at watch . . . where is He?

image.png.1f24a0aa3ac875425589c75bb8f92dd1.png

I was trying to figure out what Gary was talking about, thinking it was something current. Then I realized he's just referring to the Lazarus story. Again.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John+11%3A17&version=KJV

 

Actually, I wondered if Gary had been praying about a new truck and got it a few days late.  The Lazarus stuff makes more sense.  I'm still curious about the truck situation though.

I don't understand the "God is always right on time" stuff that fundies believe.  Bad stuff happens all the time.  A few years ago, my mom fell on her sidewalk but didn't break any bones.  She just kept saying "God was looking out for me."  I privately wondered why, if He was looking out for her, He let her fall in the first place but kept that to myself.  

  • Upvote 9
Link to post
Share on other sites
thoughtful

Another day to wait around for Jesus, another bath in the blood for Michael:

image.png.dcc7d5dc0dccd61ef1a53d21646e9839.png

Gary's back in Ohio, and we have Library instead of Liberty again:

Spoiler

image.png.e5477e8d6b10fc7d52925991ab0f3219.png

 

  • Haha 7
  • Thank You 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
thoughtful

So much to read, so much to figure out. I think my favorite part is "If my people first you have to be HIS people Which are called by MY name" - I'd go on, but it might be too long for a cross stitch project.

 

image.png.36f3be5d9660abed215a67fab3bbe2b7.png

Edited by thoughtful
fixing capitalization to match Gary's
  • Confused 1
  • WTF 3
  • Haha 4
  • Thank You 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • samurai_sarah locked this topic
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.



×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.