Maxwell 35: Choosing The Right Vest For an Extended Family Member

[freejugar]

Quote

We shared with you all the news that Anna Marie likely has cancer. How are we dealing with it? We’re grateful we know Who holds all things in His hands. Yes, while what Anna Marie is facing is possibly very serious, none of us are guaranteed another day. I could be in a car accident tomorrow and ushered into the presence of Jesus. We are very prayerful for Anna Marie and being as supportive as we can with their needs while all the time looking to the Lord for what His will is.

Ok Sarah, what if someone had told you this when Susannah was in critical condition?  

[Eternalbluepearl]

The way some christians talk about death or dying or illness is just so odd to me. Like they feel they can't just say "this is awful" they have to also mention God's will, death is okay because of Jesus etc. It feels to me like you can't *really* say what you want lest another Christian catch you not being positive. 

[fundiefan]

I noticed Sarah said Anna Marie "likely" has cancer. Initally, Chris's post was like 99% sure it was cancer.

Is the delay in treatment really their doctor shopping, trying to find one who say's either it's not or that it's so minimal it can be treated with a lumpectomy rather than a mastectomy - or any version of "downplaying" the dangers & treatments & effects? 

She's a freaking young women with six small children. I really, really, REALLY hope they are going all out in finding the best treatment possible, and not holding anything back. 

Because, hello, their god ain't going to feed & raise those six babies if  he takes NR Anna from her family. 

[freejugar]

9 minutes ago, fundiefan said:

I noticed Sarah said Anna Marie "likely" has cancer. Initally, Chris's post was like 99% sure it was cancer.

Is the delay in treatment really their doctor shopping, trying to find one who say's either it's not or that it's so minimal it can be treated with a lumpectomy rather than a mastectomy - or any version of "downplaying" the dangers & treatments & effects? 

She's a freaking young women with six small children. I really, really, REALLY hope they are going all out in finding the best treatment possible, and not holding anything back. 

Because, hello, their god ain't going to feed & raise those six babies if  he takes NR Anna from her family. 

I agree. No one inducts a few weeks early for "likely" cancer. It's definitely cancer and probably agressive.

I don't get why they rushed to induct only to sit on their hands waiting around for a surgery date.

[HerNameIsBuffy]

27 minutes ago, browngrl said:

Here is one thing I've noted over the years. Patients who belong to fundamentalist religions tend to be the ones who have the hardest time with a palliative care option, and they are the ones who insist on continuing aggressive treatment options. You'd think they would have an easier time accepting "God's will" and would be more at peace considering that they are sure they will soon "be ushered into the presence of Jesus", but no, they continue on with the aggressive treatment. Sadly the aggressive options often lead to complications so the patient ends up with less quality of life and a shorter lifespan than they would have had with good palliative care. 

This was not my experience with my fundy-lite mom, but she's the only one in my control sampling.

She was in favor of palliative care but remarkably at peace with it being her time.  She was very focused on wanting the doctors to learn from her illness, as she had a very rare type of cancer (~700 cases a year) and she was hoping what she went through would help create treatments for those to come after her.

Most of the Christians I know are less at peace than most people, but she was the exception and truly got comfort leaving things in God's hands.  That's not how I work, but I still envy that.

1 hour ago, Eternalbluepearl said:

I read it the exact same as you. It was quite Steve-like. 

I would be so offended if I, or someone I loved, was going through this and a family member posted something like that.  It would be something I'd either address directly, depending on the relationship, or go no contact because fuck that.

[petrushka]

8 minutes ago, fundiefan said:

I noticed Sarah said Anna Marie "likely" has cancer. Initally, Chris's post was like 99% sure it was cancer.

Is the delay in treatment really their doctor shopping, trying to find one who say's either it's not or that it's so minimal it can be treated with a lumpectomy rather than a mastectomy - or any version of "downplaying" the dangers & treatments & effects? 

She's a freaking young women with six small children. I really, really, REALLY hope they are going all out in finding the best treatment possible, and not holding anything back. 

Because, hello, their god ain't going to feed & raise those six babies if  he takes NR Anna from her family. 

Yeah, I don't know what to make of Sarah's use of the word "likely" here.  By this time, the area in question has been biopsied and assessed by one or more pathologists to make the preliminary diagnosis. I will generously give Sarah the benefit of the doubt since surgical removal and more pathology studies are needed to make the final diagnosis. 

Since they live in the Kansas City area, I imagine they are seeking multiple opinions before proceeding for both financial and treatment options. They could be comparing services at KU Medical Center and maybe one of the larger hospitals in Kansas City MO such as St. Luke's.  

Patriarchal mindsets do not do well in these situations.  Too much control has to be ceded to others who may not share those beliefs. 

[Queen Of Hearts]

I don't think the delay is due to doctor shopping or worrying about her hair or any of the other reasons speculated here.  In one of the earlier posts, or maybe a comment on a post, they said that there would be a delay (I am thinking they said at least a month, but am too lazy to find the post at the moment) after birth before any action was done. I presume this was to let Anna Marie's body heal.  

Things don't typically move quickly with cancer treatment.  I have had friends and relatives go through cancer treatments and the process is never quick to get started, rather it is aggressive or not.  There is a lot of behind the scenes tests that are done first, and often the doctors want you to get other opinions just to be sure you are comfortable with the path forward.  Because of where I live, most of the experiences I'm familiar with are through best-in-class providers with a proven track record for success (e.g. The Cleveland Clinic). I am not sure if there are as many medical options available which could delay things more.

They have said she is going to have surgery.  With that, it seems logical that the delay is tied to her pregnancy and probably just needing to let her body heal.  For as weird as the Maxwells are, they seem to take medical care seriously and I don't see them being any different in this case.

[SPHASH]

John Marie's mom died of cancer.  Its in the Random Life post.

[HerNameIsBuffy]

Just now, SPHASH said:

John Marie's mom died of cancer.  Its in the Random Life post.

Who is John Marie?

[Coconut Flan]

4 hours ago, kpmom said:

I thought Sarah's words in her Random Life post today were insensitive regarding Anna Marie's possible diagnosis.

It was basically, "If it is cancer that sucks, but any of us can go at any time, blah, blah, blah."

Maybe that's how they comfort themselves, but I thought it came across as somewhat dismissive. Hopefully she didn't intend for it to be that way.

I expect they do think it's comforting.  It sounds like almost all the evangelicals that I know.  I used to find it shocking and now I think it's still tacky and insensitive.

[HerNameIsBuffy]

From the last post...

Quote

January was filled to the brim with work, ministry, helping Christopher and Anna Marie and Joseph and Elissa, and somehow managing to keep up with our personal lives as well.

I'm sorry, what personal lives?  And also this...

Quote

One evening before Christmas, Anna planned a special Christmas party for we three sisters. It was such a sweet time of being together after crazy schedules. We enjoyed a walk with hot cocoa, and then back at home, Anna made a great peppermint snack mix, and we wrote cards to people we wanted to bless.

They live together, work for their brothers, babysit the same kids.  How hard can that possibly be to schedule?

Also, considering others blessed by your cards a little arrogant.  Isn't pride still a sin?

Hands down Ellie and Arnold are the stars of that blog.

[allyisyourpally5]

This has always baffled me too!

Sarah has published day in the life for Mary and Anna before , and I remember the Mary one quite clearly - she got up at a stupid hour (about 5am) did Bible and breakfast and to be honest not much else until 9, worked for the family business until about 10:30 am when she then had to do some cleaning and make lunch, then had lunch. In the afternoon she spent about an hour and a half doing her Work for her drawing course Of the time. By 2:30 she was hopping over to be Aunt Mary for an hour or so before coming back home.

Then dinner, family bible time, exercise.

But apparently that’s such a busy day and full time work! About 3 hours tops of that day was work, and half that was a learning course. She’s in her twenties. What do they honestly believe everyone else does all day that makes them so damn busy?

[HerNameIsBuffy]

3 minutes ago, allyisyourpally5 said:

But apparently that’s such a busy day and full time work! About 3 hours tops of that day was work, and half that was a learning course. She’s in her twenties. What do they honestly believe everyone else does all day that makes them so damn busy?

That's my question.  I am by no means as busy as I was when my kids were small, but I get up at 5:30 and commute over an hour to work.  A fulltime job and household responsibilities make it hard to schedule on the fly with my family who also have full time jobs and or part-time/school and other responsibilities.  

I would love to see them live a day in the life of an average person's busy day and see the difference.  

[JermajestyDuggar]

1 hour ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

Who is John Marie?

Brother to Cathy Jo. His name is John so as a FJ joke, I believe they started to call him John Marie to differentiate him from John Maxwell. This is all before my time on FJ but I remember someone explaining his name. 

[HerNameIsBuffy]

4 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Brother to Cathy Jo. His name is John so as a FJ joke, I believe they started to call him John Marie to differentiate him from John Maxwell. This is all before my time on FJ but I remember someone explaining his name. 

I guess now I get to ask who Cathy Jo is.

If this is in the family summary just smack me and I'll read when I can.

[JermajestyDuggar]

Just now, HerNameIsBuffy said:

I guess now I get to ask who Cathy Jo is.

If this is in the family summary just smack me and I'll read when I can.

It’s just a family the Maxwell’s have known for years. Cathy Jo is good friends with the Maxwell sisters. I guess so much so that Steve actually let Anna go visit Cathy Jo out of state. All by herself! 

I honestly don’t remember anything remarkable about the family. You’ll have to ask older FJ folks. But you know how the Maxwell’s have an incredibly annoying habit of captioning the hell out of pictures but usually leave out the names of “friends?” They don’t usually do that with Cathy Jo. So I imagine they are about as close as you can get to a Maxwell without being a family member. 

[browngrl]

3 hours ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

she was hoping what she went through would help create treatments for those to come after her.

This is a brave and selfless thing to do. Your mother sounds like a caring woman. 

 

[HerNameIsBuffy]

1 minute ago, browngrl said:

This is a brave and selfless thing to do. Your mother sounds like a caring woman. 

 

She was.  

She was also a nurse so wanting to help forward medical treatment was a no-brainer for her.  Ngl I was a little uncomfortable when she donated her body for medical research, but that was just me having a hard time knowing what would happen to it.  I would never have tried to interfere with her wishes and I just choose to remember her as who she was, which was no longer the case once she passed.  If that makes sense.  

[keepercjr]

1 hour ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Brother to Cathy Jo. His name is John so as a FJ joke, I believe they started to call him John Marie to differentiate him from John Maxwell. This is all before my time on FJ but I remember someone explaining his name. 

John Marie (John Demcak) is/was in the irrigation business and a few years ago married a woman who is basically the opposite of a maxwell in appearance and dress.  I think she may be a hairdresser.  He used to have a facebook profile but I can't find it. 

Spoiler

 

[HerNameIsBuffy]

5 hours ago, Eternalbluepearl said:

I read it the exact same as you. It was quite Steve-like. 

Speaking of being Steve like...

I find it kind of odd that of 8 kids none of him developed his crazy, stubborn, my way is the only way, dominance of their father.

Someone who was just as much of a hardliner as Steve, but with different rules or convictions would have been a stand off of epic proportions before someone went no contact.

Out of 8 kids no one rebelled in a significant enough way that they can't gloss it over?  It's just odd.  

[PennySycamore]

@Queen Of Hearts.  when my sister was diagnosed with a brain tumor, she went to Duke and had surgery pretty much immediately.  The tumor was biopsied after surgery and she got the devastating news that she had glioblastoma.  The next step was to plan her post surgery treatment.  I know they debated whether to have her go to Emory in Atlanta or just go to AnMed (the hospital in Anderson, SC.) for radiation.  Emory is further away but likely would not have screwed her therapy up so much.  The radiation in Anderson basically destroyed her platelet? count, IIRC.  Laura lost her battle with glioblastoma last November shortly after her 68th birthday.   She lived two years longer than is typical for glioblastoma patients though.  

On the other hand, when my daughter was diagnosed with a brain tumor 2 years ago,  her surgery at Duke was scheduled for more than 2 months after she had two shunt procedures.  That gave her time to heal after two brain surgeries and for us to get several second opinions as to where to go and what exactly to do.  My daughter's tumor was biopsied after it was removed and was found to be benign. She has to go for periodic MRIs and will continue to do so for the rest of her life, which I hope with be long. It was the opinion of her neurosurgeon that she's likely had this tumor most of her life since it's most commonly seen in children.

With my mother's mother, my sister and my daughter all having brain tumors, my daughter's doctors at Duke think it's likely that the brain tumors are, at least in part, genetic.

[JermajestyDuggar]

19 minutes ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

Speaking of being Steve like...

I find it kind of odd that of 8 kids none of him developed his crazy, stubborn, my way is the only way, dominance of their father.

Someone who was just as much of a hardliner as Steve, but with different rules or convictions would have been a stand off of epic proportions before someone went no contact.

Out of 8 kids no one rebelled in a significant enough way that they can't gloss it over?  It's just odd.  

John is probably the only one who came closest to rebellion. He always seemed to be the fun, sociable, outgoing one of the bunch. Maybe Steve saw that John had the potential to become more rebellious and that’s why pants wearing Chelsy was allowed into the fold. Because he could have gone much more rebellious with his choice in wife. 

[fundiewatch]

2 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

It’s just a family the Maxwell’s have known for years. Cathy Jo is good friends with the Maxwell sisters. I guess so much so that Steve actually let Anna go visit Cathy Jo out of state. All by herself  

I absolutely love Cathy Jo sightings. Her eagerness at life is palpable in every picture I’ve ever seen. I have occasionally told myself to have the diligence and good humor of Cathy Jo. It’s been ineffective. 

[HerNameIsBuffy]

2 minutes ago, fundiewatch said:

I absolutely love Cathy Jo sightings. Her eagerness at life is palpable in every picture I’ve ever seen. I have occasionally told myself to have the diligence and good humor of Cathy Jo. It’s been ineffective. 

That is not a description I'd ever have imagined of someone in the Maxwell's inner circle.  Interesting.

[fundiefan]

Another thing you don't expect from people in the Maxwell sphere - heroism. 

John Marie is certainly out pacing the Maxwell boys in the humanity arena. 

https://www.kmvt.com/content/news/Idaho-State-Police-award-two-troopers-Silver-Stars-506578161.html