Maxwell 35: Choosing The Right Vest For an Extended Family Member

[Coconut Flan]

Continued from here:

 

[catlady]

From the last thread, @anjulibai mentioned feeling bad for Sarah over not being able to raise puppies.  I completely understand the sentiment there, but that’s one thing that I can’t agree with.  There’s plenty to pity Sarah for, like having an arrogant control freak for a father who has stunted her existence.  However, she has no business engaging in backyard breeding (there’s a whole thread on that subject).  If Sarah truly wants to raise puppies, she can join a fostering group.  Her endeavor seemed like nothing more than a cash grab.  

Sorry for the rant; I know they have bigger fish to fry right now, but dog breeding won’t make Sarah’s life better.

[HerNameIsBuffy]

5 minutes ago, catlady said:

From the last thread, @anjulibai mentioned feeling bad for Sarah over not being able to raise puppies.  I completely understand the sentiment there, but that’s one thing that I can’t agree with.  There’s plenty to pity Sarah for, like having an arrogant control freak for a father who has stunted her existence.  However, she has no business engaging in backyard breeding (there’s a whole thread on that subject).  If Sarah truly wants to raise puppies, she can join a fostering group.  Her endeavor seemed like nothing more than a cash grab.  

Sorry for the rant; I know they have bigger fish to fry right now, but dog breeding won’t make Sarah’s life better.

I agree.  I don’t put Sarah’s happiness over the potential pups.  

Kind of like when people feel sorry for Michaela Bates for not being able to have a baby.  I don’t put her desire to be a mom over the abuse and oppression of any babies she may have.

[kpmom]

4 hours ago, catlady said:

  If Sarah truly wants to raise puppies, she can join a fostering group.  Her endeavor seemed like nothing more than a cash grab.  

 

It did to me, too.  She was taking down payments on the puppies on her Kansas City Goldens web site before Ellie was even pregnant.

I didn't understand her when she said on the Titus 2 site she pictured herself raising puppies and felt bad that she wouldn't be able to do that.  On the Kansas City Goldens site it seemed like she was going to sell them as soon as they were weaned.  She'd only have them for about 8 weeks.

 

[JermajestyDuggar]

Sarah would be perfect for fostering pups. She doesn’t work a regular job and I bet there’s always someone home. 

[NancyDrewFan1989]

The biggest problem with Sarah is she was raised to believe her main function is becoming a dutiful housewife and homeschooling mother. Neither of those are unlikely to happen at this point. Because of the whole living under your father's roof until you are married rule, she won't have a "life" until Steve and Teri pass on. I know that sounds extremely morbid, and I don't mean to be, but I think Sarah is in for a culture shock of some sort once this Steve and Teri pass on. Once AGAIN I don't intend to sound horrendously morbid.

[mango_fandango]

30 minutes ago, NancyDrewFan1989 said:

The biggest problem with Sarah is she was raised to believe her main function is becoming a dutiful housewife and homeschooling mother. Neither of those are unlikely to happen at this point. Because of the whole living under your father's roof until you are married rule, she won't have a "life" until Steve and Teri pass on. I know that sounds extremely morbid, and I don't mean to be, but I think Sarah is in for a culture shock of some sort once this Steve and Teri pass on. Once AGAIN I don't intend to sound horrendously morbid.

I understand what you mean. 
 

Plenty of us here have commented about how much of a shock it would be to the Maxgirls if/when they marry. I remember seeing a comment reply on one of the family photo posts that implied that Sarah anticipated that she and her sisters would live in different states when married. Which would make any shock even bigger. I know Sarah’s lived in a few different states, but that was when she was little and obviously nowhere near marriage. I have no idea how long they’ve lived in Kansas, but it’s for most of her life. Her married brothers all live within a mile of the main compound. When her sisters-in-law have needed help, it’s been easy for her, Anna and Mary to go and provide that help. If she moved states, she would be on her own for the first time in her life; her husband may work from home, but it’d still be just them. If she had a baby, it wouldn’t be so easy for her sisters to help out, particularly if they were in the same situation. There’s only one Teri (thank God), she can’t be in multiple states at once. The fact that she has been at home for so long just makes it harder. Stevie and Teri also only had 8 kids, not 19 like with the Bateses and Duggars. I could go on. 

I have most hope for Mary, mainly because she’s the youngest at 23. Michael Bates got married at 25, although she’d been courting for a while before that. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

I have hope that Steve’s recent health scare made him realize he could die at any time. And if he did, his girls could marry any guy without his consent. What if one of them married a man who let his wife and daughters wear pants?! Steve knows the girls are stuck once they marry. There is no choice of divorce in Maxhell. So if he married them off sooner rather than later, he has more of a chance in choosing the partner. Sarah’s ship has possibly sailed. But Mary and Anna are young.

[HerNameIsBuffy]

2 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Sarah’s ship has possibly sailed.

Idk.  Putting aside that we don't even know if she really wants to get married or is just parroting the party line...there have to be men raised in quiverful families who got their fill of a houseful of kids growing up and don't want families.  Sarah is quite conventionally attractive, demure...and not going to have 20 babies.  She could be just right for someone.  

[JermajestyDuggar]

35 minutes ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

Idk.  Putting aside that we don't even know if she really wants to get married or is just parroting the party line...there have to be men raised in quiverful families who got their fill of a houseful of kids growing up and don't want families.  Sarah is quite conventionally attractive, demure...and not going to have 20 babies.  She could be just right for someone.  

Some of the older fundie gals are marrying widowers lately. Andrea Reins and Sarah Pelc both married widowers in the last year or so. Sarah could marry a widower. Or a middle aged fundie bachelor. But the pool of same age fundie males that are single gets smaller by the year. 

[Giraffe]

I don’t see Sarah marrying, even of Steviepoo does suddenly. She’ll stay at home to care for Terri. I doubt AnnaandMary will marry, either. They’ll be the spinster child-rearing aunts. When Stevie dies, I fully expect Christopher to take over as Official Headship, even though Stevie has said the “girls” will be able to continue living in the house. Yeah, they’ll probably live in the house, but I doubt they’ll suddenly start making any important decisions solo. They’re too brainwashed (or at  least Sarah is). 

[HerNameIsBuffy]

2 minutes ago, Giraffe said:

I don’t see Sarah marrying, even of Steviepoo does suddenly. She’ll stay at home to care for Terri. I doubt AnnaandMary will marry, either. They’ll be the spinster child-rearing aunts. When Stevie dies, I fully expect Christopher to take over as Official Headship, even though Stevie has said the “girls” will be able to continue living in the house. Yeah, they’ll probably live in the house, but I doubt they’ll suddenly start making any important decisions solo. They’re too brainwashed (or at  least Sarah is). 

When the time comes I think there is a non-zero chance of Teri plopping herself on the couch in a pair of mom jeans, 32 oz. of Pepsi, and an entire box of animal crackers to catch up on tv.

If they're legal in Kansas toss in an edible.

[Giraffe]

20 minutes ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

When the time comes I think there is a non-zero chance of Teri plopping herself on the couch in a pair of mom jeans, 32 oz. of Pepsi, and an entire box of animal crackers to catch up on tv.

If they're legal in Kansas toss in an edible.

The imagery of this is making me

[catlady]

if Rufus has his way, Terri will serve Pepsi at Steve's funeral.

[dripcurl]

If Sarah is going to be married at this point, given the circumstances and lifestyle she has, the family will have to think outside the box. She can find a perfectly wonderful and decent Christian man, but he most likely not be a very good Maxwellian. Now, it seems to be a universal standing amongst us FJers that no one will be good enough for the Daughters of Maxhell simply because they are not a Maxwell. Let's give Steve and Teri the benefit of the doubt on that specific point for a couple of moments for hypothetical reasons:

Because the man would be late 30s-early 40s, he will have lived some life. Even if he is a never-been-kissed-virgin, he will has lived a significant amount more of real world like than Sarah simply because he is not a Maxwell. 

He will most likely have worked a corporate job, or even if he as managed to always have his own business, there is very high chance he is much less selective about clientele than the Maxwells are with their businesses.

He has probably attended real church. Even if it is a hyper traditional one, which mostly likely by around 40 he has been a part of several different types of churches, it is still a vastly different experience than Sarah has. Just because it could be a church that is hymns only and has very conservative theology, there are probably families who use contraception, women who wear pants, men who find having female coworkers acceptable, and girls who attend college and/or work a job of some sort. Not only would the suitor in question be exposed to "such people", but he might even friends with them and hold some in high regard *gasp*

Said suitor might have also prefer to have unsupervised dates, even if they are to do more of a courtship. Not only could raise issues of propriety among the Maxwells, but never have ever seen a blogpost referencing Steve and Teri going on a date, even though they are married. Eating out and showing any kind of romance seems to been as unnecessary in Maxhell (I am aware the marrieds do go on dates, though)

The man's family could be unsaved, or liberal, or any myriad of beliefs and ideologies. They could also be completely broken and messed up. But depending on how said suitor has coped with that, it could spur him to be an excellent partner and father. However Steve and Teri could protest.

 

Even if Sarah decided she would make up her own mind about how she would date/court, she would have an extremely difficult time navigating such a venture, and even her own emotions - there seems to be expression allowed in that household if it somehow does not tie in directly to the Bible.

 

But even more realistically, a man that age could be divorced and/or have kids already, and go to an "apostate church". He probably listens to secular music, reads books, and watches R-rated movies. But if he is a kind, generous soul who loves Sarah and shares her faith, why should all of that matter? Unfortunately, it will. 

 

 

[allyisyourpally5]

How old is sarah? I know she is nearing 40....

I am 31. I am single and live alone. Not through choice, this is just how it is right now. I’ll find my way. I don’t think I’m a right off yet and in the real world I don’t think Sarah is either. Not would Jana Duggar be for example.

But in their world? Let’s face it, she is already at the point where her fertility is dropping,not impossible for sure but each passing year she becomes less and less likely to conceive naturally, and we all know in the 40s it will decline even faster. 

where is she going to meet anyone? They don’t travel anymore. Does she go on missions? I know she flew somewhere alone (and gave us all those amazing tips on staying safe!)
 

I don’t have kids but really do want to be a mother and have a family. Thankfully I live in a world where that is possible alone and I would be supported should I choose to do that. 
Sarah doesn’t. 
 

I really do wonder what’s in her head. She knows no different but it must just be so boring! When they did “day in a life” of each girl, it became so clear that each daughter actually only works about 2-3 hours a day in the week, if that. The rest of it is chores, babysitting, cleaning the houses of the brothers. I actually get angry when they say how busy they all are....doing what?! I’m sorry none of those daughters know what it’s like to be up at 6am, eat breakfast full speed ahead, run out the door ready for a 10 hour work day plus commute. Where you actually have to meet real deadlines. Work with real people. Solve real problems. And face the risk of loosing your job as if things go wrong, because it’s not a cushy job in your house office where mom and dad are in charge and they’ll save you.

This is why I say about Sarah’s head - brainwashed, yes, but she comes across so smug sometimes and I just think you know what she really has no clue what real life is about. Super busy schedule? Oh please  most people do everything you do on top of a 40+ hour working week. What does she really think of life? Has she ever just had a secret google and gotten a proper glimpse into how real life folk live?

 

[JermajestyDuggar]

I think James Staddon would come close to passing Steve’s tests. But I don’t see James being interested in Sarah. She’s around 7 years older (I think). I see him being interested in a girl closer to his age. But if he doesn’t want a bunch of children, Sarah would be a good choice. 

[Ozlsn]

9 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I have hope that Steve’s recent health scare made him realize he could die at any time. And if he did, his girls could marry any guy without his consent. What if one of them married a man who let his wife and daughters wear pants?! Steve knows the girls are stuck once they marry. There is no choice of divorce in Maxhell. So if he married them off sooner rather than later, he has more of a chance in choosing the partner. Sarah’s ship has possibly sailed. But Mary and Anna are young.

I actually can't work out if I think that is better or worse than him dying with them unmarried. If he marries them off in haste that could end up disasterously.

[Triplet3]

17 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I think James Staddon would come close to passing Steve’s tests. But I don’t see James being interested in Sarah. She’s around 7 years older (I think). I see him being interested in a girl closer to his age. But if he doesn’t want a bunch of children, Sarah would be a good choice. 

Donald Staddon, maybe. He's 40 so just a couple of years older than Sarah. He's not a photographer as far as I know, but would probably still be a good match.

[JermajestyDuggar]

2 minutes ago, Triplet3 said:

Donald Staddon, maybe. He's 40 so just a couple of years older than Sarah. He's not a photographer as far as I know, but would probably still be a good match.

He’s not conventionally attractive looking and I honestly think Sarah might care. My hope was for Michael Staddon. He’s a decent looking guy and very close in age to Sarah. But he married Elizabeth Frazier last year. 

I honestly think fundies are more superficial than they admit. 

Edited January 21, 2020 by JermajestyDuggar

[Triplet3]

1 minute ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

He’s not conventionally attractive looking and I honestly think Sarah might care. My hope was for Michael Staddon. He’s a decent looking guy and very close in age to Sarah. But he married Elizabeth Frazier last year. 

True, he's definitely the most odd-looking Staddon. I don't think it would necessarily put him out of the running, though.

[HerNameIsBuffy]

6 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

He’s not conventionally attractive looking and I honestly think Sarah might care. My hope was for Michael Staddon. He’s a decent looking guy and very close in age to Sarah. But he married Elizabeth Frazier last year. 

He's fine...he kind of looks like Todd Barry.  If he's half as hilarious with receipts, he's a catch.

https://www.toddbarry.com/receipt-museum/

Can you even imagine someone quirky with a great sense of humor marrying into Maxhell?  I'd watch that show.

 

 

Edited January 21, 2020 by HerNameIsBuffy

[JermajestyDuggar]

14 minutes ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

He's fine...he kind of looks like Todd Barry.  If he's half as hilarious with receipts, he's a catch.

https://www.toddbarry.com/receipt-museum/

Can you even imagine someone quirky with a great sense of humor marrying into Maxhell?  I'd watch that show.

 

 

That’s the thing. I’ve never seen any sort of fantastic personality that would draw a fundie girl in past his looks. My husband has a close friend that’s very ordinary looking and he has always attracted gorgeous women. Because he is charismatic, funny, and very intelligent. I’ve not seen much from Donald to lead me to believe he is any of those things. 

[Giraffe]

25 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I honestly think fundies are more superficial than they admit. 

Skirts only is a good indicator of this. If superficial things aren’t important, why would skirts matter? Or “godly” makeup*? Or any of the other things they put out that are neutral yet they put moral weight on them. 
 

*looking at you, Girl Defined

[JermajestyDuggar]

Just now, Giraffe said:

Skirts only is a good indicator of this. If superficial things aren’t important, why would skirts matter? Or “godly” makeup*? Or any of the other things they put out that are neutral yet they put moral weight on them. 
 

*looking at you, Girl Defined

What’s funny is that I think people in general are superficial. Most people date and marry people similar in conventional attractiveness. I’m not saying Sarah or any other fundie is terrible for not being attracted to Donald. But I think fundies hide how superficial they are. Because of the whole “lust being a sin” bullshit.