Seewalds 42: Trying to Stay Relevant

[nausicaa]

16 hours ago, meee said:

So this doesn't actually have anything to do with the current thread drift, but I had to come over here and say that I have discovered another person with the first name Spurgeon, and he's apparently related to an acquaintance of mine.

Is it a family name (Like he's a third or the fourth)? And does he go by a much simpler middle name? If so, we may know the same Spurgeon. (Poor kid was the biggest dork, and once we found out his legal first name, he had dropped into the pit of middle school outcast despair to never return.)

[meee]

1 hour ago, nausicaa said:

Is it a family name (Like he's a third or the fourth)? And does he go by a much simpler middle name? If so, we may know the same Spurgeon. (Poor kid was the biggest dork, and once we found out his legal first name, he had dropped into the pit of middle school outcast despair to never return.)

I honestly have no idea. I googled the acquaintance, out of curiosity, because I hadn't heard from him in years, and I got one of those "official people search" type sites, and it said a relative or associate might be Spurgeon Something-Or-Other. I don't remember the last name, I just had to come on over here when I found out that Spurgeon Seewald isn't the only person in the world with that name!

[VelociRapture]

6 hours ago, raspberrymint said:

I'll find out if I'm pregnant within a week.  I don't want to breastfeed because my goddaughter breastfed and she was mean about it.  ? 

She punched her mother's boobs all the time.  Meanwhile her mother is scared that because she isn't breastfeeding anymore, they won't be bonded.  Baby's about nine months old.

I really can't breastfeed much anyway even if I did want to because of the nature of my work (long hours).

Overworrying about bonding seems futile to me.  I can't be the parent that's home the most anyway, and from what I've seen, the parent that's home the least is the one that the kids prefer.

It depends on the kid. I’m a SAHM and my 2.5 year old only just started coming around to liking my husband this year. She adores him now and often asks to play with him when he’s home, but she absolutely still prefers me over him. 

As for bonding, breastfeeding can be great for that. It’s definitely not the only way though. Skin to skin contact is fantastic for bonding with a very young infant. And simply spending normal time with a kid can be good for bonding too - things like reading, playing, bath time, diaper changes, bedtime cuddles, and all those other things parents, guardians, and caregivers do over the course of a normal day. Every family is different and will find that different things work best for them. 

And good luck! I’ll keep my fingers crossed that you’ll get some great news next week!

3 hours ago, BernRul said:

I feel like there's an insidious idea spreading that once a woman gets pregnant her body no longer belongs to her, but the baby. Even among pro-choice super liberal types--in fact, a lot of people who I hear act like this or read about are very liberal. 

Pregnant women can't have any sushi ever (despite that there's plenty of pregnant women in Japan who eat plenty of sushi)

If a pregnant woman has even one tiny sip of alcohol she is a monster and the baby will 100% get FAS (even though there's many cultures they still have a glass of wine with dinner, and for most of human history water was literal disease soup so drinking alcohol was the only clean drinking source. Ancient Egyptians,  with 3,000 years of continuous history, drank beer instead of water at most meals.  I suppose they all had FAS. Quick, someone check the mummies). 

If a pregnant woman orders a latte at Starbucks, the barista should make it decaf cuz baby trumps mom (even though caffeine isn't even straight up band, bust mostly advised to be limited. Also some people think those studies were flawed, but whatever)

Any pregnant woman who drinks, smokes, or has caffeine is the literal devil who doesn't deserve to be mom (maybe she's an addict trying to wean herself off instead of going cold turkey, since stress is probably more dangerous for pregnant women than soft cheese or too ripe bananas or whatever the other banned products are). 

Any mother who does not try the magical healing manna that is breastfeeding is selfish, to the point that apparently it's better for the baby to starve than for her to try evil formula. 

Hey, are you a sexually active woman of childbearing age? Then no alcohol for you---thats what some docs say now. I mean, what happens if you accidentally get pregnant living your hedonistic, selfish lifestyle? Did you incubators think of that? Why won't anyone think of the blastocysts?!?

Cuz instead of, you know, treating women like autonomous people, and trusting that they and their doctor can decide what's best in their individual case, the new trend is they are public property who can't tell the difference between a glass of wine once a month and a black out binge. 

Obviously I'm having a lot of feelings while ttc. 

I’m sorry you’re having a tough time. If it helps it seems like every Doctor has different ideas of what you should or shouldn’t do. The Doctor I normally see told me vegetarian sushi is fine to have during pregnancy - she actually eats it during her pregnancies. But there are other Doctors who’ll insist you can’t have even that because of cross contamination or bacteria in the rice or something. 

The way I look at it personally is that not a lot is known about pregnancy and what could potentially harm the fetus. Studies are difficult to do because what excited and expectant parent is going to want to participate when they don’t know the possible impact on the baby? So medical professionals are pretty much just guessing at a lot of stuff because they simply can’t know and they tend to proceed with caution because they don’t want anything to go wrong. The best advice to offer to people in general, in my opinion, would probably be:

- try to eat a healthy diet

- try to stay active

- stay hydrated

- try to rest

Everything else is best left up to individuals and the legitimate medical professionals treating them. If someone has an addiction issue then they need to work with their Doctor on a plan to handle that best. If someone has HG then they need to simply focus on being able to drink and eat anything rather than focus on all healthy foods all the time. If someone is constantly exhausted (hi!) then they should be more focused on getting rest than exercising. And so on.

I did everything perfectly while I was pregnant with my daughter. My normal Doctor even said I was having a textbook perfect pregnancy. I still wound up with an unexplained premature birth. So even doing everything “right” isn’t a guarantee of things going well. Just do your best to follow sound medical advice for your country and try not to let unsolicited advice get to you. 

[mollysmom]

5 hours ago, justmy2cents said:

My 8yo daughter insists on our chairs touching at dinner. How much more can we be bonded? ?

I love this! So cute!

[Sullie06]

4 hours ago, JillyO said:

Aww. She's like a cat!

  Hide contents

 

Yes!! That is an accurate comparison and pretty much what the picture would look like just with her little sausage fingers under the door. 

[melon]

19 hours ago, Satan'sFortress said:

I hear ya!  I could have written it, especially the bolded part.  I felt like breastfeeding was the only thing I knew how to do after my babies were born. 

I'm probably older than most of you, so am from a generation that was more shamed for breastfeeding than today, where it sounds like moms are shamed for bottle feeding.  I didn't really care, because I felt good about what I was doing.  My MIL was not super supportive, which, honestly, was probably a huge driver in making me more committed to doing it (Yes, Satan'sFortress is a giant bitch!!!)

Same for me!Just about every word.

I felt like I was shamed for breastfeeding.In a way,I didn't care either,but I grew tired of questions like: "Where's his bottle?" etc,etc.

My MIL was not supportive.I was regarded with disgust.She started asking me when I'd wean when my son was 3 months old.My pediatrician,the second one,was very supportive.She said it was up to me and my baby to decide when to wean,that she would not tell me when to wean.

My MIL used to watch the clock and tell me stuff like I did not have any milk because he just nursed 2 or 3 hours ago.i tried to tell her that breast milk digests faster than formula.She did not believe me...she told me that she had 4 children so she knew more than I did,even though,she never breastfed any of them.

 

 

And ,yes,the lack of support made me that much more determined to do what I wanted for my child.

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

I've got you all beat MY scheduled C/section bottle feed baby girl told me the other day when I asked her how work was,  she said she  was hemorrhaging like a stabbing victim and that period shits and IBS can just fuck right the hell off. So I assumed it was a bad day. 

We have the strangest conversations. But I made it up to her with some advil and her favorite Halo top ice cream. 

[G33kywife]

I nursed my oldest until she was a little over 3. She is 6 and wants absolutely nothing to do with me. So bonded. ? If my husband is gone during bedtime, and she has the option of me snuggling her for bedtime, or nothing, she opts for nothing every dang time. Same goes for my middle child who nursed until just before her 2nd birthday. My youngest just turned a year. We’ll see what happens with him, haha

[PlentyOfJesusFishInTheSea]

4 hours ago, VelociRapture said:

It depends on the kid. I’m a SAHM and my 2.5 year old only just started coming around to liking my husband this year. She adores him now and often asks to play with him when he’s home, but she absolutely still prefers me over him. 

As for bonding, breastfeeding can be great for that. It’s definitely not the only way though. Skin to skin contact is fantastic for bonding with a very young infant. And simply spending normal time with a kid can be good for bonding too - things like reading, playing, bath time, diaper changes, bedtime cuddles, and all those other things parents, guardians, and caregivers do over the course of a normal day. Every family is different and will find that different things work best for them. 

And good luck! I’ll keep my fingers crossed that you’ll get some great news next week!

I’m sorry you’re having a tough time. If it helps it seems like every Doctor has different ideas of what you should or shouldn’t do. The Doctor I normally see told me vegetarian sushi is fine to have during pregnancy - she actually eats it during her pregnancies. But there are other Doctors who’ll insist you can’t have even that because of cross contamination or bacteria in the rice or something. 

The way I look at it personally is that not a lot is known about pregnancy and what could potentially harm the fetus. Studies are difficult to do because what excited and expectant parent is going to want to participate when they don’t know the possible impact on the baby? So medical professionals are pretty much just guessing at a lot of stuff because they simply can’t know and they tend to proceed with caution because they don’t want anything to go wrong. The best advice to offer to people in general, in my opinion, would probably be:

- try to eat a healthy diet

- try to stay active

- stay hydrated

- try to rest

Everything else is best left up to individuals and the legitimate medical professionals treating them. If someone has an addiction issue then they need to work with their Doctor on a plan to handle that best. If someone has HG then they need to simply focus on being able to drink and eat anything rather than focus on all healthy foods all the time. If someone is constantly exhausted (hi!) then they should be more focused on getting rest than exercising. And so on.

I did everything perfectly while I was pregnant with my daughter. My normal Doctor even said I was having a textbook perfect pregnancy. I still wound up with an unexplained premature birth. So even doing everything “right” isn’t a guarantee of things going well. Just do your best to follow sound medical advice for your country and try not to let unsolicited advice get to you. 

As I understand it, food poisoning is pretty serious during pregnancy, but I guess public health ppl think educating people about risks of food poisoning is too hard, so they make a lot of blanket statements.

(As explained to me by my smartest mom friend. She researches everything!)

[Greendoor]

11 hours ago, raspberrymint said:

I'll find out if I'm pregnant within a week.  I don't want to breastfeed because my goddaughter breastfed and she was mean about it.  ? 

She punched her mother's boobs all the time.  Meanwhile her mother is scared that because she isn't breastfeeding anymore, they won't be bonded.  Baby's about nine months old.

I really can't breastfeed much anyway even if I did want to because of the nature of my work (long hours).

Overworrying about bonding seems futile to me.  I can't be the parent that's home the most anyway, and from what I've seen, the parent that's home the least is the one that the kids prefer.

My son fed for a year.  He used to give my breasts a pat-pat.  I think he was trying to bring down more milk. 

The teeth thing is't really an issue.  They can bear down long before that you just have be firm.  I tapped his nose with my finger and said No.  He did it again, I closed up the shop.  He looked so bewildered.  But he never did it again.  He always took his lunch to daycare  (formula in a bottle) fed from me for breakfast and dinner etc.  

Fingers crossed for you Raspberymint!?

Edited July 31, 2019 by Greendoor

[Rosalie]

On 7/30/2019 at 10:01 PM, AprilQuilt said:

really want to clarify here, I am fortunate to have work that I could fit breastfeeding into. If I had a different kind of job and she was refusing the bottle, we'd have had to figure something out - it might have been stressful, there might have been a pain barrier, the solution might have been time-consuming, expensive and convoluted, but one way or another she would not have starved. I was in the privileged position of not being forced to have that fight, so I didn't have it.

My mother went back to work when I was 3 months old. She was working at a radar station on the top of a mountain, and only way to get there was by military cable car or tank. I was breastfed up until she went back to work, as I did not take the bottle (or passifier...). Since I didn’t take the bottle, I was spoon fed from that day. Luckily I was not the first baby my grandma, who was my daycarer, spoon fed formula. But it must have been quite å time consuming task...

[QuiverFullofBooks]

It made me crazy when I was trying to conceive and having miscarriages that there’s tons of bossy advice during pregnancy (most of it confusing and contradictory), but if you miscarry, everyone’s all, “It’s nothing you did!”

[Kailash]

I think parenting has some really hard aspects, no matter who you are, and no matter how your child acts or reacts to things. I did the best I knew, and when I learned better, I changed to that. I feel like that’s what most parents do. I have never heard of anyone saying “I want to be a bad parent. I want to suck at everything.” I know terrible parents exist but most of us only want what is best for our children. Since every child is different, how best happens is different too. 

 

[closetcagebaby]

4 hours ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

I've got you all beat MY scheduled C/section bottle feed baby girl told me the other day when I asked her how work was,  she said she  was hemorrhaging like a stabbing victim and that period shits and IBS can just fuck right the hell off. So I assumed it was a bad day. 

We have the strangest conversations. But I made it up to her with some advil and her favorite Halo top ice cream. 

Will you adopt me? ?

[Flossie]

On 7/30/2019 at 2:47 PM, meee said:

So this doesn't actually have anything to do with the current thread drift, but I had to come over here and say that I have discovered another person with the first name Spurgeon, and he's apparently related to an acquaintance of mine.

Before Jessa and Ben named their baby Spurgeon, I'd only ever heard of the name in a movie called 'Deep Impact'.  Big blockbuster back in 1998 with a lot of big name stars in it.  I barely registered the name at the time, because movies love to have characters with odd names because it's Hollywood, and they love odd names.  In the movie, Spurgeon (who goes by the name of Fish) is the oldest crew member on a mission to blow up an asteroid before it can hit the Earth, setting back civilization to the middle ages at best.  The rest of the crew is open about not wanting him on board because, even though he graduated from the Naval Academy and was the last astronaut to walk on the moon, they think he's too old to do the job and is only there as a public relations stunt..  

Spoiler, in case you haven't seen the movie and might want to see it someday:

Spoiler

When their chance of blowing up the asteroid only manages to break it in two, the mission commander is blinded and in too much pain to carry on, Fish (Spurgeon) holds them together as they make their way home.  The smaller part of the asteroid hits and, even with plenty of warning, thousands, perhaps millions, are killed.  Wondering if there would be anything left to return home to, the crew decides to catch up to the largest part of the asteroid and use their nuke to blow it up.  Fish is instrumental in helping them decide which point of contact would make the best point of impact to really break up the asteroid, tells NASA of their plans, and arranges for them to have a few last minutes to say goodbye to their families.  He then successfully navigates their ship into the deepest hole on the asteroid where they blow themselves and the asteroid up at the last minute, saving all of humanity in the process.

If Jessa and Ben hold their sons to the Duggar method, their son would never have the chance to get advanced education, join the military, or NASA, or do anything else that could save the Earth.  All he could do was watch You Tube vids on how to make a fall-out shelter and pray for his group of like-minded followers while shit happens.

[EmmieJ]

On ‎7‎/‎30‎/‎2019 at 9:32 AM, VelociRapture said:

Just popping in because I want to proclaim my undying love for you for this.  

I’ve mentioned this so many times before, but my mom has a favorite piece of advice to offer expectant parents. It basically boils down to how everyone will have all kinds of ideas about what kind of parent they’re going to be and everyone is going to fail to live up to that personal standard every single day. It’s normal and it’s nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed of. 

I’ve found this to be very true in my own experience:

1. I thought I’d be a super zen and active pregnant woman who would carry to term easily. I was basically a walking zombie who was constantly worried about everything and wound up unexpectedly delivering prematurely for unknown reasons. 

2. I wanted to breastfeed for at least a year. I made it three months because I hated it and gave her formula throughout that entire first year.

3. I wanted to make her baby food for her. I ended up buying a lot of premade stuff because it was just easier for me.

4. I wanted to be that SAHM who constantly has the perfect house, freshly prepared homemade food, and still has more than enough time to play with the kids. I’ll wait for everyone to stop laughing... but yeah, that didn’t happen either. I like to think of it as controlled chaos some days and utter chaos other days.

5. I hoped to be that parent who is constantly calm and patient. I’m not. I get anxious more easily than I should and I yell/snap more than I should too (sign of anxiety - I’m working on this.)  <snip - but the entire post was great>

VR said it so well --- until you are actually pregnant, and then have your baby in your hands, and then begin the day to day of raising and caring for that baby, soon to be toddler, even sooner to be a teenager -- you can have all sorts of ideas of what you will or won't do as a parent.  That's all good and well.  But then you become a parent and find out it's not what you expected, and how you handle things may not be how you planned.  That's cool.  Just do your best.

My mom's generation did not breast feed.  They mostly bottle fed.  All 8 kids in my family were bottle fed.  We all bonded very strongly with our mother.   I breast fed for about three months, but then my maternity disability ran out and I had to return to full time work, so for a couple of months I struggled to breast feed morning and night, with bottles of formula during the day while I was at work.  Ended up weaning off the breast by 6 months.  My son and I bonded very strongly all the same.  It's not so much about breast or bottle, but more about loving contact with your baby.  Holding him/her close, responding when they need you, all that good stuff.  Most important is providing nourishment, whether it be bottle or breast.  It's all good.

Like VR in #5, I tried to be a calm parent but often I wasn't.  As a single mom, I think I was stressing over "doing it wrong".  I wish I hadn't stressed so much over the small stuff, but it's too late to go back and do it over again.  I think my son turned out all right though. 

[Meggo]

1 hour ago, EmmieJ said:

 

Like VR in #5, I tried to be a calm parent but often I wasn't.  As a single mom, I think I was stressing over "doing it wrong".  I wish I hadn't stressed so much over the small stuff, but it's too late to go back and do it over again.  I think my son turned out all right though. 

I stress out SO MUCH about doing it wrong. We adopted my son (as a wee little infant) and I always felt like people "knew" and were watching to see how I parented to make sure I did it right. I got comments for bottle feeding in Wal-mart while looking at my phone, I got comments for NOT putting cereal in his bottle etc. etc. 

And now I just worry i'm missing out on HIM because of the worry.

[EmmieJ]

4 hours ago, Meggo said:

I stress out SO MUCH about doing it wrong. We adopted my son (as a wee little infant) and I always felt like people "knew" and were watching to see how I parented to make sure I did it right. I got comments for bottle feeding in Wal-mart while looking at my phone, I got comments for NOT putting cereal in his bottle etc. etc. 

And now I just worry i'm missing out on HIM because of the worry.

I feel you!  I hope you will be able to worry less.  I'm rooting for you!  

[Letizia]

On 7/30/2019 at 8:21 PM, JPatti said:

https://dlisted.com/2019/07/30/a-judge-has-found-that-katy-perrys-dark-horse-ripped-off-a-christian-rap-song/

Sorry if this is off topic, FJ, but I had to run over here immediately to share the news that Ben's old pal Flame is in the news for being ripped off by Katy Perry!

I wonder if Ben and Jessa have listened to both versions?

Just saw that Flame was awarded 2.78 million by the jury. 

Back to the drift: I would set my boobs on fire before I breastfed again. I had D-Mer and didn’t like that pre-letdown feeling of wanting to hurl my baby across the room. And bonding is limited when you are literally shaking with rage at the start of a feed. I was encouraged to try to wait it out but it was becoming so intense that I was afraid to be alone with her.I truly thought I was bordering on full-blown post-partum psychosis when I found out D-Mer was the issue and I wasn’t an evil monster. 

[SassyPants]

8 hours ago, Letizia said:

Just saw that Flame was awarded 2.78 million by the jury. 

Back to the drift: I would set my boobs on fire before I breastfed again. I had D-Mer and didn’t like that pre-letdown feeling of wanting to hurl my baby across the room. And bonding is limited when you are literally shaking with rage at the start of a feed. I was encouraged to try to wait it out but it was becoming so intense that I was afraid to be alone with her.I truly thought I was bordering on full-blown post-partum psychosis when I found out D-Mer was the issue and I wasn’t an evil monster. 

Beyond the Jury’s award, I learned something today, D-Mer...oh holy hell, if pregnancy and childbirth are not enough. God bless you. 

[AprilQuilt]

On 7/31/2019 at 11:31 PM, PlentyOfJesusFishInTheSea said:

As I understand it, food poisoning is pretty serious during pregnancy, but I guess public health ppl think educating people about risks of food poisoning is too hard, so they make a lot of blanket statements.

(As explained to me by my smartest mom friend. She researches everything!)

Exactly. The last listeria outbreaks, at least here in the UK, were in frozen bagged vegetables, not in all the things we are told to avoid.

If anybody's interested, Expecting Better by Emily Oster was a godsend for me during pregnancy - it explains the data that informs the guidelines, and how it's collected and interpreted. Made me so much more confident when I understood what the guidelines were actually there to do, and therefore what I needed to be extra rigid about, and what I could afford to disregard.

[Jessesgirl]

On 7/31/2019 at 9:58 AM, BernRul said:

I feel like there's an insidious idea spreading that once a woman gets pregnant her body no longer belongs to her, but the baby. Even among pro-choice super liberal types--in fact, a lot of people who I hear act like this or read about are very liberal. 

Pregnant women can't have any sushi ever (despite that there's plenty of pregnant women in Japan who eat plenty of sushi)

If a pregnant woman has even one tiny sip of alcohol she is a monster and the baby will 100% get FAS (even though there's many cultures they still have a glass of wine with dinner, and for most of human history water was literal disease soup so drinking alcohol was the only clean drinking source. Ancient Egyptians,  with 3,000 years of continuous history, drank beer instead of water at most meals.  I suppose they all had FAS. Quick, someone check the mummies). 

If a pregnant woman orders a latte at Starbucks, the barista should make it decaf cuz baby trumps mom (even though caffeine isn't even straight up band, bust mostly advised to be limited. Also some people think those studies were flawed, but whatever)

Any pregnant woman who drinks, smokes, or has caffeine is the literal devil who doesn't deserve to be mom (maybe she's an addict trying to wean herself off instead of going cold turkey, since stress is probably more dangerous for pregnant women than soft cheese or too ripe bananas or whatever the other banned products are). 

Any mother who does not try the magical healing manna that is breastfeeding is selfish, to the point that apparently it's better for the baby to starve than for her to try evil formula. 

Hey, are you a sexually active woman of childbearing age? Then no alcohol for you---thats what some docs say now. I mean, what happens if you accidentally get pregnant living your hedonistic, selfish lifestyle? Did you incubators think of that? Why won't anyone think of the blastocysts?!?

Cuz instead of, you know, treating women like autonomous people, and trusting that they and their doctor can decide what's best in their individual case, the new trend is they are public property who can't tell the difference between a glass of wine once a month and a black out binge. 

Obviously I'm having a lot of feelings while ttc. 

I love this! When I was pregnant, I would sip wine with dinner every couple of weeks or so. My doctor had  no problem with this. Other people couldn’t believe I was doing this and felt compelled to comment and judge. I honestly think soda/ diet soda/ sugary drinks are more damaging than a glass of wine.  But if  I saw a pregnant woman drinking those beverages, I would never say anything. It’s none of my business and Between  her and her doctor. 

[Giraffe]

2 hours ago, Jessesgirl said:

I love this! When I was pregnant, I would sip wine with dinner every couple of weeks or so. My doctor had  no problem with this. Other people couldn’t believe I was doing this and felt compelled to comment and judge. I honestly think soda/ diet soda/ sugary drinks are more damaging than a glass of wine.  But if  I saw a pregnant woman drinking those beverages, I would never say anything. It’s none of my business and Between  her and her doctor. 

Shortly after I was an official adult I was at someone’s house and she had grabbed two or three of the tiny (one bite) chocolates that go in halloween baskets. I was such an ass to her about it! Looking back I hope she just internally rolled her eyes, but I just knew they were terrible to eat during pregnancy and that she must not care about her fetus if she would eat chocolate while pregnant. ?‍♀️

[LillyP]

The thing about parenting is that everyone has an opinion....but the only one that matters is the one that works best for your child. For as much as I was disappointed life didn't go by my plans of having kids in my early - mid 20's, there's something be said about having kids in your 30's - the biggest is that you are pretty set in your ways and often DGAF about what other people think. 

Breast feed vs formula fed, cloth vs disposable, the list goes on...when they're 3 and eating Cheetos off the floor how you fed them in those early years won't matter. My 16m old constantly gets busted for eating dog food. ?‍♀️We nursed {poorly} for the first 3 week and his latch was so bad he was not gaining. I started to exclusively pump and bottle feed, and did that for 5 months until I got him back to breast/nursing. I still nursed/pumped until I weaned at a year. And you know what? My fully breastmilk fed baby was sick MORE times this past winter than my friends formula feeding kids. It's literally a crap-shoot as to what you're going to get. I'm 100% FED IS BEST and I absolutely cannot stand when people act like formula is the devil. Just because I didn't use it doesn't make it not the right choice for another mom. 

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

@BernRul You are so spot on, I remember reading comments from people and articles that made it seem like if you 1 wrong thing your baby would die and you'd be a horrible person. I didn't drink when I was pregnant, but I rarely drank before I'd gotten pregnant, and my OB said an OCCASIONAL glass of wine or beer was perfectly fine.  I cut out caffeine with #1, and only cut down with #2. After the  kids were born I was shamed for formula feeding, never mind that I COULDN'T breastfeed, I fall into that small category of women whom do not lactate, I simply didn't produce enough milk to sustain an infant, if it weren't for formula, my kids would have starved to death.