Seewalds 42: Trying to Stay Relevant

[tabitha2]

I personally believe anyone who pays that much attention and concern as to whether someone else’s infant is hanging off someone else’s  tits or protesting about who complete strangers marry is probably not paying attention to their own toddler playing  in the toilet and eating cat food or their teenager who can’t figure out which football team member is the baby daddy. 

[Lurker]

I am a big believer in breastfeeding, however I also believe the purists do more to discourage people than help them.   Do whatever works for you, your baby and your life situation.   Breast feed sometimes, bottle feed when it makes sense to you.  Remember  to snuggle with the bottle feeding!    It does not have to be a all or nothing situation.   

[feministxtian]

11 minutes ago, tabitha2 said:

I personally believe anyone who pays that much attention and concern as to whether someone else’s infant is hanging off someone else’s  tits or protesting about who complete strangers marry is probably not paying attention to their own toddler playing  in the toilet and eating cat food or their teenager who can’t figure out which football team member is the baby daddy. 

Ummm....uh...ummm...ok, only ONE of the kids ate cat food. They didn't play in the toilet but #2 son would drink out of the dogs' water dish. I also had a couple who would crash anywhere if they got tired enough...

Then there was the grandson who would sleep in the dog's crate with the dog...

Yeah, I sucked as a mom...they survived. 

[IsmeWeatherwax]

All 4 of my kids were bottlefed from the moment they drew breath. They are all fine, fit and healthy. I never had one person ever say anything negative about it to me, but maybe I have that kind of face ?

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

12 hours ago, tabitha2 said:

As long as a child is full and healthy and gaining weight fuck’ em all. It’s your body and your kid. Who’s it selfish too anyway?  The Kid don’t care!  

There is always someone who is going to say something to someone else. I read the other Snookie (of all people) was getting mom shamed for bottle feeding her baby while drinking wine. I'm like, she's feeding her kid, and NOT wine, shut up. 

[VelociRapture]

13 hours ago, BernRul said:

I don't know what real life has in store for me, but now that me and my husband are seriously talking about parenting, I've decided that I'm going bottlefeed my kids once they get teeth. It's going to be pumped mixed with formula from then on out.

I feel like I'm going against the grain of society, and like I'm going to be a bad mom for even suggesting it, but fuck it I don't care. I used to think breastfeeding was this magical sacred bond and that any woman who didn't want to do it was selfish, but now that I'm thinking about motherhood more seriously, I realize that the idea of someone with teeth feeding off of my tits freaks me out. Just no thank you, don't want. And after everything else that I'll gladly sacrifice to become a mom, including my own body and, from the sounds of it, my tenuous grasp on sanity, I think being selfish about my boobs, which I very much see as a sexual thing no matter how many times I hear "breastfeeding is their intended purpose," is justifable. 

Seriously, it's weird, but the idea of throwing up every day or giving birth doesn't freak me out nearly as much as breastfeeding past the point where I'm comfortable, even if it's what's "best for the baby." So it'll be breastfeeding when they're little babies, bottles once they get teeth, and sippy cups as toddlers. 

Sorry for the weird freakout, FJ, it's just that I've only ever told my husband this for fear of being called selfish. 

You’re definitely not selfish. Pregnancy and birth are already difficult enough experiences for a lot of people. Forcing yourself to nurse past your personal comfort point (or at all) is not something I’d recommend, unless it something you really want to try. In that case I’d suggest finding a good lactating consultant to help you through any rough points. 

I was really looking forward to breastfeeding while I was pregnant with my daughter, but we never got the hang of it (because premature birth and NICU stay) and I actually kind of hated it. I felt like a human udder who couldn’t get anything done that needed to be done because I was either trying to figure out nursing or bottle feeding her or cleaning the various items we needed for feeding her. Our daughter was already used to formula from a bottle, so I tried pumping and using formula for a while. That took too much time and energy to keep everything clean because we didn’t have a dishwasher at the time and I wound up switching to just formula at the 3 month mark. Best decision I could have made - I felt so much calmer and happier after that. Not sure what we’ll do this time. I figure we’ll wait and see what happens with the birth first and make a judgement call based off that. I would guess we’ll likely do a mix of formula and some form of breastmilk feeding though, at least until the first big round of vaccinations are over. 

Just do what feels best for you and your family when the time comes. If someone judges you for it then that says way more about them then it does you. 

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

10 hours ago, feministxtian said:

Ummm....uh...ummm...ok, only ONE of the kids ate cat food. They didn't play in the toilet but #2 son would drink out of the dogs' water dish. I also had a couple who would crash anywhere if they got tired enough...

Then there was the grandson who would sleep in the dog's crate with the dog...

Yeah, I sucked as a mom...they survived. 

HA. my cousin posted on FB the other day her almost 2 year old eating dog food and dunking it in the dogs water,, next to a photo of a plate with goldfish crackers and 1/2 a banana with the caption "why do I bother giving her snacks when she does this?" Everyone laughed at the photos, because, toddlers.  She further explained that she gave her DD the snack while she was changing baby brothers diaper and came back into the kitchen to find her in the dog food, with the dog. 
 

[FluffySnowball]

37 minutes ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

HA. my cousin posted on FB the other day her almost 2 year old eating dog food and dunking it in the dogs water,, next to a photo of a plate with goldfish crackers and 1/2 a banana with the caption "why do I bother giving her snacks when she does this?" Everyone laughed at the photos, because, toddlers.  She further explained that she gave her DD the snack while she was changing baby brothers diaper and came back into the kitchen to find her in the dog food, with the dog. 
 

The only one who has reason to make a complaint is the dog ?

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

24 minutes ago, FluffySnowball said:

The only one who has reason to make a complaint is the dog ?

Nah, the dog is wrapped around her little finger, she lets her get a away with murder, they are partners in crime/bffs. My cousin is really worried how DD will react when doggy passes, she's 12 years old and the type of dog she is usually only lives to about 12/13 years old, she a sweet old doggy who just loves her baby human, and human baby loves her dog.  

Edited July 29, 2019 by allthegoodnamesrgone

[JesSky03]

14 hours ago, BernRul said:

I don't know what real life has in store for me, but now that me and my husband are seriously talking about parenting, I've decided that I'm going bottlefeed my kids once they get teeth. It's going to be pumped mixed with formula from then on out.

I feel like I'm going against the grain of society, and like I'm going to be a bad mom for even suggesting it, but fuck it I don't care. I used to think breastfeeding was this magical sacred bond and that any woman who didn't want to do it was selfish, but now that I'm thinking about motherhood more seriously, I realize that the idea of someone with teeth feeding off of my tits freaks me out. Just no thank you, don't want. And after everything else that I'll gladly sacrifice to become a mom, including my own body and, from the sounds of it, my tenuous grasp on sanity, I think being selfish about my boobs, which I very much see as a sexual thing no matter how many times I hear "breastfeeding is their intended purpose," is justifable. 

Seriously, it's weird, but the idea of throwing up every day or giving birth doesn't freak me out nearly as much as breastfeeding past the point where I'm comfortable, even if it's what's "best for the baby." So it'll be breastfeeding when they're little babies, bottles once they get teeth, and sippy cups as toddlers. 

Sorry for the weird freakout, FJ, it's just that I've only ever told my husband this for fear of being called selfish. 

You are not being selfish for thinking about your own needs. Taking care of yourself and your mental health IS being a good mom. That said, just keep an open mind and be flexible with parenting. You don't need to make any hard and fast rules before baby gets here. Once that little human is in your arms your feelings might change or things you thought were important might not matter so much or things you thought were unimportant now might become really important to you. 

[Jinder Roles]

Hearing about bottle feeding makes me feel better. I really want a breast reduction/lift and would not be able to breastfeed afterwards. 

I’ve mentioned it to a few people and some have made it seem like I’m putting my future hypothetical baby in danger. 

But there’s no way I could live with these boobs for 8-10 more years. And if they’re this big now, I can’t imagine the size after pregnancy. 

Edited July 29, 2019 by Jinder Roles

[Lizzybet]

15 hours ago, Lurker said:

I am a big believer in breastfeeding, however I also believe the purists do more to discourage people than help them.   Do whatever works for you, your baby and your life situation.   Breast feed sometimes, bottle feed when it makes sense to you.  Remember  to snuggle with the bottle feeding!    It does not have to be a all or nothing situation.   

I had NO plans to breastfeed at all, but my Ob/gyn said something like ‘then just give your baby antibodies/colostrum’.

I wound up nursing that baby for six months, and went on to nurse again, but for just four months, with my next.

Whatever is comfortable for you will be good for baby.

Edited July 29, 2019 by Lizzybet

[VelociRapture]

3 hours ago, Jinder Roles said:

Hearing about bottle feeding makes me feel better. I really want a breast reduction/lift and would not be able to breastfeed afterwards. 

I’ve mentioned it to a few people and some have made it seem like I’m putting my future hypothetical baby in danger. 

But there’s no way I could live with these boobs for 8-10 more years. And if they’re this big now, I can’t imagine the size after pregnancy. 

Two words - Kangaroo Care. We used it in NICU all the time and continued doing it once our daughter was home because it’s such a great method of bonding regardless of whether you choose to nurse or not. It’s especially beneficial for preemies, but any newborn can benefit from it. All you need is a blanket and skin to skin contact between your chest and baby. Then you just sit back and enjoy all the sweet newborn cuddles. Here’s a website with more information for anyone interested:

https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/treatments/12578-kangaroo-care

[divadivine]

3 hours ago, Jinder Roles said:

Hearing about bottle feeding makes me feel better. I really want a breast reduction/lift and would not be able to breastfeed afterwards. 

I’ve mentioned it to a few people and some have made it seem like I’m putting my future hypothetical baby in danger. 

But there’s no way I could live with these boobs for 8-10 more years. And if they’re this big now, I can’t imagine the size after pregnancy. 

You could possibly still be able to breastfeed after a reduction/lift. It depends on  how much tissue/how many milk ducts they remove and if they need to detach & reattach the nipple. It’s not impossible, but your milk supply might be reduced. I had a reduction about 12 years ago. The doctor assured me I could breastfeed if I ever wanted to in the future. I think that ship has sailed, but it was nice to know it was an option. I worked with a lady who had a reduction & went on to breastfeed all three of her kids. Discuss it with the surgeon since they will know exactly what your case could entail. 

[Rosalie]

On 7/22/2019 at 9:04 PM, mstee said:

How much kefir do you drink a day? I bought a bottle once and didn’t realize you had to drink it slowly and I made a giant smoothie with it.....it was bad ? 

Coming late for the kefir party... 

I drink 2 to 3 dl skimmed kefir each day (based on skimmed milk in stead of whole milk, and is more liquid). My main reason for drinking it, is that I love the taste and it keeps me from getting hungry all the time. Plus I have IBS, and and my bowels is intolerant of normal milk, but not of sour milk.

Btw: It’s really great for baking, as it keeps the cake moist.

[Timetostoplurking]

More on breastfeeding,  I swore I would breastfeed my babies for at least one year.  I made it to 6 months with my first and 7months with my second.  With my third, I said why bother and was about to just go right to the bottle.  My doctor suggested just a few days to breastfeeding since the colostrum is so good for her.  Well, she ended up breastfeeding for 13 months.   Lol

moral of the story....let it go....do what feels right!  It’s great to have a general plan, but give yourself lots of leeway to change it up.  

[Ticklish]

Here's the thing that is almost never brought up in discussions about breast feeding- no kindergarten teacher or college professor is looking at your kid going "well, he/she clearly wasn't breastfed". No doctor has ever looked at my 6 or 4 year old and asked "but was she breastfed?" Is it a great thing to do? Sure, but not at the expense of your own mental health and comfort. Whatever choices you make will be the right one for you and for your family. 

I wasn't that interested in nursing but opted to try because it was cheaper than formula, and ended up not hating it. I was very lucky that both my babies slept well and would take a bottle if I was unavailable to feed them. I nursed them about 5 months but supplemented with formula after 3 months because once I went back to work my body decided it didn't really need to produce much milk anymore even with me pumping 3-4 time during the workday. 

[Casserole]

6 hours ago, Jinder Roles said:

Hearing about bottle feeding makes me feel better. I really want a breast reduction/lift and would not be able to breastfeed afterwards. 

I’ve mentioned it to a few people and some have made it seem like I’m putting my future hypothetical baby in danger. 

But there’s no way I could live with these boobs for 8-10 more years. And if they’re this big now, I can’t imagine the size after pregnancy. 

My cousin had a pretty massive reduction at age 18 and was able to breastfeed once she had kids in her 30's... and then the little bugger decided to have some severe allergies and was on hypoallergenic formula anyway. You can only control so much and need to do what's best for everyone, both currently and in the future. (And if currently that means a breast reduction, you do you.)

[Jessesgirl]

Ugh breastfeeding. Lol I really hated it and ended up giving formula to both my kids. I tried breastfeeding with both of them for the first couple of weeks but felt like I was spending hours on the couch breastfeeding and they were still hungry. I also didn’t know how much milk they were getting. Finally I bought formuLa and both babies took the bottle no problem. It was such a relief. 

My best friend from work had a troubling situation. She loved breastfeeding and both of her kids took to it very well. With her second daughter, she breastfed during her entire maternity leave. A few days before going back to work, she tried her daughter with a bottle and she refused to take it. Her in laws were going to be watching her daughter and her job is over an hour away by car, sometimes longer with traffic. Her daughter refused to take a bottle all day while she was at work so she would breastfeed in the morning and rush home after work to feed her. Before this point, she was sleeping through the night but now started wAking up at night because she was hungry. It was a nightmare and her in laws were annoyed she waited so long to try a bottle. They had to deal with a cranky, hungry baby all day who refused the bottle. My friend felt horribly guilty about it. 

[Daisy0322]

I didn't really plan on nursing one way or the other. To be completely honest I had extremely bad postpartum/ pregnancy depression  and had thought I would kill my self after I knew my son was healthy/happy. But he kind of just latched in the recovery room and I ended up LOVING breastfeeding. It probably saved my life. It made me feel really needed and competent.  Also I found it extremely relaxing, practically low dose Xanx.  I let him choose when he would wean and we went 17 months with barely any issues. I had little issue with over supply but I just pumped and gave it to a friend with an undersupply. It's such a personal thing. I'm not sure if it's predictable if you will like it or hate it/ something in between. You just have to go with what works for you.  A happy mama is way more important than formula verses breast milk. 

[Smee]

10 hours ago, Jessesgirl said:

My best friend from work had a troubling situation. She loved breastfeeding and both of her kids took to it very well. With her second daughter, she breastfed during her entire maternity leave. A few days before going back to work, she tried her daughter with a bottle and she refused to take it. Her in laws were going to be watching her daughter and her job is over an hour away by car, sometimes longer with traffic. Her daughter refused to take a bottle all day while she was at work so she would breastfeed in the morning and rush home after work to feed her. Before this point, she was sleeping through the night but now started wAking up at night because she was hungry. It was a nightmare and her in laws were annoyed she waited so long to try a bottle. They had to deal with a cranky, hungry baby all day who refused the bottle. My friend felt horribly guilty about it. 

This was my second child *sigh*. I didn’t go back to work until she was 12 months old, so it was ok in that regard, but she never took a bottle no matter what was in it or what brand/shape bottle it was. She also refused all dummies (pacifiers, for our US members). So she fed to sleep every night and I could never leave the house for a girls’ dinner or soccer training or whatever until she was asleep. It was frustrating and made me want to give my youngest dummies the moment we left the hospital. 

[VelociRapture]

In case anyone was curious Ben’s maybe still a friend, though we haven’t heard anything about him in forever, Flame won his lawsuit against Katy Perry for copyright infringement:

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/07/29/arts/music/katy-perry-dark-horse-copyright.html?smid=fb-nytimes&smtyp=cur

My personal favorite part is when they stated that his reputation had been hurt by association due to the “anti-Christian witchcraft, paganism, black magic, and Illuminati imagery” she used in the music video for the song in question (Dark Horse.) I mean, I’m not a Katy Perry fan myself but I feel like that’s kind of a massive overreaction. ?

[Sullie06]

19 hours ago, Jinder Roles said:

Hearing about bottle feeding makes me feel better. I really want a breast reduction/lift and would not be able to breastfeed afterwards. 

I’ve mentioned it to a few people and some have made it seem like I’m putting my future hypothetical baby in danger. 

But there’s no way I could live with these boobs for 8-10 more years. And if they’re this big now, I can’t imagine the size after pregnancy. 

I did not breastfeed my daughter or even attempt and she turned out just fine. I had such a horrible experience with my son between breastfeeding issues and PPD that I ended up having to supplement when he was about 6 weeks and I beat myself up for it. When I got pregnant again I decided for my mental health not to try again. People gave me a hard time but I knew what was best for me and my baby, my daughter who was exclusively bottle fed has not had any disadvantage to my breastfed son.

[Pretzel]

Someone beat me to what I was about to say. 

"This is Patrick P. Patricksson the 3rd, Valedictorian of his class at Harvard. Congratulations on his PhD, it is obvious he was breastfed!" --- said no person ever. Not even "Paddy P., Kindergarten graduate, obviously bottlefed". In other words, once they eat real food, nobody will even care. As long as kids are getting fed, why do people even care HOW other people feed them? If you think breast is best, great. Then breastfeed your own kid! If you're freaked out by someone BF'ing in public, go choose a different place. What difference does it make to society if a kid is being BF'ed, or bottlefed? I can't think of any. It is a personal and an individual decision that should be respected.

The whole mommy-shaming over a mom choosing to bottlefeed over BF'ing reeks of a whole lot of misogyny to me. It's rarely about the child, and much more about patronizing the mom. "She's just too lazy to BF!" (WTF! Mixing together formula includes frequent work too!),  "She can't cut the cord, that's why she's excessively BF'ing!". Why can't people just let young moms be and accept their decisions? That extends to medical professionals as well. It is certainly justified to suggest a young mom first try BF'ing and mentioning the benefits of BF to her, but once she says she doesn't want to that should be it. That decision does not justify judgment or different treatment or pressure of any kind. 

I wish that any woman, whether they are childless, expecting, a young mom, a veteran,...basically anyone find the strength to stand up for their decision and tell others to mind their own business. If people want to judge, let them judge. It says little about you or your love for your children, and a ton about the people who feel the need to judge.

[AprilQuilt]

On 7/29/2019 at 1:08 AM, BernRul said:

I don't know what real life has in store for me, but now that me and my husband are seriously talking about parenting, I've decided that I'm going bottlefeed my kids once they get teeth. It's going to be pumped mixed with formula from then on out.

I feel like I'm going against the grain of society, and like I'm going to be a bad mom for even suggesting it, but fuck it I don't care. I used to think breastfeeding was this magical sacred bond and that any woman who didn't want to do it was selfish, but now that I'm thinking about motherhood more seriously, I realize that the idea of someone with teeth feeding off of my tits freaks me out. Just no thank you, don't want. And after everything else that I'll gladly sacrifice to become a mom, including my own body and, from the sounds of it, my tenuous grasp on sanity, I think being selfish about my boobs, which I very much see as a sexual thing no matter how many times I hear "breastfeeding is their intended purpose," is justifable. 

Seriously, it's weird, but the idea of throwing up every day or giving birth doesn't freak me out nearly as much as breastfeeding past the point where I'm comfortable, even if it's what's "best for the baby." So it'll be breastfeeding when they're little babies, bottles once they get teeth, and sippy cups as toddlers. 

Sorry for the weird freakout, FJ, it's just that I've only ever told my husband this for fear of being called selfish. 

There's nothing wrong with any of this, but respectfully quite a lot of one's firm ideas about parenting go out of the window when you actually get there. You don't know how any of it feels until you do it - I used to think that diaper changing and cleaning up all their slimey chewed spat-out bits of fruit after a BLW session would be really onerous, but obviously my daughter is delightful to me and everything she shits/spits is fascinating in spite of its grossness. I didn't expect to be so interested in the state of anybody's faeces and yet here we are...

Now I have her I don't feel particularly freaked out about the idea of BF when she has teeth - and the day is definitely coming, she's 5 months and drooly as hell - but as other posters have said, they kind of learn not to bite even before they get their teeth, and she and I have a more cooperative relationship in breastfeeding than I'd expected. OTOH, babies also have their own preferences that you can't direct or pre-empt: I'd hoped to get mine on a bottle quickly as I work (fortunately freelance and from home), but she absolutely refuses anything but the boob and takes a lot of comfort and security from it; other mothers I know planned to breastfeed indefinitely but for one reason or another found that formula/bottle was a better fit for their child, particularly those with reflux. Whatever your principles or expectations are going into it, you kind of have to cast them aside when it's a case of keeping your kids happy and healthy in the most practicable, sanity-saving way possible *for you*, whether it's breastfeeding, co-sleeping, cloth nappies, finger foods or etc etc etc ad nauseum. There isn't one way to be a good parent, but I think being able to roll with the punches and having no sacred cows at least makes it easier to hold things together.