Dillards 69 : Write Your Own Joke Here

[Palimpsest]

14 minutes ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

I agree with something @Palimpsest recently said, that JB has always come off as shrewd to me as well. 

I think I said that he struck me as a shrewd, and not always ethical, businessman.  That doesn't mean that he is necessarily a good judge of people.  Especially fellow "Christians."

I think Jim Bob has a massive inferiority complex because he never went to college.  My theory is that he is  anti-intellectual, partly because of Gothard's teaching, but mostly because he made it without some fancy college degree, thankyouverymuch. 

As such, Derick's book-learning and college degree as an accountant may have impressed Jim Bob, if not snookered him.  Also JB is competitive and the Bateses were marrying off their daughters licketty-split.  I think he may have been actually looking to marry off some of the older girls, and actively searching for suitable suitors.  It is possible that Josh's reputation may have be-smirched them in IBLP inner circles and limited prospects.  These people are so fucked up.

Then you get Derrick's missionary fervor (like Jill), the prayer-pal stuff, his respectable policeman dad, a probable job at Walmart when he got back from Nepal - and Jim Bob fell for it.  Hook, line and sinker.   So did Jill.   And they reproduced immediately.  No surprise.

Derrick always said he had a heart for missions.  So did Jill.  Their trajectory into Danger America was atypical (for IFB-type Fundies) only in that didn't spend a couple of years on Deputation raising funds.  They had enough cash to go there fast, with Jim Bob's blessing IIRC, and grifted more. Or tried to.

As for what has happened since:  they wouldn't be the first people to find out that missionary life isn't what they thought.   Even fake "missionaries" like the Dillards.  So they were fired or came home voluntarily.  Then he didn't know what he wanted to do instead.  Perhaps they don't like each other these days.  Perhaps Derrick is still searching for his niche. 

It is unclear to me whether Derrick has lost his marbles in the last couple of years of ugly ranting on Twitter or is just spouting beliefs he has always held.  The beliefs that many Fundies share, but TLC and Jim Bob try to keep under wraps. 

I don't know.  I don't think Derrick necessarily misrepresented himself, either to Jim Bob or to Jill.

[Cheetah]

It really didn't help (IMO) that Jill got pregnant immediately.  I can't imagine a relationship where you never kiss, never have sex, never have a real proper hug even, then you get married and instead of having some time to be a couple together, one of you is pregnant with all of the morning sickness, extra hormones, and attention turning toward a new baby rather than your new husband.  

[HerNameIsBuffy]

4 minutes ago, nausicaa said:

Still sad "dourting" never caught on ?

That sounds like an unpleasant digestive side effect of eating bad clams.

3 minutes ago, Palimpsest said:

I think I said that he struck me as a shrewd, and not always ethical, businessman.  That doesn't mean that he is necessarily a good judge of people.  Especially fellow "Christians."

Thanks.  I should have looked up the post, I didn't mean to characterize what you said.

[SassyPants]

1 hour ago, Palimpsest said:

I think I said that he struck me as a shrewd, and not always ethical, businessman.  That doesn't mean that he is necessarily a good judge of people.  Especially fellow "Christians."

I think Jim Bob has a massive inferiority complex because he never went to college.  My theory is that he is  anti-intellectual, partly because of Gothard's teaching, but mostly because he made it without some fancy college degree, thankyouverymuch. 

 

Amazing the profits procured from selling your family's private moments and anonymity. I do not find selling one's family ethical at all.

Without the sale, JB would be a lot less successful and financially secure.

He is horrible, IMO.

[EmmieJ]

I just hope that Derick will pick a career and start earning money to provide for his family at some point in time, or else accept the fact that he's not very good at being an adult and let JB find him some sort of job he can do within the family business structure. 

I also hope Jill will stop over-using the hashtag #besthubby, because he so clearly is not.

[LilMissMetaphor]

18 hours ago, nastyhobbitses said:

The old picture of them in Nepal is so jarring to see in comparison to now. Derick was a dorky-cute hippie missionary with a Real College Degree who was going to show Jill the woooooooorld (shining, shimmering, splendid). Jill had life and spark in her eyes, and her smile reached her eyes. Damn, Central America, what happened? 

Personally I blame the shower rod.

[SassyPants]

Today I was thinking about the 4 oldest Duggar girls. Think of what the girls could have become and done in their lives, and how much they could have potentially contributed to the world around them. Instead... What JB and M did to those girls (and all their kids) is criminal. Poor Jana, in her cult, she is literally a child; persona non-grata. Look at Jill and how she is floundering, so unprepared for life in the real world. Both JB and M need swift kicks to their backsides.

[Rachel333]

I'm stuck in a hotel tonight thanks to the winter storm and I thought about the Dillards when I got a drink from the vending machine. It didn't have my preferred Dr. Pepper so I chose a Fanta.

I did forget to take a selfie with it though. #lovemesomeamericanculture

[nastyhobbitses]

1 hour ago, Rachel333 said:

I'm stuck in a hotel tonight thanks to the winter storm and I thought about the Dillards when I got a drink from the vending machine. It didn't have my preferred Dr. Pepper so I chose a Fanta.

I did forget to take a selfie with it though. #lovemesomeamericanculture

I'll admit that I got excited when I saw that an import store in London's Chinatown sold a milk tea drink that I used to drink all the time when I lived in Yunnan and didn't think would be too widely available outside of China (and then got way less excited when I saw that instead of costing like 60 cents US, it was somewhere in the neighborhood of 7 dollars for a bottle), but I didn't take a selfie with that shit and talk about how much I love Asian culture. 

[Anwyn]

8 hours ago, EmmieJ said:

I just hope that Derick will pick a career and start earning money to provide for his family at some point in time, or else accept the fact that he's not very good at being an adult and let JB find him some sort of job he can do within the family business structure. 

I also hope Jill will stop over-using the hashtag #besthubby, because he so clearly is not.

In fact, the only example of a husband she knows is her father, right? she must now unfortunately do with what she has.

[cascarones]

Jill's social media posts aren't mundane or common, even if they're off the mark or weird. They are for her and her followers, outliers. I don't know anyone watching their husband's school lectures online. Or posts videos of questioning their toddler and chasing after them to continue question session while commanding quickness in answering.

I also don't know anyone who hasthags like that, but do know people who practices "continual and abundant" public praise. It was recommended on a retreat I went on last weekend, especially for those who had a love language of  "words of affirmation", directed at both parent/child and spousal relationships. We were encouraged to SM about the retreat and some of those hashtags I hope Jill never sees, because she would adopt them and use them like it was her job. I wonder if that's part of it.

I'm glad she showed self restraint and they were not #bestsmoresever

[Shiny]

12 hours ago, Cheetah said:

It really didn't help (IMO) that Jill got pregnant immediately.  I can't imagine a relationship where you never kiss, never have sex, never have a real proper hug even, then you get married and instead of having some time to be a couple together, one of you is pregnant with all of the morning sickness, extra hormones, and attention turning toward a new baby rather than your new husband.  

I can’t imagine either. To go your whole life thinking skin and bodies are shameful, sex and intimacy is shameful, and to not know your own body...to then having sex, getting pregnant, sharing the most intimate part of yourself with someone you haven’t known long has just got to be jarring. 

 

[nst]

6 hours ago, cascarones said:

Jill's social media posts aren't mundane or common, even if they're off the mark or weird. They are for her and her followers, outliers. I don't know anyone watching their husband's school lectures online. Or posts videos of questioning their toddler and chasing after them to continue question session while commanding quickness in answering.

I also don't know anyone who hasthags like that, but do know people who practices "continual and abundant" public praise. It was recommended on a retreat I went on last weekend, especially for those who had a love language of  "words of affirmation", directed at both parent/child and spousal relationships. We were encouraged to SM about the retreat and some of those hashtags I hope Jill never sees, because she would adopt them and use them like it was her job. I wonder if that's part of it.

I'm glad she showed self restraint and they were not #bestsmoresever

are you telling me there is video of jill watching derick's classes live...where is this video you speak of..?

i mean that would be fun to watch and the day after my birthday- you are giving me the best present ever...I mean i though watching jill cleaning the mcmansion was a low point, but this THIS - could top it.

must search for this video 

bueller

 

[Rachel333]

11 hours ago, nastyhobbitses said:

I'll admit that I got excited when I saw that an import store in London's Chinatown sold a milk tea drink that I used to drink all the time when I lived in Yunnan and didn't think would be too widely available outside of China (and then got way less excited when I saw that instead of costing like 60 cents US, it was somewhere in the neighborhood of 7 dollars for a bottle), but I didn't take a selfie with that shit and talk about how much I love Asian culture. 

Oh I completely understand being excited about something like that. I also enjoy those kinds of things that remind me of my study abroad days. I don't think it was weird at all that Jill and Derick were enjoying that store. The "#lovemesomelatinculture" hashtag was pretty cringeworthy though. 

[PennySycamore]

@cascarones,  when my husband was in grad school, I'd sometimes walk with our daughter to his carrel in the entomology department just to say hi, but it never occurred to me to go to one of his classes.  I would not have watched it online either had that been possible in the early 80s.

[cascarones]

The class thing is odd, but she grew up where many of their home church sermons were delivered on video, so it might be a mix of familiarity and interest. As strange as it is, if her interest is in education (not clinging to Derick) I whole heartedly encourage her to pursue learning whenever/however she has access. This might be the best way for her to do that.

I also glanced at their site today, it's clear from their fall pictures from this year to last year feature far less Derick, likely due to school. Most of them are Jill and Cathy, so I do think Derick back in school has had a larger impact over his previous endeavors that seemed to have less rigid schedules.

ETA: I'm at a weird spot with the Dillards. I had a huge cry fest and came out hard after Derick's remarks about Jazz, but FJ and life have tempered me a bit. I believe in second chances and am not a natural grudge holder, it doesn't mean I'm defending any of their horrible beliefs. It just means I'm actively trying to not cause undue harm to them when I post, because I do think they read here.

[anjulibai]

On 11/15/2018 at 1:35 PM, artdecades said:

I was going off of Fundamentalists wiki which said that Jeremy asked to "get to know her more seriously" in December 2015 and they officially announced they were courting in May 2016. I guess it depends on if you consider the "getting to know each other" part of the courting or not.

I think a lot of fundies have developed a four pronged approach to relationships:

1. Getting to know you: the Bateses have been more open about this, but it's essentially dating. They know it will lead to marriage but don't acknowledge it. 
2. Courtposal/courting: not really sure what distinguishes this stage from dating, but it's apparently important. These courtposals are becoming more and more like regular proposals, so I don't really see the point, but they do for some reason. They are more open about acknowledging that it will lead towards marriage.
3. Proposal/Engagement: when the wedding planning officially begins. 
4. Wedding/Marriage

Seems silly to add an extra step, but I think they like to draw these things out because they have nothing else going on and they can getting attention from everyone for how godly their relationship is. 

[Don'tlikekoolaid]

How can they afford all this eating out? Why is Jill wearing the mustard coloured pregnancy sweater?  Why didn’t Jill take a shower before dinner?  So many questions!!

Spoiler

 

[acheronbeach]

15 hours ago, Anwyn said:

In fact, the only example of a husband she knows is her father, right? she must now unfortunately do with what she has.

This kinda makes me feel gross to say, but given a hypothetical choice between Jim Bob and Derick, Jim Bob would win hands down.  Secretly, I bet Jill thinks her dad's a better man as well.  

[singsingsing]

23 minutes ago, acheronbeach said:

This kinda makes me feel gross to say, but given a hypothetical choice between Jim Bob and Derick, Jim Bob would win hands down.  Secretly, I bet Jill thinks her dad's a better man as well.  

Yeah, I have no problem agreeing with this. Jim Bob has a much better personality and he was actually willing to work hard to provide for his family. Of course they're both awful, but she must see how different her dad is from Derick. I even remember when she was about to walk down the aisle at her wedding, she looked at Jim Bob and said something like, "I always said I wanted someone like my dad. You say he's good, so he must be good." I don't think she meant that she didn't actually like Derick and was only marrying him because her dad said she should, but I do think that she had the impression that Derick was much more like Jim Bob than he actually turned out to be.

[Georgiana]

1 hour ago, singsingsing said:

Yeah, I have no problem agreeing with this. Jim Bob has a much better personality and he was actually willing to work hard to provide for his family. Of course they're both awful, but she must see how different her dad is from Derick. I even remember when she was about to walk down the aisle at her wedding, she looked at Jim Bob and said something like, "I always said I wanted someone like my dad. You say he's good, so he must be good." I don't think she meant that she didn't actually like Derick and was only marrying him because her dad said she should, but I do think that she had the impression that Derick was much more like Jim Bob than he actually turned out to be.

And I think this is a HUGE problem.  Jill wants someone like her father.  EXACTLY like her father.  Essentially, her father.  Even in more mainstream relationships, it's a major issue when one spouse idolizes a parent to the point that they want their spouse to become a copy of them.  You hear of it a lot with mother-in-laws, where one spouse is constantly pressuring the other to do things the way their mother did them, giving their mother preference, or otherwise making their spouse feel less important than their mother.

For better or worse, Derick is never going to be JB.  He's going to be Derick.  And if Jill is constantly pressuring Derick to be more like JB or otherwise trying to re-create her parents' marriage, Derick has every right to be upset by that.  Derick's not great, but he should be loved by his spouse for who HE is, not constantly compared to her father or being expected to fill her father's shoes.  

I wonder if Derick's twitter meltdown and decision to attend law school was perhaps an attempt to break from that.  In cutting himself off from the Duggar media empire AND likely taking on debt, Derick is showing unequivocally that he is NOT JB.  

Jill needs to learn to be critical of her parents so that she can take JB off that pedestal she's got him on.  It's not fair to Derick to be held up in comparison to this perfect Marble Man she's turned JB into, it's not fair for him to be expected to be part of and facilitate her recreation of an idealized version of her parents' marriage, and he can't provide her with a copy of the "perfect family life" that she thinks she had growing up...but didn't really.  

I mean, around this same stage in life, JB was providing so poorly for the eleventy million children he insisted on continually humping into his wife that Jill had to lock herself in the bathroom to get food.  Izzy and Sam don't have to do that.  And sure, Jill may have medical issues that have prevented more kids, but Derick seems to be respecting that instead of continually knocking her up without a care to the future (JB).  JB may have been willing to work, but he cared more about his status as a patriarch of a mega-family than making sure he could work enough to support his kids.  And he cared more about his pride than the quality of life of his kids, so he refused to accept debt and assistance...even when it would have put food in his kids' mouths.  JB crammed that family in a terribly too small house for YEARS when they had the financial ability to move elsewhere because JB didn't want to look bad by taking on debt.  Derick is at least willing to take on debt (apparently) for an education that hypothetically would allow him to adequately support his family.  JB sold his kids' privacy and childhoods and had them sing for their supper rather than wear a condom.  And then don't forget the fact that while things were tight and kids were hiding in the bathroom to eat, JB decided it would be an EXCELLENT time to spend money on a political campaign.  It's easy to compare established, post TLC JB and have Derick come up wanting, but if you compare them from the same "season of life", Derick doesn't come out so poorly.  Like Jill, we just forget how bad JB and things were before they got cleaned up by TLC.  Derick may be a trash bag, but all signs point to him giving Izzy and Sam better than JB gave his kids.  And JB COULD have given his kids better, but he chose not to.  And Jill needs to start holding JB accountable for that and appreciating the ways in which Derick is NOT that patriarch.

[HerNameIsBuffy]

39 minutes ago, Georgiana said:

Even in more mainstream relationships, it's a major issue when one spouse idolizes a parent to the point that they want their spouse to become a copy of them.

I am guilty of this, although being aware of it I understood it was my problem but it was still difficult for me.

An added degree of difficulty is my dad died when I was in my twenties and I forgot the bad and held onto the good creating a Daddy 2.0 that was damn near perfect.  My problem is I compare myself to him, what I can give my kids for example, and I'll never measure up.  And sure as hell no man ever will.

I have learned to love and respect men for who they are as individuals ... but the love of my life I still idealize is the one most like my dad in good, benign, and terrible ways.  Not an accident.

The upside - I had a father I adored and I still benefit from the love and self-confidence he instilled in me decades after he's been gone.

Parent-child relationships are complicated.  Romantic relationships are complicated.  It's hard to untangle sometimes.

[Iamtheway]

This game of ”Chose your Duggar husband” is very much choosing between pest and cholera. Derick would be low on my list, but so would JB. I’m going to have nightmares about this now.

I think Jill looks a lot like Michelle in that photo. And seriously what’s up with them sitting on the same side of the table? Do any of you do that on dates? Why? Isn’t it nicer if you can see your partner? I get it if you’re somewhere really loud so you can’t hear. But she writes in the comments that they always prefer it.

They are so awkward. 

[Knight of Ni]

I dated someone who idolized his mother like that. I think it’s great to think highly of your parents but this man compared everything I did to his mom. Even something as mundane as how much ice I put in a fountain drink had to be compared to his mom. Every situation had to be evaluated based on what he thought his mom would want him to do. He even said one time that he thought it was cool his mom and I had the same name. I tried really hard to forget that statement but I probably shouldn’t have because it would have set off a red flag. 

[nst]

8 hours ago, PennySycamore said:

@cascarones,  when my husband was in grad school, I'd sometimes walk with our daughter to his carrel in the entomology department just to say hi, but it never occurred to me to go to one of his classes.  I would not have watched it online either had that been possible in the early 80s.

well then you can't be #bestwifeever