M Is for Mama 2: Quiverfull/Pinterest

[JermajestyDuggar]

1 minute ago, feministxtian said:

::::::::::::blushing::::::::::

I'm the type who will get up at 3am to answer the phone call from a friend coming apart at the seams. HOWEVER, when it comes to children...nah...as I've said, I like them from birth to 3 months when they stay where you leave them and then after they become adults and move out. In the time from 3 months to move-out, I'd much prefer to put either them or me on a deserted island somewhere. I do what I have to do and attempt to do it well, but I'm not one of those warm and fuzzy types. I hated every single Christmas program, children's choir, school play I was forced to sit through, back to school nights turned into me apologizing for inflicting my spawn on some poor, unsuspecting teacher. My idea of "helping" with homework was "sit your ass down and do it and shut up about it". All those "read to your child for 30 minutes every night" notes that came home devolved into "here's a book, read it yourself". Look, I potty trained my youngest by leaving him in a nasty diaper all day so he'd decide that using the toilet was better than sitting in shit all day. I am NOT "maternal". 

I swear my youngest will sit in shit all day and STILL refuses to poop on the potty 98% of the time. He’s almost four. He’s pretty smart. I’ve told him time and time again that pooping your pants will cause a rash. Pooping on the potty never causes a rash. I’ve given him so many rewards for pooping in the potty the few times he did it. I’ve done everything ever recommended by anyone who has ever potty trained. He’s just that stubborn. 

[feministxtian]

14 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I swear my youngest will sit in shit all day and STILL refuses to poop on the potty 98% of the time. He’s almost four. He’s pretty smart. I’ve told him time and time again that pooping your pants will cause a rash. Pooping on the potty never causes a rash. I’ve given him so many rewards for pooping in the potty the few times he did it. I’ve done everything ever recommended by anyone who has ever potty trained. He’s just that stubborn. 

Its a control thing..."I'm not going to do it because you want me to". Youngest was 3 1/2 before he stopped shitting in his pants. I left him in the shitty, nasty, pee filled diaper all day...gave him a bath that evening and let him choose what to put on his little bare ass. He chose ninja turtles underwear. I told him that if he peed or pooped in them Michaelangelo would cut his pee-pee off in his sleep. It worked...he was fully 100% day/night housebroken right then and there. 

Another thing, if your dog wasn't housebroken by the time it was almost 4, you'd send said hound back to the shelter...why can't I do that with kids? Not housebroken by 2? Off to the pants-shitting kid shelter with you. 

Regarding your youngest...let him get that nasty rash where his ass is on fire. Tell him that's what happens when you won't shit in the toilet. HE might get it then. 

[DundeeUnFundie]

I work with kids and while I don't have kids, there is another option available that many parents seem to take (including my own with me as a kid!):
start toilet training sunday, book them into day care for 5 days, let the carers take care of it, they'll be mostly good by saturday ?

[luv2laugh]

Braggie’s birthday post for Della really triggered me today. My mother (a histrionic narcissist) is not capable of giving a compliment to me, or to anyone else, without pointing out my/their flaws. It is very, very hurtful.

In fact, bizzarely enough, my mother is jealous of my accomplishments. She will bite her tongue to congratulate me on my accomplishments but follow it with an insult or some remark as if she thinks we’re in competition with each other. I hope Braggie Abbie does not end up like that. 

[sleepy_doggos]

Braggie’s birthday post for Della really triggered me today. My mother (a histrionic narcissist) is not capable of giving a compliment to me, or to anyone else, without pointing out my/their flaws. It is very, very hurtful.
In fact, bizzarely enough, my mother is jealous of my accomplishments. She will bite her tongue to congratulate me on my accomplishments but follow it with an insult or some remark as if she thinks we’re in competition with each other. I hope Braggie Abbie does not end up like that. 

I'm so sorry,@luv2laugh. Nobody deserves that treatment and it's a pretty bullshit way to behave. I wish you every enjoyment in your achievements and successes!

[JermajestyDuggar]

My nephew is like Della. He was the easiest baby, toddler, and kid I’ve ever seen. He is just a very laid back, go with the flow kind of person. He’s enjoyable to be around and I honestly can’t remember a time when he “bugged” me. But now that he’s a teenager, things are a bit different. He’s still incredibly laid back and easy going. But that’s the problem. He thinks everything will work out in the end. So he waits until the last minute to do his homework or study for tests. And his grades have suffered. My nephew is an awesome person and I love him dearly. But he  does need a “push” to get his butt in gear sometimes. I’m afraid that’s what Della will need but Braggie will “push” in a much more harmful way. I can imagine she compares Della to her older brothers to her face and puts her down for her shortcomings. If she can do it on Instagram, she must do it irl. 

[feministxtian]

6 hours ago, luv2laugh said:

Braggie’s birthday post for Della really triggered me today. My mother (a histrionic narcissist) is not capable of giving a compliment to me, or to anyone else, without pointing out my/their flaws. It is very, very hurtful.

In fact, bizzarely enough, my mother is jealous of my accomplishments. She will bite her tongue to congratulate me on my accomplishments but follow it with an insult or some remark as if she thinks we’re in competition with each other. I hope Braggie Abbie does not end up like that. 

Did we have the same mother? 

[SassyPants]

OH look, Abbie hosted TG dinner...and her mom brought the food. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

37 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

OH look, Abbie hosted TG dinner...and her mom brought the food. 

But she DECORATED the table. That’s a lot of work!!!! And I’m sure her kids did all the dishes. 

[luv2laugh]

10 hours ago, feministxtian said:

Did we have the same mother? 

I always think of you as a friend because I know you’ve suffered in similar ways from the mother. If someone opened a textbook or looked into the DSM IV, my mother fits the identical description of histrionic personality disorder. Melodramatic to the max, chaos-making, blaming, victim-playing, vain & appearance OBSESSED, and insulting people via condescending remarks describes her life. In addition to this, she’s been diagnosed with bipolar as well as borderline personality disorder and has narcissistic tendencies. It’s hard to have a relationship with her and I keep contact to a minimum with occasional, frequent seasons of “no contact” where I have to block her. She’s gotten worse with age, has struggled to cope with aging as she’s very appearance obsessed, and has driven everyone in her life away. Anytime anyone talks to her, she only wants to talk about herself and then vent, complain, complain, gossip, insult, and then pretend like her insults didn’t happen and go back to talking about herself.

Anytime you get on the phone with her, you can set it down and put it on speaker and go about your business for an hour, she will go on and on about herself & SHE WON’T KNOW that you ignored her the whole time. You just say “Yes. Oh, yes. I see.” If you share about your life or problem, she gets irritated & isn’t interested or she will say hurtful things. In fact, she manipulates people by pretending she cares about them when they talk to her in order to find out what hurts them so she can come up with a hurtful remark to say one day. It’s AWFUL and a cyclical pattern of hers. I can never ever tell her my problems and heartaches because of this. 

 

Unfortunately, my mother’s obsession with her appearance, her body, and wrinkles has affected me, as it was an influence I was frequently exposed to. 

 

I will say that I am surprised that Braggie admitted her mom cooked 90% of the dinner. It surprised me that she admitted to it (she evidently reads what her critics write here) but it doesn’t surprise me that her mother had to cook. Why? Her mom knew Braggie would be VERY BUSY DECORATING, Shaun or oldest kids likely parenting the rest, and someone had to make sure there was food.... I am very happy that Braggie has a nice mom willing to serve her like this and she should be thankful.

Braggie should be trying to make sure she will be available to each and every single one of her children in the same way that her mother is... The question is, will she? 

[feministxtian]

@luv2laugh unfortunately, I was not able to cut contact with the mother. However, once she died, my only response was "oh thank God, now I'm free". BUT...I'm not free...I can still hear her voice in my head. I've discovered through therapy that I've never really grown past the bullied teenager...I still act like I did then, not wanting to be noticed at all...attempting to go through life as a shadow so there won't be anyone to notice me and have something to say about my clothes, my hair, my face, my shoes, whatever. 

The damage done by those folks is life long...

[SassyPants]

10 hours ago, luv2laugh said:

 

Braggie should be trying to make sure she will be available to each and every single one of her children in the same way that her mother is... The question is, will she? 

She is making damn sure that will never be possible!

[JermajestyDuggar]

1 minute ago, SassyPants said:

She is making damn sure that will never be possible!

It’s funny because I bet she looks down on moms who limit their family size and work outside the home. full time. But I can pretty much guarantee those moms have much more one on one quality time with each of their children compared to Braggie. 

[luv2laugh]

Braggie seems to greatly appreciate her mother’s service, help, and availability. Her mother’s selflessness has allowed Braggie to almost live a life of a mother of only 3 children with plenty of time to indulge in her addictive, time-consuming hobbies.

 Is it fair or Christ-honoring that Braggie is choosing to deprive her children of a mother that is as helpful and available to her children in the same manner that Abbie’s mother has been available to her? 

Is that Christ-honoring? No.

Godly? No.

Why? It is purely selfish.

Aren’t we supposed to die to ourselves?

Why is Abbie not doing this?

[PlentyOfJesusFishInTheSea]

I really wish Abbie would take all her self-loathing about her lack of patience etc. and actually do something about it. Take a meditation class, go to therapy, SOMETHING beyond praying and continually getting knocked up.

Honey, you can't just keep doing the same thing and expect different results unless you work on yourself. I think modern-day American Evangelical Christianity is really doing a disservice to this type of people. They keep trying to pray their issues away and it certainly doesn't seem to be helping.

And I wish she had a more flexible idea of what God's plan for her is. Maybe it's not having 8+ kids, maybe it's going to therapy, learning to chill out, and being a good parent to a few kids (or meeting the needs of the community in some other way). I really wonder what her mom thinks of it all. Does she buy into Abbie's plan that requires so much input from Mom? Does she think it's a load of crap but is in too deep and worries the children would be worse off if she's not around? So many questions.

[nastyhobbitses]

Happy birthday, Della. Don't listen to or take your mom's negative bullshit for a millisecond. You're a great kid and you deserve a mom who sees you as more than a nuisance or a prop. 

[SuperNova]

"...and my thrifty little heart is about as full of gratitude as it can get. 
Not for things, but for the sweet souls who will soon gather around and use them."

This is the tail end of a long comment about all the bargain shit on Abbie's table. She tacks on a mention of the "sweet souls" as an afterthought so she doesn't appear too wrapped up in her Anthro tablecloth. By the way, the word Anthro makes me stabby. It's as bad as Lori Alexander's constant use of "slather" and "nourish".

Has anyone ever seen a post where Abbie does something selfless? Ever? Even a small thing?

[BobJonesBabe]

7 hours ago, SassyPants said:

She is making damn sure that will never be possible!

She probably expects her mom to live forever, and be there for her kids as adult, and her grandkids, too, should the time come. 

[bea]

Latest Instagram post.

Doesn’t everyone take pictures on the floor in the second trimester of the eighth pregnancy?

I mean, if you’re napping on the floor, might as well take a picture of your perfectly arranged plate. That your kids SPONTANEOUSLY made you.

Which was on the floor? Under the tree.

What.

#letthembelittle #aslongastheyraisetheiryoungersiblings

#thiswomanbafflesme

 

 

[Off the Rails]

I believe Abbie has said in the past that her mother wanted more kids (she maybe even made it sound like her mother was open to however many children she was able to have?), but her mother had miscarriages and infertility. I may not remember some of the exact details correctly, but I do remember her writing and making it sound like she was raised with a quiverfull mentality. Her mother just had fertility struggles. 

(Side note- I'm not at all snarking on her mother's losses or fertility issues. I've been there with 5 losses and infertility and it's incredibly painful).

[sleepy_doggos]

Latest Instagram post.
Doesn’t everyone take pictures on the floor in the second trimester of the eighth pregnancy?
I mean, if you’re napping on the floor, might as well take a picture of your perfectly arranged plate. That your kids SPONTANEOUSLY made you.
Which was on the floor? Under the tree.
What.
#letthembelittle #aslongastheyraisetheiryoungersiblings
#thiswomanbafflesme
 


 

And she had to remark they put food on there she didn't like. Ugh. My mom is hard to shop/gift for (even with little things like this plate of food) and it turns me off giving her gifts. My gifts were never right for her, even as a kid, and I still feel that during Christmas time. It's like she always expects gifts to disappoint her and they always do.
I really wish my mom would go to therapy too.

This thread is full of mom bullshit. Ha. Thanks abbie! We're grateful for you pointing this shit out to us!

[3splenty]

6 hours ago, PlentyOfJesusFishInTheSea said:

I really wish Abbie would take all her self-loathing about her lack of patience etc. and actually do something about it. Take a meditation class, go to therapy, SOMETHING beyond praying and continually getting knocked up.

Honey, you can't just keep doing the same thing and expect different results unless you work on yourself. I think modern-day American Evangelical Christianity is really doing a disservice to this type of people. They keep trying to pray their issues away and it certainly doesn't seem to be helping.

I belong to a fairly conservative religion, and our pastor talks about God giving us tools to use.  For example, I have anxiety and depression (and a host of other issues).  My pastor helped me find a great counselor--as he said, God gives us tools to use--in my case, counseling.  Meds help, too--yet another tool.  We have medical personnel to help when we're ill, teachers who can help our kids learn, and others who just do little things to make someone smile.  No one can do everything all the time.

When you take care of YOU, it shows--to everyone around you.  It's ok to not be everything!

*says the nurse who sucks at self care...I can tell you to eat a balanced diet, then go on a very short break to inhale ramen noodles or crackers and peanut butter.

[JermajestyDuggar]

1) I never even sat on the floor when pregnant. Because I had to roll around like humpty dumpty groaning and grunting all the way up. 

2) I could barely get comfortable in my own bed when I was in my third trimester. I had to have a pillow between my legs while sleeping on my side. And I still had hip and back pain from that position. A floor nap would have killed me. 

3) maybe I am raising wild heathens but my children would never allow me to nap on the floor. They would crawl all over me, play with my hair, honk my nose, and poke me endlessly saying “mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy” until I opened my eyes. 

So either Braggie is a lying liar who lies. Or she’s a unicorn with perfect unicorn children and a perfect unicorn spine. 

[luv2laugh]

What in the world, Braggie? You are the LAST person that would “#letthembelittle”. Your 8 yr old and 6 yr old girls are more of a mom than you are.

Why can’t you point out how cute their little meal for you is instead of their “servant-hearted act”? YOU ONLY CARE ABOUT YOUR KIDS SERVING YOU, DOING YOUR JOB, and waiting on you hand and foot because you’re lazy. A “servant-hearted act” would be Shaun cooking you dinner. Let those kids be little? Your kids are NOT the parent. It is up to you to grow up, take on responsibility you created, and do the hard work of parenting 8 kids. Remember, hard is not the same as bad? Practice what you preach and act like a parent rather than a college girl or a mom of 2-4 that you are not. You need to spend your time wisely and you know that you’re accountable to God for how you spend each hour.

I am so tired of her making her kids (and entire family including the mother) work around the clock to pick up her slack just so she can spend ~40 hrs/week to research deals, shop, decorate, and blog. What’s disgusting is that she shamelessly brags about it.

She also said it’s “a reminder to myself to be kinder than necessary”. Excuse me? Braggie needs to work on being kind because she’s not kind at all. There’s no such thing as “being kinder than necessary”.

@JermajestyDuggar Braggie has a “ridiculously healthy body” & is “super strong” as she said so in a blog post herself (It’s in one of my long posts earlier in the thread).

[Anonymousguest]

On 11/22/2018 at 3:33 AM, luv2laugh said:

Braggie’s birthday post for Della really triggered me today. My mother (a histrionic narcissist) is not capable of giving a compliment to me, or to anyone else, without pointing out my/their flaws. It is very, very hurtful.

In fact, bizzarely enough, my mother is jealous of my accomplishments. She will bite her tongue to congratulate me on my accomplishments but follow it with an insult or some remark as if she thinks we’re in competition with each other. I hope Braggie Abbie does not end up like that. 

My mother is the same. She's a little better now that she's older and I've been calling her out on her insults disguised as compliments for 20yrs or so. 

And I find I have the same problem as Braggie and my mom. "My baby girl is so smart she's 3 and she's already reading. But she still wakes me up at 3am and refuses to wear pants in public " or receive a compliment " you have such a beautiful house, perfect for entertaining " "yes, but it's so much work to clean and the open space is tooloud when people are over." I'm sure it's the result of my up bringing. Why I do it I'm not sure. I don't want to sound like I'm bragging or that I think that I'm better than someone else, because I definitely don't. I don't feel worthy of the compliment, and though I definitely think my kids are worthy of the praise I still feel guilty for doing it. I guess it comes from a place of insecurity. I'm trying hard to get over it and be conscious of it and bite my tongue when struck with the urge to temper my praise or compliment with something negative. 

The more I read about Braggie, the more I suspect she also is coming from a place of insecurity. I don't think she's a narcissist. If a cluster B is involved it's more likely borderline. She desperately wants people to like her and see how worthy she is, but she is terrible afraid of their judgement and rejection. Narcissists are overly confident. It never occurred to them that someone might disagree with them, and if someone does it's *their* problem. Like Jill Rod. She says whatever she wants, not caring if people disagree or what they think of her. If they disagree it's because there is something wrong with them, or they are actually persecuting them. The things she's shared about the body image, trichotillomania, the fact it takes 2hrs to write a post and it needs to be be 100% perfect before posting... All that says BPD to me.

I do feel sorry for her. Unfortunately I have lots of experience with BPD in a family member. I know they come off as being self centered and manipulative, and they are hard to live with. But it comes from a place of self loathing and insecurity, not from one thinking they are the center of the universe.