M Is for Mama 2: Quiverfull/Pinterest

[JermajestyDuggar]

I just can’t get into the instagramperfect people. It doesn’t matter if they are single, DINKs, a single mom with three kids, or a Christian homeschool mom to many. It’s all so fake and boring to me. It’s like trying to watch Full House. Not a single bit of it is real or believable. Booooorrrring. 

[feministxtian]

2 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I totally agree! I am a talker. I communicate a lot via “words.” It’s my go to. So when my words are not understood in babyhood and they are completely ignored in the toddler/preschool years, I get so frustrated. My older son will talk with me and understand my words better than his younger brother. So I have an easier time with him now. His younger brother is at a tough age. Everyone I know says age three is just fucking hard. 

Three is a HORRIBLE age...they can't communicate well yet but they are starting to feel their own autonomy. Actually, if I remember back that far, the stretch between about 18 months and kindergarten is just the pits. I sent my monsters to pre-school so they could learn structure. I didn't give a damn about anything else, but they could learn that things had to be done at a certain time, beating a classmate (like a sibling) was not cool, obedience and rules are necessary. At home they were just a bunch of little scrambled ass idiots who enjoyed raising as much hell and causing as much destruction as possible. Their idea of settling an argument usually meant bloodshed. I used to say that if anyone kidnapped my kids they'd be calling me ASAP to take them back. 

Now, honestly...I adore my kids. They've always been feisty to say the least, and have grown into really interesting and fun adults. But those years when they were small were HORRIBLE!!! 

[JermajestyDuggar]

10 minutes ago, feministxtian said:

Three is a HORRIBLE age...they can't communicate well yet but they are starting to feel their own autonomy. Actually, if I remember back that far, the stretch between about 18 months and kindergarten is just the pits. I sent my monsters to pre-school so they could learn structure. I didn't give a damn about anything else, but they could learn that things had to be done at a certain time, beating a classmate (like a sibling) was not cool, obedience and rules are necessary. At home they were just a bunch of little scrambled ass idiots who enjoyed raising as much hell and causing as much destruction as possible. Their idea of settling an argument usually meant bloodshed. I used to say that if anyone kidnapped my kids they'd be calling me ASAP to take them back. 

Now, honestly...I adore my kids. They've always been feisty to say the least, and have grown into really interesting and fun adults. But those years when they were small were HORRIBLE!!! 

I always said the same thing about my kids getting kidnapped. They would drop the kids back off within 20 minutes. Especially the three year old. Right now he’s screaming about his imperfect pancake ?

[feministxtian]

12 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I always said the same thing about my kids getting kidnapped. They would drop the kids back off within 20 minutes. Especially the three year old. Right now he’s screaming about his imperfect pancake ?

Oh God I remember those days. Just keep telling yourself that prison isn't worth it  I told my kids, when they reached adulthood, not to be all impressed about it. They only reason they lived that long was I didn't want to go to prison. I STILL tell them that. 

[bea]

I just can’t get into the instagramperfect people. It doesn’t matter if they are single, DINKs, a single mom with three kids, or a Christian homeschool mom to many. It’s all so fake and boring to me. It’s like trying to watch Full House. Not a single bit of it is real or believable. Booooorrrring. 

My house has never been clean enough for those photos. Like, ever. Even before we moved in.

[JermajestyDuggar]

28 minutes ago, bea said:

My house has never been clean enough for those photos. Like, ever. Even before we moved in.

My house isn’t trendy enough. I live in an old house with worn out furniture, floors that need refinished, and paint that need touched up. Even if my house was spotless, it would look out of date and ugly compared to these Instagram perfect homes. And they all look the same. It’s not interesting when the houses all have the same colors and furniture. 

[sleepy_doggos]

Three is a HORRIBLE age...they can't communicate well yet but they are starting to feel their own autonomy. Actually, if I remember back that far, the stretch between about 18 months and kindergarten is just the pits. I sent my monsters to pre-school so they could learn structure. I didn't give a damn about anything else, but they could learn that things had to be done at a certain time, beating a classmate (like a sibling) was not cool, obedience and rules are necessary. At home they were just a bunch of little scrambled ass idiots who enjoyed raising as much hell and causing as much destruction as possible. Their idea of settling an argument usually meant bloodshed. I used to say that if anyone kidnapped my kids they'd be calling me ASAP to take them back. 
Now, honestly...I adore my kids. They've always been feisty to say the least, and have grown into really interesting and fun adults. But those years when they were small were HORRIBLE!!! 

Weirdly enough, 3 is an age I actually enjoy. I love seeing them learn language and employ it in totally logical yet totally incorrect ways. They're hilarious, still baby cuddly, and love to figure out new things. I'm on board with three.
Doesn't mean I haven't had my run ins with threes though, they have the strongest wills out of any human alive. I still feel three inside.
Once they get past three they have too many words for me. They're such small adults, I really don't know how to interact. I'm much better with younger kids.

[Tigerchild74]

I love all my kids.  They are the most important people in the world to me.

However.  #2 and #3 are twins.

When I found out I was pregnant unexpectedly with #4 (when my older three were 12,11, and 11), i had to have a safety plan in place at all times until I received ultrasounds to confirm that I was not having twins again, because the idea that I might be having twins again made me feel genuinely suicidal, when it came on top of being also unexpected and at a time in my life where I finally felt that I was spreading my wings again and gaining some freedom.

My twins had TTTS (the same thing that Zsu's twins did, except both mine survived) but the birth was extremely traumatic and both myself and one of my boys had near fatal complications later.  (me from almost bleeding out, one of my boys from a hospital acquired infection from an IV that they were specifically asked NOT to do unless there was a need---there wasn't and it was never used for anything.  Until he almost died less than a day going home because his infection at that site was not noted.  Then we got to do the surgical port and home IV antibiotic therapy for months after he got out of picu).  It was an extremely traumatic experience.

I think women should feel how they feel about being pregnant/their birth/aftermath/whatever.  It is okay to feel sad or angry or extremely anxious about how one is going to handle multiples.  Many people do.  Also, many people don't cope particularly well for a few years either, even though we're told to stuff it and smile for the children.  Thankfully in my case there was a kick ass mothers of multiples group who rallied around each other and allowed people to process whatever they needed to process in the company of people who could either directly understand or have empathy.

I'm not a bad mother for thinking these things, or having felt that way.  It doesn't mean I love my kids any less than the perfectly perfect mommy who is so fully bonded in the womb and lives a charmed life.  (those people are real too, and they deserve also to not be made out to be freaks for their feelings also!)  I'm not sure that I would have felt safe or comfortable on a high visibility personal marketing blog sharing these darker thoughts, but I'm sharing them on the internet here, and we've always talked pretty openly about mental health/emotions/ect in our family at the kids' level of understanding.

[luv2laugh]

4 hours ago, Tigerchild74 said:

I love all my kids.  They are the most important people in the world to me.

However.  #2 and #3 are twins.

When I found out I was pregnant unexpectedly with #4 (when my older three were 12,11, and 11), i had to have a safety plan in place at all times until I received ultrasounds to confirm that I was not having twins again, because the idea that I might be having twins again made me feel genuinely suicidal, when it came on top of being also unexpected and at a time in my life where I finally felt that I was spreading my wings again and gaining some freedom.

My twins had TTTS (the same thing that Zsu's twins did, except both mine survived) but the birth was extremely traumatic and both myself and one of my boys had near fatal complications later.  (me from almost bleeding out, one of my boys from a hospital acquired infection from an IV that they were specifically asked NOT to do unless there was a need---there wasn't and it was never used for anything.  Until he almost died less than a day going home because his infection at that site was not noted.  Then we got to do the surgical port and home IV antibiotic therapy for months after he got out of picu).  It was an extremely traumatic experience.

I think women should feel how they feel about being pregnant/their birth/aftermath/whatever.  It is okay to feel sad or angry or extremely anxious about how one is going to handle multiples.  Many people do.  Also, many people don't cope particularly well for a few years either, even though we're told to stuff it and smile for the children.  Thankfully in my case there was a kick ass mothers of multiples group who rallied around each other and allowed people to process whatever they needed to process in the company of people who could either directly understand or have empathy.

I'm not a bad mother for thinking these things, or having felt that way.  It doesn't mean I love my kids any less than the perfectly perfect mommy who is so fully bonded in the womb and lives a charmed life.  (those people are real too, and they deserve also to not be made out to be freaks for their feelings also!)  I'm not sure that I would have felt safe or comfortable on a high visibility personal marketing blog sharing these darker thoughts, but I'm sharing them on the internet here, and we've always talked pretty openly about mental health/emotions/ect in our family at the kids' level of understanding.

I agree however, if a mother is having such severely anxious, stressful thoughts with each pregnancy, she needs to stop. Jesus would not approve of continuing to get pregnant if these thoughts are overwhelming and affecting the other kids.

Not only is it extremely selfish to continue, it affects the entire household, including the kids and puts unnecessary burdens upon them.

[SassyPants]

23 hours ago, So-Virgin-It-Hurts said:

To your credit: you recognize who you are, your needs, and your limitations. I just want to point out that the "hard times" of parenting for you described occur mostly in early childhood and primary school years. Some parents do babyhood like they were born for it, some toddlers, some teenagers, etc. Besides the love and unconditional acceptance - parenting at different ages is truly a different skillset. 

ABSOLUTELY! I can do any age, BUT teens. My husband was great for the teens, Thank the Lord- 

My daughter hates babyhood. She's a "one and done parent."

[hoipolloi]

7 hours ago, luv2laugh said:

Jesus would not approve of continuing to get pregnant if these thoughts are overwhelming and affecting the other kids.

Using fundie logic, it seems to me that it is SATAN who has tempted many of these women into lives of repeated pregnancy & childbearing by causing them to make an idol of having many kids who are then displayed all over their social media feeds. 

Of course, none of them would ever admit or acknowledge that excessive childbearing could be a form of idolatry but, hey, if the shoe fits...

[Melissa1977]

1 hour ago, SassyPants said:

ABSOLUTELY! I can do any age, BUT teens. My husband was great for the teens, Thank the Lord- 

My daughter hates babyhood. She's a "one and done parent."

I looooove love love love babyhood. My eldest is becoming a teenager and it looks exciting. Kids from 4 to 12 are amazing and lovely. But toddlerhood is a nightmare to me.

You're so right. Every parent is good for some ages and can't cope with others. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

3 hours ago, SassyPants said:

ABSOLUTELY! I can do any age, BUT teens. My husband was great for the teens, Thank the Lord- 

My daughter hates babyhood. She's a "one and done parent."

I just have young kids but from my personal experience, younger teens are worse than older teens. My guess is they need time to adjust to all the hormones, changes, and social angst. By the time they are Jrs and Seniors in high school, they are pretty rational. Most of the time

[feministxtian]

1 hour ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I just have young kids but from my personal experience, younger teens are worse than older teens. My guess is they need time to adjust to all the hormones, changes, and social angst. By the time they are Jrs and Seniors in high school, they are pretty rational. Most of the time

16-18 was the WORST with my kids...they thought they were grown. That was when they all thought they could challenge me (the Alpha). They learned that I was still the Alpha and if they wanted to be the Alpha they had to find somewhere else to do it. They started referring me to the HBIC (head bitch in charge) and well...they STILL haven't forgotten it. 

Of course, that was now over 10 years ago, and well...my brats are cool kids, and have their shit together and I'm unfuckingbelievably proud of them. Yeah, I'm bragging, no I don't give a shit! 

[SassyPants]

16 hours ago, feministxtian said:

16-18 was the WORST with my kids...they thought they were grown. That was when they all thought they could challenge me (the Alpha). They learned that I was still the Alpha and if they wanted to be the Alpha they had to find somewhere else to do it. They started referring me to the HBIC (head bitch in charge) and well...they STILL haven't forgotten it. 

Of course, that was now over 10 years ago, and well...my brats are cool kids, and have their shit together and I'm unfuckingbelievably proud of them. Yeah, I'm bragging, no I don't give a shit! 

AH, my daughter between 16-18- I prayed, a lot!!!

[feministxtian]

2 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

AH, my daughter between 16-18- I prayed, a lot!!!

Yeah "dear God, don't let me kill her". 

[JermajestyDuggar]

Well now you guys are making me sad. Because I can’t stand the puberty years. So now it’s awful in the puberty years AND after puberty until they move out?

why do people have kids again?

[Melissa1977]

3 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Well now you guys are making me sad. Because I can’t stand the puberty years. So now it’s awful in the puberty years AND after puberty until they move out?

why do people have kids again?

I don't think so. Every kid is different and none of them is awful for years. I was a lovely child but a horrible teenager and young adult (17-20). My brother was a challenging toddler but he was a great boy and teenager. My own son is having a very interesting adolescence (but maybe he'll be like me, and become unbearable in a couple years).

I'm sure you'll overcome your kids' puberty and it will be just a memory! 

[danvillebelle]

Hang in there y'all.  Before you know it they'll be adults and cool as hell (and will have moved out).  

I've got two out and two still at home.  I love my kids more with each passing year, it just gets better and better.

I cherish lots of sweet memories from their growing up years but I'M GLAD IT'S OVER, YO.  

[JermajestyDuggar]

I was a very moody and sarcastic teen but I wasn’t that bad. I wasn’t a partier or a rule breaker. I didn’t have a boyfriend until the summer I graduated high school. I got good grades. I can handle the moodiness and crappy attitude as long as they aren’t wild. My siblings were wild and it wore my parents out.

[JermajestyDuggar]

This is how Abbie tricks her children into doing her job yet again. 

[sleepy_doggos]

This is how Abbie tricks her children into doing her job yet again. 

Same praise laden with messages that he isn't measuring up. Poor kid. I hope he gets out. He would probably do really well at a college or school where teachers could encourage his kindness without overpressuring and undermining him.

[SuperNova]

Did she forget his name? Calling him big blond boy is odd to me. I can't imagine the context where I would call Baby Nova small brunette girl.

On the subject of raising children, I was 16 when Baby Nova was born and like many new moms I had no idea what to do. I was lucky though, because she was an "easy baby" and slept through the night from day one and didn't cry alot. Although I didn't find parenting to be particularly interesting until she was old enough to interact, I loved every stage including the teen years when Baby Nova gave us a run for our money. I found it all to be an amusing and entertaining challenge. With that being said, you couldn't pay me enough money to do it again. I wasn't aware of how much of a strain it was until she went to college and I could take a deep breath. She's now a fairly well adjusted, responsible adult and we remain close.

[SassyPants]

9 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Well now you guys are making me sad. Because I can’t stand the puberty years. So now it’s awful in the puberty years AND after puberty until they move out?

why do people have kids again?

I'm telling you, if I had known what a teenage girl was like before having kids...

[JermajestyDuggar]

54 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

I'm telling you, if I had known what a teenage girl was like before having kids...

I have boys but my boys are more dramatic than most little girls I’ve come across. I don’t know why people say girls are the dramatic ones. So I assume there will be drama around the time of puberty. I just hope it dies down by the time they are half way through high school. I can’t take years and years of their fits and tantrums. And yes I know teens have tantrums. I’ve seen them and they are ugly!