M Is for Mama 2: Quiverfull/Pinterest

[luv2laugh]

29 minutes ago, nastyhobbitses said:

I'm just so put off by how she ... writes about basic, bare-minimum parenting like she's reporting from the frontline in Raqqa.  

I'm sorry, this made me literally laugh out loud. Spot on. Girlfriend's writing style is almost as if she's a melodramatic histrionic.

I noticed she replied in the comments "we NEVER go to the doctor" & she probably doesn't vaccinate. I wonder what her MIL, who is a nurse and BIL, who is a dentist, think about all that. She mentioned how her MIL didn't get on board with her home births. She barely mentions them and I don't think "Miss Competitive" likes them too much.

[nastyhobbitses]

12 hours ago, ophelia said:

Yet I still have a feeling that there is something "off" with her 2nd husband and it's not only the "I accidentally shot my wife while I was cleaning my gun in a house full of children" - nightmare.

Thread drift alert: OH MY GOD FF'S NEW HUSBAND. Creepiest motherfucker ever. Between showing up at her door to hand-deliver her a love letter like 2 months after her husband died, getting her to marry him by just repeatedly badgering her BEFORE HER HUSBAND'S BODY WAS EVEN COLD until she said yes, shooting her by being an idiot with a loaded gun in a house full of young kids, being kind of an asshole to her kids/clearly favoring Alice (his kid with her) over them, constantly bitching about the kids exhibiting normal kid behavior, letting the kids run around in threadbare clothing while he and FF buy expensive shit and go on poorly planned road trips so he can live out his hippie dreams, being super transphobic to his own brother, having a Charles Manson face...ugh I just want to shake Emily and tell her that it didn't have to be like this. 

[luv2laugh]

9 minutes ago, nastyhobbitses said:

having a Charles Manson face...

I sort of thought he had a "Derick Dillard in Central America" face.

Haven't checked on them in awhile but I also thought he seemed to obnoxiously favor his child with FF rather than the other (5?). I also found the quick marriage really off-putting.

[nastyhobbitses]

40 minutes ago, luv2laugh said:

I sort of thought he had a "Derick Dillard in Central America" face.

Haven't checked on them in awhile but I also thought he seemed to obnoxiously favor his child with FF rather than the other (5?). I also found the quick marriage really off-putting.

Richard is Derick's evil twin. Change my mind. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

2 hours ago, luv2laugh said:

I sort of thought he had a "Derick Dillard in Central America" face.

Haven't checked on them in awhile but I also thought he seemed to obnoxiously favor his child with FF rather than the other (5?). I also found the quick marriage really off-putting.

Of course he favors his child! He barely even knows the kids. And why would he bother trying to get to know them? It’s ovbious he only wanted Emily. Not the kids. They are just annoyances to him. I can’t wait until she divorces that douche. 

[feministxtian]

Ok, trying to be mom to 5 kids with ADHD, ASD, learning disabilities...can be a nightmare. However, it was never as awful as Braggie claims trying to parent her brood. IEP conferences were never fun, homework time occasionally made me want to go jump in a bottle of tequila, but...maybe my problem was I didn't try to pass off parenting to any of the kids (that would have been a disaster). My bio 3 were not a helluva lot of fun at times (after the split) but dealing with kids who are angry, uprooted and still dealing with ADHD and ASD became one of those things that some days, surviving was the best I could do. I didn't have anyone to "unload" my kids on either.

So Braggie...SHUT THE FUCK UP AND SIT THE FUCK DOWN!  You're a gold plated bitch who needs to find something to do and for the love of all that's holy, stop having kids. 

[hoipolloi]

7 hours ago, nastyhobbitses said:

Thread drift alert: OH MY GOD FF'S NEW HUSBAND. Creepiest motherfucker ever.

Yep. Ol' man bun. He's pretty revolting and his preference for his bio-daughter is fairly obvious. 

FF & her first husband were Mormon, IIRC. Are FF & Man Bun in the LDS church as well? Will admit that I don't follow them much. My tolerance for the stomach-turning isn't high.

[Pregnant Before Marriage]

I think she reads here:

She doesn't want any moms to feel like failures after seeing her perfect life. 

 

[luv2laugh]

6 hours ago, Pregnant Before Marriage said:

I think she reads here:

She doesn't want any moms to feel like failures after seeing her perfect life. 

 

She does read here. She has mentioned coming across “a forum” talking about her back in a blog post years ago when she was first discussed here.

She wants everyone to THINK they’re a failure compared to her because Miss Competitive has called herself competitive as well as vain and “a bit narcissistic”. Abbie herself has defended & justified not being honest with her audience. She also treats her fangirls like dirt and never bothers to answer honestly or gives catty, arrogant responses back. She knows what she is doing, doesn’t really mind her catty, nasty treatment of people, and only cares when she’s directly called out for it because it makes her look bad. The woman is so full of horse manure that she cannot tell that she stinks.

[luv2laugh]

On a semi-related note, I want to present an insightful article here. In the interest of transparency, I will come clean and admit that I overly focus on home decor (but not quite as addicted with my money) but I have definitely spent it with too much of my time. Yes, I also overly focus on my body as well, so I can relate. In fact, I’m competitive but I’m deeply honest and transparent because I dislike nothing more than people who aren’t real and who possess false modesty especially since my mother is a narcissist as well as a histrionic. Like I said before, she’s a cross between Lori and JRod.

”Trina Romanchuk Brandon has spent more than three months searching for the perfect bedroom mirror. The hunt, which involves weekly shopping trips and continual checking on Craigslist and eBay, has already consumed about 35 hours.

But Brandon, a self-described "decor addict," says that is normal for her. "There's a certain look that I want and unless I see it, I will obsessively look for it for months and months."

She says she got hooked on home decor after she bought a house with her husband and started watching HGTV. When she and her friends settled down and had kids, she says, they grew out of fashion magazines and began to fixate on the latest kitchen cabinets and fireplace surrounds.

For women like Brandon, the home is an extension of the self. Like body image, it has become a measuring stick for their successes and failings – and a full-blown obsession for North American women.

Not since the 1950s have women devoted so much attention to the minutiae of kitchen towels, bathroom grouting and indoor plant trends (tough call: succulents or fiddle leaf fig?).

The more social pressures women face, "the more likely they are to actively try to control the things they can, like the body or the home," says Joyce Davidson, an associate professor at Queen's University who has studied how women express themselves through their home environments.

Decor projects may offer the promise of perfection for women disillusioned by their attempts to control their ever-changing bodies, Davidson adds. "The idea is that perfection might be more easily attainable if you buy the right lampshade or vase, but you're never going to achieve the right-shaped [butt]."

In the past five years, the proliferation of decor images online has made people "crazy over their homes, way more than fashion these days," says Janis Nicolay, a Vancouver-based blogger and photographer who shoots for decor magazines.

"There are people I know who lose sleep over the colour of their front door."

Home decor is the No. 1 industry driving growth on Pinterest, the virtual pinboard that has exploded from just over a million unique visitors a month in July, 2011, to more than 21 million a month in a single year. More than 80 per cent of users are women and, according to an April, 2012, report, Pinterest draws more traffic than any site other than Facebook and Twitter.

Home-improvement shows such as Rate My Spaceand offerings from the DIY Network dominate cable television, while the Internet is teeming with design blogs such as DesignSponge, Remodelista and Apartment Therapy, which promotes the philosophy that "a calm, healthy, beautiful home is a necessary foundation for happiness and success in the world."

Judging by comments on the site, more than a few Apartment Therapy readers (men included) have taken the edict to unhealthy extremes. In response to a post about decor addiction, readers confessed to repainting their homes again and again – much to the dismay of their partners – and continually buying new furniture destined to be resold at a loss. "Past a certain point it's really not even fun … just a compulsion to try out something I saw or heard about," evakatharina writes.

Sarah Dobbins, an Apartment Therapy contributor and photographer in Nashville, Tenn., suggests that decor has become a pressure point for women struggling with issues of self-worth. "Just like dieting or beauty routines can be a source of stress," she says, "maybe they feel they are constantly not measuring up."

Women who compare their homes to images of sleek interiors shot with professional lighting and stylists are "never going to win," Dobbins points out. One Apartment Therapy reader called it the "Gisele Bundchen effect."

In a recent post showing before-and-after photos of old kitchen cabinet doors replaced with cheery curtains, Apartment Therapy reader Nyrhtak commented, "The curtains make it look very messy & cluttered," while TiffanySeattle wrote, "The upper curtains on the left are driving me crazy. They're like pants that are too short."

Some readers may internalize the nasty comments they have seen online. They run the risk of thinking, "If I have an ugly interior, I must be an ugly person," Dobbins says.

For women who get caught up in decor obsession, the home is no longer a source of pride but "a source of shame," Nicolay says. She notes that even designers and stylists are embarrassed by their own homes. "People are afraid to have people over."

The fear of scrutiny may not be unfounded. Brandon says her circle of friends became increasingly competitive over who had the most high-end couch. One woman made so many catty remarks about the others' decor that Brandon ended their 20-year friendship, she says. "It was all about status."

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.theglobeandmail.com/amp/life/home-and-garden/decor/obsessed-with-home-decor-you-may-have-self-image-problems/article4553931/

[DundeeUnFundie]

@luv2laugh thanks for posting that, it's very interesting to read that! I would never have connected the two but it makes sense. I blame instagram and pinterest lol.

[JermajestyDuggar]

4 hours ago, luv2laugh said:

On a semi-related note, I want to present an insightful article here. In the interest of transparency, I will come clean and admit that I overly focus on home decor (but not quite as addicted with my money) but I have definitely spent it with too much of my time. Yes, I also overly focus on my body as well, so I can relate. In fact, I’m competitive but I’m deeply honest and transparent because I dislike nothing more than people who aren’t real and who possess false modesty especially since my mother is a narcissist as well as a histrionic. Like I said before, she’s a cross between Lori and JRod.

”Trina Romanchuk Brandon has spent more than three months searching for the perfect bedroom mirror. The hunt, which involves weekly shopping trips and continual checking on Craigslist and eBay, has already consumed about 35 hours.

But Brandon, a self-described "decor addict," says that is normal for her. "There's a certain look that I want and unless I see it, I will obsessively look for it for months and months."

She says she got hooked on home decor after she bought a house with her husband and started watching HGTV. When she and her friends settled down and had kids, she says, they grew out of fashion magazines and began to fixate on the latest kitchen cabinets and fireplace surrounds.

For women like Brandon, the home is an extension of the self. Like body image, it has become a measuring stick for their successes and failings – and a full-blown obsession for North American women.

Not since the 1950s have women devoted so much attention to the minutiae of kitchen towels, bathroom grouting and indoor plant trends (tough call: succulents or fiddle leaf fig?).

The more social pressures women face, "the more likely they are to actively try to control the things they can, like the body or the home," says Joyce Davidson, an associate professor at Queen's University who has studied how women express themselves through their home environments.

Decor projects may offer the promise of perfection for women disillusioned by their attempts to control their ever-changing bodies, Davidson adds. "The idea is that perfection might be more easily attainable if you buy the right lampshade or vase, but you're never going to achieve the right-shaped [butt]."

In the past five years, the proliferation of decor images online has made people "crazy over their homes, way more than fashion these days," says Janis Nicolay, a Vancouver-based blogger and photographer who shoots for decor magazines.

"There are people I know who lose sleep over the colour of their front door."

Home decor is the No. 1 industry driving growth on Pinterest, the virtual pinboard that has exploded from just over a million unique visitors a month in July, 2011, to more than 21 million a month in a single year. More than 80 per cent of users are women and, according to an April, 2012, report, Pinterest draws more traffic than any site other than Facebook and Twitter.

Home-improvement shows such as Rate My Spaceand offerings from the DIY Network dominate cable television, while the Internet is teeming with design blogs such as DesignSponge, Remodelista and Apartment Therapy, which promotes the philosophy that "a calm, healthy, beautiful home is a necessary foundation for happiness and success in the world."

Judging by comments on the site, more than a few Apartment Therapy readers (men included) have taken the edict to unhealthy extremes. In response to a post about decor addiction, readers confessed to repainting their homes again and again – much to the dismay of their partners – and continually buying new furniture destined to be resold at a loss. "Past a certain point it's really not even fun … just a compulsion to try out something I saw or heard about," evakatharina writes.

Sarah Dobbins, an Apartment Therapy contributor and photographer in Nashville, Tenn., suggests that decor has become a pressure point for women struggling with issues of self-worth. "Just like dieting or beauty routines can be a source of stress," she says, "maybe they feel they are constantly not measuring up."

Women who compare their homes to images of sleek interiors shot with professional lighting and stylists are "never going to win," Dobbins points out. One Apartment Therapy reader called it the "Gisele Bundchen effect."

In a recent post showing before-and-after photos of old kitchen cabinet doors replaced with cheery curtains, Apartment Therapy reader Nyrhtak commented, "The curtains make it look very messy & cluttered," while TiffanySeattle wrote, "The upper curtains on the left are driving me crazy. They're like pants that are too short."

Some readers may internalize the nasty comments they have seen online. They run the risk of thinking, "If I have an ugly interior, I must be an ugly person," Dobbins says.

For women who get caught up in decor obsession, the home is no longer a source of pride but "a source of shame," Nicolay says. She notes that even designers and stylists are embarrassed by their own homes. "People are afraid to have people over."

The fear of scrutiny may not be unfounded. Brandon says her circle of friends became increasingly competitive over who had the most high-end couch. One woman made so many catty remarks about the others' decor that Brandon ended their 20-year friendship, she says. "It was all about status."

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.theglobeandmail.com/amp/life/home-and-garden/decor/obsessed-with-home-decor-you-may-have-self-image-problems/article4553931/

That’s an interesting read. One of my closest friends is an interior designer. She works with a ton of women. I should ask her if her coworkers are extremely competitive about their projects and their own homes. She’s not like that. The last time I went to her home it was a disaster, lol. Young kids will do that to a home! 

[Off the Rails]

That home design article is so interesting! I have a sister-in-law who struggled with an eating disorder, and when she stopped controlling her food, she became obsessive over her home decor. It stems from the same place as an eating disorder for her. My husband is a cabinet maker and had one client who put white carpeting in her multi million dollar home, then saw a friend who just got new hardwoods, so she ripped out her 6 month old carpeting and went with wood floors. It's insane the amount of time/money/energy people are willing to put into chasing an itch they'll never be able to scratch. 

I can't see in Abbie's mind, I only see what she writes, but it doesn't seem like a lot of what she shares is from a place of just wanting to share her Christmas moments, or her daily life. I have to check myself before I post anything on Facebook or Instagram and make sure I have the right motive. If I'm not sharing solely because I want to just keep long distance relatives in the loop, or have a laugh with some friends, I don't post it.  There are so many times I'm tempted to post something I've done,  but when I look at my motive, it's just to get attention or impress people. If that's the motive, don't post it. That is completely in opposition to the humility Christ calls us to have. I don't know if Abbie sincerely thinks she's doing this to build others up, or lacks enough introspection to see what her true motives are, or what. But she very clearly is not posting with humility. Or her writing skills are not polished enough to show her true motives. 

Since I am a large family, homeschooling fundie  (if I had a blog, I would probably have my own thread on Free Jinger  ?) I am part of the same faith that Abbie says she is and so for me, it's very personal that she is warping our faith and beliefs to allow her to put herself up on a pedestal. You can't brag about everything you've done, slap a sentence about "to God goes the glory" on the end and think that makes up for the condition of your heart. Although, over the past year or two, I think she is veering toward the megachurch prosperity gospel and that is the complete opposite of what I believe. 

Most of all, I think it's how she interacts with people in the comments that makes it at least appear that she doesn't have great intentions. The times someone has questioned something, it seems like she is quick to assert her position and remind them that they are wrong. There are lots of proverbs about being quick to listen and slow to speak. If she were to have a gentle spirit that was willing to take correction, or at least consider the possibility she needs correction, it would show the overflow of a caring and humble heart. I just think if she really wants to share her faith and build up others, not constantly showcasing the things she is doing (home decor, workouts, homeschooling) and instead sharing what others are doing would be much more effective and sincere. Or showing ways that God has blessed her that are NOT material blessings. 

 

 

[luv2laugh]

On 11/16/2018 at 4:32 PM, nastyhobbitses said:

If you hate the basic responsibilities of parenting so much, why keep pumping them out? 

#HardisNottheSameasBad and #MotherhoodisSanctifying, remember?

Seeking sanctification (COUGH, *false modesty* COUGH. Selfish much? Defeats the entire purpose of sanctification) through children is more important than their quality of life and needs. 

@Off the Rails  Thank you for your insight. Spot on. Yes, the devil is in the details as she is not sharing precious moments (and NEVER has) because she only shares things to brag about. Her whole blog/Instagram exists to serve as her own “accountability partner” (she admits she writes things to preach to herself) as well as an attention-seeking outlet so she can receive constant validation. Abbie needs to be told that she is in good shape (despite birthing 8 kids), that she has a clean house, that she must be super blessed for living in such a big old house (her followers do not know she lives in the country as she’d probably prefer to have them think she’s some rich woman living in a preppy suburb near Dallas). 

Her blog is a play pretend version of “Look at me, I’m a fit mama of 8 kids, my husband thinks I’m the hottest darling ever, and am SO blessed since my online followers must think I’m SO rich to reside in a big house decked out in Anthropologie.” Poor thing doesn’t realize that she’s only fooled the gullible and yes, she makes Christians look bad with her constant bragging & need for attention/admiration. 

My advice to you, Abbie? Take a break so you can focus on parenting your kids (and finding healthier hobbies) instead of spending all your time scouting deals to feed your obsession with looking like you have a perfectly decorated house. You’re a mom of 8, not 4... Stop trying to be the “cool Mom” decked out in Lilly Pulitzer/Vineyard Vines/ J Crew/ LL Bean/ Anthropologie with Hunter boots and a Starbucks mug... Everyone in life must take responsibility, own it, and grow up whether we have 8 kids, 4 kids, or 0... You’ll probably find you’ll make friends easier too. Focus on being the mother that you want your children to always think of you as and trust me when I say you do not want your kids to remember you as a selfish, attention-seeking person who falls part when things don’t go her way (I speak from experience as a daughter of a mother who was like that).

Abbie doesn’t care about how poorly she treats everyone in her life and her fangirls online  (despite desperately attempting to appear like she cares about them now) as she only cares about how bad it makes her look once she’s called out for it.

[luv2laugh]

Ok, at first I thought,“Props Abbie, for posting one family moment that’s not of yourself nor making it all about you.”.

Apparently, Shaun went on a vacation and Abbie writes, “#singleparentingishardyo”

Please... Poor Lori Alexander was more of a “single parent” than Abbie, with Ken being gone half the year. Poor Lori, #AmIRight?

Yes, she’s only trying to be funny but I found her comment insulting to actual single moms. At best, it’s simply tone-deaf like how she called a DIY project “ghetto” in a blog post.

Who really cares if her kid’s socks are dirty? I hope it means she had fun rather than putting in hard work being another “Mom”. Also, if your kids are making you “twitch” from chattering, maybe rethink 8+ more?

Spoiler

 

[JermajestyDuggar]

It really bothers me when privileged women like Abbie use the term “single parenting” so flippantly. If she was a single mom, she wouldn’t live in that enormous house, have time to bargain hunt for discount Anthro clothes, blog, or decorate constantly. She has absolutely no clue what single parenting is like. She wasn’t single parenting. She was parenting while her husband was gone for a few days. I’m sure she had help from her mom though. 

[ophelia]

On 11/16/2018 at 11:40 PM, nastyhobbitses said:

Thread drift alert: OH MY GOD FF'S NEW HUSBAND. Creepiest motherfucker ever. Between showing up at her door to hand-deliver her a love letter like 2 months after her husband died, getting her to marry him by just repeatedly badgering her BEFORE HER HUSBAND'S BODY WAS EVEN COLD until she said yes, shooting her by being an idiot with a loaded gun in a house full of young kids, being kind of an asshole to her kids/clearly favoring Alice (his kid with her) over them, constantly bitching about the kids exhibiting normal kid behavior, letting the kids run around in threadbare clothing while he and FF buy expensive shit and go on poorly planned road trips so he can live out his hippie dreams, being super transphobic to his own brother, having a Charles Manson face...ugh I just want to shake Emily and tell her that it didn't have to be like this. 

Oh @nastyhobbitses - your rant already made my monday. Thanks for that

I totally agree with you on everything you mentioned. Just one question: what is going on with his brother and where did you see this?

[SuperNova]

Only Abbie can turn pancakes and a craft into a huge suffering ordeal. 

She makes so many offhand comments that are red flags. Wanting to "run screaming from the house" is far from a normal reaction to children squabbling while making handicrafts. It happens to the best of parents at one time or another but Abbie always seems on the verge of a meltdown or anxiety attack anytime she has to engage with her children. Hopefully her melodrama has more to do with her need for attention than actual feelings toward her kids. I hope, but something tells me this is the real Abbie.

[Melissa1977]

Abbie is an extreme, but there is a trend in instagram that fashionable mothers complain about motherhood in a regular basis. I'm a mother myself and yes, there are moments I would like to run away and motherhood is not always lollipop and rainbows, BUT when someone is complaining every day and their only happy posts are about #nokids and parties, something is wrong there.

So probably Abbie is being herself (a disconnected mom who does not enjoy motherhood), but maybe feels great showing herself as a *bad* mom, because it's somehow trendy.

I find a bit ridiculous the always shiny Whitney Bates instagram, but if you put your kids on the screen, at least make them look happy and show a positive message about having them. Internet is forever.

I don't know who can envy Abbie. She states  not being happy except when she's alone, she is a terrible mom, she puts more effort in decoration than in dressing her kids nicely, etc. 

[nastyhobbitses]

59 minutes ago, SuperNova said:

Only Abbie can turn pancakes and a craft into a huge suffering ordeal. 

She makes so many offhand comments that are red flags. Wanting to "run screaming from the house" is far from a normal reaction to children squabbling while making handicrafts. It happens to the best of parents at one time or another but Abbie always seems on the verge of a meltdown or anxiety attack anytime she has to engage with her children. Hopefully her melodrama has more to do with her need for attention than actual feelings toward her kids. I hope, but something tells me this is the real Abbie.

At best she's trying to do that "LOL kids are the worst and I see my children as inconveniences hashtag relatable" shit (I guess it's the mommy blogging equivalent of the classic sitcom "hardy har har aren't dysfunctional and borderline abusive marriages just pure comedy gold"). At worst she actively resents and rages at everything her children do, and I can guarantee that they notice it. 

[luv2laugh]

Abbie gets criticism for her inauthentic, "I don't just love my kids, I LIKE them- they're FUN" etc. sayings. If she's not being a phony, she dramatically writes about her kids as being annoyingly filled with sin, as if they're the devil incarnate. 

[TuringMachine]

I'm pretty sure the only time Braggie writes about actually enjoying her kids is when she's talking about them doing the parenting for her.  It's like she's only happy with them when they're making it so she can spend less time with them.

[SuperNova]

2 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

there is a trend in instagram that fashionable mothers complain about motherhood in a regular basis.

 

1 hour ago, nastyhobbitses said:

At best she's trying to do that "LOL kids are the worst and I see my children as inconveniences hashtag relatable" shit (I guess it's the mommy blogging equivalent of the classic sitcom "hardy har har aren't dysfunctional and borderline abusive marriages just pure comedy gold"). 

Thanks for the insights. I've never had social media accounts so I don't really know what the culture is. It makes Abbie's post seem a tiny bit less awful.

[Captain Obvious]

1 hour ago, TuringMachine said:

I'm pretty sure the only time Braggie writes about actually enjoying her kids is when she's talking about them doing the parenting for her.  It's like she's only happy with them when they're making it so she can spend less time with them.

That, and when they're standing in a row looking pretty.

Has she ever posted anything about their talents or attribute that isn't about them doing stuff she should be doing? Anything about their personalities, likes, dislikes? 

*crickets*

[JermajestyDuggar]

I hate to admit this but.... I do sometimes feel exactly like Braggie when it comes to my kids. Doing craft projects can be torture. Or it can be awesome. I never know if they will fuss and whine the whole time or they will concentrate and make something they are proud of. I adore their drawings and crafts. It’s one of the things that makes me happiest about having kids. Just looking at their little creations makes me smile so they are all over my house. But I swear there are times when they craft that I want to plug my ears and just hide in the bathroom because of the whining. 

I don’t do well with constant noise. Especially whining and fussing all day long. That’s one of the many reasons why I stopped at 2 kids. Braggie would have done better with only 2-3 kids as well. But she’s a mommy martyr as we’ve said before.