Bro. Gary Hawkins 6: Dancing Cocktail Weenies

[Granwych]

3 hours ago, LovelyLuna said:

heller folks!  I had taken a Bro Gary break back when they posted their last couple Pops Atrocksy videos.  I was beginning to feel sorry and anxious for Becks and how hard she was trying while Gary trolled in the background.  I have caught up here, and seeing as how they gave up on the jurrly am about to go watch his latest videos.  

If I was in a nursing home and Bro Gary showed up I would vacate the premisses if I had to roll myself out at a snails pace in an elderly escape. “Miss Luna the speaker is in the common room, Hello? Miss Luna?... Why is she trying to get out of the back door?"

Miss Luna would be at the head of a wheelchair and walker stampede.

[mango_fandango]

@AliceInFundyland nope, Bro Gary just has a demon up his sniffer. I dangled a microphone in there and HAYMAYUN there it was.

[Snarkylark]

I was at a sporting goods store yesterday and there they were.....camping chairs on sale for $5 a piece! They practically fell into my lap but I was standing up, so no $5 camp chairs for me...... well, that and I already have a $50 camping chair that rocks (literally.) HAYMAYUN AND HOLLYLOOYER!! 

[Gimme a Free RV]

16 hours ago, mango_fandango said:

@AliceInFundyland nope, Bro Gary just has a demon up his sniffer. I dangled a microphone in there and HAYMAYUN there it was.

So, besides being an evangelist, does this also make him an exorcist---every time he blows his sniffer?

[Lillymuffin]

7 minutes ago, Gimme a Free RV said:

So, besides being an evangelist, does this also make him an exorcist---every time he blows his sniffer?

Maybe, but then if he inhales, he’ll be possessed.  

 

[Alisamer]

Why doesn't he just ask people to bring their own chairs, and not bother hauling stuff around? Everybody's got chairs, right? And if he's sponsored by a church, that church has got to have some chairs, or can ask everybody in the congregation to bring some to use.

Wait, I don't have a chair. I really don't. 

But, my family has gone RV camping since I was about 4, and my parents have enough to seat everybody at one of G-haw's sermons times 3, times 5 if you count the beach-only chairs, and more if you count the old rusty ones they stuck in the shed and haven't tossed yet. Plus the folding chairs that came with the card table. And probably more I don't know about. So I haven't bought a camping chair, I just go borrow one from the parents if I need one. They have more chairs than butts.

[Snarkylark]

I wonder if G Haw gets paid for his preachin’? I mean, he just had a meeting why doesn’t he have the rest of the funds for his ve-hickel? Whenever we had guest preachers in they always were boarded at a hotel near the church and an offering was always taken for them. 

As for the chairs, I’m pretty sure Bro Gary’s big schpiel is that they have tent meetings. So he apparently provides the tent and the chairs. Pretty sure he mentioned that in one of his videos or posts asking for money. He needs something to pull a trailer with the tent and all the chairs, IIRC. 

[Lillymuffin]

7 minutes ago, Snarkylark said:

I wonder if G Haw gets paid for his preachin’? I mean, he just had a meeting why doesn’t he have the rest of the funds for his ve-hickel? Whenever we had guest preachers in they always were boarded at a hotel near the church and an offering was always taken for them. 

Did you see the size of the “congregation” in his videos? I’m guessing, not counting Becky and his boys, when they took they offering, they probably brought in about $28/service. (And that’s being generous!) 

[Snarkylark]

2 hours ago, Lillymuffin said:

Did you see the size of the “congregation” in his videos? I’m guessing, not counting Becky and his boys, when they took they offering, they probably brought in about $28/service. (And that’s being generous!) 

Lol no. I wasn’t watching those videos. I didn’t know if she panned the audience or kept it in the same spot the whole time and I wasn’t trying to watch to find out. Lol

[mango_fandango]

Just wondering... where did the idea for dangling microphones in preachers' sniffers even come from? I managed to produce the photographic evidence but I feel I should know the history behind this delicate procedure.

[catlady]

2 minutes ago, mango_fandango said:

Just wondering... where did the idea for dangling microphones in preachers' sniffers even come from? I managed to produce the photographic evidence but I feel I should know the history behind this delicate procedure.

Jill Rodrigues heard somewhere that it's a scientific fact that somebody drilled a hole to the center of the earth and dropped in a microphone.  they heard the screaming souls of Hell, and when they pulled the microphone back up, a demon was clinging to it.  no one said what the demon looked like or what happened to it.  i think then someone here suggested that Bro Gary's nostrils are the real portal to Hell.

my spell-check is determined that Rodrigues is an error and that it should be a Z at the end.......

[Dandruff]

6 hours ago, Lillymuffin said:

Did you see the size of the “congregation” in his videos? I’m guessing, not counting Becky and his boys, when they took they offering, they probably brought in about $28/service. (And that’s being generous!) 

I wonder if he's blaming poor showings on uncomfortable chairs vs. himself.

[Candydandy]

Ok folks looks like the North is being graced with Garys presence this week. Will he add a live video? Will there be more attendees? Will one chair be sold? Will the veehiclle finally be procured? Stayed tuned for As the Microphone Melts- I mean, hell is fire so how did that microphone stay intact and working?? Haymuhn!! 

Sis Candy

goin to enjoy the sun today!

[Lillymuffin]

Yep—he’s in PA. Alas, not close enough to entice my sick hiney out to listen to him holler and rave and pass the KFC bucket, though. (There’s only so much I’ll take for you guys...I love you and all, but there are limits!) 

[MayMay1123]

Gary Hawkins is with Rebecca Hawkins and 5 others.

19 mins ·

Ok folks after 2 month still loving our toothpaste. No more breath white teeth and mouth feels so refreshed. I am tagging all the ones that have bought some. Bro Gary Hawkins

 

pretty sure i don't want 'no more breath'...sounds like the toothpasta will kill ya!

[potato]

Today I was out on a run and saw a sign that said "Free weeds: pull your own" but in typical Bro Gary fashion, I read it as "Free weens" instead.

[Granwych]

On ‎6‎/‎4‎/‎2018 at 9:27 PM, Dandruff said:

I wonder if he's blaming poor showings on uncomfortable chairs vs. himself.

It's the chairs every time!!

8 hours ago, potato said:

Today I was out on a run and saw a sign that said "Free weeds: pull your own" but in typical Bro Gary fashion, I read it as "Free weens" instead.

"Pull your own ween?"   uh oh--instant happy!

On ‎6‎/‎5‎/‎2018 at 8:28 AM, Candydandy said:

As the Microphone Melts- I mean, hell is fire so how did that microphone stay intact and working?? Haymuhn!! 

It's the "heat resistant" model---

[Alisamer]

35 minutes ago, Granwych said:

It's the "heat resistant" model---

Can I post the artist's sketch of that experiment again? Can I? I'm stupidly proud of that awful thing.

It was the 90's, so it was the heavy-duty weatherproof walkman.

Spoiler

The demon waited until Satan turned his back to hop on there. Those demons, they just don't listen.

[Black Aliss]

11 hours ago, potato said:

Today I was out on a run and saw a sign that said "Free weeds: pull your own" but in typical Bro Gary fashion, I read it as "Free weens" instead.

Step away from the forum. For your own good, step away from the forum!

[PumaLover]

7 hours ago, Alisamer said:

Can I post the artist's sketch of that experiment again? Can I? I'm stupidly proud of that awful thing.

It was the 90's, so it was the heavy-duty weatherproof walkman.

  Hide contents

The demon waited until Satan turned his back to hop on there. Those demons, they just don't listen.

OMG that made me laugh out loud. I wish Bro G would grace the west coast with an appearance. I would go just to report back to you all, and I would wear my favorite shirt–Darwin walking his fish who is growing legs. I would probably be thrown out.

[Granwych]

20 minutes ago, PumaLover said:

OMG that made me laugh out loud. I wish Bro G would grace the west coast with an appearance. I would go just to report back to you all, and I would wear my favorite shirt–Darwin walking his fish who is growing legs. I would probably be thrown out.

You might be thrown out, but you'd be the hit of the evening!

[keepercjr]

PTL!  Bro. G got 1 more chair!  Is he up to 4 now?  Now he just needs to get the folding chairs to ME.  Maybe can get get the red weens in ME while there!

[General Jinjur]

I've got a wicked case of poison ivy (so itchy), and I'm covered in calamine lotion--which looks exactly like ween gravy. It's a good thing Bro Gary can't see me. I'd probably stir up desires that can't be righteously fulfilled.

[Lisafer]

So he wants people to pray that the Lord's will be done...about a camping chair? I mean, I grew up fundie, but we would have been embarrassed to put that on Facebook. Eeek. Sorry, Gary, the Lord's probably busy with people dying and wars and whatnot. The camping chair might have to wait. 

[Dandruff]

1 hour ago, Lisafer said:

Sorry, Gary, the Lord's probably busy with people dying and wars and whatnot.

One would think that Bro would show some concern for those folks himself.  Does he donate weens to the needy?