Dillards 46: Now with Pants and a Possible Nose Piercing

[nastyhobbitses]

6 minutes ago, VelociRapture said:

I don’t want to overstep at all, so please forgive me if I do... but have you spoken at all with a Doctor or a therapist about how you feel about your body and your weight? 

Nope. I know that maybe I should, but time is an issue and people at work thinking I have problems is an issue.

[VelociRapture]

21 minutes ago, nastyhobbitses said:

Nope. I know that maybe I should, but time is an issue and people at work thinking I have problems is an issue.

I can’t say I understand because I haven’t been exactly where you are right now, but I do very much sympathize with you. I hope you know you are a phenomenal person regardless of what the scale says and you deserve a partner who loves you because you’re you, not because of your pant size (I don’t know your boyfriend, so I can’t assure you he’s one of those people - but I do hope he is.) I wish you peace, happiness, and health. 

[Galbin]

1 hour ago, nastyhobbitses said:

Nope. I know that maybe I should, but time is an issue and people at work thinking I have problems is an issue.

How would people at work know you were seeing a professional though? Sorry if this is a silly question, but I am very concerned for you. 

[nastyhobbitses]

Just now, Galbin said:

How would people at work know you were seeing a professional though? Sorry if this is a silly question, but I am very concerned for you. 

I'm afraid they'd cotton onto it.

My biggest issue (and probably the reason I should see a therapist) is that I feel like I have two brains: Rational Brain says "you're worthy and awesome no matter what weight you are, running is great and makes you happy, but don't worry about what you look like, because what matters is that you're fast and strong. If you go to therapy and people at work find out, they'll probably understand and figure that you just need to figure some things out in your life, and there's nothing wrong with having mental issues that you need to see a professional about". But Anxious Crazy Brain says "NO ONE WILL EVER LOVE YOU IF YOU'RE UGLY AND FAT, WHICH YOU ARE BTDUBS, EVERYONE AT WORK THINKS YOU'RE CRAZY AND THEY DON'T RESPECT YOU AND THEY ALL WANT YOU TO GET FIRED BECAUSE YOU'RE FAT AND STUPID AND CRAZY".

I know which one's the right one to listen to, but Anxious Crazy Brain is so goddamned loud.

[missegeno]

How would people at work know you were seeing a professional though? Sorry if this is a silly question, but I am very concerned for you. 

I'm in a similar situation. Telling my boss that I have doctor appointments every two weeks makes it obvious that it's mental health treatment. I gave it up to avoid exposing my diagnosis, but now it's destroying me.

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

1 hour ago, nastyhobbitses said:

Nope. I know that maybe I should, but time is an issue and people at work thinking I have problems is an issue.

Yeah, this is diagnoseable, as my therapist would say.  I'm guessing you are quite young, and by that I mean early to mid 20's, and care far too much about how you appear to others.  Please know I'm not intending to come off as condescending as this sounds, I just can't think of a less flippant way to make my point with out using all the words. This sounds like it is much more than just simple vanity, you know deep down it isn't healthy to think this way but you cannot stop thinking like this.  I also hope you know that if a man dumps you for being 8 lbs over weight he wasn't worth having in the 1st place. 

As a morbidly obese woman (you don't get to be my size with out having some form of eating disorder, this isn't just laziness) with my own eating issues/disorder, I understand food issues, and body consciousness, far to much  You wish to stay at a healthy weight and that is wonderful, you just need to learn to balance that with the realization that what is the ideal weight for your body may not be what you THINK your ideal weight should be.  I also hope you can learn to stop caring what others perceive of you, because as the saying goes. those who matter won't mind and those who mind don't matter. 

In my semi trained opinion and my fully trained therapists opinion there is a fine line between healthy eating habits and and eating disorders, it is so easy and quick to go from being healthy and being obsessive about food habits.  

[Gillyweed]

1 hour ago, nastyhobbitses said:

On weight (WARNING: maybe skip this if you're having some eating disorder-type issues, but I just need to let all this out): I'm 4'11'' and probably around 105ish pounds. I used to be 98 pounds. I would do just about anything to get back down to that.

I'm 4'11 too, and about 5 pounds heavier than you. I find that no matter what I do, I stay at the same weight (give or take a few pounds, depending on the day). I've come to the conclusion that this is just what I'm supposed to be, what I'm healthiest at. Even when I was a competitive dancer, training 15 hours a week, I still weighed the same. I know this doesn't seem scientifically accurate, but you're body might be happy where it is, even if you think you'd feel better a few pounds lighter. 

[nausicaa]

@nastyhobbitses Maybe at least try one therapy session before the holidays so you can get some coping strategies to get you through time at home with your family and you won't use laxatives? (Please, please don't use laxatives. And they actually don't even help with any body fat loss.)

Also, maybe if you saw a therapist every month at different times your co-workers wouldn't catch on? (I see a therapist every other week, and no one at work really even seems to notice. Everyone is too wrapped up in their own work/lunch plans/smoke break.)

Healing Your Hungry Heart is a good book to read if you have the time. 

I'm completely not judging here; I have some anxiety around my weight as well and actually share the same fears about pregnancy, but using laxatives and being on such a restrictive diet is not good for you physically and mentally. Your posts are always really smart and funny and it makes me sad to know you are struggling like this. 

[SapphireSlytherin]

@nastyhobbitses - I've walked so SO many miles in your shoes.

 

It's been my experience, when watching co-workers leave for "regular" appointments:  most folks ASSume they're going to AA meetings and nobody says a word.

 

Trust me:  you are lovable whether you're 98 or 198 pounds. I know it's hard to get past that. I've struggled for decades, and now that I fucked up my metabolism so badly, I'm on the OTHER end. I'm back to >750 calories/day to get some extra poundage off. It's the ONLY way to lose weight, and I know it's not healthy, but....

[VelociRapture]

3 minutes ago, nausicaa said:

@nastyhobbitses Maybe at least try one therapy session before the holidays so you can get some coping strategies to get you through time at home with your family and you won't use laxatives? (Please, please don't use laxatives. And they actually don't even help with any body fat loss.)

Also, maybe if you saw a therapist every month at different times your co-workers wouldn't catch on? (I see a therapist every other week, and no one at work really even seems to notice. Everyone is too wrapped up in their own work/lunch plans/smoke break.)

Healing Your Hungry Heart is a good book to read if you have the time. 

I'm completely not judging here; I have some anxiety around my weight as well and actually share the same fears about pregnancy, but using laxatives and being on such a restrictive diet is not good for you physically and mentally. Your posts are always really smart and funny and it makes me sad to know you are struggling like this. 

I’m seconding everything you said, but especially that last paragraph. 

As for pregnancy and weight gain, it’s actually a more common thought then you’d think. I was thrilled to be pregnant, but I’d be lying if I claimed I wasn’t worried about losing the weight afterwards (spoiler alert - I’m pretty much back to where I started. Eating slightly smaller portions seems to work well for me.) 

Your body goes through a lot when you’re pregnant and so much is out of your control that it could be easy for someone with a prior history of disordered eating to fall back into old patterns unintentionally. I’d suggest anyone who has a prior history or struggles with body image or food to at least consider speaking with a professional before or during a pregnancy - it can help you develop a strategy for coping with those emotions and thoughts before they become a major issue. 

[artdecades]

Jumping back to the rumors about Derick and his personality shifts.

I was thinking about their relationship and courtship and Jill basically married a complete stranger. Out of all her siblings, she knew her husband the least before marrying him and had the least amount of time before getting pregnant.

Derick was some random "missionary" who graduated college and wanted to delay real life. He contacts JB to ask for "prayers" (aka money). In May 2013 he and Jill briefly talk over skype for the first time. In August they start talking. Later that year they meet in person for the first time in Nepal. Derick comes back to the US in January and proposes in March. They are married in June and pregnant in July.

Unlike Anna, or Austin or Kendra, he wasn't part of their cult or old family friends. Unlike Ben and Jeremy, there wasn't a long getting to know you period. They met and married. 

[nastyhobbitses]

Just want to say a big thanks to everyone here.

This has been an issue I've been dealing with for a long time, and it just all spilled out on this thread (so sorry for the drift). Hearing that I'm not alone and that this is something I can overcome is really, really helpful. It's not going to happen overnight, obviously, but this was super cathartic at a stressful time. So thanks.

[Jinder Roles]

@nastyhobbitses I can sympathize in some way as I have a Crazy Brain (which I listen to consciously and subconsciously all the time). Issues like these are quite common, even though Crazy Brain wants you to think you're abnormal and will try to debunk any rational thought). 

I hope you're able to get help, whether it be through a therapist or through supportive peoples. Based on all your previous posting, you are a smart, funny person who is deserving and I'm sure co-workers can see that too. 

It's okay not to feel okay, sometimes.

*sending positive affirmations, cyber-hugs and glitter* 

p.s: if you ever decide to go, just say you're getting acupuncture or some random bougie shit (people love random bougie shit) 

p.p.s: Numbers on a scale don't determine how you look, if your'e healthy, if you're 'skinny' and certainly not your worth as a person. 

p.p.p.s: you're fabulous! 

[Spanger]

@nastyhobbitses - regarding what people at work think.  I went through a rough time mental-health wise a couple months back, and I didn't want anyone at work to find out.  I did my best to keep an even-keel at work.  I found it was pretty easy to deflect people noticing me, by trying to take a special interest in them first- for example, if anyone asked how my weekend was, I'd say, "nothing too exciting, hey how's your garden/dog/grandkids/whatever."  Once people are talking about themselves, they're less likely to notice you.

Anyway.  The time came where I realized, even if I didn't want to talk about what I was going through, it seemed like people were noticing.  In the space of a week, first one co-worker casually tried to ask if everything was ok...  "Oh yeah, I'm fine, just been kinda tired.  How about you, read any good books lately?"  Then a couple days later, another co-worker said something.  I deflected her similarly, but that night I got to thinking- 1) she's only asking because she cares. 2) people are definitely noticing. 3) what I am/was going through, is a normal thing that I shouldn't be ashamed of. 4) I guess I would rather talk about what is wrong, because I think they will understand, and I'd rather tell them than have them assume it is something worse.

So, the next day, I asked that second co-worker, and a higher up I trust to chat.  I told them what had been going on, and what I was trying to do to fix it.  I told them I worried/knew people were noticing, and while it wasn't something I wanted to talk to a lot of people about, if they heard anyone say something like, "Spanger just hasn't been herself lately," I didn't mind if they shared...  So the other person would understand too.

You know, the only thing I went in hoping for was to make sure they understood why if they thought I had been acting strange.  But their compassion helped a lot too, in a way that's hard to explain.  Even if they hadn't been so great about it- just the fact that I wasn't hiding what I felt was a huge secret anymore releived a big burden from it too.  I honestly felt so much better, and I think it helped me come out of my mental-health-thing faster than I would have if I hadn't talked about it.

I know my situation is different to yours, but i just wanted to share something that helped me.  I am blessed with extraordinary co-workers and that helps too.  So I don't know if it would be helpful for you- but just a thought that even if you don't want everyone to know, maybe telling even one person might help.  Whatever works and feels right for you.  I'm sending lots of good thoughts your way!

[neurogirl]

@nastyhobbitses Had to skim most of the thread because I have been there but trust me, not a path you want to stay on. 

I too felt deep down into my bones that being thin was your projection to the world that you were competent. As in, people wouldn't take me seriously as a scientist if I were "fat." Which I wasn't. And they wouldn't have thought that. Because it's NOT TRUE. People love you and appreciate you best not for your weight or size, but for all the more important things that make you, you. It takes YEARS after behaviors stop to stop thinking like that. I don't think I'll ever be free of some of the thought patterns. But living life like you're doing right now is NOT WORTH IT.

Even now when I bemoan the modest changes in weight/size since my own recovery (which REALLY was not a lot, so not trying to freak you out), my boyfriend who was with me for the entire thing says "yes but you're so much more fun now" or interesting. Or happy. or sane. Or healthy. Or independent. Or. Or. Or. Our relationship is better. Our sex is better. My academics are better. My friendships are better. The way I talk to myself is like a different person.

I've seen too many people essentially lose years of their life being mentally caught in food/numbers/exercise/control/perfect/deny/restrict/avoid and it's such a waste. Therapy and a dietician turned my life around. Please consider getting help.

[Shadoewolf]

@nastyhobbitses I spent months in a treatment center as a teen. What started as anorexia turned into bulimia and I was really sick. When I was finally allowed to go home, I was 5'3 and just tipping 100lbs. I struggled a LOT with gaining weight when I got pregnant with Oldest at 19. I can relate in SO many ways! A few things I've learned on this path...

One thing I HAD to do, per my many therapists was get rid of the scale!! In the clinic they would weigh us backward and clear it before we could see the numbers because sometimes part of the disease is a form of OCD. It's an obsession with the number, more than a reflection of what is healthy.  Add the fact that muscle weighs more than fat and you're getting deceived by the number, especially with as much as you may be exercising. So my best suggestion, (coupled with a big, understanding virtual hug) is to start with ditching the scale. Right in the trash and dump like rotten milk or raw chicken juice on it. Run it over with your car. Smash it with a hammer. The idea is to make it so you won't be tempted to go back and get it. Liberate yourself from it and give your power back to YOU. 

Laxatives are a slippery slope. Not only do you run the risk of dehydration and ketone imbalance, but eventually you'll need more and more for it to work which can lead to chronic constipation and IBS. 

And it's going to sound crazy but it's really okay to eat more!! All that exercise means your body needs fuel. A handful of almonds or Brazilnuts. Apple/carrot slices. My cheat is half a pack of chocolate Belvita crackers or my own homemade breakfast cookies (basically the Quaker Oat recipe minus a good amount of the sugar, with finely ground almonds, flax seed, cranberries, and raisins) that are crazy dense but tasty and full of good nutrients. Half a bagel and 1 scrambled egg. A small homemade smoothie with low sugar greek yogurt and raspberries/blueberries or whatever fruit you like and soaked chia seeds.  Eating frequently keeps your metabolism revved and reduces the possibility for blood sugar spikes. And when you don't take in enough, the body goes into survival mode and stores away as much it can in the fat molecules.  The body will feed off itself if it feels deprived.  It's tough to get into the habit, when food=calories=enemy but that too is letting the numbers take charge. It's possible, with the right support system. 

You are strong, smart, and definitely well liked here at FJ, you are so worth it!! ((Hugs))

[cascarones]

@nastyhobbitses big hugs! I’ve been there too complete with the LD boyfriend. If you need someone to vent to I’m currently at loose ends in a hospital bed, in part because my body decided to stop absorbing nutrients and electrolytes and needs some help getting back on track. Now this sucks, lots of IVs means massive liquid retention and looking nothing like yourself, but I’ve been seeing a lot of the dietician and she brought up something I haven’t seen touched on too much yet.

She had me show her photos of me when I’m normal and asked a lot of questions about not only my relationship with food, but that of my friends/ peers/ coworkers and how we discuss it amongst ourselves. We’ve all got our own crazy brain, but may not be cognizantly aware of the external feedback loops we’re incorporating and internalizing as well. She used the episode of The Office weight loss challenge as an example as one where networks designed to support us can sometimes add pressure/ normalize behaviors/ competitiveness within ourselves.

For the workplace it is hard, but remember people are busy and what might stick out as a sore thumb to you, may barely register for their days. People also have standing appointments for a variety of reasons, often related to family members, volunteering, religious reasons, court orders as well as medical. If you’re not comfortable sharing, just keep the time blocked off and practice an answer or be like one of my employees who really didn’t want people to know what she was struggling with and gave ridiculous answers that tickled her because she didn’t think it was anyone’s business her hormones meant she had a standing waxing appointment to feel normal in her skin. There’s a huge trend right now to create better work life balance and growth for employees, because happy employees are productive.  

Hugs, encouragement, peace and good thoughts through this stressful end of year time!

[Tiny Bubbles]

Reading thru these pages, it's clear that weight is such a fraught issue. To those struggling with it, please know that you are not alone here. 

The first steps to getting professional help can seem incredibly difficult, but you're worth it. Maybe the new year is a good time to resolve to feel better?  

 

[SapphireSlytherin]

30 minutes ago, Tiny Bubbles said:

Maybe the new year is a good time to resolve to feel better?  

Or maybe TODAY is a good time to resolve to feel better. Just as you (WE!) shouldn't use the scale as a starting point, you (WE!) shouldn't wait on the calendar to tell us that it's the new year, a new month, or Monday.

[Tiny Bubbles]

19 minutes ago, SapphireSlytherin said:

Or maybe TODAY is a good time to resolve to feel better. Just as you (WE!) shouldn't use the scale as a starting point, you (WE!) shouldn't wait on the calendar to tell us that it's the new year, a new month, or Monday.

Yes, very true.  

[VelociRapture]

6 hours ago, Shadoewolf said:

@nastyhobbitses I spent months in a treatment center as a teen. What started as anorexia turned into bulimia and I was really sick. When I was finally allowed to go home, I was 5'3 and just tipping 100lbs. I struggled a LOT with gaining weight when I got pregnant with Oldest at 19. I can relate in SO many ways! A few things I've learned on this path...

One thing I HAD to do, per my many therapists was get rid of the scale!! In the clinic they would weigh us backward and clear it before we could see the numbers because sometimes part of the disease is a form of OCD. It's an obsession with the number, more than a reflection of what is healthy.  Add the fact that muscle weighs more than fat and you're getting deceived by the number, especially with as much as you may be exercising. So my best suggestion, (coupled with a big, understanding virtual hug) is to start with ditching the scale. Right in the trash and dump like rotten milk or raw chicken juice on it. Run it over with your car. Smash it with a hammer. The idea is to make it so you won't be tempted to go back and get it. Liberate yourself from it and give your power back to YOU. 

Laxatives are a slippery slope. Not only do you run the risk of dehydration and ketone imbalance, but eventually you'll need more and more for it to work which can lead to chronic constipation and IBS. 

And it's going to sound crazy but it's really okay to eat more!! All that exercise means your body needs fuel. A handful of almonds or Brazilnuts. Apple/carrot slices. My cheat is half a pack of chocolate Belvita crackers or my own homemade breakfast cookies (basically the Quaker Oat recipe minus a good amount of the sugar, with finely ground almonds, flax seed, cranberries, and raisins) that are crazy dense but tasty and full of good nutrients. Half a bagel and 1 scrambled egg. A small homemade smoothie with low sugar greek yogurt and raspberries/blueberries or whatever fruit you like and soaked chia seeds.  Eating frequently keeps your metabolism revved and reduces the possibility for blood sugar spikes. And when you don't take in enough, the body goes into survival mode and stores away as much it can in the fat molecules.  The body will feed off itself if it feels deprived.  It's tough to get into the habit, when food=calories=enemy but that too is letting the numbers take charge. It's possible, with the right support system. 

You are strong, smart, and definitely well liked here at FJ, you are so worth it!! ((Hugs))

Your advice about the scale is a fantastic one. We got one within the last year after not having one for a while and I have found the scale makes it much easier to focus on my weight and be tempted to slip into bad habits (I don’t because I’m 100% focused on setting a healthy example for the baby, so no worries!) So I’ll second your point about getting rid of the scale. Going by how comfortably your clothing fits could be a healthier way of maintaining weight for some people - that’s what worked for me for a few years*. Whenever my pants felt a bit tight I’d just cut back on how much junk I ate or I ate slightly smaller portions.

*Note: May not be a good option for someone who focuses over pant size as well. I’m happy as a size 8, so that wasn’t an issue for me - I do get how it could be for someone else though. A trained professional is almost always the best option for finding coping strategies that work best for each individual. 

As for pregnancy and baby weight fears I said it earlier, but I think it’s important to reiterate that it is a relatively normal worry to have. It becomes a problem when you’re so worried you aren’t properly caring for yourself or your baby though and there are women who unfortunately do suffer from eating disorders throughout their pregnancy.

I didn’t struggle with eating disorders during pregnancy, but I had zero appetite after I was discharged and baby was left behind in NICU - that, combined with vomiting and other fun side effects of my constant panic attacks that week, meant I lost so much weight that I didn’t even look like I had been pregnant at all the day she was discharged (a year ago today!) and I was absolutely miserable that whole week. I can personally attest to the fact that it’s next to impossible to take care of your baby properly if you don’t take care of yourself too. 

2 hours ago, cascarones said:

@nastyhobbitses big hugs! I’ve been there too complete with the LD boyfriend. If you need someone to vent to I’m currently at loose ends in a hospital bed, in part because my body decided to stop absorbing nutrients and electrolytes and needs some help getting back on track. Now this sucks, lots of IVs means massive liquid retention and looking nothing like yourself, but I’ve been seeing a lot of the dietician and she brought up something I haven’t seen touched on too much yet.

She had me show her photos of me when I’m normal and asked a lot of questions about not only my relationship with food, but that of my friends/ peers/ coworkers and how we discuss it amongst ourselves. We’ve all got our own crazy brain, but may not be cognizantly aware of the external feedback loops we’re incorporating and internalizing as well. She used the episode of The Office weight loss challenge as an example as one where networks designed to support us can sometimes add pressure/ normalize behaviors/ competitiveness within ourselves.

For the workplace it is hard, but remember people are busy and what might stick out as a sore thumb to you, may barely register for their days. People also have standing appointments for a variety of reasons, often related to family members, volunteering, religious reasons, court orders as well as medical. If you’re not comfortable sharing, just keep the time blocked off and practice an answer or be like one of my employees who really didn’t want people to know what she was struggling with and gave ridiculous answers that tickled her because she didn’t think it was anyone’s business her hormones meant she had a standing waxing appointment to feel normal in her skin. There’s a huge trend right now to create better work life balance and growth for employees, because happy employees are productive.  

Hugs, encouragement, peace and good thoughts through this stressful end of year time!

I don’t know what’s going on and you don’t have to share, but I’m sending you my biggest and best hugs. You’ve been through a lot recently and I really hope you’re feeling better soon! 

[Shadoewolf]

I did just that after reading how many people fail at their New Year resolution diets. Said screw the date, I just want my pants to fit and feel ok when I look in the mirror. I want to be able to go up 2 flights of stairs and not be winded, or play street hockey with my son for more than 2 minutes at a time.  And no weight goal because I don't need a relapse.

Which I admit started out in jealousy. My ex remarried the minute the state would allow him to do so after our dicorce was final, because it allowed him to move out of the barracks and into family housing so extra $$$. His wife was over 300lbs at the time. But 2 years ago, at the expense of my children, he paid for her to have gastric bypass. She's down 120lbs or so. And yeah I was a little bitter because it's easier to exercise when you aren't chasing 3 kids around all day  (she doesn't work or have kids) and your husband buys you an in home weight machine and a treadmill. (But claims he's too broke to help cover his daughter's braces or help pay for cheer or soccer) It's easier to eat healthy when you can afford to buy healthy food and real spices and have legit time to cook. I grit my teeth whenever she posts about "look what I made today!" Well yeah if I could have a fully open meal budget and all day to do nothing I could too!  My motivation wasn't the greatest at first, and I caught hell from the ex after I blocked her off my daughters' Facebook. ("she's their stepmother and has every right to know what's going on in the girls' lives!!" Yeeeah ok. But that's another story.) But I talked to my therapist and she not only encouraged the blocking, but set me on reasonable goals for me and my lifestyle. I don't have a $1000 treadmill, I spent $12 at the thrift store and got a portable stepper so I do 5 minutes in the morning and 5 minutes at night.  It's not 'her' crazy workout, but what's right and reasonable for me. My MIL also offered to get me a gym membership for Christmas and I asked for an inexpensive elliptical machine instead because I'm often busy during normal gym hours but I can certainly crank out 20 minutes of cardio at midnight and not have to go out in the snow to get there.  My therapist cheered because I was thinking realistically for once. Everyone's battle is uniquely their own, as is the approach we all take!

[TheMustardCardigan]

I think one thing that is helpful for some people looking to get healthier is joining a workout program that helps you see your progress and emphasizes things like getting stronger, getting faster, building endurance, etc. rather than focusing on weight loss. I started high intensity interval training at the end of the summer and it has been seriously awesome. I have never been super athletic or into working out. I'm pretty clumsy. When I go to a normal gym, I'm kind of at a loss for what to do and end up just using the machines I'm comfortable with. But the workout program I am in now has me looking forward to going each time, challenging me, feeling great afterward, and noticing changes in my performance and my body!

[louisa05]

Regarding weight: 
I have an American weight and my European weight. American weight is 15lbs above European weight. 
But it's super easy why: 
* In America, I barely ever walk more than a mile a day, most often less than a half mile
* I don't bike, I take the car 
* buildings aren't as tall and always have elevators/escalators, so no stairs 
* there are fewer nightclubs, dance clubs, sport clubs, generally places to go and be active because this is a rural area, as much more of America is (compared to Europe) 
* everything is service/delivery, from food to movies to gas station, so I go out less/do less 
* Portions are way bigger 
* food is way more processed, and you can't get full from food your body doesn't recognize. Everything is salted, sugared, added, rehydrated, hydrogenated, skimmed, and shoot me dead. 
* there is lots of snacking, desert eating, candy eating, on the side eating, and just funny meal times (or none at all) 
* everything has to have a sauce/dressing/ketchup and other artificial flavorings 
* I rarely eat fruits and vegetables in America, they are more expensive than other foods and harder to come buy (no fruit/vegetable stores on every high street etc), and the only fruits/vegetables that are often available are either high fat/sugar (avocados, bananas) or dipped/fried/cooked in something 

So between all of that, that makes 15 pounds )) 
But honestly, I enjoy the cultures for what they are. No point denying all pleasures. I'm just sure to lose the weight again whenever I return to Europe. 

I live in a town of 9000 people in the Midwest. Currently in my house you will find fresh carrots, broccoli, tangerines, red pears, bananas, grapes, spinach, cauliflower and romaine.

And I feed two adults on about $60 a week. You can get fresh produce in most grocery stores outside more impoverished food desert areas. And far more choices than just avocado and banana.

[PennySycamore]

@VelociRapture,  give VelociBaby a big birthday hug and kiss from me!  It's hard to believe that she turns one today.