Dillards 46: Now with Pants and a Possible Nose Piercing

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

28 minutes ago, PennySycamore said:

@VelociRapture,  give VelociBaby a big birthday hug and kiss from me!  It's hard to believe that she turns one today.

Oh wow, has it been a year already? Yes big girl birthday kisses to your tiny terror. They grow up far to fast.

[Hashtag Blessed]

@nastyhobbitses and anyone else struggling with body image issues: might I offer the advice of surrounding yourself as much as possible with positive images? Avoiding triggers and replacing them with affirming images helped me so much. I stopped buying magazines altogether. I had to eliminate the constant barrage of thin models and celebrities. I also unfollowed any accounts on any social media platform that posted a lot of photos of very thin people, either as thinspo or just general fashion photos, and unfollowed anyone who talks about their diet all the time. Instead I started following body positive accounts. Bodyposipanda on Instagram is one of my faves and she regularly links to other people’s accounts.

Mental health is so important, and going to therapy was the best decision I’ve ever made for myself. But if you’re not ready, I’d invite you to consider at least taking steps to identify and eliminate triggers in your life. You don’t need things or people in your life that only make you feel bad. 

[karen77]

And don't forget, measurements are where it's at. Body composition is a huge thing, if you have more muscle, you'll just weigh more! I always say, I could weigh 400 lbs and be fine with it, if I wore a size 4!! (obviously not a realistic situation, but you get the gist). 

Maybe you are more toned and lean than you were when you were at 98 lbs, vs  your current weight, so really, you still wear the same size and look just as fab?

[Carm_88]

I've gone up and down with my weight. At the moment, it's ok. I have an idea of where I would like to be, but I love all the things that I shouldn't far too much. However, I've also been a fair amount heavier and really I wasn't any less deserving of love. It's easy to obsess over the numbers, whether it be lbs or pants size. I'm very much guilty of it. However, I know that once I lose the 10 pounds I want I'll find something else to pick apart. Which is very hard to admit but it's also very true. 

[Blue jay]

No one has mentioned this yet, so I'm going to weigh in (haha, see what I did there?). Can we have a moment for the fact that dieting and restriction are an important cause of weigh gain? This is pretty well supported concept. We all know (or should know) that the vast (VAST!!) majority of people who lose weight gain that weight back and then some. Yet we keep recommending focusing on diet as the remedy for obesity. This is insanity. Can you imagine if we recommended a drug for high blood pressure that reduced blood pressure for awhile but then inevitably made it higher than it was to start with? 

Fat people, people who think they are fat, and people who think they need to lose a few pounds are not well served by any advice that has the end goal of changing weight or what your body looks like.  It is a temporary fix. Instead, we can love ourselves and try trusting ourselves. If you want to know more, try reading Intuitive Eating.

[Hashtag Blessed]

23 minutes ago, karen77 said:

And don't forget, measurements are where it's at. Body composition is a huge thing, if you have more muscle, you'll just weigh more! I always say, I could weigh 400 lbs and be fine with it, if I wore a size 4!! (obviously not a realistic situation, but you get the gist). 

Maybe you are more toned and lean than you were when you were at 98 lbs, vs  your current weight, so really, you still wear the same size and look just as fab?

Ok I see what you are trying to say but it really isn’t helpful for someone who’s got disordered thinking in regards to food and body image. Because measurements are just as much of a trap as weight is. How you look, what you weigh, or what size your clothes are do not define you as a person.

Think about the people you love most. Your  closest friends and loved ones. When their best qualities come to mind I’d be willing to bet their measurments are not among them. Whether I look fabulous or not has nothing to do with how kind I am, how intelligent, how generous, how hard working. It says nothing about me other than that I care about looking fabulous. Which is fine, but I’m a happier person knowing that the people in my life would still love me even if I didn’t look fabulous. 

This is what I was trying to say with my earlier post. My body is happier and healthier with some fat on it, and I am happier and healthier having accepted that. No, i’m not more toned that I was before and yes my measurements are larger. (And yes, I know you weren’t specifically talking about me but she may also be this way.) It doesn’t matter. My body cannot sustain a smaller size. Period. And that is OK. I’m still fabulous because I’m healthy, happy, and I have a loving family and friends who will still love me if I gain 100lbs more. 

Like @Carm_88 said, there will always be something to fixate on if you let yourself. Does anyone remeber the episode of Daria where they tell ghost stories? And the story about the girl who was beautiful decided her eyelids were too fat? It’s like that. So saying measurments are where it’s at can be just as harmful as relying on weight or bmi or body fat index. None of it matters. Take care of yourself mentally and physically. You only get one body, so cherish it no matter what it looks like.

[VelociRapture]

1 hour ago, PennySycamore said:

@VelociRapture,  give VelociBaby a big birthday hug and kiss from me!  It's hard to believe that she turns one today.

She turned one a week ago. Today is the first anniversary of her discharge from NICU though and we’re excited to celebrate that too!

I’ll definitely pass on the hug (if she holds still long enough. Lol!)  

ETA: Aw! Thanks @allthegoodnamesrgone!

[singsingsing]

7 minutes ago, Blue jay said:

No one has mentioned this yet, so I'm going to weigh in (haha, see what I did there?). Can we have a moment for the fact that dieting and restriction are an important cause of weigh gain? This is pretty well supported concept. We all know (or should know) that the vast (VAST!!) majority of people who lose weight gain that weight back and then some. Yet we keep recommending focusing on diet as the remedy for obesity. This is insanity. Can you imagine if we recommended a drug for high blood pressure that reduced blood pressure for awhile but then inevitably made it higher than it was to start with? 

Fat people, people who think they are fat, and people who think they need to lose a few pounds are not well served by any advice that has the end goal of changing weight or what your body looks like.  It is a temporary fix. Instead, we can love ourselves and try trusting ourselves. If you want to know more, try reading Intuitive Eating.

Then what should people do if they need or want to lose weight? I totally agree that fad diets are not the way to go, nor is any other risky or unsustainable behaviour, but what would you suggest to combat the obesity crisis if not changes to diet? Frankly, I think this is terrible advice. Many people need or want to lose weight solely for health reasons, and many are very successful. Telling people that it's impossible and they should just give up is really messed up. It's not impossible. It's 100% possible and extremely beneficial to make reasonable, measured, healthy changes to one's diet in order to lose weight and keep it off (and ultimately improve one's health and quality of life).

My dad was recently diagnosed with diabetes and was clinically obese at the time. He has been implementing changes to his diet and has been successful in losing weight. If he throws that all out the window and goes back to his old diet and 'intuitive eating' he will die of diabetes-related complications like several of his family members who did not take their condition seriously and refused to change their diet/lifestyle. Loving and trusting yourself means taking care of yourself and sometimes doing things that are hard or unpleasant because they will benefit you greatly in the long run. 'Most people fail' is not a good reason to not do something.

[Hashtag Blessed]

@singsingsing there has been a lot of success with gastric surgeries actually. This may sound extreme but it has been shown to be more successful for long term weightloss than any diet. For people who are health-threateningly overweight this is an expensive but proven option. However, what I believe she’s talking about when she says diets fail is not making healthy changes to your diet, shes talking about “going on a diet.” Meaning following whatever regimen is hot at the time. Juice clenses, intermittent fasting, keto, paleo, slim fast, whatever. Anything that causes rapid weight loss in a short time will ultimately fail in the long term. 

I know people have seen success with lifestyle changes such as finding an exercise you’ll actually do regularly, limiting sugar, and adding more helathful foods to your diet. Those things are valuable and necessary. But they aren’t likely to turn the average person into a supermodel. Just a healthier version of themselves. Which is great but for some reason not enough for people.

The problem with diet culture is that it is so often framed as an all or nothing game. I have someone in my life who recently had gastric sleeve surgery and dropped a lot of weight and improved her blood pressure immensely. But she was motivated by her appearance, not her health, so she’s still dieting and unhappily trying to reach a goal weight that is likely impossible for her. She’s undoing any improvements to her health by obsessing over her appearance. She, like many people, genuinely believed that losing weight would make her happy. But it won’t. It never does. There’s always more to lose. And even if she does lose it, next she’ll want a boob lift, or a facelift or both. 

My point is, healthy lifestyle changes are not the same thing as “a diet” and getting skinny is not the same thing as getting healthy. And in the case of your father, is he also taking medication for insulin resistance? Because that is something that can also make a huge difference in weight management for diabetics.

[SapphireSlytherin]

24 minutes ago, Hashtag Blessed said:

a lot of success with gastric surgeries actually.

True. But if you've ever watched "My 600-Pound Life" you'll see that Dr. Now insists that any of his potential patients lose a specific amount of weight (through controlled diet, and -if possible- exercise) BEFORE he will perform a sleeve or bypass surgery. They're all able to lose the weight, even if it takes them a long time. Then he insists on a certain amount of weight loss before he'll perform the skin-removal surgery. He's coaching them (in a weird way) to stay motivated and keep their new lifestyle going. So many backslide, though - because FOOD is so tied to EVERYTHING we do.

I know two people who had the surgery, yet didn't change their lifestyles afterward, and they went back up to their pre-surgery weight within a couple of years. 

 

[MsSaylor]

In a perfect world, intuitive eating would keep everyone at their healthy ideal weight. But it just doesnt work for everyone. Ive been messing around with it for a couple weeks bc counting calories feels lame and restrictive to me. Ive had a few days that I think were pretty successful but in general its not really working. For example I just reheated (delicious) lasagna for lunch. IT was a large amount, like 3 pieces. I thought to myself that I would eat as much as I wanted then give the rest to my son. Lets just say my boy had to eat a peanut butter jelly samdwich instead (he doesnt mind). But yeah, total failure there. And now Im trying to bargain with myself that I can just eat a small healthy dinner later and still be ok.  I lost 40 lbs in 2016 and have kept it off mostly because I work out a lot and restrict calories some (1400) but I only end up hitting that number like 3-4 days a week. I am still barely within the healthy weight range that they give but I am muscular and curvey and actually feel pretty strong, healthy and good at this weight so Ive decided this is where my body wants to be and just trying to maintain. I dont understand why I developed issues with over eating but I do. Im one of those people that just thinks about my next food all the time. I dont know how to stop that. 

[Georgiana]

Gastric surgeries are just diets that are enforced by an alteration to your stomach. They come with their own risks and complications. It is considered lower risk to lose weight without surgery. 

And diets don't make people regain weight, a return to bad eating habits does. You gain weight by eating a caloric surplus. You lose weight by creating a caloric deficit. If after you finish dieting you go back to eating a surplus, guess what happens.

Calories are just a unit of energy. It's all basic thermodynamics complicated by human fallibility. 

[Hashtag Blessed]

Just now, SapphireSlytherin said:

True. But if you've ever watched "My 600-Pound Life" you'll see that Dr. Now insists that any of his potential patients lose a specific amount of weight (through controlled diet, and -if possible- exercise) BEFORE he will perform a sleeve or bypass surgery. They're all able to lose the weight, even if it takes them a long time. Then he insists on a certain amount of weight loss before he'll perform the skin-removal surgery. He's coaching them (in a weird way) to stay motivated and keep their new lifestyle going. So many backslide, though - because FOOD is so tied to EVERYTHING we do.

I know two people who had the surgery, yet didn't change their lifestyles afterward, and they went back up to their pre-surgery weight within a couple of years. 

 

Oh definitely, but much of the success is also from the fact that the surgery alters the amount of hunger-inducing hormones your body produces. That’s something that dieting hasn’t been shown to do that can help maintain the changes a person has to make. Ultimately yes, the changes have to be made. The problem that my person has is that she’s plateaued in weight loss and she’s just as unhappy as she was before when she was obese. Only now, her stomach is too small for her to eat her feelings like she was in the habit of doing. Instead she’s drinking her feelings. So whatever improvements losing weight made in her health are rapidly being sabotaged by the pickling of her liver. That’s why the mental health aspect is so important. This person also refuses to accept help or go to therapy so I’ve kind of given up hope. 

Mental health is physical health, y’all. You can’t hate your body into state of wellbeing. It just isn’t possible. Be kind to your bodies! Kindness also means exercising as regularly as you can and feeding it leafy greens from time to time. That’s all I’m saying. 

[Spanger]

13 minutes ago, SapphireSlytherin said:

 

I know two people who had the surgery, yet didn't change their lifestyles afterward, and they went back up to their pre-surgery weight within a couple of years. 

 

Same thing happened with one of my good friends.

And just wanted to point out, the surgery is not exactly "easy" either.  Even before the surgery, she had to change her diet to get ready, no solid food for a month- and had lost a lot of weight just by doing that.  And she was in bad pain for a couple months after while healing.  Right before her surgery, she started wondering, "hey maybe if I just keep up this liquid diet Id lose the weight on my own?" But- the surgery was scheduled, and she just went ahead with it anyway.

It worked for a good while at first, because she could only eat tiny portions, but really- she didn't want to be eating like that.  She slowly kept upping her food intake until she was back eating what she felt like was a 'normal' amount, and well, the weight went back on.

Im glad that it's at least helpful for some people, but if you aren't committed to maintaining the adjustments you make for the surgery, it's not a magic cure-all, plus it's expensive and painful.  So each person needs to do what's right for them, but just be aware of thinking surgery would be an easy out, because it might not be/isn't, even if everything goes well with it, it's definitely not "easy!"

[singsingsing]

37 minutes ago, Hashtag Blessed said:

@singsingsing there has been a lot of success with gastric surgeries actually. This may sound extreme but it has been shown to be more successful for long term weightloss than any diet. For people who are health-threateningly overweight this is an expensive but proven option. However, what I believe she’s talking about when she says diets fail is not making healthy changes to your diet, shes talking about “going on a diet.” Meaning following whatever regimen is hot at the time. Juice clenses, intermittent fasting, keto, paleo, slim fast, whatever. Anything that causes rapid weight loss in a short time will ultimately fail in the long term. 

I know people have seen success with lifestyle changes such as finding an exercise you’ll actually do regularly, limiting sugar, and adding more helathful foods to your diet. Those things are valuable and necessary. But they aren’t likely to turn the average person into a supermodel. Just a healthier version of themselves. Which is great but for some reason not enough for people.

The problem with diet culture is that it is so often framed as an all or nothing game. I have someone in my life who recently had gastric sleeve surgery and dropped a lot of weight and improved her blood pressure immensely. But she was motivated by her appearance, not her health, so she’s still dieting and unhappily trying to reach a goal weight that is likely impossible for her. She’s undoing any improvements to her health by obsessing over her appearance. She, like many people, genuinely believed that losing weight would make her happy. But it won’t. It never does. There’s always more to lose. And even if she does lose it, next she’ll want a boob lift, or a facelift or both. 

My point is, healthy lifestyle changes are not the same thing as “a diet” and getting skinny is not the same thing as getting healthy. And in the case of your father, is he also taking medication for insulin resistance? Because that is something that can also make a huge difference in weight management for diabetics.

I know several people who've had gastric bypass surgery, including my aunt. It's not an easy step to take and it still involves major dietary and lifestyle changes. In fact, I would say that the dietary changes involved are harder and more restrictive than simply trying to lose weight through diet alone - but for some people gastric bypass is still a necessary step and worth the pain and hardship.

I 100% agree that 'diets' and 'diet culture' are toxic, unhealthy, and unsustainable. The poster I quoted seemed to be implying that attempting to lose weight through diet (not 'dieting') - or even trying to lose weight at all - was impossible and unhealthy, and I strongly disagree. But maybe I misinterpreted!

I'm not sure exactly what my father is doing to treat his diabetes as I haven't really spoken in detail with him about all the intricacies of his medical treatment. I know he's taking metformin, along with implementing the diet and lifestyle changes recommended by his doctor.  

[nausicaa]

Deleted my original comment cause I mixed up posters. Sorry about that. 

[MomKB]

3 hours ago, TheMustardCardigan said:

I think one thing that is helpful for some people looking to get healthier is joining a workout program that helps you see your progress and emphasizes things like getting stronger, getting faster, building endurance, etc. rather than focusing on weight loss. I started high intensity interval training at the end of the summer and it has been seriously awesome. I have never been super athletic or into working out. I'm pretty clumsy. When I go to a normal gym, I'm kind of at a loss for what to do and end up just using the machines I'm comfortable with. But the workout program I am in now has me looking forward to going each time, challenging me, feeling great afterward, and noticing changes in my performance and my body!

I started Taekwondo about a year and a half ago, and it has helped so much with my body image issues and mental health (and of course physical health.) It also helps me overcome the effects of sexism. (I was raised fundy.) I'm 40 and never thought I could do martial arts. :-)

[Georgiana]

47 minutes ago, singsingsing said:

I 100% agree that 'diets' and 'diet culture' are toxic, unhealthy, and unsustainable. The poster I quoted seemed to be implying that attempting to lose weight through diet (not 'dieting') - or even trying to lose weight at all - was impossible and unhealthy, and I strongly disagree. But maybe I misinterpreted!

I agree with this very much!  Toxic diets and diet culture should be avoided.  But the ONLY way to lose weight non-surgically is through a caloric deficit, and there is nothing wrong with mindfully eating at a deficit to lose weight, especially if this is medically advisable.  There's a HUGE difference between trying to lose weight by punishing yourself or restricting yourself, and doing so by being aware of what you need, how much you need, and what you DON'T need.  

There's nothing inherently wrong with a person choosing to lose weight.  It doesn't mean they hate themselves at their current weight.  It doesn't mean they hate other people who are their size or larger.  Weight loss is one of MANY journeys we can take with our bodies, and it is perfectly fine for someone to choose to embark on it.  

[FundieCentral]

3 hours ago, louisa05 said:

 

I live in a town of 9000 people in the Midwest. Currently in my house you will find fresh carrots, broccoli, tangerines, red pears, bananas, grapes, spinach, cauliflower and romaine.

And I feed two adults on about $60 a week. You can get fresh produce in most grocery stores outside more impoverished food desert areas. And far more choices than just avocado and banana.

 

Please don’t be offended by the description of my life  it was not meant to be offensive, I was simply sharing. I was not attacking you, midwestern towns, avocados, or bananas. 

At my grocery store, a pack of blueberries costs 3-4 dollars (1.50 where I live in Europe), a cucumber costs 2 dollars, so does a head of salad (vs. 75 cents where I live in Europe), peppers, mushrooms, grapes are 4 dollars a pound, so are tomatoes (all close to 1.50 where I come from). The only thing cheap are bananas (39 cents a pound). 

Of course this is specific to the region, I live in a rural area (in the northeast, so high taxes and long transport routes, which makes food expensive). 

That specifically referred to what’s often available in restaurants/sandwich places around here. tendentially, people eat of lot of banana and avocado, they are the most frequently appearing *fruit* ingredients from my impression, way more than when I come from. Avocados are added to salads, dips, dressings, sandwiches, or oftentimes eaten raw on the side. Bananas are also the most frequently available fruit at delis, cornerstones, cafes, Starbucks, etc, plus they are he cheapest. Even pancakes are sometimes made with bananas around here. Doesn’t mean they’re bad. I love them both. I hope the avocado army doesn’t crucify me  

(Avocados in particular are popular within the hipster subculture that is very prominent in this area). But yes, that’s why I gain weight here  

countless Americans are able to afford and live healthily, and I absolutely think that’s wonderful. I was just trying to give an example how despite my best trying, many circumstantial and behavioral things compound that make it more difficult to stay slim. 

[PennySycamore]

@VelociRapture, I was pretty numb the first week after Katherine was born.   She was discharged from the NICU one day before her four month birthday and one day before my dad's 60th.  I wouldn't be a bit surprised that we would have celebrated more on January 8th than on her actual birthday in September if she had survived.  Btw, we had a foot of snow the night she came home.  Fortunately, she didn't need to go back to the pediatrician for a few weeks because our pets office was down a steep hill from the house. I hope VelociBaby's homecoming weather was better than ours was!

Two of my older daughters had birthdays later in September.  One was at her aunt's wedding on her 2nd birthday, but darned if I remember what we did for our daughter that turned 7. I'm amazed that I remember anything from late 1987. 

[manda b]

For those looking for produce at a decent price, I buy a lot of ours from Aldi's.

 

[VelociRapture]

1 hour ago, PennySycamore said:

@VelociRapture, I was pretty numb the first week after Katherine was born.   She was discharged from the NICU one day before her four month birthday and one day before my dad's 60th.  I wouldn't be a bit surprised that we would have celebrated more on January 8th than on her actual birthday in September if she had survived.  Btw, we had a foot of snow the night she came home.  Fortunately, she didn't need to go back to the pediatrician for a few weeks because our pets office was down a steep hill from the house. I hope VelociBaby's homecoming weather was better than ours was!

Two of my older daughters had birthdays later in September.  One was at her aunt's wedding on her 2nd birthday, but darned if I remember what we did for our daughter that turned 7. I'm amazed that I remember anything from late 1987. 

It actually flurried the morning she was born and then again the morning she was sent home. We picked her up in the afternoon when it was sunny out, so we had a nice first car ride home together. 

Today I just took a few moments to remember how good it felt to finally walk her around a room without other people in it or how weird it was to hold her without all the wires attached to her. I told her during her afternoon snack that she’s officially been home for a full year - she started laughing and obliged when I asked for a high five. We also made a small donation to the renovation fundraiser for the NICU she was in and I mailed off a Christmas card (with a handwritten update on her progress) to the NICU staff too. Mostly we just enjoyed a nice quiet day together.  

[Blue jay]

@singsingsing I think we agree on a lot, tbh. I really respect your opinion (I don't post a lot but I read a lot and I almost always find you to be a great voice of reason on FJ). Perhaps we disagree on some finer points of this issue, but my respect for your opinion remains. With that, let me clarify my position a bit.

You say that many people lose weight "successfully" and that is of course true. It is also true that the vast majority of those people will regain that weight and then some. I would love this not to  be true, but it is true. 

We seem to agree that diet culture is toxic and that unsustainable diets are a problem. I think we just disagree about what is unsustainable.

I do indeed mean to say that trying to lose weight is unsustainable. Calorie restriction is unsustainable. Restricting our calories leads to feelings of deprivation which leads to overeating to compensate. 

Luckily, the alternative to trying to lose weight isn't just giving up. 

Intuitive eating is consciously reconnecting with and trusting your own ability to feed yourself. It is being mindful and tuning in to your feelings of hunger and fullness. (We know how to do this as babies, it is just relearning it).  It is ending the guilt around eating. It is refocusing our self-worth measures away from our weight, and acknowledging we are worthy even if we are fat. Intuitive eating is not giving up, it is finding a new path to health (mental and physical).

I wish your father the very best with his health.

TL;DR: diets suck, let's love ourselves.

[karen77]

2 hours ago, manda b said:

For those looking for produce at a decent price, I buy a lot of ours from Aldi's.

 

Depends on where you are, we don't have Aldi's 'round these here parts

[Jinder Roles]

I agree, changing to healthier habits will make people healthier (but physical health isn't everything and a lot of people experience anxiety around eating even when they are perceived as 'healthy). I think there's a big issue in the world about how we perceive foods, food availability, nutrition education, over-processing and the fact that large conglomerate companies want you to hate yourself so you'll buy their 'superfood' that will change your life. It's not sustainable in the long-term. On the other spectrum is packing foods with unhealthy things and selling them en-mass. 

Social-economic position and your cultural upbringing also have A LOT to do with weight, how you eat and accessibility to food. 

On another note D-wreck encouraged people to vote for Roy 'is a child predator who thinks America was better during slavery' Moore. He blatantly disregarded the allegations (most likely true) against Moore because his bigoted Republican fundie agenda is more important than the wellbeing of others. 

Article here: http://popculture.com/reality-tv/2017/12/12/derick-dillard-tells-people-to-support-roy-moore/