Bro Gary Hawkins Part 2: Saved and Eating Weens, Like a MAN!

[snarkopolis]

On 9/29/2017 at 10:40 PM, DancingPhalanges said:

Are you sure? It has red dye #40, yummy  pink gravy comes from it. Maybe with a good red wine? 

Just say No!

[Beermeet]

@WEENS AND GRAVY. Hello and welcome!  I was wondering when someone would use a ween gravy kinda name.  About time! Lol!  

Sis. Beermeet

[Lurky]

Sis @Georgiana I die!

I especially liked "If CHRIST would not do it we should not do it", because I know I am a godless heathen, but I can't remember that book of the Bible where Jesus was grifting for junkers on his facebook...

[Tree Hugger 2]

On 10/1/2017 at 2:43 PM, Coy Koi said:

 

Is this a trick question? I don't know if we are to serve the gods on the other side of the flood or the gods of the Amorites.  This leaves me in dire need of spiritual enlightenment. 

thank you, sistas for any guidance or monies you can provide.

[PumaLover]

Georgiana those comments were hilarious. My favorite was "fall festables." But then that same poster went on to call out Bro G by saying he was putting people down, unless he's asking for something. Haha!!

[Palimpsest]

Ok folks, I finally caught up with this thread and I'm laughing so hard!  Bro. Gary and his weens and the unending saga of multiple grifted broken down RVs is pure farce.  Or would be if there weren't kids involved.

Are we sure that Bro. Gary isn't just toying with us?   Perhaps the whole thing is a parody.

[Coy Koi]

57 minutes ago, PumaLover said:

Georgiana those comments were hilarious. My favorite was "fall festables." But then that same poster went on to call out Bro G by saying he was putting people down, unless he's asking for something. Haha!!

I thought he was one of us at first when I saw this:

But nope, he's an actual friend of G-Haw, or more like a frenemy. He knows what's up, even if he doesn't know how to spell "festival".

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

34 minutes ago, Palimpsest said:

Are we sure that Bro. Gary isn't just toying with us?   Perhaps the whole thing is a parody.

In some ways (especially in regards to the kids), I hope it is parody. If it were, I could get rid of that twinge of worry that comes after I'm done laughing.

Sis. WWJCD (8 lb. something oz., Mom wishes she had had an episiotomy; sorry if that's TMI)

[FundieFarmer]

Ok folks, 

I don't think Sis @Curious knew what she did here but Bless Rufus it has me rollin' in the weens. 

Sis FF, 7 lbs of trouble and sass since day 1

[JillyO]

3 hours ago, PumaLover said:

Georgiana those comments were hilarious. My favorite was "fall festables." But then that same poster went on to call out Bro G by saying he was putting people down, unless he's asking for something. Haha!!

How are there so damn many adult Americans, whose first language is presumably English, who can't string a freaking sentence together? HOW? Even the ones who make halfway sane arguments write barely legible/understandable comments. It is terrifying.

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

12 minutes ago, FundieFarmer said:

Ok folks, 

I don't think Sis @Curious knew what she did here but Bless Rufus it has me rollin' in the weens. 

Sis FF, 7 lbs of trouble and sass since day 1

Well, @Curious did mention "folks" in the last Bro. Gary thread.

Quote

ah shoot.  I use folks a lot here because I'm almost always addressing the membership as a whole and not individuals.  There are only so many things you can call a big group of people.   I used to use "guys" a lot.  As in Hi guys, today we blah blah blah.  I found out a lot of people don't like that though so have tried to refrain from using it.

I don't like "Hi members"  that sound impersonal and has potential for people's inner 12-year-olds to surface.   

Folks has been my go to. Time to look at a thesaurus. 

(emoticons didn't copy)

It was here:

I have a few thesaurus-es (thesauri?) I could use in the cause, but I'm too attached to my reference books to loan them out. I guess Webster, Roget, and National Geographic (atlas) are my idols. 

Sis. WWJCD

[church_of_dog]

Ok folks, 

So exactly how much postage DOES it take to mail him to the cross?

#askingforafriend

#sorrynotsorry

Sis CoD

[Carol]

I think I posted a song I wrote about the Rodrigues when they were blaming all their vehicle troubles on Satan, called, "It Ain't Satan, It's the Alternator". 

In any case, here's one for Bro Gary.  

 

It ain't Satan it's the starter

Gary, you are such a martyr

With Pink Weens in your larder

Turnin you into a farter. 

 

Go home, go home

Oh wait, you're already there

In that shit heap of a bus

That came from god knows where

 

All these special requests for prayer

Ever urgent as they are

Tell us what is goin on

Or you won't get very far

 

It must be that goddamn bus

Someone suckered you into buyin

We're done donatin more money

Even though you'll still keep tryin

 

We ain't toothless with our money

Don't want to see it go to waste

There's sumthin going on that's funny

Leavin us with a bad taste

 

It ain't Satan it's the starter

Gary, you are such a martyr

With Pink Weens in your larder

Turnin you into a farter

[Pink Muffin]

Ok folks, I have to wonder if bro Gary is for real  Maybe the red dye #40 has done something bad to his brain? 

How can he pretend to praise the LORD and win souls for the LORD when all he does is asking for money or prayers? Or money AND prayers. 

And I don´t understand why he did buy that wreck bus which seems to be in worse condition than their RV? Maybe he did realize that he would never get the money for the new motorhome home.

Since we don´t have these kind of preachers here in Sweden, I also wonder how does his ministry for the LORD work? Do churches contact him and ask him to come and PREACH the TRUTH and the family to sing? Or do the family just pop in some random church and bro Gary goes: OK, folks! Here we are, ready to win some SOULS to the LORD!

Ok, folks, since I have moved to a new stationary home home, maybe you would consider to send a little amount of dollars to my paplal, even LITTLE is welcome. I need to buy some nice furniture. Praise the LORD and KJV

Bro Pink 
(actually it´s sis but bro Pink has a nice ring to it)

[Ozlsn]

1 hour ago, church_of_dog said:

Ok folks, 

So exactly how much postage DOES it take to mail him to the cross?

#askingforafriend

#sorrynotsorry

Sis CoD

Depends where the cross is. Given the size of parcel needed he'd be oversized packaging, so cost would be based on cubic weight (weight and size of packaging).  If he's only being shipped internally in the US then it'll be cheaper but to Galilee might blow the costs out a bit and will probably need to go seamail. 

(Yes I did just spend 20 minutes looking up postage costs for a 300lb parcel, why do you ask?)

Sis Ozlsn, who thinks it would be cheaper to ship the cross because it breaks down actually.

[Dubiousclaire]

Ok folks, catching up with Bro Gary after a few weeks.  I am SEVERLY disappointed that so many people donated money to his cause. 

I know he may be operating on diminished mental capabilities, but why the hell did his wife let him buy that behemoth of a money pit? (Sorry, I know, subserviant) 

Does no one in his circle have the balls to say, "you know bro, this doesn't sound like a fiscally responsible decision"? No, because he said its for Jesus? I mean, they spent $700 on a tow truck, and will need to spend thousands to get new tires. Shame on the freakin preacher that sold that crappy bus to them. Does anyone even think he will get the rest of the money? He probably just wanted that junk heap off the property. 

How do you live with yourself, sitting at a computer every day begging for money, for a motor home?  I didn't see once where he mentioned the hurricanes, or doing something to help the victims, or even offering a prayer.  No, its all "me, Me, ME" with these greedy fundies. 

Ugh, rant over. 

Sis Dubious Claire

[Dandruff]

1 hour ago, Dubiousclaire said:

Does no one in his circle have the balls to say, "you know bro, this doesn't sound like a fiscally responsible decision"?

I suspect any Weenite who did that would be asked to contribute toward a more fiscally responsible decision.

[applejack]

Okay, so I went (without the rescue ferrets even!) to read through about Bro Gary and if I hadn't read so many posts from y'all saying "This is a parody right? It's got to be? For the love of Rufus tell me it's a parody! I'd be asking the same thing.

As it stands, I'm stuck in this limbo between laughing maniacally and scaring my dog, and making a face like this: 

If for nothing else, thanks for the laughs, it's been a shitty week, it felt good to let go and just laugh for awhile. 

Sis Applejack

[Botkinetti]

Ok folks

I sort of think the weens  threads should be required reading for new members. It has everything I love about FJ. Inspired lunacy that will make you laugh until you cry and deep empathy for the children involved. Any critics of the site who call us " joyless hags " should be pointed directly here.

Sis Botkinetti 

first granddaughter after five grandsons so my maternal grandfather bought cake for his office

[Nikedagain?]

21 hours ago, Palimpsest said:

Are we sure that Bro. Gary isn't just toying with us?   Perhaps the whole thing is a parody.

Oh I am afraid he is very, very real. I'm about an hour from his hometown (or the town on his website). These folks are all too real. I'm sitting at an auto repair shop right now waiting. I'm also wearing a shirt that says "Cats against Trump". I really didn't think about it. My daughter with ASD and I wear stuff like this all the time (today she has on "don't panic, it's just autism, it's not contagious!"). 

 IT'S HUMOR!

The mechanic looked at the shirt, took my key and now I've been waiting and waiting... 

Others have come and gone, yet my car sits. Aforementioned others aren't wearing a message I suppose.

IT'S HUMOR!

I should leave, but I'm stubborn. 

#maybeimparanoid #sorrynotsorryonedamnbit #northcarolinaassholes

[Coy Koi]

25 minutes ago, Nikedagain? said:

The mechanic looked at the shirt, took my key and now I've been waiting and waiting... 

Others have come and gone, yet my car sits. Aforementioned others aren't wearing a message I suppose.

IT'S HUMOR!

Next time you go to the mechanic, wear a shirt that says "The red weenie in ME make it more pink" and report back.

IT BIBLE!

[PopRox]

11 hours ago, Dubiousclaire said:

Shame on the freakin preacher that sold that crappy bus to them. Does anyone even think he will get the rest of the money? He probably just wanted that junk heap off the property. 

He probably thought God sent him a poor idiot sucker who would be fool enough to buy his piece of junk, and thus it was okay... after all, God didn't bless Gary with the common sense He gave a moth.

[JillsFlowerHeadband]

Ok folks

I noticed in clicking around Bro Ween's Facebook page that he's given reviews to churches that he's attempted to grift from visited and... I noticed something interesting.

 

He gave five stars to the churches that had him there to preach and get free food and a possible  love offering fellowship. The one church that didn't have him there to preach, but still generously allowed him to park there and most likely hook up to their electricity got a star knocked off their review and a short, much less effusive comment. Am I reading too much into this or am I detecting a bit of pettiness on Bro's part that he wasn't invited to hijack the service and beg for ween and gravy money?

Sis JFH

(As an aside, I'm having trouble not starting posts in other threads with "Ok folks". Maybe the weens have infected my brain. 

[Carol]

OK Folks, Gary just posted this.

Gary Hawkins

1 min · Boothsville, WV · 

Ok folks this is GOD will.
Bro Gary Hawkins 
In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. 
1 Thessalonians 5:18 KJB

I can't tell if he's packin it in or continuing to despair grift.  Probably go with what's behind door #2.

[Coy Koi]

2 hours ago, JillsFlowerHeadband said:

He gave five stars to the churches that had him there to preach and get free food and a possible  love offering fellowship. The one church that didn't have him there to preach, but still generously allowed him to park there and most likely hook up to their electricity got a star knocked off their review and a short, much less effusive comment.

They didn't even get an "Ok folks". That's cold.

I think there's a lot of tension in the Ween(im)mobile right now. Mr. Ween is getting really defensive and Mrs. Plex-Ween is getting really silent, because she can't even pretend things are so great right now, and she can't post about anything less great, due to her amazing, successful business.

I saw someone posted a comment on his urgent prayer request post saying "You mean you want people to give you more money?" and calling him incoherent, and that has now been deleted. Obviously I can't know what all he's deleted, but I've seen some very insulting things left up, so this seems unusual for him.