Lori Alexander 25: A Wife Is a Good *Thing*

[Hane]

Soapbox here:  No, children are not vending machines that are designed to pump out grandchildren and retirement income. They're human beings with priorities of their own.  Want grandkids? Volunteer for one of those fun "adopt-a-grandmother" programs. And good luck making your kids support you: the younger generation has it a lot tougher than mine did.

A dear friend was the only child of his widowed mother. She never managed to get pregnant, so she cared for dozens of foster kids--then had a surprise baby at 45. He was an exemplary son to her, moving her in with him when she hit her 80s, taking her on a cruise. Then he died just short of his 40th birthday, and she was completely alone. (My sister, who has only one child, says she's planning for her old age as if she had no kids--you never know whether they might have to move away for work, or whether a heartbreaking loss might happen.)

My daughter had only one child, because the hormonal changes of pregnancy had an adverse effect on her mental health. No way in hell am I guilting her into having more kids. And it was her husband who first suggested we all buy a house together when I retire--I didn't whine and nag them into it. They spend time with me because they want to--not because they're obligated to.

[So-Virgin-It-Hurts]

1 hour ago, usmcmom said:

Pets work wonders for our overall health.

I whole-heartedly agree!  There were periods of time in my life in which I'm sure I would not have survived without a little fur buddy at my side; with you through thick and thin.  Their emotional value has been supported by clinical research, as well.  That said, no assholes may have a pet in my rulebook.  Looking at you, Derek Dillard, Cat-Kicking Lori, etc.

[December]

15 hours ago, EowynW said:

Why do the leghumpers think that a woman having to work two means the couple is living extravagantly or aren't making something of themselves?

Insecurity in their own choices and ideology? The grass is always greener on the other side, too. Many people I've encountered with these views (fundie and not) seem to think that two-income households, childless couples, etc. lead far more glamorous and carefree lives than the reality usually is! 

[EowynW]

@Hisey yea, my inlaws and my parents do not understand how much things have changed in 30 years. It frustrates Mr. Ew to no end because he can see the difference from when he was a kid vs now as an adult. 

 

[Hisey]

Trey chimes in today, twisting the Bible around to find an excuse to "discipline" women. Bolding mine.

Quote

Trey Magnus I think you have it backwards Tony. It is not the Queen who chooses/makes the King, it is the King who chooses and makes a woman his Queen. The Bible does not tell men that they can win their wives with certain behaviors but rather it tells women that they can win their husbands by their chaste and respectful behavior. A husband should always love his wife no matter what but love requires different things at different times and would not be consistent with treating a spoiled brat contentious brawling vexing woman like a Queen. Loving a woman acting like that would more properly be described as discipline. A husband is instructed to love his wife as Christ loves the Church and God disciplines those that He loves.

 

[TeddyBonkers]

@Hisey"Trey Magnus" has no pictures on his profile, and only one Facebook friend, the esteemed Ken Alexander!! If I were a betting woman, I'd put my money down on a Ken sock puppet. Or maybe Cabinetman.

[AuntKrazy]

With regard to Lori's crazy "a woman never should have a job":

I am incredibly thankful for my career.  There is nothing that increases my faith and prayer life like the work I get to do every day.  I could not do what I do day in and day out without my love of Jesus.  He inspires me to try to show compassion and kindness even when I see things that are constantly cruel and unjust.  Growing up, I always wanted to "help people".  I even wanted to join the peace corp or be a missionary (the kind that helps people learn skills and better their lives).  As this required schooling, I went to college and then grad school, and then in grad school I found out I had a bunch of health problems which meant I couldn't live without regular health care.

Staying in the US simply meant that I needed to find a way to help people here.  Fortunately, my career enables me to do that.  Every day I work with families from around the world and try to help them secure better lives for themselves.  My husband and I are able to do much more for charity than we would if I stayed home (where I would be bored out of my mind).

We were often asked about having children, and we now just smile at each other and change the subject.  See, one of the reasons we married each other was our choice not to have children.  (and no, we are not adopting).  I happen to also be infertile (which I found out after marriage and the decision not to have children).  I made peace with it a long time ago.  I tend to see my infertility as God's gift to me (kind of like a supernatural wink), letting me know that He is perfectly pleased with my not wanting to be a stay at home homeschooling mom.  My husband never wanted children either.

We occasionally tell people we do not want children when they are close friends and are asking in the context of a deep, connected conversation.  But we got tired of "helpful" suggestions about fertility, treatments, adoption, etc. to "solve" my childless state long ago.  We are childless by choice.  And we also choose to use our time and talents to try to better the world we live in, especially in our careers.  We believe this is what it means to be salt and light in the world today.  Compassion and kindness tries to meet people on their terms and on their turf, without judgment of their culture and way of life.  So this is the way we seek to honor Jesus with our lives.

I believe it is heresy for Lori to continue telling women that something the Bible is silent on is sin.  She is not God.  Evangelical Christian theology teaches that where the Bible is silent, there should be grace.  So Lori is something, but it's not Christian.

[NotQuiteMotY]

22 hours ago, TeddyBonkers said:

3. Brain tumor. Often referred to as a "pituitary tumor", since it is right beside the pituitary gland. For someone who eschews modern medicine such as vaccinations, Lori is quick to use convention medicine to benefit herself. She was first diagnosed with a meningioma in 2003 or 2004, and she believes she got it by running into a plate glass window. (Seriously). She had two brain surgeries and a CyberKnife treatment.

...Got a brain tumor by running into a plate glass window?

Welp, I'm done on FJ for the day, that hit my daily dose of crazy.

21 hours ago, AuntKrazy said:

But peppermint oil/essential oils?  - I think the intense smells alone would make my migraines worse.

I haven't tried them for the same reason. Normally I don't mind, say, the smell of skunk (at a distance, anyway) or Irish Spring soap, but give me a migraine and it's all I can do to keep my stomach where it should be.

15 hours ago, EowynW said:

(remember we are recovering/escaped undies) 

As for the rest of your post, you have utter sympathy, and a while lot of support here. This typo just made me giggle, though, so thank you for the mental image! 

[SusanDelgado]

My mom worked so we could have worldly luxuries like food and electricity XD. My dad worked too. There was only two of us. But between medical debt, student loans, and just all around poop happening like it is want to do, we needed two incomes. NEEDED. Not wanted. Also my parents lost their parents by the time I was in junior high so there wasn't any support coming from them. Her one size fits all prescriptions are maddening. 

I assume all these wife disciplining men are disgusted by actual bdsm and think it's evil and of the devil. Without understanding that it's more or less what they're advocating. 

[EowynW]

6 minutes ago, NotQuiteMotY said:

...Got a brain tumor by running into a plate glass window?

Welp, I'm done on FJ for the day, that hit my daily dose of crazy.

I haven't tried them for the same reason. Normally I don't mind, say, the smell of skunk (at a distance, anyway) or Irish Spring soap, but give me a migraine and it's all I can do to keep my stomach where it should be.

As for the rest of your post, you have utter sympathy, and a while lot of support here. This typo just made me giggle, though, so thank you for the mental image! 

I am so sorry. Hahaha! I have noticed I have made serveral awful typos here in the past day and I wasn't able to edit in time to catch any of them. I am blaming it on stress. Mr. EW gave himself a concussion last week and it's been crazy here. 

[AlwaysDiscerning]

What's creepy about the name "Magnus" be it real or fake is that was the last name of one of the molesting priests in the Keepers documentary. 

https://www.romper.com/p/who-is-father-neil-magnus-in-the-keepers-he-held-important-position-at-keough-high-school-56472

[polecat]

2 hours ago, Koala said:

Lori and Ken have both asserted that children are the best retirement plan. 

 

This is utterly reprehensible to me. 

 

[So-Virgin-It-Hurts]

29 minutes ago, polecat said:

Lori and Ken have both asserted that children are the best retirement plan. 

Shit, what an incomprehensible pressure and burden to place on your children.  What's the matter King Ken?  A good provider would have been contributing to a retirement fund of some kind.  For shit's sake, you know Lori's going to be baby-like helpless if you die before her and I guarantee you, none of your children (especially their spouses) will want her to move in with them.  

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

@NotQuiteMotY Adding to the crazy:   Lori said her tumor came back because she ate too many carrots.  But she knew how to shrink it.  Ingest lots of salt and very little water. Seriously she said this.

I firmly believe there are fangirls out there worrying they have given themselves or their families brain tumors because they eat lots of carrots

[polecat]

1 hour ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

@NotQuiteMotY Adding to the crazy:   Lori said her tumor came back because she ate too many carrots.  But she knew how to shrink it.  Ingest lots of salt and very little water. Seriously she said this.

I firmly believe there are fangirls out there worrying they have given themselves or their families brain tumors because they eat lots of carrots

My oldest kid just downed an entire bag of baby carrots* in a single day. Now I have to call his ped and ask if he might have a brain tumor!

*Actually, I was kind of annoyed about this because I had literally just bought them. Feeding teen boys (and probably girls but I have no experience with them) is no joke. A trip to the grocery is like ... bringing dinner home. It isn't going to last all week no matter how well you hide stuff.

[usmcmom]

4 minutes ago, polecat said:

My oldest kid just downed an entire bag of baby carrots* in a single day. Now I have to call his ped and ask if he might have a brain tumor!

*Actually, I was kind of annoyed about this because I had literally just bought them. Feeding teen boys (and probably girls but I have no experience with them) is no joke. A trip to the grocery is like ... bringing dinner home. It isn't going to last all week no matter how well you hide stuff.

Don't waste time on a phone call!!  Silly Goose! Cover that child's head in black salve. Seriously, what are you waiting for?!?

Ugh! I know what you mean about groceries. Teenagers can eat!!! I always found it both fascinating and disgusting. My daughter and two friends would go through a whole pineapple in one sitting. Or two quarts of fresh strawberries. And oh my gosh, the yogurt.  I never had enough yogurt or cereal. Or Little Debbie cakes. Or pretzels.  Or pizza rolls.  

Okay.  I am having scary flashbacks. Somebody help me  

And the boys?!? One time my mother brought two pumpkin pies and set them on the counter for my son. He and three friends devoured them like maniacs. They just pulled each pie pan between two boys and went to town. My mother looked like she was watching a massacre!!  When my son had friends over and we ordered pizza, my rule was that the boys could not touch it until my daughter had taken what she wanted. Otherwise, she'd get a sad scrap of sausage and a dripping of sauce. 

I will never erase the memory of taking the wrestling team to a buffet after a meet. God help us all!  

[louisa05]

When my brother was 15, our cousin, then 17 was playing in a tennis tournament near us and stayed at our house for four days along with his doubles partner, also 17. The three of them ate an entire box of cereal in one morning. 

My mother had enough trouble keeping food in the house with one teenage boy.

[dairyfreelife]

2 hours ago, polecat said:

This is utterly reprehensible to me. 

 

 

1 hour ago, So-Virgin-It-Hurts said:

Shit, what an incomprehensible pressure and burden to place on your children.  What's the matter King Ken?  A good provider would have been contributing to a retirement fund of some kind.  For shit's sake, you know Lori's going to be baby-like helpless if you die before her and I guarantee you, none of your children (especially their spouses) will want her to move in with them.  

Totally. I am all for helping aging parents, but wanting to help and feeling an obligation by them to do so are different. Obligations feel like a burden. Any decent child with decent loving parents will of course help out their parents any way they can as they are able. I don't mind doing things to help my parents out or help my fiance's parents out. Both of our fathers are in poor health so help where and however we can. His family does expect it and so does the culture, which I'm meh about, but they come from a different era and his mother was not given much education and therefore could not financially support herself in any way as was never allowed to do so. My family does not, but us children do want to help and worry about them. 

Basically, it's great to have children who want and are willing to help you as you age and if you are decent and your children are decent and able they probably will. However, they are NOT obligated to do so. Most people don't throw their parents into nursing homes because they can't be bothered to help. They get their parents help and sometimes it goes beyond what the child can handle medically and they have to have nurses and/or go to a nursing home for care. I know my fiance and I, neither of us are doctors or anything medical. However, my sister is and his sister and BIL are so that helps. Most people don't have children in the medical field though so it's harder. 

[delphinium65]

7 hours ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

E) Does she expect her sons to support her (Lori) after Ken's passing? ( Based on Lori's spending habits, I don't believe that Ken has put all that much aside nor do I think he plans to retire ever.)

Not if they value their sanity, or want any kind of peaceful home life, they won't! 

[Corntree]

My mom busted her ass for my sister and me when we were growing up, but now that she's having health problems, she has told me she's worried about being a burden to us. Which is something I like about her, b/c she's never acted like we owed her so much. I'm married with kids and she still wants to help me out however she can. My sister and I care a lot about her and will do anything we can to help her. I guess that's how it should be. I try to be that way with my kids. I didn't have them so they would make me feel better about myself or take care of me when I'm older. They do not exist solely for me. I try to keep my ego out of the way.

I used to be one of those people who thought I'd never put a loved one in a nursing home. When my grandmother developed dementia, that turned out to be the best option, though. My granddad couldn't take care of her by himself, and he couldn't afford an in-home nurse. It turned out alright. My mom used to be a CNA and she has said you have to be careful, though. Some CNAs really don't care about their patients. People with Alzheimer's or whose families don't visit often are more likely to be mistreated or ignored. I would rather have my mom live with me or my sister if she needs something like that, but I know a nursing home is the best option for some.

[usmcmom]

I was still in college when my mother started asking me for money. My husband had already graduated and she thought his new job gave us a money orchard. She has asked us for money off and on for the past thirty years. 

I totally would not mind if she was gracious and careful. But when I get my jeans ar Walmart and she tells me hers were $80 from the most expensive store at the mall - well, I get a little peeved. Recently she has been "needing" money again and we have put the freeze on it. My husband's company just laid off about three hundred people and for a couple weeks we were just holding our breath. She is completely unphased by this worry of ours and the fact that my husband's mother is terminally ill.   Maybe she and Lori are long lost cousins.  

It is a HUGE burden to be expected to bail your parents out when they are irresponsible and ungrateful. I will never do that to my kids. I do not work, but I have been careful to build my own IRA. I love to do things for my kids and they are so grateful. I don't expect them to do for me. However, in the recent months we have faced several family crises and they have stepped up in an unbelievable way. Their presence and support are much more valuable to me than their money will ever be. 

[SusanDelgado]

We had a rabbit. It ate carrots. It died.  Coincidence??  I THINK NOT!!! 

[louisa05]

We had a rabbit. It ate carrots. It died.  Coincidence??  I THINK NOT!!! 

Carrots are actually not very good for them. The green tops and other leafy greens are better.

[Hane]

I'd heard so many stories about teenaged boys' voracious appetites, but never saw it firsthand until I hosted a cast party when my daughter was in her school play. I bought a six-foot sub and put it on the dining room table. When I went in to get a piece fifteen minutes later, the fishermen from "Carousel" (most of them football players) had left only a few pathetic shreds of lettuce.

By comparison, my daughter and her girlfriends had relatively dainty appetites--except for her twelfth birthday party, when everyone seemed to be hitting puberty simultaneously. (They looked like little girls from the waist up and Playboy centerfolds from the waist down--bizarre but true.) Eight girls tore through three pizzas and two sheet cakes, and I had to send out for more food!

[So-Virgin-It-Hurts]

When I was born my older brothers were ages 8, 10, 11, and 12 years old.  Yes, my mother had four boys in five years.  There was a lot of food insecurity in our home and we mostly lived off our huge garden.  So extra potatoes were made at each meal and every night several kettles of popcorn were made.  When all the boys were teenagers they would all have several platefuls of potatoes prior to even starting the rest of the meal.  Popcorn is still my comfort food and in graduate school I often survived for weeks eating nothing but popcorn and apples.  I found out from my 30 yo niece that her (highly successful) dad always made popcorn every night!