Dillards 34: Finding Contentment

[Thorns]

The evil socialist that I am is seeing red, litteraly. I think my empathy and sympathy centers are going to explode. I wish I could copy-paste or send all the whiny entiteled mothers on the norwegian mummy board I frequent here, so that they can truly understand how extremely lucky and privilegied we are. 

[backyard sylph]

I read another forum which has a general philosophy of spelling out an acronym the first time it's used, so everyone has at least a chance of understanding what it refers to. I don't remember if that's a thing here, but something to keep in mind. I just about never have any idea what various initialisms mean; it's a weak spot in my brain.

Also to keep in mind, when people say things just won't work here, they are often thinking of the disparate views of people in each of the 50 states, as someone (so sorry, new page now,) mentioned in her experiences of moving from Michigan to Oklahoma. I experienced a similar brain swerve when moving from New Jersey to Cincinnati.

I'm not at all saying it's right, that more universal ideas can't be implemented across the country, just that it's a common concern, and not wholly without merit. It isn't that the programs wouldn't necessarily work, it's that there are always going to be many rugged individualists who cannot see the greater benefit to society as a whole if they are made to participate in them financially. Yes, it's self-centered thinking. There's an odd moralistic component to it as well.

One example of misunderstanding is the price of health care: if you consider how much it costs, you can't imagine how it could be offered to everyone equally. You aren't taught that the costs are artificial, that insurance companies and pharmaceutical companies are responsible for making sure their profits matter more than your needs, and that all of it could be done more economically if the entire process were retooled. All people see is those terrifying bills, and how much each of us would have to put in to cover them as they currently stand. The "1%" could cover the rest of us with ease, actually, but that's another topic...

We don't have health insurance at our house currently, and won't for the rest of the year. My husband is working as a contractor, and we can't afford even the cheapest ACA plan, because we are neither poor enough or rich enough, and it's based on previous year income. We have a little borrowing power if we need it in the next few months for a serious condition. The company he is doing contract work for has the best insurance plan I've seen in years, so I'm hoping their hiring freeze ends at the new year.

[SapphireSlytherin]

4 minutes ago, backyard sylph said:

ACA plan, because we are neither poor enough or rich enough, and it's based on previous year income.

This is what infuriates me about the ACA. It's only in existence to make money for the insurance companies.

I hope you both stay healthy until you're on a good insurance plan. We got hit out of the blue with my gall bladder going south last year. After an endoscopic removal of a gall stone from my common bile duct (ERCP) resulted in infection, pancreatitis, and a post-procedure ileus, I was in the hospital for eleven days. ELEVEN. They finally were able to remove the gall bladder on Day 9. Total cost was just over $100,000. Our insurance, which is the best plan I've ever (ever!) seen, covered all but $1,200 (which is our annual out-of-pocket maximum).

[backyard sylph]

3 minutes ago, SapphireSlytherin said:

This is what infuriates me about the ACA. It's only in existence to make money for the insurance companies.

I hope you both stay healthy until you're on a good insurance plan. We got hit out of the blue with my gall bladder going south last year. After an endoscopic removal of a gall stone from my common bile duct (ERCP) resulted in infection, pancreatitis, and a post-procedure ileus, I was in the hospital for eleven days. ELEVEN. They finally were able to remove the gall bladder on Day 9. Total cost was just over $100,000. Our insurance, which is the best plan I've ever (ever!) seen, covered all but $1,200 (which is our annual out-of-pocket maximum).

That is so awful. I am glad you were able to have it cared for without at least the financial concern.

We...eat plenty of vegetables and take a lot of vitamins? Actually, I have to because I don't have the digesting B-12 enzyme. I had the shots, but now just take a sublingual thing and hope for the best. He is a cyclist, though, and will be in mountains next month. I am a bit concerned about that, but trying not to be.

[louisa05]

I'm not defending our shitty system because it remains shitty BUT a single mom making minimum wage will be eligible for assistance for childcare. Plus the quoted average price of childcare is skewed as averages are by including what the most privileged are able to pay (i e $38000 for a nanny ). For the rest of us the National Association of Child Care Resource and Referral Agencies reports a range from $3600 to $19,000 a year (I rounded it).

[SapphireSlytherin]

19 minutes ago, backyard sylph said:

We...eat plenty of vegetables and take a lot of vitamins?

That's what's so weird, and had the doctors stumped (initially) with my symptoms; they thought it had to be gastritis because I fit none of the criteria for a typical gallstone patient (I'm not overweight, I don't eat a high-fat diet, there's no family history). I'm pescatarian but mostly vegetarian. I don't eat butter or cheese or drink milk. They had no idea why I had gall stones.

And let me tell you - the pancreatitis combined with the ileus was like being in labor for three days straight... one long, continuous contraction. I was in SO much pain, even with super-strong narcotics. :/

[foreign fundie]

So what do you get in exchange for unaffordable health care and all those positively medieval  labour and maternity laws? The right to bear arms?

After reading all the above I am surprised the refugee boats come over the Mediterranean and not over the Atlantic. What civilization does not at least protect their child bearing mums? No personal offense guys, I just feel so bad for you all. I know from experience that when sick or giving birth, the last thing you need is financial stress.

I think free maternity care is just a basic form of respect that all women deserve for (at considerable personal risk and discomfort) bearing the next generation of citizens. 

 

[backyard sylph]

7 minutes ago, SapphireSlytherin said:

That's what's so weird, and had the doctors stumped (initially) with my symptoms; they thought it had to be gastritis because I fit none of the criteria for a typical gallstone patient (I'm not overweight, I don't eat a high-fat diet, there's no family history). I'm pescatarian but mostly vegetarian. I don't eat butter or cheese or drink milk. They had no idea why I had gall stones.

And let me tell you - the pancreatitis combined with the ileus was like being in labor for three days straight... one long, continuous contraction. I was in SO much pain, even with super-strong narcotics. :/

I sometimes hate how we just can't always know exactly what's going on inside of us. It might sound silly, but I just feel it ought to be United Federation of Planets in this respect by now. Maybe your good diet helped it not be worse? Still sounds truly awful, and it's so good you could get the care you needed. I can't take narcotics, toss them right back up. Another reason to hope for continued wellness.

[SapphireSlytherin]

Just now, backyard sylph said:

I can't take narcotics, toss them right back up.

I was a puking MACHINE. lol

Everything crossed, here, for you to remain well and super-healthy!

[zygote373]

2 hours ago, Jug Band Baby said:

And it's really horribly called right-to-work.  It's really right-to-fire.  There's no right to working about being able to be fired over your blouse, your political views, even saying something on a podcast or somewhere else.

That's actually called at-will employment, i.e. either you or the employer can sever the working relationship at will. There is some advantage to the employee, who can quit at any time if they find a better job or if the workplace is toxic, etc. But the employer holds much of the power and can also fire at any time for any reason that isn't protected by law (race, religion, among others).

Right-to-work is an anti-union measure. It means that unions aren't allowed to automatically deduct union dues from your paycheck, you have to explicitly opt in. They frame it by saying of course you don't want wages taken from you against your will. But you're never going to get 100% participation that way and it weakens the unions.

I work somewhere with a union, and they take 1% of my paycheck...to negotiate me free health insurance, four weeks of vacation, and up to four weeks of sick days. I consider that a good trade off. Please, keep taking my money.

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

34 minutes ago, foreign fundie said:

So what do you get in exchange for unaffordable health care and all those positively medieval  labour and maternity laws? The right to bear arms?

I think free maternity care is just a basic form of respect that all women deserve for (at considerable personal risk and discomfort) bearing the next generation of citizens. 

 

If this doesn't sum up the America values system.  Yes we get nothing and pay for it, but we can get shot by some asshole having a bad day, and hope we die fast otherwise our family will be drowning in medical bills. But yeah we get guns! 

As for maternity care, you hit the nail on the head, respect for women, our country has none. 

[Henk12]

Just now catching up!

This is officially weird. Now that I've seen Jessa do the announcement I'm concerned for Jill. Why didn't Derick do the announcement? Why not Jill? Obviously I don't know Jessa but something looked off when she was speaking. Maybe I'm wrong though. But it's getting weird. I hope Jill is okay.

[karen77]

9 hours ago, So-Virgin-It-Hurts said:

So how many does that make - - - those of us who want to out themselves as being lovers of the PNW and dedicated to the  socialistic leanings of Seattle and her environs?

So-Virgin-It-Hurts - Bainbridge Island

Bellingham

[karen77]

1 hour ago, louisa05 said:

I'm not defending our shitty system because it remains shitty BUT a single mom making minimum wage will be eligible for assistance for childcare. Plus the quoted average price of childcare is skewed as averages are by including what the most privileged are able to pay (i e $38000 for a nanny ). For the rest of us the National Association of Child Care Resource and Referral Agencies reports a range from $3600 to $19,000 a year (I rounded it).

 

And it depends on the ages of your kids. Currently, I pay 10k a year for my pre-k kiddo (full time daycare), and we aren't at the most expensive in town either, also not the cheapest, pretty average. My school age kid will cost almost 5k, and that is less than some people since we have a little extra help around her for the off days. 

[samurai_sarah]

2 hours ago, Thorns said:

The evil socialist that I am is seeing red, litteraly. I think my empathy and sympathy centers are going to explode. I wish I could copy-paste or send all the whiny entiteled mothers on the norwegian mummy board I frequent here, so that they can truly understand how extremely lucky and privilegied we are. 

Get where you're coming from! We're bloody lucky. But I just had this conversation with a friend who's new to the UK. I wanted to tell her how lucky she had been. But then, I bit my tongue in favour of telling her of telling her that she can be part of the solution for Scotland. The Scottish government has decided to try out Finland's "maternity boxes", and that's exciting!

However, there are a 1001 things that still need work. Silencing my friend would mean silencing more progress. I didn't realize the shape some of our streets were in, until she told me how rough it was to navigate them with a child-carrier. That means they're also pretty horrid for people in wheel-chairs, people using crutches and so on. Just because we have it better, doesn't mean we shouldn't try to constantly improve. If we can, why not make it better for someone else?

 

[SapphireSlytherin]

Watched the video. I don't get the impression that she's reading a script. Sounds like she's reciting a well-rehearsed speech. That looking-down thing was a typical body-language activity of trying to recall what to say next. IMHO, YMMV.

[fluffernutter]

I just had a thought. Why haven't they shown any pics of their first son with the baby? If the baby or Jill were in a certain part of the hospital, would he be too young to visit? 

[colliemae]

I think I've said this before here, but I'm a forced SAHM. My job didn't pay nearly enough to cover childcare and my husband's income is enough that we don't qualify for any assistance. He actually makes a good salary, but we're in a high cost of living area and we could really really use a second income.

In fact, right now, we're paycheck to paycheck and no non-essentials are getting paid. We had savings, but two massive car repairs wiped them out. I'm pregnant with our second (a decision made before the finances blew up) and I'm trying to come to terms with possibly never having a career again. At this point, by the time my kids are in school and I can afford to work again, I'll have been out of work so long no one will hire me. I can't train for something else because we can't afford it and we won't be able to afford it unless I can get a job that pays more than childcare costs for two kids. I never planned on being at home permanently so this is a blow both personally and financially. 

That said, I know we're still pretty lucky. My husband's job is secure and his skill set is in demand. We have excellent health insurance and his company is very family-friendly. It's just mind-boggling that it's still so hard to be financially secure.

[kachuu]

17 minutes ago, SapphireSlytherin said:

Watched the video. I don't get the impression that she's reading a script. Sounds like she's reciting a well-rehearsed speech. That looking-down thing was a typical body-language activity of trying to recall what to say next. IMHO, YMMV.

The video on the website is edited to include pictures and other pieces of video. The piece they aired during the show last night showed a lot of her glancing down below the camera at what appears to be the script.

 

Does anyone have an uncut version of the video?

[klabourdeth]

Something to add to the socialist convo is that a majority of Americans been feed an IV drips on how socialist agenda is the worst thing possible. It was extremely common to use WW2 Germany, Russia, China, North Koara, or Cuba as to how America would be. A month or two ago I found that a candidate for a local held up images of Hilter, Kim Jueong, & Bernie Sanders to teach his kids these are what bad politicians look like.

[VelociRapture]

1 hour ago, fluffernutter said:

I just had a thought. Why haven't they shown any pics of their first son with the baby? If the baby or Jill were in a certain part of the hospital, would he be too young to visit? 

Many NICU units restrict the age of visitors. The one my daughter was in did. Can't remember the age, but I think it was 2 or so. My ten month old nephew wasn't allowed to visit her there. They may ease restrictions for siblings, but it wouldn't surprise me if they don't. Little kids are germ factories and even a normally harmless germ could wreck havoc on a preemie's health - that's why we had to scrub our hands every time we visited and every time we went to handle our daughter, even if we had just washed them a minute ago.

[fluffernutter]

12 minutes ago, VelociRapture said:

Many NICU units restrict the age of visitors. The one my daughter was in did. Can't remember the age, but I think it was 2 or so. My ten month old nephew wasn't allowed to visit her there. They may ease restrictions for siblings, but it wouldn't surprise me if they don't. Little kids are germ factories and even a normally harmless germ could wreck havoc on a preemie's health - that's why we had to scrub our hands every time we visited and every time we went to handle our daughter, even if we had just washed them a minute ago.

Thanks, see that was what I was thinking. That's one of the first pics any parents take, the sibling shot. So far, nothing from them. Wondering if they could still be in the hospital?! That would be terrible. 

[Henk12]

2 hours ago, colliemae said:

I think I've said this before here, but I'm a forced SAHM. 

Snip

I'm in a similar situation. I stay at home because paying for just one child to go to daycare would be the same as another mortgage payment. We have three kids and had some recent financial set backs so now we're really struggling. My husband and I have been doing everything we can to get out of this mess but like you said, it's mind boggling how hard it is to be financially stable. My husband has a great job with amazing benefits and we still live paycheck to paycheck. Adulting is hard. I'm ready to sell everything and move us all into a tiny house.

[zygote373]

Looks like Grandma Cathy is still watching Israel. Doesn't necessarily mean they're still in the hospital - maybe they are home but adjusting and she's helping out. Who knows.

 

[merg429]

8 hours ago, wikinggirl said:

To anyone who couldn't find the video, here's the link.

And I agree with everyone, it is weird that it is Jessa announcing it, instead of Jill, or even Derrick. I really hope she is OK.

 

Thank you!

Yes @purpleflowers that was the one I was looking for!