Lori Alexander 20: Evil and Hateful as Ever

[EowynW]

I refuse to read Christian marriage books anymore. I gave all mine to goodwi right after I married. Mr EW is not the stereotypical Christmas headship and I am not the stereotypical Christian women. These books caused tremendous anxiety for me. I read my bible and I read the gottman institute and that's it. 

[AuntKrazy]

Regarding discipline:

I left a church because of what I experienced as "confrontation" or "discipline" of me.  I was confronted by a youth pastor inciting a group of young women I had mentored from age 10 to 18 (high school graduation).  The last year I tried to resign as a volunteer several times - I had been outsourced from my job and went back to night school to retrain for a new career, (my school scholarship agreement was that I would remain unemployed until I finished); I had health problems where I was really struggling (turned out to be a 7+ cm tumor in my thyroid, but they couldn't figure out for a while); and then I was raped by a friend's boyfriend.  After the rape I felt like there was no one in the church I could talk to about everything.  And I was barely functioning.

My "sin" that I was confronted with was a failure to do as much as a volunteer as I had for the seven previous years.  Basically, I was expected to contribute at least as much financially and time-wise despite the changes to my circumstance. When I tried to explain during the confrontation that I was barely able to function, I was interrupted and told to "stop blaming other people for my bad behavior".  

I have had trouble going into a church ever since.  

Lori's approach only drives people like me who are feeling beat up by the church further away from Christian community.

[SuperNova]

Ah, good ol' church discipline. I went to a private Christian high school. My parents sent me there to correct my bad behavior. We had our normal course of studies, weekly etiquette and manners courses, and chapel where we were expected to dress semi formally every Wednesday. I remember a girl being led up to the front by the adults, she was shaking and crying. Once she calmed down  a little bit, she launched into a litany of minor sins that culminated into her biggest sin, pre-marital sexual contact! Not THE act, though. I couldn't believe what was happening. I saw girls around me dabbing their eyes and shaking their heads. What the hell was happening? Everyone forgave her. Apparently, the boy involved was overcome with guilt and told the pastor but because she didn't voluntarily come forward she was subjected to a chapel tribunal. 

@AuntKrazyI'm so sorry that happened to you. It's difficult to understand how some people think this type of behavior fits in with the true message of Christianity. 

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

@AuntKrazy--I'm sorry your former church let you down so badly. I always hope that church will be a place where we all help each other ("you will know they are Christians by their love"). I'm sorry no one at your former church stepped up to help and love you in a bad time. I hope things have gotten much better since then.

[slp]

/so reading other books with advice on marriage besides the bible is bad???  But...... Lori gives advice about marriage on her blog and probably in her book????

huh.  

[lilwriter85]

4 hours ago, Koala said:

 

*Side note* I wonder how Lori's fellow church members respond to her?  You know some of them have Googled Lori, and probably ended up here, Spiritual Sounding Board, Patheos, or one of the other sites that discuss Lori's "teachings".

If they've read her blog, they know she's written the pastor's wife a letter about her choices in swimwear.  They know how she feels about women with jobs, yoga pants, women's Bible studies (which the church probably offers).  

How many things do you think they "forget" to invite her to?  It's got to be incredibly awkward. 

She said a few times on the Always Learning blog that several women and/or couples rejected her and Ken as mentors. I think she blogged about that around the time they were attending North Coast Calvary Chapel. In one post, she talked about a couple the church sent to her and Ken. The couple was having marital issues and after one or two meetings they didn't want to meet with Ken and Lori again. I don't know if this ocurred before Lori go into blogging. My guess was that Lori and Ken presented shitty advice and the couple  didn't buy it and ran.

I think it was about year or two ago that an FJer said that Lori mentioned changing churches. I can't remember which church they are currently attending.  When she was attending North Coast, I looked around the site and found no mention of Lori or Ken. A lot of churches are careful about who they enlist to help with counseling or support groups. So, maybe the church administration at North Coast found out about Lori's blog and they confronted her.

I also recall Lori saying that something about women going to Bible study groups to complain about their husbands and marriages.

[RosyDaisy]

If I want to leave a church, I just stop going. Unless I am physically restrained, there is nothing that will stop me. Any attempt to shame or convince me to say will be met with hostility.

[Coconut Flan]

Lorken attend an Evangelical Free Church not too far from their house.

[Koala]

Isn't the church they attend now, the same church that called Ken and told her she was not allowed to spread her "message" on their property?

[Coconut Flan]

I thought that was Calvary Chapel where they stopped Lori from mentoring.  I could have gotten them muddled, but it seemed they changed churches soon after the mentoring brouhaha.

[Koala]

Okay, here it is.

Reader:

Quote

I contacted my church about doing a study on wives submitting to their husbands. 

Lori:

Quote

I sure hope she wants you to because the church I tried teaching it I found out very quickly that it was not allowed. An elder called Ken and told him that I wasn’t supposed to talk to women on their property about this subject.

Here is the other quote about couples rejecting Ken and Lori:

Quote

We have mentored a couple who decided they didn't want to meet with us after the first time. I have met with women who have decided the same thing. They don't like being corrected or told they are doing anything wrong. I seriously doubt they will ever have a great marriage.

I can't imagine the kind of gossip that goes on behind Ken and Lori's back.  They are making themselves the laughingstock of the church.

And anyway, why is Lori teaching at church?  I thought women were supposed to keep silent in the church?  That's one of the main parts of Lori's "message".

[delphinium65]

6 hours ago, Koala said:

If they've read her blog, they know she's written the pastor's wife a letter about her choices in swimwear.  

Wow.  Aunt Lori really does think she's the boss of all women, doesn't she?  Do you have a link to that?  I've tried looking, and haven't found it yet.  

[Coconut Flan]

I'm pretty sure the second post was about something that happened when they were attending Calvary Chapel. 

I think Lori's distinction of teaching in church is that she isn't addressing the entire congregation or even a Sunday School class, she's only talking to women in either very small groups or one on one.  She frequently describes it as mentoring which to her is distinct from teaching. 

The elder situation could have been either church.  The time frame matches the Evangelical Free, but it sounds more like something that happened at Calvary Chapel.  Both churches have elders as far as I know. 

I know people who go to the Calvary Chapel in Carlsbad.  So far I don't have any friends at the Evangelical Free Church.  It isn't something I'd do just to find out about Lori.  The people I know at Calvary Chapel pre-date joining FJ. 

[Koala]

2 hours ago, delphinium65 said:

Wow.  Aunt Lori really does think she's the boss of all women, doesn't she?  Do you have a link to that?  I've tried looking, and haven't found it yet.  

I may be wrong, but I think it was lost in The Great Blog Scrub of 2014.  

She was quoted here on FJ.

Lori Alexander:

Quote

I have confronted several who wear skimpy bikinis, one was even a pastor's wife, to no avail. My rebuke fell on deaf ears. They believe they should be able to wear whatever they want and no one should tell them what to do. It's is the men's fault who lust, they say.

Okay, so @DaffyDill told us about the letter.  I can't get the quote feature to work, but this is a copy and paste of what she said:

Quote

Lori has a post in her sooper secret chatroom saying that a few years ago, she sent the wife of her church pastor a letter, telling her she was dressing too immodestly, and even wearing tiny bikinis to the beach, because you know, the men would be drooling or whatever. Apparently, the pastors wife told her that the men were responsible for themselves, and not her problem. (Yay, pastors wife!!)

 

[Pink Muffin]

Under the Most Marriage Books Hurt Marriages there is this gem from Ken. Wonder if it´s damage control after people pointed out Loris wrongdoings to Ken? 

Quote

Ken Alexander:  Great post babes…! You are wonderful, a good friend, kind, caring, joyful, smart, godly, lovely person! Now I forgot what I was criticizing you about :).

Now excuse me while I go and throw up a little 

[Koala]

Ken:

Quote

 Now I forgot what I was criticizing you about

Hmmm....what about:

Deleting the number for the Suicide Prevention Line???

Making passive aggressive posts about her own children?

Refusing to make anything other than 4 day old salad w/ 1 month old dressing for dinner?

Destroying the counters, so a 5 year kitchen remodel plan, turned into a we have to fix the kitchen right this minute plan?

Spending gobs of money on clothes and eating out, and then criticizing others for doing the same thing?

 

[delphinium65]

1 hour ago, Koala said:

I may be wrong, but I think it was lost in The Great Blog Scrub of 2014.  

She was quoted here on FJ.

Lori Alexander:

Okay, so @DaffyDill told us about the letter.  I can't get the quote feature to work, but this is a copy and paste of what she said:

 

Thank you,, now I don't feel silly not being able to find it! 

And...wow. She really would be a Handmaid's Tale Aunt. 

 

[EowynW]

So a commenter on her Instagram politely tried to point out that you cannot always completely heal asthma even with proper diet and gut health. The godly mentor ran right over the comment saying you could heal most anything with the right food. 

Well then why isn't she over at her mom's house night and day cooking good wholesome nutritious cancer fighting foods. 

[BlackSheep]

6 hours ago, AuntKrazy said:

Regarding discipline:

[snipped your troubling story]

I have had trouble going into a church ever since.  

Lori's approach only drives people like me who are feeling beat up by the church further away from Christian community.

That was terrible treatment for a volunteer. Churches of all sizes, even large ones like mine, absolutely need volunteers to keep things in motion. Unreasonable and harsh treatment means losing not just a volunteer, but also a member of the congregation.

People like Lori do more harm than good. The only people that they "help" are their wannabes who are looking for justification.

[Free Jana Duggar]

59 minutes ago, EowynW said:

The godly mentor ran right over the comment saying you could heal most anything with the right food. 

Umm, didn't Lori have a brain tumor or something like that?  Why did she go to the doctor for treatment then?  Why not a little black salve and a big salad?  

Her stomach issues were probably from that nasty Norwex cloth. 

[Koala]

Horse of TRUTH: 

Quote

Now I forgot what I was criticizing you about

Godly Mentor:

Quote

Most likely, I forgot to bring your lemonade on time! 

 huh?  

 

[mango_fandango]

9 minutes ago, Koala said:

Horse of TRUTH: 

Godly Mentor:

 huh?  

 

Why the hell are they having this kind of personal discussion on the internet? Nobody's gonna give a fuck.

[Koala]

The crazy thing, is that they think people actually want their marriage advice.  And yes, these discussions they have in front of her readers are beyond bizarre. 

"Babes"  *gag*

[Loveday]

7 minutes ago, Koala said:

The crazy thing, is that they think people actually want their marriage advice.  And yes, these discussions they have in front of her readers is beyond bizarre. 

"Babes"  *gag*

I don't know why, but of all the word vomit Ken spews, this one word irritates me the most. 

[EowynW]

3 minutes ago, Loveday said:

I don't know why, but of all the word vomit Ken spews, this one word irritates me the most. 

 I've never like that word or "babe." My sister and her husband are so awful about "babe babe babe babe" everytime they talk to each other on Facebook. It's super annoying. He also constantly refers to her as "the wife". 

 

"The wife cooked a great dinner." "The wife found a coupon" etc. makes me want to scream. She's my sister and she has a name!