Lori Alexander 10: Fickle Brained Woman (and she would know)

[littlemommy]

I don't wear perfume because my husband's work forbids any scented products (due to sensitivities). So while I technically COULD wear perfume, I'd rather give him a big bear hug before he leaves for work and not get him all perfumey. I'm sure this is a sin somehow.

[Koala]

Lori:

Quote

dresses stylishly but not provocatively, is discreet but lovely in appearance, wears natural looking makeup, shaves her legs and wears deodorant and a feminine perfume

You know, the way they did it in the Bible.

Quote

I personally include the wearing of bright colors or patterns. I just try to not have attention on ME.

Hell, even at the baby shower she is wearing a low cut dress with a pattern. 

She lies like it's her job.

**Mods** Please feel free to let me know if those pics are too big.  I have no clue how to resize them.

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

Does Lori think because she's flat-chested with no cleavage at all (see blue lace dress pic) that the plunging neckline is OK and therefore not immodest?

Not that I care if her neckline is plunging or not, because it's her choice.  But a plunging neckline draws attention to one's chest -- the very thing Lori says never, ever, never to do.

In the group photo all of them have low necklines and Alyssa has an off the shoulder top. Obviously Lori didn't make anyone change or cover up 

So ........ is it blatant hypocrisy or her belief that only cleavage is immodest?

[jerkit]

11 minutes ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

Does Lori think because she's flat-chested with no cleavage at all (see blue lace dress pic) that the plunging neckline is OK and therefore not immodest?

Not that I care if her neckline is plunging or not, because it's her choice.  But a plunging neckline draws attention to one's chest -- the very thing Lori says never, ever, never to do.

In the group photo all of them have low necklines and Alyssa has an off the shoulder top. Obviously Lori didn't make anyone change or cover up 

So ........ is it blatant hypocrisy or her belief that only cleavage is immodest?

This is sort of a thing even outside of fundie land. If a woman has large breasts, she is considered immodest no matter what she wears. I had a breast reduction two years ago, but before I did, I was a 32H. It mattered not at all what I wore, my breasts were visible at all times. People (read: sexist males) see my wedding pictures and immediately say "woah" because my breasts are very prominent. I cannot help that this is what nature gave me!

[polecat]

Quote

Just asked my husband what his definition of modesty is and he answered, "Someone who is not self-centered. I define modesty as covering yourself up and not presenting yourself in a sexual way."

 

Good for you, Ken. You know what my husband likes? He LOVES when I show off my assets. Seems to me you don't get to dictate other women's wardrobes. If you're going to tell women to do what their husbands tell them to do, then you need to acknowledge that their own husbands might have different preferences than you do. 

And for the record, I subscribe to Dr. Lahiri's life philosophy: 

Quote

If you've got it, flaunt it. And if you don't got it? Flaunt it. 'Cause what are we even doing here if we're not flaunting it?” 

I spent years growing up in a fundy world that told me that my body was dirty and wrong. Even when I wore baggy clothes, my natural va-va-va voom curves made me look like a sex bomb. I couldn't help it, and even ugly shapeless cotton jumpers could not hide my giant chest or huge butt. I'd get dirty looks from wives and men alike as though I was deliberately trying to tempt people. Mind you, I was a teenager! I didn't want people looking at me. I definitely didn't want the pervy bus captain reaching across me and "accidentally" brushing my chest at least once a Sunday. I didn't want a certain usher grabbing my backside when I went to get a drink from the water fountain. But Lori gets to wear deep plunging necklines because she has the "right" kind of body? 

Bullshit. 

I wear what I want now not because I want to tempt anyone (other than my husband who LOVES my ridiculous curves) but because by golly, I am just happy to no longer have to feel like my body is wrong for being the way it is. We are all fearfully and wonderfully made.

 

For the record, Lori has one of the ugliest spirits I've ever seen. 

 

[usmcmom]

This is my favorite part of the post:

Quote

As you can see from these responses, everyone knows when they see a modest woman. They stand out in the crowd today because they are different.

She uses several paragraphs to tell us that a modest woman does not draw attention to herself and then says SEE!  Modest women stand out in the crowd. Everyone notices a modest woman!!

I think Lori's plunging necklines are sleazy solely because she is such a hypocrite about how other women dress. I would not call any of her daughters or daughters-in-law modest either, based on Lori's mandates. 

[TeddyBonkers]

@usmcmom, you are absolutely right! I think if a woman has to constantly be crowing about how modest she is, then she's missed the point of modesty by a country mile.

[2xx1xy1JD]

In my neighborhood, all of those outfits in the pictures would be considered immodest and people would assume it was a sign that someone wasn't religious.  They can wear what they like, but don't pretend that magic universal standards exist.  They don't.

Do I need to use the phrase "check your privilege" yet again?  I know a young woman who doesn't shave.  She also happens to wear long dresses and to have a high-functioning form of autism.  I've met people who have body odors.  It's often related to things like extreme poverty or mental illness.  If you are going to counsel people, and hold yourself out as a person doing Godly things, I have to think that an ability to treat everyone with respect regardless of disability or illness, and reaching out to people to clothe the naked, feed the hungry, etc. would be required.  Some smells may be involved.  Suck it up unless you actually have a medical condition yourself.

Speaking of which....sensitivity to scents is a thing.  Feminine perfume isn't a good idea if you want to avoid triggering a reaction in someone.

 

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

So....... what's the well endowed fundie woman supposed to do  to avoid being immodest, if merely having breasts makes her immodest?

Is there a fundie burka-like thing they wear? Or do the just hunch over as much as possible in shapeless frumpers trying to hide their chests?

Full disclosure here:  I am a curvy woman and the girls are there no matter what I wear. Baggy clothes just make it worse, I discovered years ago that a well-fitting, underwire bra, no padding, that held me up and in place coupled with a open collar button up shirt that fit (read not too large) was the best solution. 

I don't look smaller. I look like a woman who is not ashamed of her body.  And really, except for the having breasts at all part, it's a fairly "modest" look. 

 

[refugee]

5 hours ago, Loveday said:

(quoting L&K) a modest woman is someone with a beautiful spirit, but also a woman who takes good care of herself, doesn't overeat, is pleasant, joyful, positive, dresses stylishly, is discreet but lovely in appearance, wears natural looking makeup,  but not provocatively, shaves her legs and wears deodorant and a feminine perfume.

All of the above bolded text describes the in-crowd at our former church. No wonder I failed as a christian. I obviously must not be of the elect, because the bolded did not feature in how someone would describe me.

Of course, considering the vicious gossip and cliquishness there, a lot of them fit the bolded (plus shaving legs and wearing deodorant), but were missing all the rest of the qualities named.

4 hours ago, molecule said:

Today's lesson: Be someone who could turn Ken on but not in an obvious way. 

That's just gross. I refuse to think about how I present myself in terms of what Lori's husband thinks. My own husband prefers that I not wear perfume, he has no idea if what I'm wearing is stylish (thank goodness, because it almost never is), and he doesn't notice if I'm wearing makeup unless it's lipstick.

I should think that Lori would be happier to be around women who don't turn Ken on...

[AmazonGrace]

So why do you need the perfume? Is our God given natural scent not good enough for Lori? Is she saying that God made a mistake when He  created the leg hair on ladies? 

[jerkit]

5 minutes ago, AmazonGrace said:

So why do you need the perfume? Is our God given natural scent not good enough for Lori? Is she saying that God made a mistake when He  created the leg hair on ladies? 

Because that's what Lori prefers.

 

Hope that helps!

[Imrlgoddess]

Lawd lawd lawd.  It's women like this that I deliberately wear low cut or tank tops around just to be an ass.  I'm curvy enough, but more than that....my collar bone/chest area is tattooed nice and colorful!  That couples with what my friends refer to as my "ho-red" lipstick.....but I'm just a recovered Catholic heathen.  I typically wear things that keep my ink to myself simply because I've gotten dirty looks when I was in regular work clothes and they happened to peek out.  Years of stuffy PTA moms and general onery-ness has made me a bit snotty and snarky on the modesty end of things.

[Gemini]

2 hours ago, refugee said:

 

I should think that Lori would be happier to be around women who don't turn Ken on...

God's still trying to create that woman.

Give him time, it's a huge task!

[crawfishgirl]

I think that the definition of 'modesty' also varies by the weather.  I live in an area that is typically conservative, but it's currently hot as hell here, so all of those outfits on her daughters would be fine.  Shorts and tank tops are common here, even among the conservative Baptists whom I know.  It's currently 10am, but the heat index is already over 100 degrees.   As for Lori - California tends to be fashion-forward, so I suspect that those outfits are not considered 'immodest' there, and she is too unaware of anything outside her little world to realize that standards vary.  I like their clothes, but detest the hypocrisy coming from that ugly mind. 

I think that dressing appropriately is much more important than subjective standards of 'modesty'.  Modesty is just used by busybodies as a way to shame people.  In my experience, if you just dress appropriately for the occasion, you'll be fine (by that I mean that clothes that are ok for Walmart are usually different from office clothes, etc.).

 

 

[Sobeknofret]

Alyssa is smokin' hot, and if I had her looks, I would dress like she does in a New York minute, and modest be damned.

[jerkit]

The kitchen is the heart of the home but is

sadly forsaken in many homes today.

 

What does that even mean? Does Lori know what this means?

[molecule]

Lori's writing process:

1. Pick topic that she thinks feminists would oppose.
2. Start with a paragraph or two about the evils of feminism, being sure to make lots of assumptions about what feminism is.
3. Make a mental list of all the ways she failed as a wife and mother. Use that list to generate a prescription of how to be a godly correct wife/mother.
4. Write the rest of the post preaching about how easy it is to do all these things.
5. If compassion pops into her head, squash those thoughts right away! Likewise, squash any thoughts of gray areas, middle ground, or unusual circumstances.
6. Use Ken as an example of all husbands throughout time.
7. Revise and edit the post, ensuring the following:
   • Make sure at least one sentence includes both feminism and satan.
   • If cooking or food are mentioned in the post, use the word "nutritious" at least one time.
   • If sex is mentioned, include a reminder of "ten minutes and lube."
   • Include three statements that women should not be working outside the home.
   • Blame women for the downfall of society at least once but preferably twice.
   • Remind readers that she had a post that went viral. This doesn't have to appear in every post, but it should appear in one out of every three posts.

[polecat]

1 hour ago, jerkit said:

 

 

 

What does that even mean? Does Lori know what this means?

 

 

If I had to hazard a guess, I'd say it means women who don't bother to cook anymore but only make big salads. I hope to ease Lori's mind by letting her know that, feminist or no, working woman or no, I cook my family two meals every single day (including school days AND weekends) and never send my kids off to school without a homemade breakfast (NOT cereal).

 

eta: I'm being facetious about the salads. I actually love salads and could live on them during the summer. 

[jerkit]

13 minutes ago, molecule said:

Lori's writing process:

1. Pick topic that she thinks feminists would oppose.
2. Start with a paragraph or two about the evils of feminism, being sure to make lots of assumptions about what feminism is.
3. Make a mental list of all the ways she failed as a wife and mother. Use that list to generate a prescription of how to be a godly correct wife/mother.
4. Write the rest of the post preaching about how easy it is to do all these things.
5. If compassion pops into her head, squash those thoughts right away! Likewise, squash any thoughts of gray areas, middle ground, or unusual circumstances.
6. Use Ken as an example of all husbands throughout time.
7. Revise and edit the post, ensuring the following:
   • Make sure at least one sentence includes both feminism and satan.
   • If cooking or food are mentioned in the post, use the word "nutritious" at least one time.
   • If sex is mentioned, include a reminder of "ten minutes and lube."
   • Include three statements that women should not be working outside the home.
   • Blame women for the downfall of society at least once but preferably twice.
   • Remind readers that she had a post that went viral. This doesn't have to appear in every post, but it should appear in one out of every three posts.

I HATE the word "nourishing" because of Lori, singlehandedly.

Also, if sex is mentioned, it's ONLY to say that you should "give" your husband sex. Not that you should enjoy it and be an enthusiastic participant. Just give it to him.

[molecule]

5 minutes ago, jerkit said:

I HATE the word "nourishing" because of Lori, singlehandedly.

Also, if sex is mentioned, it's ONLY to say that you should "give" your husband sex. Not that you should enjoy it and be an enthusiastic participant. Just give it to him.

I am the same way about the word "nourishing." I said it a few weeks ago (in reference to a salad, of course) and got a little gaggy.

One of Lori's posts about sex got a comment from someone about how she hoped Lori's readers would take to heart the importance of sex--not just for their husbands' sakes but for their own as well. Lori's reply was that we need to have sex because we are commanded to. In my more charitable moments, I think that maybe the root of Lori's problem is that Ken is a lousy lover. After all, most women do require more than ten minutes and lube.

[iheartchacos]

Lori can't see past her nose. She has to give sex because it's painful for her, yet Ken wants it often. Her sex life is literally 10 minutes and lube, So of course, no one else should enjoy it because she can't.

[usmcmom]

Lori Alexander· The kitchen is the heart of the home but is sadly forsaken in many homes today. 

I don't know what that means either. But the other night, I carried in sushi and I swear I heard my stove crying. "I won't be ignored! Why must you forsake me?" 

Sidenote: can't seem to find the quote feature on my phone, thus, the old copy, paste and bold routine. 

[Roux]

for·sak·en

fərˌsākən,fôr-/

adjective

abandoned or deserted.

"a journey into forgotten and forsaken places"

Sorry Lori, as long as my coffee pot is in the kitchen, it will never be "forsaken".

[feministxtian]

The kitchen is "sadly forsaken"? The state of my stove would beg to differ...so would the hundreds of dollars of kitchen implements of gastronomical delights.  

Bitch be trippin