Lori Alexander 10: Fickle Brained Woman (and she would know)

[Free Jana Duggar]

Wow!  Did the author of today's post really suggest skipping Christmas? Are you kidding me? I get not focusing on presents or Santa, but come on.  Christmas is all about Christ. yet she is saying to skip honoring His birth.  Then I hope no one even aknowledges  her birthday if she doesn't aknowledge the  birth of the Savior.

[lilwriter85]

23 hours ago, Free Jana Duggar said:

Wow!  Did the author of today's post really suggest skipping Christmas? Are you kidding me? I get not focusing on presents or Santa, but come on.  Christmas is all about Christ. yet she is saying to skip honoring His birth.  Then I hope no one even aknowledges  her birthday if she doesn't aknowledge the  birth of the Savior.

There have been other fundies who have done the whole skipping Christmas thing to different degrees. There have been a few fundie bloggers who have done it and were discussed here.

[kpmom]

On 7/29/2016 at 11:11 AM, lilwriter85 said:

My bad I just saw that.

It looks like a couple of her commenters also think Lori wrote the post.

She's so bad about making it clear when she has guest posts.

Actually, I thought the person who wrote it sounded like a much better mother than Lori has presented herself to be, until I got to the fly swatter part.

[lilwriter85]

3 minutes ago, kpmom said:

It looks like a couple of her commenters also think Lori wrote the post.

She's so bad about making it clear when she has guest posts.

Actually, I thought the person who wrote it sounded like a much better mother than Lori has presented herself to be, until I got to the fly swatter part.

I did too. I think what made me think it was Lori was that authored mentioned boys and homeschooling, but then the other parts were so unlike Lori. The author despite hitting her kids still seems better than Lori. Sometime back I compared Lori to Zsu who probably works much harder as SAHM than Lori ever did. There are probably other fundie moms who in some ways are better than Lori.

[Hane]

On July 26, 2016 at 9:18 PM, Imrlgoddess said:

Something about Lori I've had the hardest time understanding..... Every single time she compares a woman's day to the husband's... He's working soooooooo haaarrrrrd. In the post about a woman throwing a temper tantrum she mentions that the woman had never walked in his (the husband's) shoes... It's a completely unfair assessment. It's entirely possible that the woman at some point held an evil job that was just as long & demanding as his could be. To the flip side of the coin... chasing small children, keeping up a house, keeping everyone fed & happy is a trial. The more participants you have, aka: children, the harder that trial can be. 

My confusion is: why.... On Gaia's green earth.... Does she assume that every husband works so hard that a woman's task (regardless of what that task is) is so much less tiring or demanding? 

Ex-Mr.-Hane-#1 and I married at the end of our junior year in college. After we graduated, he worked as a draftsman with his father's small firm and I taught adult ed classes and got my MA (basically working part time and going to college part time). The way he carried on about his 40-hour-a-week office job, you'd think he toiled in the ninth circle of Hell. (For the record, his father was a saint--one of the kindest people I've ever known.) He would come home at night and do nothing more strenuous than reading and watching TV.  Not long after I got pregnant, he got laid off for a while because work was short. By then, I'd finished grad school and was no longer teaching. I got worried about our finances and started doing office temp work. 

Somehow I was able, with no difficulty, to get my pregnant butt to work every day, go to medical appointments, run errands, put dinner on the table every night, and do the laundry. I immediately thought, "What's wrong with this picture?" I was doing the equivalent of his job plus that of a housewife. 

(I also discovered that he was chugging down a fifth of Majorska every night after I went to bed.) The marriage was toast before the baby was a year old.

I think that husbands of Ken's ilk have a fucking racket.

[Grimalkin]

On July 25, 2016 at 0:01 PM, Koala said:

It never ceases to amaze me how over the top rude and nasty she is to her readers.

Reader:

Lori...you know...the Lori who claims she is soft, feminine, and kind because she allows others to have the last word.  Yeah, her:

And then there's this:

"Women who give sex away for free are foolish women."  

Way to reduce it to a business transaction Lori.  Is that what you recommend? Seeing who'll "pay" the most for you to "give them sex"?  Gross.  Just so gross.

But I guess that's how she sees her marriage.  Ken gets sex, she gets money.  

No thanks.  I think I'll pass on that.  

          She makes it sound so ominous. 'A ring on your finger with a vow until death do us part.' Shudder. 

[Koala]

Quote

since all those people in porn are whores

Stay classy Lori.  Stay classy.

[kpmom]

9 hours ago, Grimalkin said:

          She makes it sound so ominous. 'A ring on your finger with a vow until death do us part.' Shudder. 

Especially since she has such a dim view of marriage.  Submit, no working outside the home under any circumstances ever, sex whenever hubby demands it, never expect him to lift a finger around the house.

Honestly, what woman would volunteer for such a life?

[Grimalkin]

2 hours ago, kpmom said:

Especially since she has such a dim view of marriage.  Submit, no working outside the home under any circumstances ever, sex whenever hubby demands it, never expect him to lift a finger around the house.

Honestly, what woman would volunteer for such a life?

     It occurred to me after I wrote this that exchanging vows and rings under normal circumstances is a wonderful thing. Hearing Lori describe it I picture the runs as shackles.

      I imagine she appeals to people who are unhappy in thier marriage and tired of trying.

[smittykins]

And if he treats you badly, you have no recourse but to double down and be even more submissive in the hopes that you can "win him without a word."

Thanks, but I'll pass, Lori.

[louisa05]

2 hours ago, Grimalkin said:

     It occurred to me after I wrote this that exchanging vows and rings under normal circumstances is a wonderful thing. Hearing Lori describe it I picture the runs as shackles.

      I imagine she appeals to people who are unhappy in thier marriage and tired of trying.

But in evangelical world marriage is HARD and it is supposed to make you a better person by testing you and challenging you and making you sacrifice and suffer. I cannot tell you how many times I heard that nonsense during my time with evangelicals. "Marriage is hard work" is their very favorite phrase, with all the emphasis on the word 'hard'. I have two friends who were raised evangelical and beat me to getting married. Both explained to me before my wedding how "HARD" marriage is and how "miserable" it is sometimes and how much you "HATE" your husband some days, but, don't worry, they assured me, it would make us both more "godly". Neither of them considered themselves evangelical by then, but they had absorbed all of that teaching. 

I'm sorry to say that my marriage has yet to be hard or miserable nor has it left me hating my husband. I guess I'll never truly be godly. Probably my penalty for being a heathen liberal Catholic. 

[Imrlgoddess]

Kind of an understated self flagellation....in a manner of speaking.  I sincerely hope that (for their sakes) living with someone who makes you miserable really does get you a golden spot in heaven.  Suffer in the name of salvation, but make sure that you never fall into the societal trap of depression because then you're not doing it right.  It's no wonder there are people running around who no longer subscribe to the doctrines and do months of therapy and inner search just to rewire the thought patterns.  You mean to tell me you're not supposed to feign happiness in your marriage or lifestyle?  What is this....feminist agenda bull????  

Thanks but I like coming home from work in the evenings actually wanting to be there because I know my husband and my child respect me as well as love me.  

[Free Jana Duggar]

So today, The Godly Mentor says a wife must pray and keep sweet so her husband will be won over without a word and stop looking at porn. 

[treehugger]

She is really obsessed with porn.  Trouble in paradise, Lori?

[Phoebe]

Good Lord she is tiresome.  The same four-six topics, day in and day out. 

Ken Alexander, the orthodonist consultant from California who thinks that molestation and incest are normal and no big deal, could you pretty please pass on to Lori that she desperately needs new topics for her blog?  I have some suggestions.

Favorite recipes that don't include the words "big salad".  Exegesis of Genesis 5:18.  Preferred shoe styles.  Why kicking cats and other animal abuse is bad.  Favorite cleaning hack that doesn't consist of "hire someone else to do your housework." Favorite memories of time with the grandchildren that doesn't include beating a toddler for not eating raisins...or raisans...according to parental demands.  Favorite mixed drink, or if she doesn't drink, favorite mocktails.  Developing a plan for emergency evacuations that doesn't consist of running around and not doing anything effective.  Preferred paint colors for different rooms of the house.  Comparisons of homemade laundry detergent vs. the commercial stuff.  Kid's crafts.  Exploring new hobbies like knitting, flower arranging, cake decorating, topiary.  Her experiences volunteering to walk shelter dogs.  Remakes of Pinterest fails. Literally any damn thing other than condoning child abuse, praising misogyny, utter hypocrisy, and abuse apologetics.

[wikinggirl]

Lori, Lori, Lori! 

One of her readers asked her this under the new porn post:

Quote

As an unmarried woman, though, what concerns me is this: since it is often a secret addiction how can I know if a boyfriend has an addiction (or struggles with this)? How can I talk about it? I don't want to discover this type of addiction after marriage and I would want a boyfriend to feel comfortable enough to discuss his struggles with me, but it is such a sensitive topic...

Lori's answer? 

Quote

You need to ask him. One night when you are together, just out of the blue say, "When was the last time you looked at porn?" You will know by his reaction if he has a problem with it. If he answers "last night" or "last week" run. If he says, "A long time ago but I was convicted, repented and haven't looked at it since" you have a man who has the self-control to FLEE it. If he has never looked at it, it would be wonderful but his first reaction to your question will probably be your answer, Valeria.

Yes, just ask out of the blue... what? Who asks something like that? 

 

When we're talking about porn, there is a really funny podcast that's called "my dad wrote a porno". It's probably nothing for Lori, but I highly recommend it to everyone else! 

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

Louisa05, another heathen liberal Catholic here -- who also doesn't have a hard marriage 

I grew up around evangelicals (small rural southern town) and remember hearing my mother's friends talk about their "hard" marriages, and how they wished they were single again/ had married someone else, and that it was so, so "difficult" **every single day** to be married to an "ungodly" man that sometimes they "hated",  and that he was such a bad influence on the children.  

Since these men were friends of my father's I got to see the other side of that ungodly behavior -- cursing sometimes, drinking a beer on a hot day, staying home from Wed. night church to mow the lawn ( probably drinking that beer afterward), and not thinking that the new preacher walked on water.

In retrospect these women, all SAHM, had good lives, married to men that seemingly loved them and the families and earned enough to keep them well provided for.  I think the 'hard" part of marriage for these women was the set of ridiculous, unobtainable expectations they put on themselves, their husbands and their children.  They wanted perfect.

The perfect marriage and perfect godly husband and perfect family their church told them was out there and was their reward if they just tried more and harder, prayed more and harder, went to church more, stayed sweet (er), and gave more $$ to the church. So they did all that and made themselves, their husbands and their children (my friends) miserable in the process, 

[molecule]

Lori begins today's post like this:

Quote

Did the Proverbs 31 have a career as many have told me? Did she work outside of the home many hours per day and give her children to others to raise? These are comments I get often from others that say most certainly the Proverbs 31 woman had a career outside of the home. 

This suggests that she will be specifically addressing whether or not the Proverbs 31 woman worked outside the home. Yet at no place in her post does she discuss this at all. Instead, she tells us what Matthew Henry had to say about Prov31 woman--and none of it includes where she worked. It's like something is missing.

[louisa05]

10 minutes ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

Louisa05, another heathen liberal Catholic here -- who also doesn't have a hard marriage 

I grew up around evangelicals (small rural southern town) and remember hearing my mother's friends talk about their "hard" marriages, and how they wished they were single again/ had married someone else, and that it was so, so "difficult" **every single day** to be married to an "ungodly" man that sometimes they "hated",  and that he was such a bad influence on the children.  

Since these men were friends of my father's I got to see the other side of that ungodly behavior -- cursing sometimes, drinking a beer on a hot day, staying home from Wed. night church to mow the lawn ( probably drinking that beer afterward), and not thinking that the new preacher walked on water.

In retrospect these women, all SAHM, had good lives, married to men that seemingly loved them and the families and earned enough to keep them well provided for.  I think the 'hard" part of marriage for these women was the set of ridiculous, unobtainable expectations they put on themselves, their husbands and their children.  They wanted perfect.

The perfect marriage and perfect godly husband and perfect family their church told them was out there and was their reward if they just tried more and harder, prayed more and harder, went to church more, stayed sweet (er), and gave more $$ to the church. So they did all that and made themselves, their husbands and their children (my friends) miserable in the process, 

One of my two friends was raised with the hardcore ideas of submission and can't let go of them. She is also a very independent person--she was my roommate for three years of college and the most independent person in our group of friends. She preferred to do things on her own, blaze her own trail, keep her own schedule. She also did not marry until she was 29 years old--and lived alone and worked and managed her own life between college and marriage. But the ideal of submission was ingrained into her so once she got married, she thought she had to give up all independence not only in her behavior but in her thoughts and opinions. For example, she still refers to all voting decisions in the first person plural because she thinks that she has to vote the way her husband votes. So her marriage is hard, I'm sure, because she is a person who is extremely independent by her very nature trying to force herself to give in to another person in every aspect of life. About three months after my wedding, she and I got together and she asked me how it was going--because I was single and independent longer than her and she thought it must be terrible to "have to adjust to doing everything (husband's) way". She didn't really get it when I told her that we didn't do everything his way or everything my way. 

My other friend was still in a hardcore evangelical congregation when I got married. She did not believe in submission (though she was raised with it and to a degree which made her take second place in the family to her younger brother), but she very much believed in marriage as a place for suffering and sacrifice which is meant to make you more Godly. She published four novels in the Christian market and had a blog to promote her books. She once wrote a piece on that blog about how marriage sanctifies you and, thus, married people are automatically more holy than single people--it hit all the major points of marriage being about suffering, sacrifice and being tested by your spouse's imperfections and faults. Basically, the point was that marriage is supposed to be awful so you can become holier through it. BUT...she and her husband, about four years ago, left their church. And left all religion entirely. 

If I reminded her of that blog post now, she would probably want to bang her head on the wall and apologize for putting such nonsense into the world. I believe the site has been removed. They sacrificed a lot to walk away from all of that--lifelong friends abandoned them, some family doesn't speak to them, their children lost lifelong friends, my friend lost her literary agent and has been unable to find new representation or a publisher in the general market--essentially taking away her career. She has self published one book since. However, I think they have a happier marriage now and their daughters have happier lives with wider opportunities. 

 

[polecat]

15 hours ago, treehugger said:

She is really obsessed with porn.  Trouble in paradise, Lori?

I can't imagine any orthodontist consulting with Ken wants to shake his hand anymore.

[Petrel]

On July 25, 2016 at 1:01 PM, Koala said:

Even if the first two sentences were true, how does the rest of that follow? That only makes sense if you're trying to manipulate some guy into marrying you by withholding sex. Many women aren't interested in marrying, and others want a marriage that isn't based upon one partners former sexual deprivation. 

[Koala]

Her blog is kind of boring these days.  She'll do pretty much anything not to skip a day.  Repeat herself, post someone else's material, repeat herself, repeat herself.  Blah, blah, blah.  

[Free Jana Duggar]

I hate to burst Lori's bubble. but the Proverbs 31 woman would have HAD to leave her home on occasion.

 She considered a field and bought it. One can't consider a field without going to see it.  She selected wool and flax to make clothes. Again, she would have to get out of the house since there was no Amazon to order from. She would need to be at the town market to sell those clothes as well.

 Sure, she probably sewed st home and may have taken her children with her when she went out, but she did indeed have a career.

[Pammy]

3 hours ago, molecule said:

Lori begins today's post like this:

This suggests that she will be specifically addressing whether or not the Proverbs 31 woman worked outside the home. Yet at no place in her post does she discuss this at all. Instead, she tells us what Matthew Henry had to say about Prov31 woman--and none of it includes where she worked. It's like something is missing.

In fact, she seems to have noticed that Matthew Henry is a bit ambiguous about where women work and what their work is. Lori {helpfully} puts her words in his mouth. Obviously, MH really meant to say what Lori thinks is true, so it doesn't matter that he didn't actually say them. If it works for the Bible, why hesitate to do it to a mere commentary?

[teachergirl]

Quote

 

anyone care to venture what Lori would say about Katie Smith??? After all she did everything by the book and she shouldn't work according to Lori and they homechurch so probably minimal support in the long run....Lori supports the Pearls who support staying with a child molester....