Jill, Derick and Israel- Part 16

[Fundie Bunny]

1 hour ago, habert said:

Where did you learn that?

Jill posted on her twitter the birth mother's name, birthdate alog with cathy's year of birth. The rest was math

[Wenny]

Jill seems like my fundie friend who truly doesn't understand blended families. She grew up with her close biological family and exposed to blended families. My friend doesn't understand how we want a close family but we cut out DH toxic mother. 

Jill's only close (heck Id even say best friends) were her family. She is best friends with her husband. She a huge value on biological family so I don't think she knows how offensive that statement was. 

[Season of life...]

Who cares about someone's private information being splashed all over the interwebs when God obviously laid this burden on Jill's heart to find Israel's great grandmother. 

I guess I can't really know Jill's true motivations, or if her search was sanctioned by Cathy, but Good Lord, from where I'm standing this smacks of hubris.

Jill has no idea whether the birth mother, Joyce, ever shared her history regarding the adoption with her family. They may not even be aware of Cathy's existence. If Joyce has indeed passed, or even if she hasn't, I think it's unfair to her and her family that this is being dredged up, especially in such a public way. Some Duggar fans are rabid, and I can believe they may try to find Joyce so they can get a head pat from the Dillards. 

If Joyce is deceased, she can no longer answer questions that her family may have, and learning about Cathy at this late date could be very disruptive. Or, maybe they would welcome her with open arms--I don't know, but the point is, neither does Jill.

[HarleyQuinn]

Part of my wants someone from Joyce's family to speak up and essentially say "f*** off, Jill."

I certainly wouldn't want my family associated with the Duggars. I'm sure Israel will be just fine with the woman who raised Cathy as a great grandmother. 

[BabyBottlePop]

Jill is being needlessly cruel. It just completely questions the legitimacy of Cathy's family and unfortunately it's not uncommon. My grandmother has an adopted daughter and when my aunt became pregnant, my grandmother was deeply hurt because her best friend asked her, "Why are you excited? The baby won't look like you." 

[Hera]

Is this going to be a plot line on the next season of their show or something?  Why do this now?  Also, can you imagine how fucked it would be to just be going along, living your life and to suddenly be dragged into this train wreck because your grandmother or mother gave a baby up for adoption some sixty years ago, neither birth mother nor adopted child ever sought each other out, but the adopted child's son's wife, who is a nutjob fundamentalist associated with a truly horrible family, decided to find you for ... reasons?  

[twinmama]

I didn't look closely, but didn't Pickles post a picture of Joyce's headstone? Doesn't that means she's dead? Or was it a husband's stone and her name was already on it for when she dies?

[nausicaa]

5 hours ago, JillyO said:

What the fuck. I have so many thoughts on this issue (Jill searching for Cathy's birth mother), I don't even really know where to start.

I guess I'll start with this: Cathy didn't post anything to indicate she was looking for her birth mother. I really hope this was her idea, and not some stupid shit Jill came up with. Second of all, this woman would not be Israel's great-grandma - the woman who raised Cathy is/was. It makes me really mad the way these anti-choicers pretend like adoption is the solution to all problems pregnant women may have and then don't even accept the validity of adoptive parents' parentage. I'm kind of worried Jill believes Gothard's sins-of-the-father crap and that's why she wants to know Cathy's biogical parents (to see if they pass her good Christian test). Ugh. Also, many people who give their children up for adoption do not want to be found. And even if they do, I doubt many want to be found via some ingnorant little twit's Twitter account with too damn many followers. I guess I'll end my rant here. Excuse my incoherence; Jill Dillard makes me all kinds of ragey.

Me too. She's just this perky bull in a china shop harrumphing around with her Wisdom booklets and sense of superiority. 

The other thing is, a 31 woman in 1957 giving a baby up for adoption makes me think Cathy is the result of an affair. Wonder how Jill will deal with that. There's also the terrible chance that the baby was a result of rape.

No matter what, Jill is seriously violating several people's privacy. 

[Fundie Bunny]

23 minutes ago, twinmama said:

I didn't look closely, but didn't Pickles post a picture of Joyce's headstone? Doesn't that means she's dead? Or was it a husband's stone and her name was already on it for when she dies?

likely. Other user on twitter found her gravestone on a webpage that was used here to track the duggar ancestors

[McDoodleDoodleDoo]

I honestly think that the search for the bio great grandmother is a tatic they are using to shift the focus from their risk taking with the Zika virus off of them. I do not think it is a coincidence that this sudden search for grandma came right after the first Zika related baby is born in America. Look what happened here, the topic of Zika dropped here asap for talk of the bio grandmother search. I don't think she really cares about the subject beyond it's ability to be a potential photo op and definate distraction. 

[nst]

2 hours ago, nausicaa said:

Me too. She's just this perky bull in a china shop harrumphing around with her Wisdom booklets and sense of superiority. 

The other thing is, a 31 woman in 1957 giving a baby up for adoption makes me think Cathy is the result of an affair. Wonder how Jill will deal with that. There's also the terrible chance that the baby was a result of rape.

No matter what, Jill is seriously violating several people's privacy. 

and now we are going into such private territory that Jill has no need to publicize it

 

[MadameOvary]

Wow, this crosses the line fundietastically! 

No, Jill: Israel does not want to meet some old lady who once upon a time gave birth to his granny. Israel, at one year old, doesn't give a toss. He has no idea what a great-grandma even is. Just admit, for once, that it's what YOU want.

This is Jill scraping the barrel in desperation. The show is over but she wants to be back on tv.

[EmmieJ]

I know someone whose mother gave up a baby for adoption.  This would have been in the mid to later 1950's.  She was a young woman at the time, unmarried, had a relationship with a soldier, got pregnant, soldier gone in the wind.  So it was decided that she would go away, have the baby, give it up for adoption.  A couple years later, my friend's mom gets married, has 4 more kids, and 40 or more years go by.  Out of the blue one day, she gets a phone call from a woman who says, "I'm the daughter you gave up for adoption and I'd like to meet you."  Friend's mom absolutely freaks out, hangs up the phone, and has no desire to meet this woman.  Right or wrong, that is how she felt.  (She never changed her mind.)

Point being, if you are seeking out a birth mother, might be best to keep it private because you don't know if that birth mother wants to be found. 

[Honeysuckle]

4 hours ago, HarleyQuinn said:

Part of my wants someone from Joyce's family to speak up and essentially say "f*** off, Jill."

I certainly wouldn't want my family associated with the Duggars. I'm sure Israel will be just fine with the woman who raised Cathy as a great grandmother. 

The correct term for "woman who raised Cathy" is "Cathy's mother." I realize you were just trying to be clear that you weren't referencing the bio-great-grandmother, but really, "woman who raised Cathy" makes her sound like the hired help. Families formed by adoption are families, full stop.

[Audrey2]

3 hours ago, nausicaa said:

Me too. She's just this perky bull in a china shop harrumphing around with her Wisdom booklets and sense of superiority. 

The other thing is, a 31 woman in 1957 giving a baby up for adoption makes me think Cathy is the result of an affair. Wonder how Jill will deal with that. There's also the terrible chance that the baby was a result of rape.

No matter what, Jill is seriously violating several people's privacy. 

Another, but less likely possibility, was that she had a dad and other siblings, but for some reason, her family couldn't care for her (poverty, job loss, illness, abuse, etc ). In any case, it isn't Jill's business or ours to find out why. I doubt Jill is wise enough to be seeking information for reasons of medical history.

[VelociRapture]

8 hours ago, 2manyKidzzz said:

PIckles has info on her page, including the gravestone. I think Jill is invading Cathy's privacy. She has no boundaries. I really like Cathy. She is low key and I just like her. And thanks to Jill her only so far, grandchild, is living with Cougars and tarantulas in scary CA. 

In the effort of fairness:

It is not just Jill's fault that Cathy's only grandchild is in CA. HipsterJesus is an adult fully capable of saying no to his wife. If he didn't want to be in CA then they likely wouldn't be there right now. So it's really not fair at all to lay that all on Jill.

And while it's sad not to see a beloved family member often, it's hardly the end of the world for their situation. Cathy has been able to visit, the Dills came back way too often at first, and they have technology to stay in touch as well. I'm sure it's far from ideal, but still. It's better than what they could have experienced even a decade or two ago.

I have no opinion towards Cathy herself. She seems nice enough and like she may value her privacy - but she is also Derick's mom. There could be many reasons for why he has chosen his current life path, but I do wonder about how strict an upbringing he may have had.

[2manyKidzzz]

6 minutes ago, VelociRapture said:

In the effort of fairness:

It is not just Jill's fault that Cathy's only grandchild is in CA. HipsterJesus is an adult fully capable of saying no to his wife. If he didn't want to be in CA then they likely wouldn't be there right now. So it's really not fair at all to lay that all on Jill.

And while it's sad not to see a beloved family member often, it's hardly the end of the world for their situation. Cathy has been able to visit, the Dills came back way too often at first, and they have technology to stay in touch as well. I'm sure it's far from ideal, but still. It's better than what they could have experienced even a decade or two ago.

I have no opinion towards Cathy herself. She seems nice enough and like she may value her privacy - but she is also Derick's mom. There could be many reasons for why he has chosen his current life path, but I do wonder about how strict an upbringing he may have had.

Well, of course.....and these are just my opinions as yours belong to you!!!! I really like Cathy and I hope that is okay!

[VelociRapture]

5 minutes ago, 2manyKidzzz said:

Well, of course.....and these are just my opinions as yours belong to you!!!! I really like Cathy and I hope that is okay!

Never said it wasn't ok for you to have an opinion - especially about Cathy. I don't know enough about her to really have an opinion about her. Others feel differently and that's perfectly fine.

I was just pointing out that Derick is an adult fully capable of making adult decisions such as where his family should live. Blaming only Jill isn't really fair and may not be accurate.

[2manyKidzzz]

Just now, VelociRapture said:

Never said it wasn't ok for you to have an opinion - especially about Cathy. I don't know enough about her to really have an opinion about her. Others feel differently and that's perfectly fine.

I was just pointing out that Derick is an adult fully capable of making adult decisions such as where his family should live. Blaming only Jill isn't really fair and may not be accurate.

Since I am not an authority on them, of course it may not be accurate. I have never met them. Calling people out is a sport it seems. 

[VelociRapture]

13 minutes ago, 2manyKidzzz said:

Since I am not an authority on them, of course it may not be accurate. I have never met them. Calling people out is a sport it seems. 

If you're referring to calling out other posters then no. It's not a sport. At least not for me (I don't presume to speak for anyone else.)

People are bound to disagree with what you write once in a while. This is a big site with many different viewpoints. Your original post came across as if you honestly thought it was a fact rather than your opinion. If I misinterpreted then sorry.

[lascuba]

I want to believe that Jill had Cathy's permission to tweet that, because a)how horrifically fucked up to use your MIL's search for her birth family for attention and b)every point already made here about the lack of respect for that birth family's privacy. I'm slightly inclined to believe that she did have permission, if only because, as stupid as their social media decisions can be, generally speaking the Duggars are pretty good about not posting anything important unless there's a specific reason to do so.

That of course begs the question of why in the world Cathy would want her search for her birth mother to be so public. Sounds bizarre for a woman who clearly prefers her privacy and is married to a man who's face beautifully depicts what most of us think about the Duggars. Conspiracy theory time: Derrick/Jill/JB/TLC had the bright idea of getting ratings by featuring Cathy's search, and she agreed to it because it means so much to Derrick's heart for missions/TLC-deprived wallet. I wouldn't be at all surprised if Cathy already had the information that Jill asked for, but having Jill be the hero by asking on twitter and miraculously have a follower tweet that picture makes for "better" TV. 

[2manyKidzzz]

2 hours ago, VelociRapture said:

If you're referring to calling out other posters then no. It's not a sport. At least not for me (I don't presume to speak for anyone else.)

People are bound to disagree with what you write once in a while. This is a big site with many different viewpoints. Your original post came across as if you honestly thought it was a fact rather than your opinion. If I misinterpreted then sorry.

Everything I write here is just my opinion. Without firsthand knowledge, it couldn't be anything else. And what is wrong with that. 

[CreationMuseumSeasonPass]

I have a very close friend who was adopted and she was born in 1956. If I have all the details right, she was born in the state of New York, which has very strict rules about giving information out on birth parents. Anyways, my family friend never had enough details to find her birth mom. Recently, the daughters of my family friend had her send a blood/DNA test to ancestry.com. And, wouldn't you know, her DNA came up as a match in their registry with her birth siblings. It turns out that the birth mom is dead, but the birth siblings want to meet my family friend. The older birth siblings told about how their family was so poor in the 50s, and that it was to the point the family couldn't take care of another child. A woman in her 30s giving up her child for adoption could have been for many reasons (poverty, affair, and god forbid, rape). It's not Jill's place to publicly blast it over the Internet. What if the woman had still been alive but was in ill health? Or like my grandmother who has dementia? Then, her family would have had to deal with these fundie idiots. The internet can be a great tool in finding birth parents, but Jill seems to be really stepping out of line. God, Jill really grinds my gears sometimes.

[Imrlgoddess]

I find Jill to be dumb. Not ignorant, not even stupid... But dumb...a silly, giggly girl who has no filter & no will to develop one. I believe she thought she was "helping out" but in reality it was kind of a crappy thing to do. I hoped, when I first saw it on Pickles page, that maybe... just maybe Cathy either didn't use much social media or perhaps asked her to make a little broadcast not knowing how it would go. 

There's no way to know how or why Jill came to just throwing her mil's business out there.  Assuming their internet knowledge is as shoddy as they claim she may not have known that you can search public records. 

Don't bicker y'all.... One thing we ALL agree with.... They're kinda creepy people in general, therefore they do kinda crappy things.

[2manyKidzzz]

On the other hand, after Cathy's bout with cancer, maybe she is just very happy to have a cute grandson and just doesn't sweat things. She was really very ill it appeared to me. I could be wrong. But I hope she is okay with this and gets to visit cougar land again soon to see the DerJills.