Jill, Derick and Israel- Part 16

[Rachel333]

I agree that Jill is stepping way out of bounds if she's doing this without permission, but Cathy really might want to find her birthmother, and there's nothing wrong with that. Using her famous daughter-in-law could be helpful too.

Especially before Roe v. Wade there were a lot of women who really wanted to raise their children but were pressured into adoption. It's an interesting, sad era of American history. There's a book about it that I've been meaning to read for a long time. https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/116477.The_Girls_Who_Went_Away

Did anyone else see the story a few months ago of a woman who found her birthmother at the age of 82? Her mother was 96. It was a really sweet story, though sad that they had to wait that long to meet when both mother and daughter were looking for each other. http://www.startribune.com/woman-82-tracks-down-and-meets-96-year-old-birth-mother/367798241/

[nst]

3 hours ago, lascuba said:

I want to believe that Jill had Cathy's permission to tweet that, because a)how horrifically fucked up to use your MIL's search for her birth family for attention and b)every point already made here about the lack of respect for that birth family's privacy. I'm slightly inclined to believe that she did have permission, if only because, as stupid as their social media decisions can be, generally speaking the Duggars are pretty good about not posting anything important unless there's a specific reason to do so.

That of course begs the question of why in the world Cathy would want her search for her birth mother to be so public. Sounds bizarre for a woman who clearly prefers her privacy and is married to a man who's face beautifully depicts what most of us think about the Duggars. Conspiracy theory time: Derrick/Jill/JB/TLC had the bright idea of getting ratings by featuring Cathy's search, and she agreed to it because it means so much to Derrick's heart for missions/TLC-deprived wallet. I wouldn't be at all surprised if Cathy already had the information that Jill asked for, but having Jill be the hero by asking on twitter and miraculously have a follower tweet that picture makes for "better" TV. 

then i am calling the bolded a storyline - get ready - it's gonna happen one way or another

the same way they showed her cancer arc - they can show this arc. 

and will be focusing because of Iddy 

26 minutes ago, Imrlgoddess said:

I find Jill to be dumb. Not ignorant, not even stupid... But dumb...a silly, giggly girl who has no filter & no will to develop one. I believe she thought she was "helping out" but in reality it was kind of a crappy thing to do. I hoped, when I first saw it on Pickles page, that maybe... just maybe Cathy either didn't use much social media or perhaps asked her to make a little broadcast not knowing how it would go. 

There's no way to know how or why Jill came to just throwing her mil's business out there.  Assuming their internet knowledge is as shoddy as they claim she may not have known that you can search public records. 

 

its almost the same as when Jessa went to visit Sierra after Spud was born and they just satthere. 

meaning there is no rhyme or reason - it's just for a story line 

[Jinder Roles]

I'm not up to date with the thread yet so forgive me if this was already mentioned.

Jill has completely crossed the line. If she was interested in Cathy's birth mother she could have asked around privately. Also, Cathy's birth mother may not even be alive. I mean the woman was born in  1925 so there's a good chance she's passed on.

More importantly, what if the birth mother doesn't want to be found? On the some of the 19KAC episodes Cathy made comments that allude to feeling abandoned for like a part of her is missing. She was really exited about having Israel as another biological relative. Those feelings are not uncommon for adoptive kids but people too often forget about the biological parent's feelings. Cathy's mother may not have been able to take care of Cathy or maybe her daughter's birth was traumatizing in a way. Maybe she feels guilt or maybe she's detached. Maybe the best way for her to deal with giving a daughter away was to move on. Or maybe she would be open to meeting Cathy. We don't know! These matters can be very complicated and sensitive. 

 I think if Cathy's birth mother doesn't want to be found, then she shouldn't have to deal with people publicly searching for her. Especially not her granddaughter-in-law who obviously has no boundaries. My gosh, Jill really has no concept of privacy or sensitivity. She did not have to post this on twitter for the world to see. 

[BlessedMajorNeglect]

Even disregarding Cathy's bio mom's feelings (and that of her family), the way Jill chose to word the request was awful.

Izzy's Great Grandma is the woman who raised Cathy, period. The woman who gave birth to Cathy is a genetic ancestor but not "family" in the same sense as the family that supported and helped grow both Cathy and Derick. 

As someone pointed out way to show you'll promote adoption as "perfect" solutions to discourage abortion or fertility treatment but then turn around and betray that you believe only biological parents are real parents.

Even if Cathy asked for it, even if her biological mother and family want it, there's a way to ask that doesn't involve essentially minimalizing what adoptive parents go through and do and spitting in their face they aren't "real." 

 

And at least be honest that it's because they as adults are curious or desiring this, don't blatantly lie and say your infant is demanding to know!

[2manyKidzzz]

The gravestone looked to me to indicate Cathy's mother had passed away, but perhaps it wasn't totally clear as the numbers seemed to me to be oddly aligned. I hope Cathy is okay with it as it would be nice for her to just enjoy the DerJills and her grandson without anything that would be disruptive for her. Maybe the answer will be put out on Twitter.....by Jillie. 

[theinvisiblegirl]

It would be one thing if Cathy had tweeted something about it, or made a Facebook group to try and circulate a picture/story, or if she used the Duggars' Facebook as a platform to launch a search and try to get the search going. But coming from Jill, it just seems so... strange. So very strange.

[JillyO]

7 hours ago, Rachel333 said:

I agree that Jill is stepping way out of bounds if she's doing this without permission, but Cathy really might want to find her birthmother, and there's nothing wrong with that. Using her famous daughter-in-law could be helpful too.

I see your point, but I disagree. While it is of course perfectly fine for Cathy to want to find her birth mother (if that is indeed her wish), there is a strong possibility that her birth mother does not want to be found. And that is perfectly fine!!

So for me, it would be okay for Jill to post something along the lines of "My mother-in-law Cathy Dillard Byrum is looking for her birth mother. She was born on ... in .... If you gave up a baby girl on that day in this location, please contact bla bla bla." But to post the woman's full name and date of birth for the whole world to see? That crosses so many lines I can't even begin to understand how Jill can possibly think that's okay.

[VelociRapture]

The problem with Jill is I don't think she means to cause any harm when she does stuff like this. She simply doesn't know any better and never had her behavior corrected. 

At the same time, she could very well be causing harm by her actions - definitely a strong possibility here and in regards to whatever she does as a Missionary too. Who knows why she posted it or if she had permission to do so - the fact remains she went about it in the wrong way and could have really caused her MIL (and others) a good deal of pain. It's unfortunate, but as a married mother of one its beyond time for her to grow up and learn a few social graces.

[nausicaa]

15 hours ago, nst said:

and now we are going into such private territory that Jill has no need to publicize it

 

Yes, I didn't mean to suggest in my post that we should try to find these things out. Just positing some scenarios to show just how damn naive Jill is about life and the cards some people are dealt. Seriously, it never occurred to her that typically the story behind giving up a baby for adoption isn't all roses and giggles and might not be something a woman wants splashed on the cover of People magazine?  

[Four is Enough]

Seriously, I treasure my kids' birth parents, some of whom made an excrutiatingly difficult decision when they placed their child with us. While we and the children know who they are, we NEVER, EVER, mention our connection.. we'd NEVER introduce them as "hey, Mom, meet Jane, this is Tony's birth mother." NO. NO. NO. We may be friends on Facebook, but we're friends, and when I make my Mother's and Father's day thank yous, I refrain from mentioning names.

Jill is an idiot who just doesn't think that someone might not want it booted about publicly that they had a child and gave it to someone else. 

[HarleyQuinn]

15 hours ago, Honeysuckle said:

The correct term for "woman who raised Cathy" is "Cathy's mother." I realize you were just trying to be clear that you weren't referencing the bio-great-grandmother, but really, "woman who raised Cathy" makes her sound like the hired help. Families formed by adoption are families, full stop.

That's not how I meant it at all. I didn't realize anyone would interpret it any other way. 

[ksgranola1]

You folks are losing sight of the big picture, here. Another TLC biggie this season is Lost Family. It was a big hit & was on ALL the time, like the Duggar's were. Maybe they are trying to tie in the 2 shows b/c TLC  clearly has no idea what to do w/the Duggars now. It's possible Cathy would like to find her birth mother & just has no idea about how to do it. maybe Jill knows how to search sites like ancestery.com that Cathy doesn't have a clue about.

[RoseWilder]

On 6/1/2016 at 10:26 PM, PecanThief said:

Anyone see Jill's tweet about wanting to find Cathy's birthmom? The end when she says "Israel wants to meet his great grandma" was so weird.

Israel is less than 14 months. He doesn't give a flying crap about meeting his Great Grandma. He just wants some toys and for all the women in his life to stop talking in that high pitched annoying Michelle voice. 

[anotherone]

On ‎6‎/‎1‎/‎2016 at 9:26 PM, PecanThief said:

Anyone see Jill's tweet about wanting to find Cathy's birthmom? The end when she says "Israel wants to meet his great grandma" was so weird. I have personal views about this because my mom was adopted. Sometimes I think it would be cool to find out some info about my blood relatives but I have no desire to meet them nor does my mom because they aren't family they're just people we are blood related to. Idk Jill is just really stupid imo and has no idea how society functions. She's like a 15 year old mentally.

Also who looks for their birth family in such a public way? Like they probably don't wanna be all over the tabloids like the dirty duggars! Jill seriously has zero manners!

Jill should imagine that her future adopted kid has a child and grandchild, then that grandchild wants to go and find adopted kid's "real" mother, because they publicly say, Jill's adopted kid's real mother isn't Jill.  She should think about that just to know how it sounds.  It also might give insight into her unconscious views on adoption.

[VelociRapture]

1 hour ago, nausicaa said:

Yes, I didn't mean to suggest in my post that we should try to find these things out. Just positing some scenarios to show just how damn naive Jill is about life and the cards some people are dealt. Seriously, it never occurred to her that typically the story behind giving up a baby for adoption isn't all roses and giggles and might not be something a woman wants splashed on the cover of People magazine?  

Yeah. I mean, I get why Jill may be curious - it's not just Cathy's bio family, but also Jill's husband and son's family too. I get why she may want to know... But maybe look into it quietly or something. Blasting all the bio mom's info onto Twitter or elsewhere just seems like it's asking for trouble to me.

I do hope Cathy wasn't hurt by this in anyway. I hope Jill got her ok before deciding to take matters into her own hands the way she did.

[ksgranola1]

A little drama?? Why don't they just do a spin-off about Josh & Anna putting their lives back together. Nah, that won't work b/c it would expose the cult as the bucket of bullshit it really is.

Or they could spin it to show how much more "GODLY" Josh has become.

[Buzzard]

16 minutes ago, ksgranola1 said:

You folks are losing sight of the big picture, here. Another TLC biggie this season is Lost Family. It was a big hit & was on ALL the time, like the Duggar's were. Maybe they are trying to tie in the 2 shows b/c TLC  clearly has no idea what to do w/the Duggars now. It's possible Cathy would like to find her birth mother & just has no idea about how to do it. maybe Jill knows how to search sites like ancestery.com that Cathy doesn't have a clue about.

That was my immediate thought when I saw the post: "CROSSOVER."  Smuggles did a DC cupcake episode and DerJill is pining for the same thing.  I can totally see it: Jill comes to a cemetary, places a flower at the grave, and coos at izzy "Your great gamma gave the gift of life instead of murdering grandma cathy and now you're here!"

Then they have awkward lunch with surviving relatives.  Jill cries.

[2manyKidzzz]

1 hour ago, ksgranola1 said:

A little drama?? Why don't they just do a spin-off about Josh & Anna putting their lives back together. Nah, that won't work b/c it would expose the cult as the bucket of bullshit it really is.

Or they could spin it to show how much more "GODLY" Josh has become.

Okay, so I really laughed at this one. And......think about the ratings, talk about a money maker, I wouldn't miss it for the world. 

@Buzzard. Have you thought about dramatic writing as a career?!?!?!? And yes, the DugDills and all would say just exactly that. 

[theinvisiblegirl]

I just checked Cathy's Twitter account. She tweeted today, but no mention of finding her birth mother, nor did she retweet Jill's tweet. I truly wonder how she feels about it.

[Four is Enough]

Quote

Families formed by adoption are families, full stop.

LIKE a thousand times! 

 

My oldest two actually felt sorry for the neighbor boy because they only had one mother. He had a mother, and they had a mother and a birth mother apiece.

 

AFAIK, if Cathy Byrum was adopted at birth, her birth information for the birth mother was sealed. It doesn't necessarily get unsealed unless someone legally requests it. My kids all know their birth parents' names, but if push came to shove, my and Mr. Four's names are on the birth certificates.

[Eatingintheprayercloset]

Ugh, every time I even remotely warm-up to Jill, she does something really stupid. I really doubt Izzy, a 13th month year old baby, wants to meet his biological great-grandma! Jill is honestly the dumbest Duggar around (and that's saying something). I don't think she is consciously malicious with her words/actions like some of her other siblings, but she is too ditzy for her own good. This whole fiasco made me cringe but I got to say, this isn't the first time Jill made me feel this way.  

[CreationMuseumSeasonPass]

2 hours ago, Buzzard said:

That was my immediate thought when I saw the post: "CROSSOVER."  Smuggles did a DC cupcake episode and DerJill is pining for the same thing.  I can totally see it: Jill comes to a cemetary, places a flower at the grave, and coos at izzy "Your great gamma gave the gift of life instead of murdering grandma cathy and now you're here!"

Then they have awkward lunch with surviving relatives.  Jill cries.

I literally just whispered, "Christ on a cracker. NO!"

[2manyKidzzz]

I'm sure if Cathy is bothered by this, she will downplay it because.....she wants to see her son and grandson. IMHO. I'm sure she has her own opinion of the Duggies. Which I would be surprised to see her share. She was so very ill. Now that she is better, I'm sure she is all about the joy in her life. 

[lizzybee]

I want to cut some slack on Jill for this because we have no idea if someone/her MIL/TLC asked her to do this or not. I will say it seems odd that no one retweeted it or anything but Lilly and Ellie have picked up on it too. http://www.duggarfamilyblog.com/2016/06/find-israels-great-grandma.html

[theinvisiblegirl]

45 minutes ago, lizzybee said:

I want to cut some slack on Jill for this because we have no idea if someone/her MIL/TLC asked her to do this or not. I will say it seems odd that no one retweeted it or anything but Lilly and Ellie have picked up on it too. http://www.duggarfamilyblog.com/2016/06/find-israels-great-grandma.html

Do they not see the idiocy of finding a great grandmother for a toddler to meet?