The Infamous Maxwell Pizza Incident

[jjmennonite]

Did it ever occur to the Maxwell's that Uriah got stuck on purpose, in the hopes that he would get abandoned by them?

If I was going to be homeless, I would not choose Slave Lake, as it gets to -40C or -40F - as that is where the scales meet - in winter. Uriah may not have known that, or may not have been thinking rationally, in his desperation to escape Maxhell. Or he heard of our evil socialized healthcare and did not realize it does not apply to homeless buses. . . . I could go on. This scares me a little - it appears I am writing Uriah fan-fic.

[jjmennonite]

Is this what you were thinking of jjmennonite? Lo, a tale told in three parts:

blog.titus2.com/2011/04/07/gods-hand-1/

blog.titus2.com/2011/04/09/gods-hand-2/

blog.titus2.com/2011/04/10/gods-hand-3/

OMG, AndieGoWest, a big welcome to Free Jinger and thanks. I just went in there and poked around tits2, and it is truly painful.

Uriah took the Travelling Maxhell Circus (TMC) to Grande Prairie (my birthplace, lots of Pentecostals and Mennonites around), Le Crete (at least 2 or three different kinds of possibly home-schooling Mennonites there), and Slave Lake (more Mennonites and my home-schooling Pentecostal cousins) in Northern Alberta. Uriah got stuck at least twice, up there. Then, the God's Hand story takes place in Bow Island, in Southern Alberta - and I have more Mennonite relatives there. All would be in the market for home-schooling materials, with no evil science. In all the photos I saw familiar looking frumpers and headcoverings. If I saw the TMC around Alberta, without having ever read FJ, I would have been trying to figure out which kind of Mennonites they were, according to their dress.

I am just a little freaked out that I made up a title 'God's Hand in Extracting Uriah, and you sent me a 3 part series entitled 'God's Hand 1,2,3'. Is my memory that clear from reading that in 2011?

Sorry for the long posts. I have more comments, though.

When I read this post: blog.titus2.com/2011/04/05/over-the-bridge/, where "We had a neat 'experience' driving over an ice bridge" I had an evil thought that Mobile Maxhell could have melted the ice bridge and been eliminated - but just an evil thought - I do not really wish people to drown.

To all Canadians, this is where we supported Maxhell, with our tax dollars fixing that hole in the road: blog.titus2.com/2011/04/06/were-out/ (Sorry, can't figure out how to put the photo in, right now - you have to experience the painful tits2, to see it).

Thanks again to all you who navigate painful tits2 and summarize Maxhell. Sarah's writing makes even things that are kind of cool, like driving over an ice bridge, sound dreary and tedious, about the same as dusting ceiling fans. Hard to believe they can make money off of Moody books. Just illustrates how SODRT educators cannot will not distinguish good literature from bad.

[thoughtful]

I'm wondering what the Maxwells daily schedule looks like now that all the kids have finished the SOTDRT and their business seems to slow down.

They don't have any friends or hobbies and there are only so many ceiling fans in the house to dust.

I think the Maxwells can fill whole days with nothing, because, as I said earlier in this thread, Steve approaches anything that might smack of "sin" (which would be anything he's never done before, and probably many things he has) like Charlie Brown procrastinating his book report on Peter Rabbit.

They obsess over tiny details of everyday life, so it seems like it doesn't need to be a major moral choice or life-changing event that brings on layers of over-thinking everything.

With all of the second-guessing, worrying, fretting, planning, re-planning, backtracking, Bible-checking (and double-checking, and triple-checking) and family consultation (that has to be scheduled beforehand) that must go on, I can easily see how time is filled.

[jjmennonite]

I think the Maxwells can fill whole days with nothing, because, as I said earlier in this thread, Steve approaches anything that might smack of "sin" (which would be anything he's never done before, and probably many things he has) like Charlie Brown procrastinating his book report on Peter Rabbit.

They obsess over tiny details of everyday life, so it seems like it doesn't need to be a major moral choice or life-changing event that brings on layers of over-thinking everything.

With all of the second-guessing, worrying, fretting, planning, re-planning, backtracking, Bible-checking (and double-checking, and triple-checking) and family consultation (that has to be scheduled beforehand) that must go on, I can easily see how time is filled.

And furthermore, all the the second-guessing, worrying, fretting, planning, re-planning, backtracking, Bible-checking (and double-checking, and triple-checking) and family consultation (that has to be scheduled beforehand) that must go on, must be photographed and documented for the blog. Like in the OP of this thread. That photographing and writing down the details of all the the second-guessing, worrying, fretting, planning, re-planning, backtracking, Bible-checking (and double-checking, and triple-checking) and family consultation (that has to be scheduled beforehand) that must go on, also takes time.

(Sorry, I just used cut and paste to see if repeating Thoughtful's words twice could possibly make her/my writing tedious and dreary. but it is such a clever sentence, it is still fun to read - for me, that is.)

[thoughtful]

My jaw clenched (and I suspect my blood pressure went up -- time to pet the dog!) just typing about how much they obsess and fuss and plan and worry if they are sinning . . .

Where's that dog?

[Handmaiden of Dog]

I've said before I don't know what the four grown women do all day in that house-- especially since they don't read for pleasure, watch TV, socialize, volunteer, or engage in hobbies. I don't think they spend a lot of time gardening or cooking or shopping. It would only take one woman to keep the house immaculate since there are no little children or pets and the rooms are very uncluttered, so that leads me to believe that thoughtful is right and they spend a lot of time agonizing and planning. It all sounds very stressful and unproductive. If I lived there I would probably have gastritis, eczema, and every other stress-related condition.

[thoughtful]

Steve, trying to make an important decision about bringing something up at a family meeting (with apologies to Orson Welles):

[Sundaymorning]

And furthermore, all the the second-guessing, worrying, fretting, planning, re-planning, backtracking, Bible-checking (and double-checking, and triple-checking) and family consultation (that has to be scheduled beforehand) that must go on, must be photographed and documented for the blog. Like in the OP of this thread. That photographing and writing down the details of all the the second-guessing, worrying, fretting, planning, re-planning, backtracking, Bible-checking (and double-checking, and triple-checking) and family consultation (that has to be scheduled beforehand) that must go on, also takes time.

(Sorry, I just used cut and paste to see if repeating Thoughtful's words twice could possibly make her/my writing tedious and dreary. but it is such a clever sentence, it is still fun to read - for me, that is.)

I normally am against using drugs (even though I think they should be legal). But man, I think someone should bring the Maxwells some special brownies, that would probably the best thing that would happen to them in decades. :banana-stoner:

[happy atheist]

Just for fun I added "Tits2 Woman" as a post count title. I'm sure you'll all be honored when you reach 1950 and can proudly display it. :dance:

[LucySnowe]

I've said before I don't know what the four grown women do all day in that house-- especially since they don't read for pleasure, watch TV, socialize, volunteer, or engage in hobbies. I don't think they spend a lot of time gardening or cooking or shopping. It would only take one woman to keep the house immaculate since there are no little children or pets and the rooms are very uncluttered, so that leads me to believe that thoughtful is right and they spend a lot of time agonizing and planning. It all sounds very stressful and unproductive. If I lived there I would probably have gastritis, eczema, and every other stress-related condition.

When they're doing up a house for one of the sons to move into they're all working on it and it looks fun (and I say this as someone allergic to DIY), which is probably part of the reason why they don't get into house-flipping, because they can't have fun (and maybe some of those Evil Gays or Unmarried Hussies or Non-Steve-Approved-Christians would move in).

Kind of reminds me of the Hugh Grant character in About a Boy, who has plenty of money he doesn't have to work for and no motivation to actually do anything. At the start of the book he's dividing his day into fifteen-minute increments to deal with all the time he has to fill.

They could probably start some fundie version of Habitat for Humanity. They have the skills, they have the readership they could ask for donations and there have to be plenty of Steve-fearing Christians who would be grateful for a new house. They could do lots of things to help other people. They infuriate and confuse me.

Quick threadjack - did we ever learn where John went on his holiday/mission/rumspringa?

[Clutched Pearls]

Steveus on Sports!!! He wrote three walls of text that I did not read, but I found one gem!

articles.titus2.com/sports-part-1/

articles.titus2.com/sports-part-2/

articles.titus2.com/sports-part-3/

If you are a Christian and committed to sports, I’m not trying to pick a fight, because I have more profitable things to do with my time.

No you don't Steve, but let's continue...

And what about the coed volleyball games that are pretty popular with the church youth? I haven’t observed any, but I suspect that winning could be a major thrust with some. If that is the case, then it becomes the opposite of loving my brother. Even if it is a noncompetitive time of fellowship, is there nothing better for the youth to do? What about using that energy to minister to others or do upkeep on the church? Frankly, coed teams are likely going to foster relationships between the boys and girls. That is why each parent needs to evaluate if their children are ready for marriage and whether this is a positive or negative thing.

You heard it from Steve first! Volleyball, the most erotic of all non-contact sports, is to be avoided entirely until you or your child is prepared for marriage!

[nausicaa]

Steveus on Sports!!! He wrote three walls of text that I did not read, but I found one gem!

articles.titus2.com/sports-part-1/

articles.titus2.com/sports-part-2/

articles.titus2.com/sports-part-3/

No you don't Steve, but let's continue...

You heard it from Steve first! Volleyball, the most erotic of all non-contact sports, is to be avoided entirely until you or your child is prepared for marriage!

You have to ensure your child is ready for marriage before letting them play a co-ed volleyball game at a church picnic?!? Holy crap. Steve really is crazier than I thought.

By that logic though, none of the children should be speaking with people of the opposite sex until they are of marriageable age. And I'm almost positive we've seen the young reversals speaking to members of the opposite sex at their conferences.

Also, I love that Steve doesn't understand why everyone doesn't just do upkeep on the church at the church picnic. Social events, Steve. I don't think you understand them.

[banjobaby]

Even if it is a noncompetitive time of fellowship, is there nothing better for the youth to do? What about using that energy to minister to others or do upkeep on the church? .

Using this logic, why do the Maxwells climb 14ers (is that the term?) or cook bursting bratwurst on the grill at the park? Isn't there something better they can do to minister to others?

He doesn''t even follow his own line of logic. His family has sweet fellowship together regularly. Isn't there some upkeep on a church the Maxwells could do instead of feeding chipmunks or planning conferences that don't happen?

Something to think about, Steve!

I don't post much, either, because I feel inadequate and I'm still coming out of the fundie mindset, but I'm a great lurker! :lol:

[Brittany15]

What do the Maxwells do all day?

I made a fake schedule for Anna. I know she gardens, cooks, exercises, and read the Bible. I also looked at an old schedule on the website for reference.

5:30: Wake up

5:45: Bible and Prayer

6:30: Exercise

7:30: Shower

8:00: Breakfast

8:30: Clean house

9:30: Garden

10:30: Practice Instrument

11:30: Make lunch

12:00: Eat lunch

12:30: Clean kitchen

1:00: Play music with family

2:00: Visit Mel/Anna

3:30: Laundry and chores

4:30: Make dinner

5:30: Dinner

6:00: Clean up dinner

6:30: Family Bible Time

8:30: Go to sleep

So there is her dull dull day.

[HereticHick]

So is Steve-O saying that the softball loving Arndts are going to hell?

[Clutched Pearls]

So is Steve-O saying that the softball loving Arndts are going to hell?

The Arndts are most definitely going to hell according to Steve's interpretation of the Bible. They're going to hell because of their love of sports, and Mr. Arndts willingness to allow Cathy Arndt to wear eye trapping shorts.

[jjmennonite]

My jaw clenched (and I suspect my blood pressure went up -- time to pet the dog!) just typing about how much they obsess and fuss and plan and worry if they are sinning . . .

Where's that dog?

From your earlier post, " second-guessing, worrying, fretting, planning, re-planning, backtracking, Bible-checking (and double-checking, and triple-checking) and family consultation" sounds a lot like to me like an anxiety attack, ( except for the bible-checking and family consultation) as well as an accurate description of Maxhell activities.

My dog is on one side, and the grand-cat on the other. Phew.

TBH, I recall, as a child, often getting anxious, because if I was sitting beside someone, and I did not know they were saved, I should be witnessing (what some may call soul-winning) otherwise I would be partly responsible for their going to hell, as I had a chance and did not tell them about Jesus. THAT is how twisted fundie beliefs are, especially unhealthy for an anxious child.

Thank Dog I grew out of those beliefs.

[VodouDoll]

And aren't the Arndts Catholic too, or did I make that up? The Maxwells think Catholocism is a false religion and its followers are damned.

[jjmennonite]

And aren't the Arndts Catholic too, or did I make that up? The Maxwells think Catholocism is a false religion and its followers are damned.

Catholics are idolaters and definitely not saved, according to my fundy background - which is a bit like Maxhell. The theory is that Catholics don't 'accept Jesus Christ as their personal savior' which is what you do when you get saved. Aside from worshiping idols, Catholics use a priest as a path to God (kind of like women YKWIM) instead of reading the bible for themselves. Those are all the reasons why Catholics are not real Christians - I bet Stevehovah has some version of this, as I have encountered evangelism on 5 contaminants, and it is pretty standard.

[jjmennonite]

What do the Maxwells do all day?

I made a fake schedule for Anna. I know she gardens, cooks, exercises, and read the Bible. I also looked at an old schedule on the website for reference.

5:30: Wake up

5:45: Bible and Prayer

6:30: Exercise

7:30: Shower

8:00: Breakfast

8:30: Clean house

9:30: Garden

10:30: Practice Instrument

11:30: Make lunch

12:00: Eat lunch

12:30: Clean kitchen

1:00: Play music with family

2:00: Visit Mel/Anna

3:30: Laundry and chores

4:30: Make dinner

5:30: Dinner

6:00: Clean up dinner

6:30: Family Bible Time

8:30: Go to sleep

So there is her dull dull day.

You gave her a whole half hour in the shower - if she hurried with her shampoo and conditioner, she would have time to masturbate* in the shower. We better cut that down to 20 minutes.

*One of my ex-Holdeman cousins frequently tells me TMI because she was raised with rules she has rejected and and has not yet figured out societal rules. She used to confess to her sister, a minister's wife, every time she masturbated, as required. Eventually her sister told her to stop confessing, as she could not stop masturbating. Was it Jim-bob or Stevehovah who get his boys to do that. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW.

[twin2]

You heard it from Steve first! Volleyball, the most erotic of all non-contact sports, is to be avoided entirely until you or your child is prepared for marriage!

In high school gym, we spent the second half of 1st quarter playing co-ed volleyball.

I can't believe only 2 gym teachers were able to keep all the students from fornicating behind the bleachers! :roll:

Steve, you are one messed up man. Seriously, I don't know what your issues are, but they aren't normal, at all.

[zebra #13]

I just read the Halloween post, and found out one of the Maxwell kids was born on Halloween. This is going to sound so petty, but I felt so much actual disappointment when I read that. I have always said that the coolest 'holiday birthday' would be Halloween because of the costumes, the built-in nighttime celebrations, the goodies... I've never grasped before how much fun is not being had in MaxHell until I read that post.

It's not all that great. I have a Halloween kid, and he never had a birthday dinner not interrupted multiple times by trick or treaters, a birthday cake without pumpkins, or any birthday activity that actually involved him rather than ghosties and ghoulies and long leggedity beasties. I have apologized to him often for not hanging on another day, but he was already three weeks late so that wasn't in the cards. . . .

[kpmom]

If I was going to be homeless, I would not choose Slave Lake, as it gets to -40C or -40F - as that is where the scales meet - in winter. Uriah may not have known that, or may not have been thinking rationally, in his desperation to escape Maxhell. Or he heard of our evil socialized healthcare and did not realize it does not apply to homeless buses. . . . I could go on. This scares me a little - it appears I am writing Uriah fan-fic.

There is nothing wrong with writing Uriah fan-fic. In fact I'd be curious to read about Uriah's adventures in sunny, though ungodly, California.

[Closed Womb]

Just dropping in to say that I ordered pizza for dinner.

I'm a widow, so I probably should have contacted my brother or father this morning to do that for me then stayed silent and just hoped that the pizza arrived. But, you know, sometimes FJ just rubs off on me and I lose all control and order my own pizza.

[mango_fandango]

So, because I'm bored, I scrolled through a bunch of old Dad's Corners. There's one series called "Worldly Friends". It's a pointless read because, as we all know, worldly friends are a complete and utter no-no.

What I find hilarious is that the Maxwell chidults have absolutely no friends whatsoever, worldly or otherwise. Actually, Nathan, Christopher and Joseph have friends- their wives! As Sarah wrote in the Mother's Day post: "My mom delights in spending time with her best friend, my dad!"

Also, off topic for a second: I used to be a Guide (as in Girlguiding) and every year we did a week-long summer camp with about three other units (as a Guide you belong to a specific unit, usually based in a church hall, but Guides is not really a religious organisation). For some reason, I don't know why, Teri reminds me of the leader of one of the other units. Every time I look at Teri's face, I imagine her speaking in this leader's voice. I know it's ridiculous because this leader spoke with a posh British accent and Teri is American. I think it's the fact that their faces are very similar.