The Infamous Maxwell Pizza Incident

[mango_fandango]

Melanie's hospital stays are probably one of the few, if not the only times that the Maxwells weren't in control of their environment. Nathan is probably the one Maxwell who seems to interact with non-Christians an a somewhat regular basis, but that's only for work where again, the environment is somewhat limited. Other than that, he USED TO minister at a men's shelter but that stopped a while ago and again, a very limited and non-mainstream environment. So yeah, he actually might not be aware that there's a wide range of people out in the real world, in a variety of circumstances, who have families who love them, especially since he's had in drummed into him—as have the others—that the "outside" world is a bad place filled with bad people.

ETA: During one of Melanie's hospital stays, Nathan actually posted something about the Beast that is TV. Something to the effect of how she didn't have one and wasn't that wonderful blah blah blah we're so much better than you. Seriously? Your wife is in the hospital with a high-risk pregnancy and the thing you focus on is TV?

ETA2: Here it is. From when Mel was in the hospital while she was pregnant with Abby and having complications. This was one of the things I mentioned to Steve when I emailed him about using JimBoob—and specifically mentioning the TV show (since removed from the cover)—to flog his book. If TV was such a beast that his son felt the need to lecture about it during his wife's hospital stay, wasn't it hypocritical and self-serving of Steve to use it to his advantage? Nope, not according to Steve.

Good grief. They're all so holier-than-thou. Do the Maxwells actually realise that spending quality time together in the Bible does not equate to the perfect family? See the Duggars, Gothard... the list goes on. I'm willing to bet that there are quite a few skeletons in the MaxHell closet.

[Elegant Mess]

I have 2 questions for the Maxwells regarding the Beast....No. 2: What if you don't have a tv, but you read other books with your family besides the Bible. Like say, mystery books or fun adventure novels. Is that ok? :think:

Sure, as long as it involves the ever-so-godly Moody family working to solve the mystery of why the brats exploded! :dance:

[nokidsmom]

Good grief. They're all so holier-than-thou. Do the Maxwells actually realise that spending quality time together in the Bible does not equate to the perfect family? See the Duggars, Gothard... the list goes on. I'm willing to bet that there are quite a few skeletons in the MaxHell closet.

And that having a TV on doesn't mean you are going to hell? Good lord, I can't believe the superiority....

[thoughtful]

Say there is an activity I’m confident is not sinful, but I’m not sure whether the Lord would be pleased if I spent my time on it. (I’ve found that most times if I’m not sure, likely it is not something the Lord is pleased with.) Where would I err, on my own pleasure or on pleasing the Lord? Would I choose to forgo something I would like to do? Or would I go ahead and do it, justifying it in my mind as I know other Christians do it, so I can, too.

Oh, FFS. No wonder the Maxwells can fill whole days with nothing. Steve approaches all activities like Charlie Brown writing his book report on Peter Rabbit.

If I start writing now, when I'm not really rested . . . "

[bBvideo 560,340:3muvnzhi]

[/bBvideo]

Reviewing that song made me realize that Lucy reminds me of Jill Rodrigues and Lori Alexander -- insulting, and all about the surface, doing the minimum to look like she was responsible and get her reward.

And Schroeder? Maybe any fundie who tries to get a sermon or blog post out of some Biblical story that doesn't really connect to what they are trying to say, because they are obsessed at the moment with that story. Or those who make everything about their pet peeve -- the whole Bible is all about gay people being evil, for example.

Linus? Hmmm . . . perhaps someone like Geoff Botkin, who tries to sound Oh, So Intellectual.

Sorry -- I know it's sickening to think of these classic characters as fundies.

[kpmom]

ETA2: Here it is. From when Mel was in the hospital while she was pregnant with Abby and having complications. This was one of the things I mentioned to Steve when I emailed him about using JimBoob—and specifically mentioning the TV show (since removed from the cover)—to flog his book. If TV was such a beast that his son felt the need to lecture about it during his wife's hospital stay, wasn't it hypocritical and self-serving of Steve to use it to his advantage? Nope, not according to Steve.

Thanks for finding that post sparkles. I recall reading it when he wrote it, and I think back to it when some FJers say they think Melanie and Nathan might be a little less fundie than Steve and the others.

It's a nice thought, but I don't buy it at all, not with this smug post.

[DowntownAbbey]

Good god, I think that TV post is some of the most pretentious shit I've seen the Maxwells (or any fundie for that matter) peddle. Honestly, you see the light of a TV in someone else's home and your instant thought is "wow, they sure are lacking quality time in the Bible." It's so fucking smug. Steve et. al, you have no idea what the fuck anyone is doing inside their homes outside of a TV screen is on. Are they Skyping the grandparents via a smart tv? Are they watching home movies? Or perhaps, PERHAPS, watching a simple movie or TV show doesn't cause them as much mental stress as is does for you all?!

God, Maxwells, sometimes I can't even.

[FundieWatcher]

It is May 1997 if that helps. Are we allowed to copy and paste Dad's Corners?

Edit: nevermind. I see we can.

[SPHASH]

My all time favorite Maxwell moment...the balloons they were blowing up for the fair and all the sexual innuendos in describing how they were preparing them. Oh and the balloons looked like dildos! Close #2, Joe's video of him caterwauling for Elissa and the follow up post describing step by step on how they made the video.

[kpmom]

My all time favorite Maxwell moment...the balloons they were blowing up for the fair and all the sexual innuendos in describing how they were preparing them. Oh and the balloons looked like dildos! Close #2, Joe's video of him caterwauling for Elissa and the follow up post describing step by step on how they made the video.

Oh god, the balloons! Everything about that was so wrong.

From the pictures of the sisters pumping up those phallic balloons, to creepy Steve approaching kids at the fair giving them balloons and getting them to sit at a picnic table with him to talk about Jesus.

Wrong, wrong, wrong.

I wonder if they've been banned from the fair this year?

[twin2]

Speaking of endless details...

One of my favorite set of blog posts was the 3 part EPIC saga of when Uriah got stuck in a pot hole in CA. The fun starts here...

blog.titus2.com/2011/04/07/gods-hand-1/

[fundiefan]

These trips down Maxwell Memory Lane are traumatizing.

I cannot even imagine that world. I'm glad I can't, because it scares the shit out of me, but damn.

What a total waste of life.

[Talitha Cumi]

Sparkles, thanks for that awesome post. I also love your post count title. Haha!

I have 2 questions for the Maxwells regarding the Beast. No. 1: What about those Christian movies such as Fireproof? Are those ok to watch? And No. 2: What if you don't have a tv, but you read other books with your family besides the Bible. Like say, mystery books or fun adventure novels. Is that ok? :think:

Nope. Can't remember the exact words, but at the seminar I went to, Steve said that Christian movies take you away from the Lord or something. Basically, if it's not the Bible, it's a no-no.

[Marian the Librarian]

And let's not forget the aftermath of Nathan and Melanie's wedding!

Our Thoughts and Emotions

Steve and I had agreed not to “think†until Saturday night after the wedding. We knew if we “thought†we would be likely to cry even though our hearts were filled with joy. We ended up being too tired to “think†even on Saturday night. However, we did discover that it is best not to be left alone or one does cry. We took our guests across the street to see Nathan's house—Sarah cried when she stayed back here alone with the little ones who were getting ready for bed.

Joseph and John cried when they went to bed Saturday night. By Sunday morning four of our younger children had croupy coughs so I stayed home from church with them. Off and on during the morning, I cried. The mixed emotions are so amazing - absolute joy over the future Nathan and Melanie have together but mixed with the realization that a son and brother, who has been loved and an integral part of the family for twenty-five years, is leaving home.

[Elegant Mess]

I cannot even imagine that world. I'm glad I can't, because it scares the shit out of me, but damn.

Yes, the Maxwell Family has all the necessary ingredients for a suburban horror story. :character-jason:

[sparkles]

And let's not forget the aftermath of Nathan and Melanie's wedding!

Across. The. Street. Not across the ocean. Not across the country. Not even across town. Across. The. Street. These people are the very definition of enmeshed.

[mango_fandango]

Oh god, the balloons! Everything about that was so wrong.

From the pictures of the sisters pumping up those phallic balloons, to creepy Steve approaching kids at the fair giving them balloons and getting them to sit at a picnic table with him to talk about Jesus.

Wrong, wrong, wrong.

I wonder if they've been banned from the fair this year?

This whole balloon/tract thing is so fucking sneaky. They know kids like balloons. They offer to make a silly balloon, and start them off with naming the Ten Commandments. They even offer $5 for getting them right. Then in come the tracts and serious talks about where you go when you die. If a kid cries, the Maxwells think it's because the kid's realising how awful life is without Jesus. Uh-uh, Steve. I don't think so. No sane six-year-old wants to be forced to think about death. They've only been around six years, they want to live a long and fulfilling life before even giving thought to death.

Fundies make out like Hell is awful. Given the choice between Hell and having to spend eternity in Heaven with a bunch of insufferable, homophobic, racist asshats.... hmmm... tough choice... it'd be torture either way, sure. But I'd rather be in Hell with fun-loving heathens who've had a life rather than be stuck in Heaven with people like PP, Erika Shupe and Stevehovah.

[FundieFarmer]

Across. The. Street. Not across the ocean. Not across the country. Not even across town. Across. The. Street. These people are the very definition of enmeshed.

Leave and cleave, bitches, leave and cleave.

[thoughtful]

Our Thoughts and Emotions

Steve and I had agreed not to “thinkâ€

The need to put "think" in quotes is so very Maxwell.

I'm surprised it didn't say "do what some might call thinking," or "succumb to The World's evil temptation to process thought."

:borg:

[nausicaa]

Nope. Can't remember the exact words, but at the seminar I went to, Steve said that Christian movies take you away from the Lord or something. Basically, if it's not the Bible, it's a no-no.

Isn't there some crazy anecdote from when they went to the Creationist museum and one part of a Christian video was "too intense" and so Steve ordered everyone to look down at the ground?

[SPHASH]

Another one I forgot...in a Mom's Corner Teri griped about how Mary's orthodontist tried to undermine her parental authority by asking Mary what she wanted to do regarding her treatment.

[mango_fandango]

Another one I forgot...in a Mom's Corner Teri griped about how Mary's orthodontist tried to undermine her parental authority by asking Mary what she wanted to do regarding her treatment.

I've heard about this before... what year, do you know??

[FloraKitty35]

Yes, the Maxwell Family has all the necessary ingredients for a suburban horror story. :character-jason:

From the producers of "Brat Explosion" comes a true nightmare brought to life. "Maxhell: An American Heartland Village of the Damned". I picture the movie poster having an image of a maniacally grinning, blood covered Sarah holding a chainsaw, while wearing a ripped frumper and pink sneakers. :popcorn2:

[Elegant Mess]

From the producers of "Brat Explosion" comes a true nightmare brought to life. "Maxhell: An American Heartland Village of the Damned". I picture the movie poster having an image of a maniacally grinning, blood covered Sarah holding a chainsaw, while wearing a ripped frumper and pink sneakers. :popcorn2:

:lol:

I'll speak for a lot of other FJers when I say, PLEASE SPARE JOHN!

[rosalitta]

This collection of Maxwell Greatest Hits has been too much for me. My only way to cope is to believe that this all just some sort of social experiment to see how people react to them. :?

[sparkles]

The Creation Museum

blog.titus2.com/2007/10/04/men-of-vision-creation-science-museum/

The orthodontist

articles.titus2.com/whose-mouth-is-it/

I swear, I'm not as stalkery as I seem. I'm just morbidly fascinated by this family and I remember stuff.

ETA Another fave of mine, from their trip to Carlsbad Caverns

We arrived at the park around 8 a.m., so the guys could see if they could get signed up for the tour (and they were able to go!). It was a wonderful day at the Caverns. Our Lord’s creation is amazing! Although we heard quite often “millions and millions of years ago,†we smiled between ourselves because we knew that wasn’t true.