All THINGS DILLARD - Part 3

[fundie_grandchild]

Whoa. I am so sorry that you had to go through that, but thank you for sharing your story here. I am glad that you got out and hope that your life has improved!

There's been a lot of talk about who might be the Duggar to "break free", and here I had never considered that one might fake it their whole lives. That possibility is so desperately sad. :cry:

(edited because I originally messed up the quoted material)

This is where temperament comes in. My father faked it because he was essentially a timid person who was afraid of his parents' disapproval. His siblings stayed fundie. I and my siblings coped differently according to our temperaments. One of my sisters went the secular route and pursued money. She won’t lift a finger if there is no money it in for her. I ended up with a doormat default. I really can't tell if people are lying or telling the truth, which makes me gullible. I'm not sure if I was born that way, or if it was because of my upbringing; probably a combination.

In my case, my temperament meant I was easy to intimidate and was way too sensitive for blanket-type training so I ended up chronically anxious to please. My sister was not terribly sensitive and sort of learned how to use my father’s vulnerabilities about his image for her own financial advantage.

I also feel sad for my father. I can’t imagine how terrorized he must have been as a kid in order to need to live a double life. I think he coped by becoming a narcissist with the sole aim of getting praise for his fake image of perfection. The saddest thing was when he was dying. I flew across the country to say goodbye. My other siblings didn’t even bother. At first, the hospice wouldn’t let me in because he had told them he had no children. My guess is that this lie was to proactively explain why his children did not visit. He never really knew me as an individual, so it never occurred to him that I might act differently to my siblings.

IMO how damaged each Duggar kid/grandchild ends up will depend to a fair extent on their temperament. Jinger looks independent enough to know what she needs to do to get by. Jill also strikes me as someone who will be able to strike a balance between being a J’slave and looking after herself/setting boundaries. I also think she will be an attuned parent. I would not like to be Jessa’s child and the recipient of one of her disapproving looks.

On an aside, I found FJ after I watched one episode of 19KAC and then did a Google search of “Duggar and abuseâ€. I was astounded that other people recognized the abusive nature of this hypocritical family. This was years ago. That I am writing this at all is a testament to what an accepting group of smart, insightful people FJers are. FJ snark has been good for me, especially hysterically iconoclastic comments about baby Jebus etc. I also love the witty names posters have chosen for themselves. Funny and clever.

[doggie]

Not tryin' to start sh*t but... are you meaning this is the way Jill and Derek view missionary work?

How they view people not Americans they are easy targets heathens and all. They prey on the weak while praying. All they money wanted on this trip helps no one but them.

[J'Lurker]

How they view people not Americans they are easy targets heathens and all. They prey on the weak while praying. All they money wanted on this trip helps no one but them.

Thanks for clarifying! I thought/hoped that's what you meant!

[doggie]

Thanks for clarifying! I thought/hoped that's what you meant!

I have a hard time explaining myself and my spelling and typing are horrible. Bad combo of

[FullmoonOverDuggardWaters]

What saddens me is that there are so many poor places with hunger and deprivation in the deep South of USA. I guess it's sexier to hop a plane and go to another country, or maybe you get more donations helping people in Guatemala vs. Mississippi. :angry-banghead:

Her English isn't great. She'd sound stupid, trying to articulate her thoughts here in the US.

Apparently, people experience poverty because they they do not have a relationship with Baby Jesus.

Jill says it herself, in the Dillard Family Blog, "Jill's Story";

"I went on my first short term missions trip to El Salvador... My heart was immediately captured as I saw the poverty and hopelessness a lot of people there were experiencing because their hope lay only in this world, not in a relationship with Jesus Christ."

:ew:

I have offically lost all hope for Jill.

[Mela99]

I wonder what they'll do with all their stuff....

They had enough stuff in that giant house for ten families.

[roddma]

I agree. Rural Eastern Oklahoma has horrible poverty and some of the places I've been there honestly look like they could be a stereotypical third-world country. I've seen big families living in tiny shacks; one I remember in particular was a family of about 9 who lived together in one trailer that had all its doors and windows knocked out. There really are kids starving there and many of those kids grow up never even learning to read because the schools are so bad. It's thus incredibly difficult for them to escape poverty and so the cycle continues.

I've been all over the world, but the most shocking poverty I've seen is in Oklahoma, just about an hour's drive from where Jill and Derick are living now.

There was a Diane Sawyer documentary about Appalachian children (

) that also made an impact on me more recently. It's very sad, but worth watching. One thing that stuck out to me there was an Indian doctor running a clinic in the mountains there and he said the poverty he saw there was much worse than what he saw in India.

There definitely is an idea that there's America the great and then there are other countries full of poor, starving people, but America is one of those countries.

I agree also. Im sure there are plenty of people in Arkansas who could use help. It's like seeing all those ads on tv about foreign kids who need help. I get that, but there are poverty stricken homes right here in America. The thing si many of them won't consider gov assistance. It's sad when an East Indian says the poverty is worse here.

I don't get why a sane person would quit a good paying job to go 'help' overseas'. Pa Keller quit a good job to start a prison ministry. Gil Bayes quit a Nabisco job. They all think 'God will provide". I wonder Jill is gonna last there. She will have no family an they are taking Cathy's only grand child away.

[MistofRain752]

I wonder what they'll do with all their stuff....

They had enough stuff in that giant house for ten families.

Maybe Josh and Anna are moving into the house that Jill and Derrick were renting from dear ole dad

[FabulousBakergirl]

You think they can't disapoint you any more and yet they do. They should not be moving to Nepal- or whatever country- with Israel being so young and the possibillity of Jill being pregnant within the next four to six months, she might even be pregnant now.

[breakfree]

If they are asking for money, it seems they could at least describe the "opportunity" in some way. And I hope Jill gets good care for her pregnancies. Which will be many. So, I guess her main focus will be their children, while Derick bring Jesus to people somewhere in the world.

I am not excited.

This is what also blows my mind. I understand they do have some fans who will give no matter what, but most people (even, and perhaps in some cases especially people sympathetic to them) do NOT have unlimited money and already give to many charitable causes (I personally don't think this could or should be considered a charitable cause, but we'll go with it for sake of the argument). Most people want to know something about what they are giving to. At a minimum this would include the country they are going to and some indication of wtf they will be doing there. Even better would be some indication of the 'financial breakdown' explaining how much money they need and why.

[Anny Nym]

Actually, I am happy for Baby Izzy. The more away from TTH and Gothardism headquarters, the better.

[goldfishgoddess]

What also comes to mind is that Jill and Derick are a terrible example to people in impoverished countries. Not using birth control is what causes tremendous suffering and death in many countries, not just for babies that cannot be fed but also to mothers who have little access to safe birthing facilities. In a Third World country, a woman's planned home birth gone wrong ends up in death, not "it didn't go as planned!" (giggle giggle) "I had a C-section."

Their lifestyle of having many many more times the number of children they can take care of themselves, as well as not working is a poor example. The other thing that encourages poverty and suffering (especially for women) is lack of education. The Duggars' skimpy and religiously biased education raises up more educationally impoverished women, whose only purpose apparently is to have even more children with "fundie education lite."

[IrishCarrie]

Is there any chance that TLC are on board with this and will be filming? Secretly, I mean, under the radar. And then in a year or so when all the current drama has subsided, they'll announce a Special, featuring the Dillards' first year as missionaries in Wherever?

:evil: :evil: :evil:

[albanuadh_1]

I feel sorry for Grandmother Cathy. I know it's not her baby and not her decision but she's been through so much and now won't get to see her grandson.

[goldfishgoddess]

I think if TLC were planning to film it, they would cover their expenses for the time overseas. If it's true Boob was getting $40K per show for 19 Kids, then surely the show would cover the modest expenses of living in a poorer area in South America for instance.

Since Jill is such an attention whore, I can imagine they will be filming things themselves because she can't seem to sneeze without documenting it on social media.

[VelociRapture]

1. They did not state where they are going. It could be Nepal or it could be somewhere else. No word on the length of the move either.

2. I doubt they'll be doing anything really helpful. I will say it is nice (in a weird way) to see a Duggar make a big commitment like this. Usually they do those ridiculous short mission trips where they sit around singing. It will be interesting to see what they actually do.

3. I highly doubt Jill is pregnant for reasons pointed out by posters before.

4. Regardless, I wish them the best. Living out of the country can be a tough adjustment. I hope it is a good move for them and they don't do too much damage to the local populace. It could be good for Izzy in particular - but that depends on how long they stay and how much exposure he gets to another culture.

[pega127]

Why is it Christians like the Dillard's feel the need to mission overseas and not in the USA? We have many people here who could use help, too!

I'm thinking TLC may be befind this plan. It will make an interesting segway to bring, at least, some of the Duggars, back on television.

[blessalessi]

Why is it Christians like the Dillard's feel the need to mission overseas and not in the USA? We have many people here who could use help, too!

I'm thinking TLC may be befind this plan. It will make an interesting segway to bring, at least, some of the Duggars, back on television.

If the "help" they plan to take to Nepal involves spreading their gospel, I'd say the US can probably just about manage without them...

I'm curious to see if it will end up as reality evangelism on a tv channel somewhere or other? :shifty-kitty:

[formergothardite]

Why is it Christians like the Dillard's feel the need to mission overseas and not in the USA? We have many people here who could use help, too!

I'm thinking TLC may be befind this plan. It will make an interesting segway to bring, at least, some of the Duggars, back on television.

Because saving souls in America isn't as fun and wonderful sounding as traveling to another country. As I've said in other threads, developing countries do not need a sheltered, unskilled couple with a tiny baby coming to tell them they are going to hell.

[eh02]

Well, they'll probably be useless overseas, and I hate the concept of religious "mission" work, but for their own sake...I'm glad they're getting out of Arkansas. I hope their ministry really is THEIR ministry and Jim Bob isn't secretly behind the wheel. If it really is their own thing entirely, that will be great for them.

Maybe Josh and Anna will stay in that house until they move into the other house? Would that put Josiah in line for the big house? Who knows...I doubt Josh is in any position to be top pick for a mansion right now, though.

[DuggarsTheEndIsNear]

Sigh. For a while I campaigned to get more people in those threads in hopes of redirecting conversation, but many members are just tired of it and stopped reading. I'm finally beginning to feel the same way.

I left the majority of the threads on this site because I was tired of people body shaming or otherwise being obnoxious with the criticisms.

[halcionne]

Is there any chance that TLC are on board with this and will be filming? Secretly, I mean, under the radar. And then in a year or so when all the current drama has subsided, they'll announce a Special, featuring the Dillards' first year as missionaries in Wherever?

:evil: :evil: :evil:

I wouldn't put it past TLC to do this.

[Four is Enough]

I thought that churches who sent missionaries to places had specific guidelines of education and behavior for the missionaries to follow.

For instance: If Jill touts herself as a "midwife", and she is not licensed and approved in the USA, and she, under the auspices of this church, presides over a badly managed and fatal or problematic delivery, that can all come back to haunt not only her, but the sponsoring organization.

I believe that Jill THINKS she knows a helluva lot more than she actually knows. Particularly, she doesn't seem to understand signs of danger or when it's time to be cautious. (castor oil? Two mile hike?) While I think she could catch an uncomplicated delivery without too much trouble, I think any sign of caution or danger eludes her, and could put a mother at high risk.

Surely any sponsoring church would prohibit her from saying she was a midwife, or from serving as one, while she was overseas.

[Tiny Bubbles]

Although I don't like the idea of religious missionary work in general, and I definitely can't get behind the idea of Nepal as a possible destination, I'm excited for them. Some people thrive on change, not stability, and if this couple is inclined that way, they are in heaven now planning their next move "overseas".

I spent some time when young along the Amazon River in South America in the 1970s and I met a missionary couple living there with several young children. They were isolated to a degree unheard of today, IMO. No Internet, no telephone, partial electricity, letters took weeks to arrive and it could take a couple of days to get a plane out. There was a medical clinic in the area that could handle childbirth problems (to a degree), malaria (to a degree) and snakebite and infections, etc.

People can manage a great deal if they want to and Jill and Derick seem to want to. I agree with all the other posters who think leaving the TTH gang is a good idea.

[ClaraOswin]

I hope they go some place with somewhat modern medical care. Because I hate the idea of Jill trying a VBAC essentially on her own. Scary stuff.