Ken explains why Lori's right and we're wrong

[GeoBQn]

Lori's post today:

Most mothers say they are doing everything for the sake of their children, even divorcing their father. I have heard women saying this! They put their children way above their husband and this always leads to strife. God told older women to teach young women to love their husband and then love their children. He knows how important this is for the health of the children.

Love your husband! Put him ahead of your children and you will be doing the best thing for them. They will be in a home bathed in love, a secure home, and a happy home.

This week, I have had to comfort a friend. Her husband has been taking an OTC medication that can trigger psychotic episodes in people with mood disorders. When this happens, he gets nasty--insulting her and being mean to their two small children, and sometimes he gets violent. He refuses to stop taking the medication, even though he knows this happens. The children are now scared of their father. My friend has been crying about how she has tried to be a good wife, she feels like a failure, and she never wanted to get divorced. I've been gently advising her that her #1 priority is the safety of her kids, and she needs to see a counselor or social worker who can help her come up with a plan.

At this point, the children will not be raised in a "secure and happy home" unless drastic changes are made, and that change does not include "winning her husband without a word." Lori can fuck herself gently with a chainsaw.

[lilwriter85]

Most mothers say they are doing everything for the sake of their children, even divorcing their father. I have heard women saying this! They put their children way above their husband and this always leads to strife.

Lori is such a dumb bitch. I can imagine her being dumb enough to say that to women and children who were abused by their ex-husbands and fathers. Then they are divorces in which there wasn't any kind of abuse, but the couples just couldn't get along or reconcile. In many situations like that, no one wants their children to be in a home where mom and dad are at each other's throats and don't want to be together.

[feministxtian]

In some ways...I almost agree with what Lori is saying. I know too many couples who ended up divorcing after the children were grown. The mom was way too involved in the children's lives and once the kids left home, the marriage was all but dead because it hadn't been nurtured.

HOWEVER...in cases where the man is abusive, an asshole or a lazy lout...time to go. DO NOT hang around. Children do not benefit from a 2 parent family when that sort of shit goes on. Time to go! I do not believe in preserving a marriage at all costs. That's where Lori and I differ.

Oh...and yes, I'm all for women having an education and career.

[2xx1xy1JD]

In some ways...I almost agree with what Lori is saying. I know too many couples who ended up divorcing after the children were grown. The mom was way too involved in the children's lives and once the kids left home, the marriage was all but dead because it hadn't been nurtured.

HOWEVER...in cases where the man is abusive, an asshole or a lazy lout...time to go. DO NOT hang around. Children do not benefit from a 2 parent family when that sort of shit goes on. Time to go! I do not believe in preserving a marriage at all costs. That's where Lori and I differ.

Oh...and yes, I'm all for women having an education and career.

That's a reasonable position that doesn't involve screaming DISTRACTION and RED HERRING.

Now that my kids are a bit older, I can see that young children are capable of demanding all of your attention and energy 24/7, and it really is okay to carve out some time and space to occasionally eat, sleep, shower, exercise and have some time with your spouse (as long as the child is safe, of course). In the long run, they'll benefit from having happier parents.

Happy home = happy kids.

Now, a home with a parent who is violent or addicted, or even a parent who causes constant chaos or nastiness, is not a happy home. If the problem is fixable with the right help, then fixing the issue is in the best interests of the children. If not, I've seen some kids do better with 2 peaceful homes than 1 home with conflict.

[moodygirl86]

Lori's post today:

This week, I have had to comfort a friend. Her husband has been taking an OTC medication that can trigger psychotic episodes in people with mood disorders. When this happens, he gets nasty--insulting her and being mean to their two small children, and sometimes he gets violent. He refuses to stop taking the medication, even though he knows this happens. The children are now scared of their father. My friend has been crying about how she has tried to be a good wife, she feels like a failure, and she never wanted to get divorced. I've been gently advising her that her #1 priority is the safety of her kids, and she needs to see a counselor or social worker who can help her come up with a plan.

At this point, the children will not be raised in a "secure and happy home" unless drastic changes are made, and that change does not include "winning her husband without a word." Lori can fuck herself gently with a chainsaw.

GeoBQN, everything you say is spot on. I hope your friend finds the strength to get her kids away from this guy. You're an excellent friend for reminding her that it's her and the kids' safety and wellbeing that matters!

[feministxtian]

That's a reasonable position that doesn't involve screaming DISTRACTION and RED HERRING.

Now that my kids are a bit older, I can see that young children are capable of demanding all of your attention and energy 24/7, and it really is okay to carve out some time and space to occasionally eat, sleep, shower, exercise and have some time with your spouse (as long as the child is safe, of course). In the long run, they'll benefit from having happier parents.

Happy home = happy kids.

Now, a home with a parent who is violent or addicted, or even a parent who causes constant chaos or nastiness, is not a happy home. If the problem is fixable with the right help, then fixing the issue is in the best interests of the children. If not, I've seen some kids do better with 2 peaceful homes than 1 home with conflict.

My kids are grown...most of my friends have grown kids too. The divorce rate seems to go up the minute the last kid leaves the nest. I've come to call it "quiet house syndrome". Its a HUGE adjustment when the kids are gone and its just the 2 of you. Suddenly you find time you never had before, a choice whether or not to cook a meal, no need to make sure everything's in the dishwasher immediately after dinner, relearning how to cook for only 2 instead of an army, and who's this guy on the couch? So, yes, I think that the marriage needs to come before the kids...just because the kids grow up and leave...and if the marriage hasn't been nurtured during those years, there's nothing when the kids leave. However, I DO NOT agree with the Monster and the Idiot on putting up with an abusive fuck just because. Nor do I agree that kissing his ass will change things. It won't, trust me on this. I am a strong proponent of being friends with your SO...advice I have given to my kids...and it seems to be working!

When my kids were still at home (depending on age here), I would go and have some alone time. The H and I would occasionally go out w/o kids. But, I also had my career to keep me from becoming a total mush-brain. I did put limits on how many OT hours I would work while I had kids at home...I did feel that I needed to be home for the kids at a reasonable hour every day...I worked 7:30 to 4. Even now, those are my work hours, 7:30-ish to 4:30-ish. I prefer it that way.

Anyway...the point of all this brain drivel is that marriage does have to come before kids. Keep the marriage good and the kids will be fine. If the marriage sucks, trust me, the kids know it. Even if there's no overt fighting, or anything else. The kids know when the parents are miserable.

[salex]

Marriages don't always end because the wife wants it, as there are men who stay because they want to be a part of their kids' lives, they want to protect the kids' from an iffy mother that they don't think they will get custody of, and, frankly, some men stay so they won't have child support. Once the kids are 18, no child support.

Didn't Ken more or less threaten or ask Lori what they were going to do when the kids were gone and that led to her change to submission?

[feministxtian]

Marriages don't always end because the wife wants it, as there are men who stay because they want to be a part of their kids' lives, they want to protect the kids' from an iffy mother that they don't think they will get custody of, and, frankly, some men stay so they won't have child support. Once the kids are 18, no child support.

Didn't Ken more or less threaten or ask Lori what they were going to do when the kids were gone and that led to her change to submission?

No they don't. My first husband filed for divorce because he had a girlfriend. Funny how 30 years later he still says its the biggest mistake he ever made

[jerkit]

I feel like Lori is dangling this group in front of me like a carrot lol.

[formergothardite]

I feel like I don't even need to read Lori's blog to get an idea of what she is writing.

~Most married couples are unhappy.

~It is almost always the woman's fault.

~Women hate having sex.

~Submit more, even to abuse and your marriage will improve

~Sex is something you give your husband because of God, not something you and your husband enjoy together.

~Women working is of the devil.

~Men are so super sensitive that you can't have a real conversation with them to discuss problems.

~DUGGARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~Daycare is always bad. Get a nanny and lock your kids in their rooms for hours.

~Kids don't really need their fathers around because the fathers need to work multiple jobs so the wife can be at home.

~Kids do need their father so if the man is abusive don't leave. Kids would rather be abused and watch their mother be abused than live without their father.

~Ken writes a wall of text defending porn and adultery.

~Fat people are bad, eat a salad.

Her blog post today is sure to cover one or more of these topics and there is a high chance she is copying parts of it from another blogger.

[Firiel]

I feel like I don't even need to read Lori's blog to get an idea of what she is writing.

~Most married couples are unhappy.

~It is almost always the woman's fault.

~Women hate having sex.

~Submit more, even to abuse and your marriage will improve

~Sex is something you give your husband because of God, not something you and your husband enjoy together.

~Women working is of the devil.

~Men are so super sensitive that you can't have a real conversation with them to discuss problems.

~DUGGARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~Daycare is always bad. Get a nanny and lock your kids in their rooms for hours.

~Kids don't really need their fathers around because the fathers need to work multiple jobs so the wife can be at home.

~Kids do need their father so if the man is abusive don't leave. Kids would rather be abused and watch their mother be abused than live without their father.

~Ken writes a wall of text defending porn and adultery.

~Fat people are bad, eat a salad.

Her blog post today is sure to cover one or more of these topics and there is a high chance she is copying parts of it from another blogger.

:lol:

You are right on target!

Today, she copied parts of it from another blogger, and it covers women hating sex AND submission.

[feministxtian]

today's copy and paste is pathetic...just pathetic...

she's such a Debbie Downer...it's obvious she hates being married, hates having sex, doesn't think much of her husband...what a miserable bitch!

[usmcmom]

Once again, Lori's post has me wondering: just what kind of friends does Lori have that she only sees miserable marriages?

I also find it interesting that she tries to tell us that it is possible to have an "awesome" marriage, when she herself can't describe her own marriage that way. She can't even say she loves her husband.

[jerkit]

today's copy and paste is pathetic...just pathetic...

she's such a Debbie Downer...it's obvious she hates being married, hates having sex, doesn't think much of her husband...what a miserable bitch!

It is SO very negative! All this talk of “I bet most marriages are miserable†is really sad to me. Not sad for these mythical marriages she speaks of, but sad for Lori that she thinks that’s the way marriage is.

And I am weary of the “sex is for men, so you just need to suffer through it and do it†blather. NEWS FLASH Lori: women like sex. They enjoy it, frequently. It’s fun and feels good.

[jerkit]

Once again, Lori's post has me wondering: just what kind of friends does Lori have that she only sees miserable marriages?

I also find it interesting that she tries to tell us that it is possible to have an "awesome" marriage, when she herself can't describe her own marriage that way. She can't even say she loves her husband.

I’ve said this before, but the way that Lori keeps saying things like “Steven and Emily are still happy†or “they love being married to each other†seems very defensive. Of course they’re still happy and they love being married. They’re newlyweds. Why are you so defensive about their marriage, Lori?

[formergothardite]

It would be super surprising if Steven and Emily weren't happy. They have only been married a couple months. I wonder if Lori finds it surprising because her DIL is not planning on popping out babies and is planning a career.

[Firiel]

It would be super surprising if Steven and Emily weren't happy. They have only been married a couple months. I wonder if Lori finds it surprising because her DIL is not planning on popping out babies and is planning a career.

I personally think she finds in surprising because a couple months into her own marriage, they were already both indescribably miserable. So she thinks being happy two months in is some sort of accomplishment.

[usmcmom]

I was checking for comments on her blog and this message made me laugh.

There are no comments posted yet. Be the first one!

Dear Blogger, I'd love to be the first one, but *sigh* I've been banned. :lol: :lol:

Which leads me to this question: is "Banned from Commenting" a post count title?

[usmcmom]

Now that the comments are starting to come in, I'm sure Lori was getting very tired of all the "My marriage is awesome!" posts. I can imagine Lori's squeal of delight when Nancy finally commented with a nice long story of how she struggles to make it all work.

Somebody (Hi, Ken) has really been urging Lori to respond more positively to her happily married readers. Either that, or Ken's at the helm today. She's let a lot of positive comments through without the standard "We're talking about unhappy marriages here!!!" Could it be that she's trying to stop the hand slapping?

{L_MESSAGE_HIDDEN}:

Challenge accepted!! :lol: :lol:

[jerkit]

Now that the comments are starting to come in, I'm sure Lori was getting very tired of all the "My marriage is awesome!" posts. I can imagine Lori's squeal of delight when Nancy finally commented with a nice long story of how she struggles to make it all work.

Somebody (Hi, Ken) has really been urging Lori to respond more positively to her happily married readers. Either that, or Ken's at the helm today. She's let a lot of positive comments through without the standard "We're talking about unhappy marriages here!!!" Could it be that she's trying to stop the hand slapping?

{L_MESSAGE_HIDDEN}:

Challenge accepted!! :lol: :lol:

I am completely shocked she’s allowing such positivity today without telling each and every one of them that they’re a detractor.

[salex]

I am completely shocked she’s allowing such positivity today without telling each and every one of them that they’re a detractor.

{L_MESSAGE_HIDDEN}:

I posted early that I've always had an awesome marriage from the very beginning. It was blocked and never showed up, so I finally have unfollowed and unfriended her on facebook, where she had accidently let one or two of my super favorable/friendly posts through. I guess even though I have never commented negatively on her facebook I'm still not welcome. It appears, however, that her followers are dropping off pretty quickly-- this is good. I am not bothering with her secret group, if she is taking a few favorites underground then so much the better, less public poison for Lori Land

[browncoatslytherin]

I was checking for comments on her blog and this message made me laugh.

There are no comments posted yet. Be the first one!

Dear Blogger, I'd love to be the first one, but *sigh* I've been banned. :lol: :lol:

Which leads me to this question: is "Banned from Commenting" a post count title?

if not, i think it should be a finalist, should anyone decide to revamp the titles :lol:

[jerkit]

{L_MESSAGE_HIDDEN}:

I posted early that I've always had an awesome marriage from the very beginning. It was blocked and never showed up, so I finally have unfollowed and unfriended her on facebook, where she had accidently let one or two of my super favorable/friendly posts through. I guess even though I have never commented negatively on her facebook I'm still not welcome. It appears, however, that her followers are dropping off pretty quickly-- this is good. I am not bothering with her secret group, if she is taking a few favorites underground then so much the better, less public poison for Lori Land

{L_MESSAGE_HIDDEN}:

Her number of FB followers has actually been increasing drastically in the past two weeks. She had been averaging 1990 for several months with only a couple added each week and sometimes even decreasing. In the past two weeks she's shot up to above 2030.

[salex]

{L_MESSAGE_HIDDEN}:

I posted early that I've always had an awesome marriage from the very beginning. It was blocked and never showed up, so I finally have unfollowed and unfriended her on facebook, where she had accidently let one or two of my super favorable/friendly posts through. I guess even though I have never commented negatively on her facebook I'm still not welcome. It appears, however, that her followers are dropping off pretty quickly-- this is good. I am not bothering with her secret group, if she is taking a few favorites underground then so much the better, less public poison for Lori Land

[lilwriter85]

I just checked out her posting for today regarding home cooked meals. Of course, she has to bash feminists and working women.

lorialexander.blogspot.com/2014/10/home-cooked-family-meals-too-expensive.html

Yes, you read that right. Amanda Marcotte wrote an article and said that expecting home-cooked family meals is too "expensive and time-consuming and often done for a bunch of ingrates who would rather just be eating fast food anyway." She also sites women as being too busy because they work outside of the home and many people are too poor to cook.

It does seem like home-cooking your food is going by the wayside. I see all these state-of-the-art kitchens and no one using them. Fast food joints are as busy as ever and children get to decide what they want to eat instead of being told what they are going to eat.

A lot of women are too busy to fix home-cooked food thanks to the feminist movement and the majority of women working outside of the home. Home-cooked food does take a lot of time and preparation, but I believe it is one of the very most important things mothers can do for their families.

Food was meant to nourish our bodies. When you eat out, you have no idea what is in the food. Restaurants usually use the cheapest ingredients they can find. Food Babe did an article about Subway sandwiches and what exactly is in them. They are filled with toxic chemicals even though we think of them as being healthy. The bottom line for the majority of restaurants is money, not health.

Secondly, meals eaten together establish strong relationships in families. My very favorite thing to do in the world is to sit down to a home-cooked meal with my family and fellowship. I love knowing their bodies are being nourished and I love the time we spend together talking and laughing. These times are vital to strong, healthy families.

For her to say that too many people are too poor to cook is a joke. She said they don't have the utensils to cook. Even in third world countries, mothers cook their families home-cooked food. You can buy almost all of your utensils at a Goodwill store and you really don't need that many items to make healthy meals.

The problem with picky, ungrateful eaters is often a problem with the way you train your children. I wouldn't let my children be picky. They ate what I fixed. I could have trained them to say "thank you" after every meal but I didn't. I have learned to do things out of love and serving my family without expecting anything in return. {I am not saying it is wrong to teach your children to say "thank you" and have a grateful attitude. I just didn't think about it when my children were growing up. It probably is a VERY good idea, however.}

Yes, fixing home-cooked meals is an act of loving sacrifice but something that is so important and should not be neglected just because everyone else is neglecting it. Families will suffer in the long term because of this. They already have.