Erin miscarried

[Duggarlicious]

My SIL and I were pregnant at the same time and then I had a miscarriage. Going to her baby shower was extremely hard to do.

I feel bad for Erin.

[bananacat]

I must be the odd one out because my miscarriage was not that big a deal to me It happened some time between a stillbirth and a live birth (8 years apart) and those events were much more important to me. I don't remember the year and I certainly don't think about it except when the topic comes up.

Miscarriages are extremely common. My my mom had one before she had my older brother. To her, it wasn't a big deal. Every woman reacts differently to it, and even to different miscarriages during their lives. Like you said, early miscarriage is very different than stillbirth. Later miscarriages can be sadder because they are closer to stillbirth. Some women are sad, some are happy, some are neutral.

But! When your entirely ideology hinges around a fertilized egg being exactly equivalent to a cuddly baby, you have absolutely no choice but to be devastated by the "baby" dying. Unfortunately, because miscarriages are so common, most quiverfull women will have at least one. It's setting them up for tragedy because they are given only one choice on how to react. I hope Erin doesn't spiral down the way Michelle Duggar did.

[LainieR]

Even at an early stage I can't imagine how upsetting it would be to have a pregnancy end.

My sister was pregnant at the same time I was with my son. That pregnancy ended up being her fourth miscarriage at 15 weeks. It was awful for everyone. We're generally pretty close but I know our relationship was strained for awhile. I imagine it could be hard for Erin with her sister in-law pregnant.

[August]

I don't think there is anything wrong with the women who don't see a miscarriage as a big deal. It's different for everyone. The only issue I really have is when people try to diminish the pain of those who are grieving/struggling with their losses.

And I think it's probably inevitable that a woman who doesn't have children will be more upset by a miscarriage. No little people to distract you, and you wouldn't know if it was just an unfortunate one-off or if you were going to have trouble staying pregnant.

[16strong]

I can't imagine what Erin is going through. Her whole life has been building up to this moment when she gets married, makes a home, and has children. She went through a "fairytale" courtship/wedding and then had to come back to earth to deal with getting acclimated to sex and living alone with a man. Now this. Worse still is that Whitney is pregnant, and Erin will have to find some way to deal with her grief in the face of Whitney's excitement. Whitney doesn't strike me as the kind of girl that is shy about when she is happy and excited, so it will be in Erin's face for awhile. Not that I think Erin's situation should diminish Whitney's happiness, but poor Erin. It's got to be difficult to have to look at another woman being pregnant and glowing when you are suffering a loss. :(

[gustava]

I can't imagine what Erin is going through. Her whole life has been building up to this moment when she gets married, makes a home, and has children. She went through a "fairytale" courtship/wedding and then had to come back to earth to deal with getting acclimated to sex and living alone with a man. Now this. Worse still is that Whitney is pregnant, and Erin will have to find some way to deal with her grief in the face of Whitney's excitement. Whitney doesn't strike me as the kind of girl that is shy about when she is happy and excited, so it will be in Erin's face for awhile. Not that I think Erin's situation should diminish Whitney's happiness, but poor Erin. It's got to be difficult to have to look at another woman being pregnant and glowing when you are suffering a loss. :(

Without diminishing her experience of the miscarriage, facing her pregnant SIL might be one of the first times she's actually experienced the 'school of hard knocks' which she's been protected against all her life. Seeing a glowing Whitney must be a helluva lot more difficult that a person with green hair.

[scc12]

I feel bad for her but it will be humbling,for sure.

I would think Chad did get her approval for the pic,but I think it would have been in better taste just to share a sonogram pic,(assuming they had one),in memory of the baby.Kelly did that for one of hers and I thought it was fine.

[doubleT]

Another thought to ponder, although I have no idea if Erin would gain strength from this or not, but, Erin did observe her mom go through a couple of miscarriages and not when she age 3-5 and then told about it, but she was over 18. I'm sure she took care of her mom and listened to her mom when Kelly miscarried. So, no telling what Erin gained from that. She also saw her mom go on and have a baby after her miscarriages. Perhaps being around her mom when she miscarried, at an age where she really understood what was going on, will help her get through this.

I agree that watching Whitney progress in her pregnancy will be very hard. I too was pregnant and due at the same time as one of my SIL's and she miscarried her baby. She ended up getting pregnant a few months later and our babies are six months apart. But I am sure until she got pregnant again, it was hard for her.

[bal maiden]

I agree that watching Whitney progress in her pregnancy will be very hard. I too was pregnant and due at the same time as one of my SIL's and she miscarried her baby. She ended up getting pregnant a few months later and our babies are six months apart. But I am sure until she got pregnant again, it was hard for her.

I am in this situation right now with my SIL, except I am the one who lost the pregnancy. I can confirm it sucks! She is being very sensitive about it though.

[Firiel]

In the Duggar family, Michelle feels like she lost her first pregnancy because she was sinning due to birth control-- I would think it's highly possible in that family that a miscarriage could be blamed on the woman for some "sin." I hope that Kelly's previous miscarriages will create a more comforting response to Erin's in this regard.

[pega127]

In the Duggar family, Michelle feels like she lost her first pregnancy because she was sinning due to birth control-- I would think it's highly possible in that family that a miscarriage could be blamed on the woman for some "sin." I hope that Kelly's previous miscarriages will create a more comforting response to Erin's in this regard.

Michelle lost her second pregnancy (in between Josh and JD/Jana.

[Firiel]

Michelle lost her second pregnancy (in between Josh and JD/Jana.

Oh, thanks! Am I remember correctly that she feels like she lost it because of birth control?

[Violet]

Oh, thanks! Am I remember correctly that she feels like she lost it because of birth control?

Yeah, they conceived while she was on the pill and were told that she miscarried because she was on the pill, so they decided to stop taking it altogether and had 18 more children.

[ljohnson2006]

J'Chelle was uneducated about the pill. She blamed the loss of J'Caleb on it, and never looked back. What can Anna blame her loss between Mack and Mike on? She never used BC.

[nokidsmom]

Yeah, they conceived while she was on the pill and were told that she miscarried because she was on the pill, so they decided to stop taking it altogether and had 18 more children.

Yes, according to J'chelle her own doctor told her this and this sent her down the rabbit hole.

[crazyforkate]

J'Chelle was uneducated about the pill. She blamed the loss of J'Caleb on it, and never looked back. What can Anna blame her loss between Mack and Mike on? She never used BC.

You forget the catch-all excuse of "God's Will".

[ILoveJellybeans]

You forget the catch-all excuse of "God's Will".

The whole God's will stuff is just sad. I cant see how that would make anyone feel better about it. Why wouldn't God let them have this baby when they wanted it so much and would love and look after it, but made someone pregnant who will abuse that child to death by the time they are five, or aborted it a month later anyway, or was drinking heavily and doing drugs that will cause them to be born with birth defects, or was a 12 year old who was raped, or doesn't really want a kid and will neglect it...how come there are perfectly good people who are infertile or have had many miscarriages, but Michelle Duggar doesn't even deserve one, let alone the 19 she is neglecting and squashing the dreams of.

[Georgiana]

Yes, according to J'chelle her own doctor told her this and this sent her down the rabbit hole.

Well, IIRC, J'chelle continued to take the pill after pregnancy, which, yes, can cause miscarriage. Her doctor then pointed out the instructions on the pill, and instead of blaming themselves for being too stupid to follow directions, they blamed the pill for the loss of their child.

I don't think the Duggar parents can handle criticism, so I think any time they are faced with their own shortcomings, they bob and weave to try and find something or someone else to lay the blame on. Remember how JB lost his campaign because of a "sin in the camp"? Uh huh. Riiiiiiiiight.

[nokidsmom]

Well, IIRC, J'chelle continued to take the pill after pregnancy, which, yes, can cause miscarriage. Her doctor then pointed out the instructions on the pill, and instead of blaming themselves for being too stupid to follow directions, they blamed the pill for the loss of their child.

I don't think the Duggar parents can handle criticism, so I think any time they are faced with their own shortcomings, they bob and weave to try and find something or someone else to lay the blame on. Remember how JB lost his campaign because of a "sin in the camp"? Uh huh. Riiiiiiiiight.

Thanks for the clarification on J'chelle and the pill. I know that she was told that the pill caused it but what I read didn't specify that she continued to take it after she was pregnant and that the doc pointed that fact out. Yeah, that would explain it. And they spun as the fault of that ebil pill rather than recognize that she didn't follow instructions.

And yes, it's always someone else's fault. I thought the campaign loss due to "sin in the camp" kinda hilarious (I mean, really?) though it was a bit mortifying to Josh which wasn't so funny.

Remember they know it all and have all the answers. :roll:

[singsingsing]

I don't think Michelle continued to take the pill after she knew she was pregnant. Why would she? I think she missed a dose, got pregnant, but didn't realize she was pregnant and continued to take the pill as normal every day. When she realized she was pregnant she stopped taking it but she miscarried and her doctor told her it was because of the pill. She either made an honest mistake like thousands of other women or she was one of the .1% who get pregnant with perfect use. But she chose to blame herself and then go off the deep end.

[itsnikki05]

I don't know, maybe it's just me because I prefer to keep things close, but I find the fundie fondness for posting personal details all over the interwebz to be extremely disturbing. (And not just fundies, TBH. Far too many bloggers are guilty of this.) It's like they feel they MUST post personal and intimate details to prove how godly they are. What? No pictures of the bloody sheets after the wedding night?

I agree. I might be able to talk about it with a close close friend. But I would not want the world to see every tragedy in my life. That is just too much. It's not to say that they should be ashamed or that nobody cares. My heart goes out to them, I know it has to be so h hard, but this shouldn't be public information!

[itsnikki05]

I blogged after all my pregnancy losses. Gave all the details (aside from gross /gory ones.)

Here's the deal, in some families and social circles you get so bombarded with phone calls and questions after a loss that it just gets exhausting. I posted blog entries after mine to more or less ward off tiresome questions. If I could answer questions online AHEAD of time through a post, it saved me a lot of social interaction during a time when I just wanted to be left alone to grieve with my husband. Truthfully, even the "I'm so sorry" text messages were just too damn much. It wasn't their fault, I just don't enjoy the comfort of other people when I've dealt with loss. The blog posts helped me keep people in the loop and briefly vent, without having to actually engage with them.

Given their family size, I wouldn't be surprised if Erin and Chad feel the same way. I don't blame them for sharing, I would have (and have done) the same thing.

OK, I can see it, given that perspective.

[paganhomeschooler]

My heart goes out to Erin and Chad. I had a miscarriage between my girls. It was a very, very wanted pregnancy and one we had been attempting for many months. I was devastated. My husband was just trying to get me through it, and it wasn't until after we had had 2 more children that he had actually told me how upset he had been but wanted to be strong for me. I felt like an ass! My due date was Xmas Eve, and it's always bittersweet for me when it hits me that day, because it always does.

I hope for peace, strength, and kindness with her involving Whitney's pregnancy. My cousin's SIL was pregnant at the same time as me. Not long after I had miscarried and was still just going through the motions, my cousin had invited us over to a party. Unbeknownst to me, her SIL was there and she was running her mouth about her pregnancy and everyone was fussing over her. (She is a horrible person and ended up having sex with a mentally handicapped student who told her she was pretty and ended up doing some jail time....bitch.) Anyway, it took everything in my being to choke down dinner without sobbing, and we left right after. Fast forward a few years and my cousin had 4 miscarriages, some during times I was pregnant. I felt bad for her, but when she would fish for pity (which she still does), I just couldn't give it to her after she was so insensitive but expected everyone to walk on eggshells for her. She is now on her way to being a child hoarder and seems to be growing more banger-ish every time she posts something on FB. Stuff like this can really mess up family dynamics.

[Justme]

Kelly has now posted about it in her blog.

[Milly-Molly-Mandy]

Well, IIRC, J'chelle continued to take the pill after pregnancy, which, yes, can cause miscarriage. Her doctor then pointed out the instructions on the pill, and instead of blaming themselves for being too stupid to follow directions, they blamed the pill for the loss of their child.

I don't think the Duggar parents can handle criticism, so I think any time they are faced with their own shortcomings, they bob and weave to try and find something or someone else to lay the blame on. Remember how JB lost his campaign because of a "sin in the camp"? Uh huh. Riiiiiiiiight.

Sorry just making it very clear, in case it is not already:

There is no evidence that taking the pill will cause a miscarriage in an established pregnancy or that taking the pill will increase your future miscarriage risk.