Erin miscarried

[hollyandivy]

Chad put up a post about it. I feel so sorry for them, miscarriages suck!

[doubleT]

Oh goodness. That is sad.

[Closed Womb]

Every woman that has ever mentioned or confided a miscarriage to me knows the age that their child would have been. My heart goes out to them, Erin especially.

[Rescinded and Mended]

I'm sorry this happened to them.

Something bothers me, though...the picture "Erin and I after the D&C"? I hope Erin has an actual say in what is discussed and posted by Chad on "their" blog. After all, he does all the talking. If it was me, I'm not sure I would want such a personal loss published on my husband's blog, and I'm positive I would not want pictures posted immediately after the D&C. The world doesn't need to see that.

[Firiel]

Oh, this is terribly sad! If we are correct and Whitney is pregnant, I hope her pregnancy isn't too hard on Erin. I imagine it would be very difficult to see your sister-in-law have a healthy pregnancy and child along the same timeline you were going to, especially in the fundie world where child-bearing is the most important thing a woman can do.

[tabitha2]

I honestly don't believe that's on her mind right this red hot minute. But the post is something she would concur with anyway.

[Odd1Out]

I'm very sorry for their loss.

I haven't read the blog entry, but don't think that's something you post a picture about. I too hope it was okay with Erin.

I hope they stay strong together through it all. They've had a lot of major changes in a short time and now this loss. :(

[silverspoons]

I wish they had kept this to themselves. I don't see any reason to have to post about a miscarriage after a few months of marriage. I know she was the first married and Kelly is looking forward to grandbabies but even if a year went by without any pregnancy announcements especially since she is still in college I don't think people think Erin was sneaking birth control. I guess I see miscarriage as personal. I was starting at an new ob/gyn recently and saw a very close friend in the office who saw my form that had the number of miscarriages I had and she said is that number right? She was shocked she never knew(and my miscarriages were after 13 weeks). I guess I would never post it on a blog especially since I'm sure Erin feels pressure to have a baby. I hope making the news public was 100% her choice.

[Firiel]

I'm very sorry for their loss.

I haven't read the blog entry, but don't think that's something you post a picture about. I too hope it was okay with Erin.

I hope they stay strong together through it all. They've had a lot of major changes in a short time and now this loss. :(

The picture itself isn't bad. It's sad, of course, but not inappropriate at all (IMO). It's just the caption that's pretty questionable. "Erin and I at the hospital" would have been better, and I wouldn't have seen a problem with it if something more generic like that was used.

[Firiel]

Also, does anyone know how far along Erin would have had to be to get a D&C? Really early/chemical pregnancies don't often require those, right?

[anjulibai]

I think it varies. I've heard of women having them after 6 weeks. If the contents of the uterus don't expel on their own, the doctors have to so no infection sets in.

[Rescinded and Mended]

I think the picture makes Chad look like the doting husband, which makes me think that's exactly what HE wants.

If the decision was Erin's, and she agreed to all of this, then I think that would be fine because it would be her choice. There's no way to know for sure, but there are certain aspects to the post that seem troubling.

[Georgiana]

I feel like fundie women are almost forced to make their miscarriages public so that everyone knows they weren't doing the ultimate sin of trying to control their family size or are so un-blessed by God that they are infertile. Women have absolutely zero right to keep anything private in this culture, lest they be suspected of being not the Most Perfect Christian. It's Ye Olde Puritan Witch Hunt, where the smallest things become suspicion for the worst transgressions.

So whether or not Erin actually gave an OK to make this public, I don't think she really had a choice in any meaningful sense.

[sparkles]

I don't know, maybe it's just me because I prefer to keep things close, but I find the fundie fondness for posting personal details all over the interwebz to be extremely disturbing. (And not just fundies, TBH. Far too many bloggers are guilty of this.) It's like they feel they MUST post personal and intimate details to prove how godly they are. What? No pictures of the bloody sheets after the wedding night?

[Firiel]

I feel like fundie women are almost forced to make their miscarriages public so that everyone knows they weren't doing the ultimate sin of trying to control their family size or are so un-blessed by God that they are infertile. Women have absolutely zero right to keep anything private in this culture, lest they be suspected of being not the Most Perfect Christian. It's Ye Olde Puritan Witch Hunt, where the smallest things become suspicion for the worst transgressions.

So whether or not Erin actually gave an OK to make this public, I don't think she really had a choice in any meaningful sense.

I agree with this.

Also, just because they hadn't Internet-announced the pregnancy doesn't mean that family and friends didn't know. Obviously, the family at least did. It might be less painful to do a blog post than to tell people individually. I think it's all a downfall of announcing a pregnancy as early as fundies do.

[Odd1Out]

The picture itself isn't bad. It's sad, of course, but not inappropriate at all (IMO). It's just the caption that's pretty questionable. "Erin and I at the hospital" would have been better, and I wouldn't have seen a problem with it if something more generic like that was used.

Sorry,

I guess I should have said I don't think that's something I would post a pic about but I know everyone deals with things in their own way. I went and read and he does seem to be being very sweet to her.

And I hope that they do understand that sometimes pregnancies don't work out and it was not anyone's fault. And I don't believe Jesus is up there picking which babies he wants to take away.

[bal maiden]

Poor girl. I can't snark on the loss of a much-wanted pregnancy. Have felt that pain myself. I'm also not going to critique them publishing it - I actually think it's rather brave of them.

[salex]

I wish they had kept this to themselves. I don't see any reason to have to post about a miscarriage after a few months of marriage. I know she was the first married and Kelly is looking forward to grandbabies but even if a year went by without any pregnancy announcements especially since she is still in college I don't think people think Erin was sneaking birth control. I guess I see miscarriage as personal. I was starting at an new ob/gyn recently and saw a very close friend in the office who saw my form that had the number of miscarriages I had and she said is that number right? She was shocked she never knew(and my miscarriages were after 13 weeks). I guess I would never post it on a blog especially since I'm sure Erin feels pressure to have a baby. I hope making the news public was 100% her choice.

I had a our pregnancy loss at 20 weeks that included a 5 day stay in the hospital. we had not "announced" that I was pregnant (I am very old school about these things) My first maternity suit I'd ordered to wear to work was delivered while I was in the hospital-i'd been just wearing regular street clothes and no one had asked, yet and we were 2 weeks out from going on a road trip to announce to our families... we told my family because I was supposed to spend that week traveling with my sister to her new university and we had to tell them why I didn't go. We didn't tell anyone else, and except for online, that is still how it is... his side, inlaws, coworkers.. new friends. It is, to us, a very personal thing -- I tell people on line who don't know us, but my best friends don't know... it is not anyone's business. I would not want all the stupid comments people make, if nothing else.

[tabitha2]

I'd guess they know all that...ATI kids with big families and surrounded by friends with big families would have experienced quite a few statistically and most go to regular OBGYN's. They cope by reasoning like chad's and try again and again.

[Firiel]

I think it varies. I've heard of women having them after 6 weeks. If the contents of the uterus don't expel on their own, the doctors have to so no infection sets in.

Okay, thanks! I didn't realize they happened that early-- my completely uninformed assumptions were pretty far off. :doh:

[singsingsing]

I'm glad she was 'allowed' to have a D&C. Don't some fundies think D&C = abortion?

[PurpleSheepleEater]

The whole "Jesus needed an angel to play with" really disturbs me. Honestly that thought doesn't even line up with their own belief system and I don't see how phrasing it that way brings much comfort especially to a child.

I hope she is able to sustain pregnancies. I had a fundie acquaintance who experienced many losses before finally being diagnosed with a blood clotting disorder. She went through hell and back with all the "just trust god" stuff. Medical issues like that are what can make fundie women in those circles feel so inadequate and wonder why Jesus doesn't fix them.

What a sad way to start a marriage. If only there wasn't so much pressure and they would just be allowed to enjoy being child free for a bit. :(

[anjulibai]

I'm glad she was 'allowed' to have a D&C. Don't some fundies think D&C = abortion?

Some do, yes, which is really weird.

[tabitha2]

Of course it's no consolation but an early first pregnancy loss is common and not an indication of things. I hope they will test for any risk factors even so.

[Jana814]

I feel bad for Erin. Can someone tell me a link to their blog.