Teri Maxwell makes an idol of a microwave cart

[mystikchick17]

Just an aside...the banner ad coming up on FJ as I read this thread is for cabinets and storage carts.

Might be able to find something with a hidden drawer for Teri's Pepsi stash.

What if FJites started shipping crates of Pepsi to the Maxhell compound?

:twisted:

The poems are brilliant. I can't decide which one I like more. Both should be nominated for the post of the week thing. :clap:

[lost_not_found]

Terri referring to her pepsi-drinking days almost made me piss my pants. It's too bad they are so insular, because she could do amazing inspirational speeches at treatment centers.

[Lillybee]

I wonder given Terri's issues with Pepsi, is coffee banned in Maxhell? Or are they only allowed to drink herb tea?

[darkplumaged]

Teri's birthday is August 17. I think we should each crack open a cold Pepsi in her honor that day. (Diet or caffeine-free are acceptable substitutes.)

For extra fun (yes, FUN!), continue the party with--

Dinner: Pizza you ask your headship to bring home

Dessert: Unlimited animal crackers

Entertainment: Singing uncensored nursery songs (e.g., Row Row Row Your Boat), reading a microwave cart full of secular literature

[LucySnowe]

Teri's birthday is August 17. I think we should each crack open a cold Pepsi in her honor that day. (Diet or caffeine-free are acceptable substitutes.)

Really? Because August 18 is the day Elizabeth Munck was supposed to marry Joseph, iirc. Let's make it a Pepsi party weekend!

[miffy]

I'm going to spike my pepsi with amaretto.

[lilith]

There is a part of me that desperately wants to believe that post is a clever joke, Teri pulling our legs...especially with the Pepsi reference. Sadly, I know this is not the case.

It irks me that she misspelled knick knacks not once, but twice. Is there no spell check on their computer?

:

Spellcheck is of the devil, it may suggest non Steve approved word alternatives for misspelled words. It probably even suggests that dirtiest of f words..... Fun.

Something to think about......

[lilith]

That's for Teri, which I can see. I usually sleep 6 or 7 hours a night. The "kids" go to bed at 8:30, which is weird for teenagers, but whatever.

I'm sad that the they don't share the schedule for the older kids, because you know they have one.

Even weirder for their thirty something year old "kid", and I'm certain that all the "kids" are on the same schedule until marriage magically turns them into adults.

Imagine that, your wedding being the first day you touch someone of the opposite gender and the first time you get to stay up past 8.30 and sleep in past 5 am.

[lilith]

Teri's birthday is August 17. I think we should each crack open a cold Pepsi in her honor that day. (Diet or caffeine-free are acceptable substitutes.)

For extra fun (yes, FUN!), continue the party with--

Dinner: Pizza you ask your headship to bring home

Dessert: Unlimited animal crackers

Entertainment: Singing uncensored nursery songs (e.g., Row Row Row Your Boat), reading a microwave cart full of secular literature

You can't ask your headship to bring home pizza, you heathen slattern, you must pray that the LORD lays it on his heart to do so. Actually speaking and reminding him would make you an unsubmissive nagging feminist shrew trying to usurp his god given authority.

[lilith]

This woman is disturbingly invested in Teri's microwave cart and writes in such outstandingly fundie cliches I can't help wondering if she's a poe:

Mary on May 6, 2013 at 7:58 pm said:

Teri, as I read your post I found myself attached to your microwave cart! It’s faithfulness to your family was attractive to me. It goes without saying that in that many years it withstood a lot of use. As you said, may the Lord find us as faithful . . . and as we must move through different seasons in our life, may we find new purposes and usefulness to serve him. Just like my attraction to the faithfulness of the cart, may others be attracted to the Christ in us. Thank you for such a wonderful and practical post. Hope everyone is doing well. Mary (and the rest of the T family)

I also find it disturbing that Teri uses the sane language (faithful servant) to describe her microwave cart as she often does to describe her eldest daughter.

[LucySnowe]

I also find it disturbing that Teri uses the sane language (faithful servant) to describe her microwave cart as she often does to describe her eldest daughter.

Nice catch.

At least the microwave cart is allowed a different view after 23 years.

[LilMissMetaphor]

Donate the cart to Melanie??

[hywelis]

Really? Because August 18 is the day Elizabeth Munck was supposed to marry Joseph, iirc. Let's make it a Pepsi party weekend!

Drat, too bad I can't stomach the taste of Pepsi, or I'd totally do that!

Maybe a cake with "Steveovah sucks" written on it in chocolate would be an adequate substitute.

Hywelis

[hywelis]

This woman is disturbingly invested in Teri's microwave cart and writes in such outstandingly fundie cliches I can't help wondering if she's a poe:

Mary on May 6, 2013 at 7:58 pm said:

Teri, as I read your post I found myself attached to your microwave cart! It’s faithfulness to your family was attractive to me. It goes without saying that in that many years it withstood a lot of use. As you said, may the Lord find us as faithful . . . and as we must move through different seasons in our life, may we find new purposes and usefulness to serve him. Just like my attraction to the faithfulness of the cart, may others be attracted to the Christ in us. Thank you for such a wonderful and practical post. Hope everyone is doing well. Mary (and the rest of the T family)

I also find it disturbing that Teri uses the sane language (faithful servant) to describe her microwave cart as she often does to describe her eldest daughter.

Word on the disturbing re. daughters part.

As for that comment... could it be a FJ user posting? I mean, ascribing "faithfulness" to the cart... I can't imagine that anyone can write that with a straight face.

Hywelis

[Black Aliss]

Have you picked up a high school kid's backpack lately? What they bring home from school every single day? It weighs way more than all those supplies for multiple kids together. Someone is not learning as much as their peers are...must be that lack of sleep.

Hey, they used A Beka textbooks. What more could they possibly need? I mean, you got your World History textbook that teaches you that slaves in the US were generally treated well by their owners, but slavery was still kind of bad because it made people in Africa suspicious of the white missionaries who came to save their souls.

[SamuraiKatz]

Teri needs to be sociable and have a pepsi.

Vintage commercials:

[ThisOlGirl]

Teri needs to be sociable and have a pepsi.

Vintage commercials:

And to quote Eddie Murphy--Steve needs to have a Coke & a smile & STFU (Coke & a smile optional).

edited for riffles

[batwing]

I like to imagine Teri wearing pants and one of those double beer hats with the straws, Pepsi on each side, cigarette dangling from her mouth, and flipping the bird to Steve as she struts away shouting, "Fuck you and your little Uriah too!"

[WonderingInWA]

Even scarier than the idea Teri could possibly venture on to help homeschool her grandkids is the notion of Sarah, being a spinster and all) would decide SHE is qualified to be a teacher since she is a published author and all. If she's not ever getting married, she's certainly got to eventually move on from that Moody series, doesn't she? Seems likely she might fancy teaching other people's kids since she will likely never have any of her own.

[VooDooChild]

A microwave cart is a "faithful servant"? The hell?! Doesn't being a faithful servant imply taking an active part in serving? Is this possible for an inanimate object? Are we in Bizzaro world? Either these people are pure dolts or they are eh...somewhat clever by attempting to supply fodder for us FJ'ers. :cray-cray:

P.S. Canada, how I pity you for having to put up with a Maxhell visit. Protective vibes coming your way.

[Jana814]

Hey, they used A Beka textbooks. What more could they possibly need? I mean, you got your World History textbook that teaches you that slaves in the US were generally treated well by their owners, but slavery was still kind of bad because it made people in Africa suspicious of the white missionaries who came to save their souls.

Is that really in those text books!! How horrible!!

[darkplumaged]

You can't ask your headship to bring home pizza, you heathen slattern, you must pray that the LORD lays it on his heart to do so. Actually speaking and reminding him would make you an unsubmissive nagging feminist shrew trying to usurp his god given authority.

But that's the point! We must break free of the Maxwell Rules in order to party Bizarro Maxwell style! What could be more rebellious than guzzling soda at will? Reading real books? Eating more than two animal crackers? And yes, even asking our headships to stop by a pizza shop on the way home?

[precious_one]

I want to send Teri a 12 pack of Pepsi!

[WonderingInWA]

I like the beer bong idea, but fill it up with Pepsi.

[danvillebelle]

I want to send Teri a 12 pack of Pepsi!

If I were a gozillionaire, I would send a freaking TRUCK of Pepsi straight to their house.