Close Encounters of the Fundie Kind

[Jasmar]

Do those "modest" one piece suits show the thigh? Your definition of modest is much more lax than j'chelles. Full fledged fundy girls can't even show their knees, shoulders, or collarbones.

Even so, there are much better looking swimwear that meet their modesty standards. Wholesome wear is just one step above the hideous burkini for Muslim ladies who can't show anything but part of their face, hands, and feet.

The Wholesome Wear outfits are basically neon wetsuits (covering the knees, elbows, and collarbone) covered by a hugely voluminous black dress. Which has snaps between the legs for "while in the water." Or alternatively, the black mass of fabric comes in tent-sized culotte romper over the neon wetsuit.

It just seems potentially dangerous to me.

[Wenny]

My husband and his coworker got tipped 2 million dollar chick tract for waiting a party of 24 during the lunch rush. He was not happy at all.

[VixenToast]

My husband and his coworker got tipped 2 million dollar chick tract for waiting a party of 24 during the lunch rush. He was not happy at all.

Good god, seriously? Don't these people understand that waitressing (in PC world, serving) isn't volunteering to serve for The Lord Jesus, but to put money in the bank?

If I was your hubs, I sure as hell would find some way to track them down.

[Grimalkin]

My husband and his coworker got tipped 2 million dollar chick tract for waiting a party of 24 during the lunch rush. He was not happy at all.

I had to look that up, WTF?!

[AllisonWndrland]

I took my youngest daughter to walk at the lake and was approached by an older woman. Her first question? "Do you call yourself a good person?" My answer? "Of course." It went downhill from there because I just wanted to take my daughter for a walk at the lake. I had zero desire to speak to a zealot lacking manners and respect for personal space. She kept trying to ask me more questions but looked taken aback when I finally got pissed off at her badgering and asked her what church she was with. She answered, I said that was lovely, and told her firmly but respectfully that we were going now and we have a church. She tried to follow and we kept walking. Ridiculous. She wasn't outwardly fundamentalist, no skirt or headcovering of any sort, and she was wearing pants and a t-shirt, but she had the Good Person Test down pat.

I later checked her church online. They're not your traditional fundie church and I would never have called them that before the lake experience, but I do now. I keep waiting to see them again when I'm with my husband so he can experience the Test.

[SpeakNow]

Not technically a sighting, but I found this skirt at an H and M store. It just screams fundie.

[ViolaSebastian]

Welp, folks. Today I went to the Creationist Museum. Before anyone gets up in arms about me spending my hard-earned dough with a right-wing company, I want to state right off the bat that I did not pay for this experience out of my own pocket book. I was invited to go along as part of a group that had previously paid for a visit because Ken Ham was speaking, and I, for reasons only known to Jeebus, ended up hooking an invitation to go with them. I did not spend any loot at the gift shops, I did not pay for a zip-line tour, and I didn't even spend money to partake in the camel rides. Please, please do not flame me for going, I wrestled with my conscience a lot in taking this trip and I'm already well aware of the negative aspects of the fact that I chose to go.

I love to snark, as evidenced my presence here on free jinger, so I was a little nervous when I read the print on the ticket that states: “Any loud, disrespectful, destructive, obscene, or abusive behavior, or inappropriate dress will not be tolerated and will result in your removal from the premises without refund.†I love to make wise cracks, so it was tough to keep my mouth shut for the entire tour. My buddy and I had previously decided on a code phrase to indicate that we found something particularly snarkable. The phrase? The Lord works in mysterious ways…

One of the things that really surprised me was the distinct lack of people that *looked* fundie. There were a couple groups of Mennonites and some Amish, but other than that most families were made up of women in pants who had fairly recently availed themselves to the services of a hairstylist. It actually disturbed me how normal everyone looked. There were a number of out-of-state license plates, including some from liberal hot spots such as California, New York, and even Canada. People had presumably driven from out of state to see this...thing (I refuse to call this place a museum). And it was crowded. Granted, Ken Ham was speaking that day on preaching the gospel in an evolutionized (not even a word…) world, and he’s become a bit of a fundie celebrity since the Bill Nye debate, but dang was I surprised to wait in line for a half hour to get my ticket scanned and get this party started.

There was exactly one thing that wasn't a 'historical reproduction' of some sort--the fragment of a 300-year-old Torah that had belonged to a group of Iraqi Jews. Evidently Saddam Hussein confiscated this document and it had somehow been obtained by American forces after the 2003 invasion. It was improperly mounted (once upon a time I wanted to be a museum curator before the bottom dropped out of the economy) and the humidity, etc. didn't look to be controlled at all. Most importantly, though, it hurt my heart that a such a scared document was ripped away from its owner, and instead attempting to return it to its rightful owners, or at the very least given to a community of displaced Iraqi Jews, it ended up a shitty…thing in Ohio. If anyone knows of someone I could contact to attempt to restore this fragment to the community, let me know and I'll be happy to write a letter to them.

The tour began with some Old Testament business about how God had picked out prophets such as Jeremiah, Moses, etc. Notably, there was no mention of self-proclaimed prophet Lori Alexander. Then it went into some wildly inaccurate displays about the history of Christianity, including a mannequin dressed up as Martin Luther, complete with hammer, affixing a piece of paper to a door. You might assume that this paper would be a reproduction of his famous Ninety-Five Theses, but you would be wrong. He was hammering a piece of paper with a quote about how Christian’s beliefs and rules should be obtained only from the gospel. There was ZERO mention of the Catholic or Orthodox Churches that preceded Protestant Christianity.

There was then a video about the Scope’s Monkey Trial, and how oh how could society change so much from the 1925 trial that we actually started accepting that evolution is taught in our schools? There was a lot of hand-wringing and some bad paper-cut outs of people in a jury box. I guess no one told them that the trial took place outside and not in a courtroom because of the heat and the large crowds. There was some footage of the trial shown on a way too small television screen, but the sound wasn’t turned on, so forcing you to sit there and stare at the text boxes on the screen to understand the points they were trying to get across.

Most of the displays after that involved extremely creepy mannequins dressed up as Biblical characters. There was a mannequin dressed up as Cain, post-Abel slewing, complete with a murdered mannequin Abel laid out on the fake rock below him. There was a re-creation of the Garden of Eden, complete with animatronic dinosaurs. Seriously, there were so many animations that I couldn't help but wonder if there was some sort of fundie-Christian animation company that benefited handsomely from the building of this...thing. Allosaurs were covered and my mind went to Doug Phillips is a Tool and his disgusting "more cellos" business. It occurred to me that this place was his wet dream. Dinosaurs played a huge part in the narrative--dinosaurs were on Noah's Ark, dinosaurs were described in the Bible, and the kicker: dinosaurs and dragons are one in the same. St. George and the Dragon? In their opinion, this was completely factual, but the dragon was in fact a dinosaur. The Chinese revering the dragon in their Zodiac and culture? Totally dinosaurs that survived on Noah's Ark. I made the mistake of asking what happened to the dinosaurs if they survived the flood; evidently it got "too cold" for them.

There was a reproduction of the Australopithecus skeleton known as Lucy, with some plaques "disproving" her importance because "we weren't in the past, so we totally can't begin to understand what happened then." This was to be a theme throughout my tour--the same thing was said about dinosaur fossils, etc. There was a plaque that said dinosaur fossils lacked tags, so we couldn't fully understand the implications of their presence. There were plenty of plaques emphasizing Lucy's ape-like qualities and de-emphasizing her human characteristics. Lots of text about how her fingers and toes were curved like an ape, etc. Conclusion: Lucy was an ape-like creature in the Garden of Eden and not really of much importance other than that.

Another ‘wut?’ exhibit involved how scientists are completely wrong to claim that it took millions of years for the Grand Canyon to form. They “proved†this by discussing how quickly the eruption of Mount St. Helens quickly laid down sediment and it only took a couple of days for canyons to form in that sediment. I always thought it took millions of years because sandstone and limestone are incredibly hard, not soft like newly deposited volcanic ash, but what do I know? I just had earth science in 9th grade public school.

About the text--holy Jeebus was this museum text heavy and boring as hell. I love museums, adore them, I could spend hours and hours in history museums, etc. that other people think are dull as dirt. Docents love me (or hate me for asking hard questions) and my excitement at museums is palpable. I can't get enough of D.C. and New York because...museums. And this …thing…is primarily aimed at children, was text heavy. Really, really text heavy. My eyes are tired right now from all the frantic reading I had to do while the line backed up behind me. I imagine that a good number of children who go through the museum aren't at its plaques reading level, and there is literally nothing of interest to them other than the creepy uncanny valley. I take that back, there was a display of finches in the lobby. It outlined speciesization and explained that because they can mate with one another, there's an endless variety. I totally took the finch exhibit to be a big "f-you" to Darwin's famous finches.

After a good chunk of Christian propaganda that showed how awful the world is because of Eve, including giant pictures of starving African children and women screaming in the agony of what was presumably childbirth, they herded us through a tunnel that was painted black and had fairy lights poked through it to resemble stars in the sky. It was underwhelming and reminded me of a project I did when I was nine on constellations. There was a room with a video exhibit that was about the creation of the universe, which involved showing various pictures of galaxies and shots of the earth taken from satellites. Vivaldi’s Four Seasons played in the background and a soothing male voice read the appropriate (KJV, ya’ll!) Bible verses. It made me think about all the time and effort put in by dedicated scientists to obtain those shots—and here they are being used in a…thing… that craps all over science and claims scientists are tools of the debil.

Anywhoo, after that we headed into a white-walled room with ambient lighting and light-colored floors that talked about Jesus redeeming humankind and whatnot. That room led into the “food courtâ€, which was really just a store that sold Bibles and a stand that sold pieces of pizza and fountain drinks for way too damn much. I guess people get hungry immediately after hearing about their Lord and Savior? The prices were obscene, and I saw a lot of families that chose to bring a cooler and have lunch outside in the (actually quite nice and pleasant) garden. In the middle of the garden there were the aforementioned camel rides, as well as a pretty sad petting zoo that consisted of an alpaca, a mini-donkey, some chickens, a zorse and a zedonk. They seemed to be well-cared for and their paddocks were clean, but it was just…underwhelming. I saw a man point to the mini-donkey and a make a joke that “his name should be Obama.†This pissed me off and I put myself in time out on the bus and read freejinger on my phone and questioned my life choices.

Up Next: Proof that fundies named Ken are total windbags!

[Geechee Girl]

Thanks for taking one for the team!

[onlyme]

What is with the door? Is that an actual display?

[uber frau]

I think that door is part if a display of about the effects of sin. The designers thought they'd jazz up the wholesome, child friendly dioramas (like he one of all the sinners trying to escape the flood waters) with a graphic display of all the sinful things they could think of.

[ariel9]

Kudos for taking one for the team and putting yourself in time out.Since I can't too that story I'll tell my most recent one.I went to rain forest cafe and saw a family with 5 children under the age of 7. They were wearing the female fundie uniform denim skirt with leggings underneath with flip flops. Was the outfit a fluke? No every woman at the table wore it in the 90 degree heat.

[PennySycamore]

If I was out somewhere and a stranger (or, heck, an acquaintance) asked me if I was a good person, I hope I'd have the presence of mind to reply "Nope!"

[nastyhobbitses]

Mine was pretty minor, but I currently live in China (so fundies are extremely rare, which on one hand means I don't run into anyone doing the Good Person Test, but on the other, I don't at all approve of or condone the curtailment of religious freedom in China), and I had a very surreal sighting of fundamentalists in Beijing (again, very unusual, because proselytizing is illegal and the Christian sects allowed to practice in China are very limited, so I have a feeling that most fundamentalists would steer clear of China). I had gone to have dinner and drinks with a friend, and was taking the subway back to my other friend's house almost in the suburbs. As I got down the escalator into my first station, I noticed a large white family: women all in ankle-length denim skirts and high-collared shirts, some with head coverings (they weren't Muslim), boys in button-down shirts and slacks. A few of the boys were trying to slide down the divider between the stairs and the escalator, and I sort of wanted to tell them to cut it out because it was dangerous and dealing with Beijing police/subway security isn't very fun (especially if you can't speak Chinese), but I clammed up because I didn't want to run the risk of their mom being one of those "how dare you discipline my child" types. The parents/presumably extended family did nothing; a few even laughed. The little girls, of course, were not partaking in the fun. They got on a different subway car from the one I got into (what? I was really tired and didn't want to be rude), and I spent the rest of the ride wondering where they were going and what they could be doing in Beijing. Maybe just traveling, like everyone else, though I'd imagine they wouldn't be too keen on visiting the Temple of Heaven or the Yonghegong Lama Temple, even though those two places are gorgeous and very popular tourist spots.

[MamaJunebug]

Saw two aiport employees wearing observant Muslim dress. One had on a hood that covered her hair, ears, neck and shoulders, and IIRC her blouse covered her bum, but she was wearing loose-fitting slacks.

The other had on a similar scarf but her top was over a skirt that was straight-cut and really restricted her movement. Interesting, because she was emptying large trash cans, and it just seems to me that the more movement available to you, the less likely you'll twist yourself wrong or drop something.

Back at home, in a neighboring subdiv, I drove past two slender mothers wearing the Vision-Forum-at-the-Alamo khaki A-line ankle-length skirts whilst pushing their kiddoes in prams. Neither of them looked particularly serene nor joyous, but it was a hot day.

Nearby, some young people fished in the subdiv pond, and a girl around 11 or so had on a long skirt. Granted, the boys couldn't see her underwears but I know from experience that sitting on a grassy bank is far less complicated in jeans.

None of them wanted my feelings of pity, I'm sure, but they still were there.

[PennySycamore]

nastyhobbitses,

I hope you don't mind me saying that I love your username!

My granddaughter is, physically-speaking, very, very white and she is also very, very Chinese. She just happens to have albinism.

[antwan]

"What'cha reading?"... All I could do was laugh and say "You're such a nut!" I really thought it was kind of a joke, but she started crying, and I had to apologise and went to the break room for a cup of hot chocolate for her. .

I have to say, I laughed and laughed as I read this. I know that wasn't very Christian of me, but I definitely found this hilarious. :mrgreen: It kind of reminded me of how some of my RN night shifts went when I was working; me, the fundie light, my co-worker friend, -the new ager, and my other co-worker (not exactly a friend), -the Mormon. :pink-shock: Throw in our very "antiquated" late night nursing supervisor (who had like a g'zillion years' seniority) and let me tell you, those were some good times. :shrug:

[Phoenix]

Longtime lurker, first post. Not sure if this counts as a fundie, but definitely a crazy! Having lunch with my ds yesterday, we sat near a table full of men and women dressed up from church. One of the men began talking about the bible and what "scholars" think about different portions. So far, pretty normal. Then he launches into a discussion of a revival he was involved in several years ago in a another part of the country. He tells the group that they started having technical difficulties and discovered that covens of witches were engaging in "spiritual warfare" against their revival. He rails on for quite a long time about the evil covens and how they got believers to pray against the covens and ultimately the revival was wildly successful.

I live in a very conservative area, so I am used to the usual religious babble, but this one took the cake!

Reminds me of the time I was at a psychic fair at a hotel that happened to also be hosting a group of fundies at the same time. Not surprisingly not a single fundie darkened the door. I was seated at the fair next to a self-proclaimed witch. We were talking about the fundies and how the folks associated with the psychics were being staunchly ignored, which we agreed was better than being preached at.

The witch had zero malignant intent with regards to the fundies. The only giggling we did was at the prospect of inviting some of them in to discuss the spiritual beliefs of the witch. (This was NOT done, we were being silly and a bit immature but had no desire to be rude or alarm anyone.) My SIL was raised Mormon (mainstream) but is now Wiccan, so another witch. These two women happen to be some of the nicest most thoughtful people I know. Neither would EVER cast spells to try to disrupt the religious practices of others.

Sadly I can't say fundies have been as well behaved around psychic fairs. Once two highly obnoxious women entered a fair going on in a small local bookstore. One woman had a rams horn which she blew repeatedly with great enthusiasm. Her friend kept yelling, "Jesus is Lord!" over and over between blasts on the horn. This was irritating as I am certain at least half the people working there would have agreed that Jesus is Lord. Not to mention those things are LOUD in a small store.

When major revivals came to town signs for fairs were routinely stolen, vandalized or in the most mild cases adorned with tracts. Small sub signs reminding passers by that said: Remember God said, "Thou Shall Not Steal" did cut down on some of the thefts. The signs were expensive to replace and those events made very little money. What money they did make supplemented the Social Security income of a woman in her 70's. Most readers had a great day if they cleared $100 for eight or nine hours of work. More often it was closer to $40 or $50 for a day of work. :doh:

Edited twice for typos.

[N The Prayer Closet]

Thanks for taking one for the team!

I second this. I'm jealous you got to go but you're likely to have strange dreams/nightmares about it for the rest of your life...... :cry: Ha Ha

[nastyhobbitses]

nastyhobbitses,

I hope you don't mind me saying that I love your username!

My granddaughter is, physically-speaking, very, very white and she is also very, very Chinese. She just happens to have albinism.

Haha, glad you like it!

Yeah, this family was Caucasian (I feel like the really, really fundamentalist Christians tend to be -- all the non-white devout Christians I've met still wear pants/listen to secular music/dance/let women work outside the home, though I'm sure non-white fundies exist), and judging by the fact that they were speaking English with American accents, I guess they were American.

[FeministShrew]

I'm pretty sure that coven anecdote is standard among some fundie preachers. I've heard the exact same story in at least 3 different churches. :lol:

I wonder if there's a book of scary outrage stories they consult? I guess that's why so many fundies (especially IFB) frown on visiting other churches : you'll hear your preachers "true" stories told by someone else!

[Hane]

Re what Phoenix said above: In the early '70s, our local YWCA used to rent space to a small Baptist denomination. (It was from one of its members that I first overheard the term "getting convicted of your sin"--a bit odd in southern New England.) Feminism was getting off the ground, and there were posters around that used words like "womyn," and were routinely defaced by the Good Christians[tm][/tm]. At one point, when they didn't have the key to the room they rented, they took the door off its hinges. Soon thereafter, they were gone--perhaps by invitation.

Now they have their own digs and a small private school--and are young-earth creationists.

[antwan]

Married Orthodox Jewish women have to cover their hair with either a hat, kerchief, or wig, so they usually have short or medijum hair. Long wigs are frowned upon. Unmarried Jewish girls and women don't cover the hair, but they are allowed to cut it, even short. Non-orthodox Jewish women don't cover their hair but they wear pants. I'm not sure what you saw.

They were definitely Jewish, because her boys, who were not with her when we first spotted mom and daughters,were wearing their yamakas. Mom and daughters did not have "Duggar long" hair, but it was still long and uncut/no style, and they were wearing the skirt/tennis shoes combo.

[antwan]

Meant to add that I know the Orthodox Jewish women wear wigs (I worked for an airline and they often traveled on my NYC flights), but the woman's hair didn't appear to be a wig. :think:

[actuallyjessica]

While eating dinner, my husband told me when he was passing the brethren church near by he saw some fundies. I thought this was hilarious the fact he told me this and he told me something more hilarious "you should have seen what they were wearing. These big, ugly dresses" "FRUMPERS!" "What?" "Here, I'll google it for you" so I did that and turns out yes, they were wearing FRUMPERS.

I'm sad because I've never seen any locals wearing them (at least since the 90s) and clearly missed out on an entertaining view. Husband said she had at least 6 kids with her aged probably 8 and under. Whether they all belonged to this lady is unknown but wow.

[antwan]

We had former Brethren church members in our bible study group, once. They told us that (control gag reflex) they washed each other's feet as an act of humility. :sick: I know, I get it. Jesus washed the disciples' feet as an act of humility and service. But those men wore animal skin sandals and tracked through the desert, rarely bathing, so it was an appropriate act of humility for that time.

We had a hard time processing this as new Christians. Dh called it "an old fashioned foot washing," stating he wouldn't want to scrub anyone's old crusties. :naughty: Yeah, we had a hard time being serious about that one. To each his own, I say.