Maxwell 53: Escaping the Borg by Marriage. Who'd Have Thought Sarah?

[Bluebirdbluebell]

10 minutes ago, Ozlsn said:

I thought it was Chelsy's father who brought up the vasectomies? Either way I'm really hoping for a livestream, I enjoyed that wedding so much!

Yeah Marlin Bontrager brought up Steve's vasectomy at John's and Chelsy's wedding. Steve said nothing. Amazingly, Marlin was better at Chelsy's wedding than he was at Allison's wedding. (I hope John and Chelsy stay far from her parents.) 

I really hate the fundie  traditional of letting the fathers and any other men who wish to speak at the weddings. I hope only the minister speaks besides Sarah and Kory saying their vows.

[mango_fandango]

Sarah is ENGAGED??

Whoa. That’s big! I’m going to have to edit her profile in the Summary thread where I wrote “it is widely accepted fact on FJ that Sarah will never marry”…

 

Edited July 7, 2022 by mango_fandango

[gracegrace]

6 hours ago, Captain Obvious said:

Just confirming - it would be OK to buy something from the registry in a private capacity so long as we don’t mention FJ is so doing or post about it here?

I don’t plan on saying anything in the gift message other than “congratulations”, but hell - I almost feel like she’s part of my family and genuinely want to help her married life get off to a good start. 

I wouldn’t do that. From our perspective we are are all cheering for Sarah, but from her perspective it would come off as a creepy stalker thing. 

[catlady]

24 minutes ago, gracegrace said:

I wouldn’t do that. From our perspective we are are all cheering for Sarah, but from her perspective it would come off as a creepy stalker thing. 

Agree 100%.  Imagine if you were getting married and gifts from anonymous senders started showing up at your door.  

[Captain Obvious]

1 hour ago, gracegrace said:

I wouldn’t do that. From our perspective we are are all cheering for Sarah, but from her perspective it would come off as a creepy stalker thing. 

Good point. I won't then. 

[NoseyNellie]

@Bluebirdbluebell re-The engagement
I did  not take her actions as uncomfortable with the engagement.  The photos of them together- piggy backing him, next to each other in the group of kids and the on stage game seem very natural and comfortable.  My thought was they had likely already had conversations of a future together.. and the proposal timing was just the surprise.  It looked kinda like she nodded and laughed and agreed to it and then did not know what to do- kiss/hug/fist bump being that they were on stage in front of who knows how many teens.  

BUT

How freaking wonderful that she had THIS type of engagement- in her jeans and blouse, phone in her pocket, hair flying around doing some dance game, laughing, touching other adults and appearing for all intents genuinely engaged in her environment.  This is SO MUCH MORE than any of us ever imagined.  This appears to be a guy her age, engaged in his church and family, is educated and appears to be gainfully employed.  I think we all feared she would eventually marry some old widower and be stuck brewing his daily coffee and rearranging his linen closet and tending to his children/grandchildren.  

For all we know his parents are breathing a sigh of relief that their son has finally found a lovely young woman who loves the lord and her family, has her own life and interests and has caught his eye and they might get a few grandkids out of them.  

I love that they are getting married SOON!  Get this show on the road!  Time to mark your bingo cards for Baby Max Bollinger #2023 ( not that I want them to have a honeymoon baby but with being older I assume baby sooner than later!)

I agree that lots of anonymously sent gifts would look creepy, but I would love to see a post on the website about it and how it would crash under the weight of the well wishes!  People HAVE talked about you over the years, but Sarah it was with worry FOR you, for your emotional well being, 

[theologygeek]

12 hours ago, molecule said:

I wonder if her future husband asked Steve's permission or if he just went for it?

Also, because apparently I'm still only 12 years old despite being born before 1965, Sarah finally gets to have sex!

The other night when I was having insomnia, I said to myself "Yes!  She finally gets to have sex!"  

[Bethy]

3 hours ago, gracegrace said:

I wouldn’t do that. From our perspective we are are all cheering for Sarah, but from her perspective it would come off as a creepy stalker thing. 

I know we all feel like we "know" the Maxwells, because some of us have read every single word they posted for a decade or more, and the vibe here is 100% rooting for Sarah which is awesome, but aside from whoever it was crashed their conference in like 2011 (when Mary made the heart hands and said "I love my daddy" and then the gatecrashers went out and humped Uriah and I think they also might have signed the guestbook "Jinger Freed"...forgive me, I don't remember who that was) they don't know any of us.

I wonder if the girls ever think back on that interaction, though. Obviously they acted like they felt very threatened by it at the time, as it went against everything they'd been trained to think and believe and say. If my memory/timing are correct, it was late winter/early spring 2011 so Anna had just published the "Am I Going To College?" post. Now, a decade later, Anna and Mary ARE in college, living their best lives, and Sarah has forged her own path as well.

[theologygeek]

1 hour ago, NoseyNellie said:

For all we know his parents are breathing a sigh of relief that their son has finally found a lovely young woman who loves the lord and her family, has her own life and interests and has caught his eye and they might get a few grandkids out of them.  

His father passed.  I was skimming through his funeral on youtube.  He seemed like a good person and lots of fun to be around.  Hey, anyone who likes Celebration by Kool & The Gang can't be half bad.  He enjoyed lots of things from sports to trips to the beach. He seemed to love life and embrace it. I'm glad that Sarah found someone who was raised like that.  I hope he takes her to an amusement park, and she goes on her first roller coaster ride, and she screams with delight.  It's okay to have that kind of fun.  God doesn't care if you go on a roller coaster.  

On another note, the Maxwell girls finally got the memo to go where God leads them, and not where their father leads them.  Their father is not God, and he has no idea what God wants them to do.  It's okay to be happy.  God likes to see you happy.  When your kid is happy, you're happy.  

[anachronistic]

To those wanting to send gifts: NOPE.

Just don’t.

It is creepy as heck and also would present a problem for thank you notes because they’d assume the gift was from someone they knew and would go on a hunt to figure it out and either they wouldn’t be able to, or they’d trace it back here and be really, really creeped out. As they should be.

If you want to send an anonymous gift to a stranger, take an idea from Sarah’s registry and send the same thing to a domestic violence shelter. Women and children are often starting out new lives with nothing, and I’m sure they’d love new towels or plates or cleaning supplies. Or donate to a golden retriever rescue, or another charity where your beliefs and Sarah’s interests align. Just don’t tell anyone. 
 

And please, please, please don’t touch the poop. We can celebrate the news without flinging feces in the air. (We will leave that up to Steve because he must be angry as heck about this development.)

[JermajestyDuggar]

4 hours ago, Bluebirdbluebell said:

Yeah Marlin Bontrager brought up Steve's vasectomy at John's and Chelsy's wedding. Steve said nothing. Amazingly, Marlin was better at Chelsy's wedding than he was at Allison's wedding. (I hope John and Chelsy stay far from her parents.) 

I really hate the fundie  traditional of letting the fathers and any other men who wish to speak at the weddings. I hope only the minister speaks besides Sarah and Kory saying their vows.

The worst by far was Sarah Mally’s father. What a dick.

[Bethy]

4 hours ago, Bluebirdbluebell said:

Yeah Marlin Bontrager brought up Steve's vasectomy at John's and Chelsy's wedding. Steve said nothing. Amazingly, Marlin was better at Chelsy's wedding than he was at Allison's wedding. (I hope John and Chelsy stay far from her parents.) 

I really hate the fundie  traditional of letting the fathers and any other men who wish to speak at the weddings. I hope only the minister speaks besides Sarah and Kory saying their vows.

Not that Marlin isn't a train wreck all his own, but I doubt he would've mentioned the state of Steve's vas deferens if that weren't one of Steve's own main talking points. Everything in the Titus2 ministry was pretty much centered around that - prior to that, they had a fairly average-sized 1980s family, kids in Christian school and playing sports, pierced ears and pants on Sarah. But Steve got called to get un-snipped, so the baby train was rolling again, and then got called to leave corporate America, and then the books and the ministry tours and Uriah and the 30 years of homeschooling all picked up speed, and while I get the feeling they were pretty fundie before, the un-snip was when it got hardcore. And they made SO MUCH of how he "reversed a bad decision" and how the five kids they had post-reversal were such a blessing that they wouldn't have had if he hadn't listened to the Lord and gotten the vasectomy reversed. He could've just un-snipped and had a big second round of kids and not talked about it unless somebody asked about the huge age gap between Sarah and Joseph...but he didn't. He made it the center of his testimony and ministry. So yes, it was in poor taste on Marlin's part, but Marlin didn't need to know about it in the first place. That's on Steve.

(I also wonder how squicked-out the girls are, now that they're likely a little more worldly-wise, and they might have had enough education to know what exactly got reversed and where regarding this "bad decision" that they all talked about their whole lives?)

[LurkerOverThePond]

I've been having a rough time with Covid here (can't believe I escaped it for this long since I have to commute by public transport and can't work at home) but even with chills, pretty bad body aches, and generally shitty condition, I simply cannot be but extremely happy for Sarah and her fiance ❤️ I never saw this coming and have rarely been this joyful to be wrong!

[Howl]

13 hours ago, treemom said:

all these churches are to conservative for my liking, and I’m sure I abhor their beliefs.   But they are a mainstream, normal life for people who were raised like they were bonsai trees.

Best descriptions of the Maxwells and so many children of patriarchy and other types of dysfunction ever in the history of ever  - I'm gobsmacked by its brilliance! 

[HereticHick]

Do you think there is a backlog of Moody books in Teri and Steve's basement? There are a still a number of titles listed on Amazon--when the rare fundy family orders one, do Teri and Steve mail it out? Did Sarah take the remaining stock with her?

 

 

[Bethy]

3 minutes ago, HereticHick said:

Do you think there is a backlog of Moody books in Teri and Steve's basement? There are a still a number of titles listed on Amazon--when the rare fundy family orders one, do Teri and Steve mail it out? Did Sarah take the remaining stock with her?

I wondered about that...would ordering Moody books now provide income for Sarah, or line her parents' pockets?

[MomJeans]

I have been pondering who profits from the books since Sarah moved out too.

At a minimum I would guess that Terri and Steve take a fee per book, for storage and shipping.

[Black Aliss]

30 minutes ago, HereticHick said:

Do you think there is a backlog of Moody books in Teri and Steve's basement? There are a still a number of titles listed on Amazon--when the rare fundy family orders one, do Teri and Steve mail it out? Did Sarah take the remaining stock with her?

Sarah's probably a better person than I, who would have piled all the remainders in the driveway, dumped gasoline over them, and lit the match before driving off with tires squealing.

[socalrules]

I am not so sure Steve is unhappy that Sarah is getting married. We know something changed so drastically that Sarah moved out on her own and Anna and Mary went away to college. Those drastic changes were made because Steve loosened his grip, my guess is there was some type of health issue that scared him. Had he not, they would still be at home cleaning ceiling fans. I think it’s more likely that Steve will be fine with her getting married, it may even be a relief that she now will have someone to look out for her.

I also think it’s unlikely there will be a wedding post. It’s been nearly a year with no new post. They didn’t even post after Roe v. Wade was overturned and they loved to post about abortion. My guess is Sarah wouldn’t even want  a post about her wedding. She never seemed to enjoy the spotlight. I am also a hard no on gifts. I am happy for her but I wouldn’t waste my money on her. I don’t know her and it’s not like she would ever waste a dime on a heathen like me. 

[petrushka]

Never would I ever have predicted all the changes in Maxhell over the past several years.  I would say to Steve and Teri that life has a way of kicking all our asses eventually, so much for trying to control every last aspect of it in hopes of producing perfect little Christians.  

Have to admit the "girls" seem to have all blossomed this year.  I really expected their upbringing to have really stunted them emotionally, so good for them.  Congratulations to Sarah, and I hope her sisters find continued happiness too.

[MamaJunebug]

11 hours ago, SassyPants said:

Moved out to married in 12 month’s time- That’s a lot of change in 1 year-

I imagine - or at least I want to believe - that she is UP FOR IT!! 

[Howl]

The SAHD movement required that the daughter stay under the father's protection (and roof) until the actual wedding where that supervision was transferred to the new husband.  

I so hope the Maxwell cautionary tale will help at least some other daughters to get the hell out of the house and learn to be at least relatively independent entities.  

Go, Sarah! 

So, what's up with the fiance? How old is he? Has he been previously married?  What's he do for a living? 

[Bethy]

5 minutes ago, Howl said:

So, what's up with the fiance? How old is he? Has he been previously married?  What's he do for a living? 

Go back a few pages in this thread. I think things started rolling on page 3. He's 43, works in agriculture, is from a large family where all their names start with K, and was ordained as a deacon in his (Southern Baptist) church last month. Works with youth/kids at church. No evidence of a previous marriage - I'd be surprised if he had been, given his church leadership, but some opinions vary on that possibility. There's a link to the proposal as it's part of the church's camp report video. (Wow, the FJ sleuths are FAST!)

And to think, two weeks ago we were all abuzz trying to figure out if that was Anna in a pic wearing shorts and jewelry with highlighted hair, like that was going to be the most exciting Maxwell event of the summer...

[Howl]

12 minutes ago, Bethy said:

He's 43, works in agriculture,

Thanks, @Bethy, I'll head back to that page. 

May or may not be relevant, but does one Maxwell  son still have an irrigation design business?

It's an incredibly quick engagement to marriage timeline if the wedding is in August.  I really REALLY hope this guy is decent, kind, thoughtful and sweet with Sarah. 

 Big public proposal?  Uck! It creates a huge amount of pressure on the woman to say "Yes!" 

[Bethy]

1 minute ago, Howl said:

Thanks, @Bethy, I'll head back to that page. 

May or may not be relevant, but does one Maxwell  son still have an irrigation design business?

It's an incredibly quick engagement to marriage timeline if the wedding is in August.  I really REALLY hope this guy is decent, kind, thoughtful and sweet with Sarah. 

 Big public proposal?  Uck! It creates a huge amount of pressure on the woman to say "Yes!" 

We speculate that John and Chelsy may have been the connection, and I'm hoping if that's the case, that Chelsy spills the beans on her blog at some point.

Keep reading through all the pages as there's been discussion about the proposal itself. Her body language doesn't indicate shock; consensus is, this was a done deal and he was just planning a fun, memorable way to propose. I've known other couples who did that - the wedding plans were already in progress, the ring was already chosen (and in his possession) but then when the big moment came, it was a special surprise nonetheless. Their body language and chemistry is evident in the pics and video clips on that church video so my hopes are high for a loving and kind relationship - he doesn't appear to be arrogant and uptight like her father, and he has some other things in his favor (public school education, involvement in sports, college education and a real job.) Also this is not a no-touch courtship, which I'm thrilled to see. It's nothing like Christopher's awkward no-touch engagement.