Sister Wives 7: One Down and Three to Go

[Queen Of Hearts]

14 hours ago, noseybutt said:

//Off topic// but the “fixed it for you” responses are a really crappy way to communicate.

Posters say what they say.

There are a million ways to disagree without passive aggressively altering their words.

Imagination, people. It’s a beautiful thing.

 

"Fixed that for you" is a joke. Nothing passive aggressive about it.  You see it used in a joking way all over the internet. Geesh.

[Coconut Flan]

Quote

FTFY - Urban Dictionary

https://www.urbandictionary.com › define › term=FTFY

Acronym for "fixed that for you." Often used sarcastically - not to fix an honest mistake, but to sarcastically disagree with someone. Person A: "One Direction ...

Not exactly a joke.  I usually find it somewhat offensive.  If you disagree or want to say you view something differently, then I always prefer that people say it that way and not what does appear to many to be a jab of some kind or passive aggressive.  Mileage obviously varies.   I will never use it.  

[noseybutt]

44 minutes ago, Queen Of Hearts said:

"Fixed that for you" is a joke. Nothing passive aggressive about it.  You see it used in a joking way all over the internet. Geesh.

I am aware. First time I encountered it was 10+ years ago on message boards.

Not all jokes are funny. Not all jokes age well.

You are free to use it.

I am also free to say it’s crappy communication, especially on a board of people who have first hand experience with cults and abusive parenting/relationship practices where “you didn’t mean to say that” is a common control tactic.

Edited November 29, 2022 by noseybutt

[Cults-r-us]

On 11/28/2022 at 4:00 AM, Jrodseyeliner said:

Yep me 🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️ I am 2 years into a separation/divorce and am really relating to Christine’s journey and growth. And I am seeing the same with Janelle the last few episodes. 

Yep me, too!  Not that a miserable job is on par with the pain of divorce, I previously described my unfortunate work environment where I learned first hand the cost of narcissistic injury and the misery of enduring a woman who acts like Kody Brown, complete with bullying, gaslighting, blaming and abusive language. 

I have also enjoyed seeing Christine spread her wings, but listening to Kody's gross, mean mouth and watching his attempts to bully, gaslight, demean and guilt her have been shocking and painful to watch. Watching Kody's lather, rinse, repeat abusive behavior as he turns around and immediately starts verbally lashing out and using his same, tired tactics on Janell is almost too much to stand. I am getting abuse fatigu

[waltraute]

23 hours ago, Coconut Flan said:

Not exactly a joke.  I usually find it somewhat offensive.  If you disagree or want to say you view something differently, then I always prefer that people say it that way and not what does appear to many to be a jab of some kind or passive aggressive.  Mileage obviously varies.   I will never use it.  

Interesting. This has given me something to think about.

I don't think I've ever used 'fixed it for you', mainly because it would involve bolding or strikethrough and I'm lazy, but I've always read it as shared joke, or intended as a shared joke, as in - the 2nd, imposed meaning, would strike a funny chord or be a sentiment assumed to be almost universally shared with the readers and at any rate could co-exist with the original statement without erasing the original meaning.

More specifically, I've always looked at 'fixed it for you' as a sotto voce aside, something that might be said aloud in the voice of Groucho Marx. It never occurred to me that it might be ill-intentioned or taken as passive-aggressive.

And, of course, now that I'm typing this out, I can see how problematic that assumption is.

I have a pet peeve that pops up here and there on these boards, but mostly in the Rod threads; how quickly someone's size can be used as a dig, or a point of shame. I mean, I get it, there is a real juxtaposition between David Rodrigues and his children and there is a whole conversation there about food quality and availability, but I sometimes find the dialogue about his physical appearance and especially his size to be unnecessary and mean-spirited. And now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure I've seen more than one 'fixed that for you' that changed a word or two to make a jab at David's looks. Now, I assume it is intended as a joke, and quite possibly the original poster also finds it funny - I mean, we are a snark site after all, right? But I wouldn't care to have my words manipulated in such a way especially with a topic to which I am already sensitive. 

I've had to put this into a context that has specific meaning to me, and for me it shows that 'fixed it for you' can be problematic even without a passive-aggressive component that might be inherent in other circumstances.

Until today, I've always seen it as a joke, or intended as a joke or an aside, and I am sure there are others like me on these boards. I'm happy to rethink this though, and course correct as need be. 

 

[noseybutt]

1 hour ago, waltraute said:

Interesting. This has given me something to think about.

I don't think I've ever used 'fixed it for you', mainly because it would involve bolding or strikethrough and I'm lazy, but I've always read it as shared joke, or intended as a shared joke, as in - the 2nd, imposed meaning, would strike a funny chord or be a sentiment assumed to be almost universally shared with the readers and at any rate could co-exist with the original statement without erasing the original meaning.

More specifically, I've always looked at 'fixed it for you' as a sotto voce aside, something that might be said aloud in the voice of Groucho Marx. It never occurred to me that it might be ill-intentioned or taken as passive-aggressive.

And, of course, now that I'm typing this out, I can see how problematic that assumption is.

I have a pet peeve that pops up here and there on these boards, but mostly in the Rod threads; how quickly someone's size can be used as a dig, or a point of shame. I mean, I get it, there is a real juxtaposition between David Rodrigues and his children and there is a whole conversation there about food quality and availability, but I sometimes find the dialogue about his physical appearance and especially his size to be unnecessary and mean-spirited. And now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure I've seen more than one 'fixed that for you' that changed a word or two to make a jab at David's looks. Now, I assume it is intended as a joke, and quite possibly the original poster also finds it funny - I mean, we are a snark site after all, right? But I wouldn't care to have my words manipulated in such a way especially with a topic to which I am already sensitive. 

I've had to put this into a context that has specific meaning to me, and for me it shows that 'fixed it for you' can be problematic even without a passive-aggressive component that might be inherent in other circumstances.

Until today, I've always seen it as a joke, or intended as a joke or an aside, and I am sure there are others like me on these boards. I'm happy to rethink this though, and course correct as need be. 

 

I have said some pretty mean things here and it can be humbling to get called out or even simply to re-read old posts.

The comments on physical appearance and body size make me uncomfortable too but I generally pass over them and avoid engaging. There is a component of body shaming, for sure. But there is also a component of hypocrisy—fundie culture is all about preaching self-denial yet it’s pretty clear that many of the loud fundie voices deny themselves very little. The thing is, there is not a direct line between self control and body size—there is so much more involved including, as you say, food quality and availability.

It’s interesting to think about when snark goes too far. Or, rather, what our snark says about our own biases and assumptions.

[waltraute]

2 hours ago, noseybutt said:

I have said some pretty mean things here and it can be humbling to get called out or even simply to re-read old posts.

The comments on physical appearance and body size make me uncomfortable too but I generally pass over them and avoid engaging. There is a component of body shaming, for sure. But there is also a component of hypocrisy—fundie culture is all about preaching self-denial yet it’s pretty clear that many of the loud fundie voices deny themselves very little. The thing is, there is not a direct line between self control and body size—there is so much more involved including, as you say, food quality and availability.

It’s interesting to think about when snark goes too far. Or, rather, what our snark says about our own biases and assumptions.

Oh man, me too! And the snark that is problematic for me, that makes me uncomfortable, has more than once also made me snort-laugh because some of our FJers are so damn funny, so there's that weirdness I have to unpack for myself. And I get how fundie sanctimony can provoke an almost primal impulse to hit that hypocrisy ball hard and low right back to the spot from whence it came, because I too have quickly typed a response that I wish I could take back in retrospect. 

To be perfectly honest, I mostly don't think about these things because I'm not reading the threads all that carefully. Damn it though, sometimes you guys make me stop and have thoughts. 🤣

Edited December 1, 2022 by waltraute

[JermajestyDuggar]

10 hours ago, Cults-r-us said:

Yep me, too!  Not that a miserable job is on par with the pain of divorce, I previously described my unfortunate work environment where I learned first hand the cost of narcissistic injury and the misery of enduring a woman who acts like Kody Brown, complete with bullying, gaslighting, blaming and abusive language. 

I have also enjoyed seeing Christine spread her wings, but listening to Kody's gross, mean mouth and watching his attempts to bully, gaslight, demean and guilt her have been shocking and painful to watch. Watching Kody's lather, rinse, repeat abusive behavior as he turns around and immediately starts verbally lashing out and using his same, tired tactics on Janell is almost too much to stand. I am getting abuse fatigu

Watching Kody abuse just makes me angry. So I can’t watch all the parts. Some important clips here and there I can take. 

[Queen Of Hearts]

5 hours ago, waltraute said:

Interesting. This has given me something to think about.

I don't think I've ever used 'fixed it for you', mainly because it would involve bolding or strikethrough and I'm lazy, but I've always read it as shared joke, or intended as a shared joke, as in - the 2nd, imposed meaning, would strike a funny chord or be a sentiment assumed to be almost universally shared with the readers and at any rate could co-exist with the original statement without erasing the original meaning.

More specifically, I've always looked at 'fixed it for you' as a sotto voce aside, something that might be said aloud in the voice of Groucho Marx. It never occurred to me that it might be ill-intentioned or taken as passive-aggressive.

And, of course, now that I'm typing this out, I can see how problematic that assumption is.

I have a pet peeve that pops up here and there on these boards, but mostly in the Rod threads; how quickly someone's size can be used as a dig, or a point of shame. I mean, I get it, there is a real juxtaposition between David Rodrigues and his children and there is a whole conversation there about food quality and availability, but I sometimes find the dialogue about his physical appearance and especially his size to be unnecessary and mean-spirited. And now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure I've seen more than one 'fixed that for you' that changed a word or two to make a jab at David's looks. Now, I assume it is intended as a joke, and quite possibly the original poster also finds it funny - I mean, we are a snark site after all, right? But I wouldn't care to have my words manipulated in such a way especially with a topic to which I am already sensitive. 

I've had to put this into a context that has specific meaning to me, and for me it shows that 'fixed it for you' can be problematic even without a passive-aggressive component that might be inherent in other circumstances.

Until today, I've always seen it as a joke, or intended as a joke or an aside, and I am sure there are others like me on these boards. I'm happy to rethink this though, and course correct as need be. 

 

You frequently see the FIFY phrase used across Free Jinger without issue.  It is somewhat common in the Arndt threads (often substituting "penguin" for something else).  I have never seen someone use it for any other reason than humor. I can assure you I didn't and I am sorry if anyone took it that way.

But if someone has had a history not being taken seriously or treated like their words don't matter (or lots of other reasons too numerous to mention) I can understand where they may take offense to the phrase.  That is where it is important for us to step back and try to understand the writer's intention.  Written communication can be problematic, without other clue's such as facial expressions or vocal variations to better understand the author's intent.  Add into the fact that we are all strangers and do not know each other's life histories and past experiences and it gets even harder to understand each other.  It is a miracle we are not all always at war here!

Sometimes we all need to step back and breath and remember that this is a snark site. As such, I think most mean well in our comments and enjoy joking around and don't intend to cause grief to someone else.  

Also, I will continue replacing words with "penguins" in relevant Arndt discussions, so if you are offended you are clearly anti-penguin.

[noseybutt]

8 minutes ago, Queen Of Hearts said:

You frequently see the FIFY phrase used across Free Jinger without issue.  It is somewhat common in the Arndt threads (often substituting "penguin" for something else).  I have never seen someone use it for any other reason than humor. I can assure you I didn't and I am sorry if anyone took it that way.

But if someone has had a history not being taken seriously or treated like their words don't matter (or lots of other reasons too numerous to mention) I can understand where they may take offense to the phrase.  That is where it is important for us to step back and try to understand the writer's intention.  Written communication can be problematic, without other clue's such as facial expressions or vocal variations to better understand the author's intent.  Add into the fact that we are all strangers and do not know each other's life histories and past experiences and it gets even harder to understand each other.  It is a miracle we are not all always at war here!

Sometimes we all need to step back and breath and remember that this is a snark site. As such, I think most mean well in our comments and enjoy joking around and don't intend to cause grief to someone else.  

Also, I will continue replacing words with "penguins" in relevant Arndt discussions, so if you are offended you are clearly anti-penguin.

And this I agree with too. Intent matters and was not considered in my original post.

[Coconut Flan]

https://www.etonline.com/sister-wives-robyn-and-kody-fear-shes-going-to-die-amid-covid-hospitalization-exclusive-195194

Years of following protocols:  outdated and ineffective in many cases protocols and this was in 2021 so one year.

They really like to ramp up the drama talking about her dying and getting the kids all petrified.  Kody thinking he can get himself admitted just to be with Robyn.  Selfish as ever.

[Alice in Fundieland]

Gwendlyn is engaged, per her Insta post and story from earlier tonight. She said, “you can see the proposal and the rings side by side on my patreon.” 

Spoiler

 

Spoiler

 

[LacyMay]

35 minutes ago, Coconut Flan said:

They really like to ramp up the drama talking about her dying and getting the kids all petrified.  Kody thinking he can get himself admitted just to be with Robyn.  Selfish as ever.

Kody saying he should get himself admitted was just the most ridiculous thing ever. 

Like that he would be so selfish as to think that he should get himself into the hospital (knowing he has COVID) just so he can stand vigil at Robyn's bedside (when she seems pretty ok) is just so incredibly beyond selfish. 

And getting the kids all ramped up with "people go to the hospital to die" a bigger attention seeker one will not find. 

[Pecansforeveryone]

Does anyone know how long Gwendolyn and her girlfriend have been dating? Reditt users were saying 6 months or so. If that's true,  I am with them on being rather nervous qbout the engagement.  

Edited December 1, 2022 by Pecansforeveryone
Add a thought

[Coconut Flan]

I've read numbers from six to nine months.  Its definitely less than a year.  I get a rushed feeling from them.

[viii]

Pretty ring, at any rate. 

[Alice in Fundieland]

On June 14, Gwendlyn posted about a trip they took to Disneyland and mentioned in the caption that they were “barely 2 months into dating,” so they’ve been together a little over 7 months.
 

She’s only 21, hopefully they’ll have a long engagement.

This People magazine article says they celebrated their 6 month anniversary in September. 
 

https://people.com/tv/sister-wives-gwendlyn-brown-engaged-to-beatriz-queiroz/

[JermajestyDuggar]

The girls in that family seem to want to get engaged young. I guess it’s the Mormon way…

[Cults-r-us]

On 11/27/2022 at 3:12 PM, Cheetah said:

I've been glued to this show all season and I'm watching it as soon as I can on Sunday mornings now (on some Facebook tv site since I don't have Discovery Plus) rather than waiting until it's out on Hulu.  Anyone else?  

OMG. Something is wrong with me because I watch all the recaps and commentary all week long. I need a deprogrammer!

Krysten Decker, Christine's aunt who left polygamy, as did Christine's mother, says, according to WACB, (again, forgive me) that Kody's behavior toward Christine and Janell is consistent with how the AUB treats members who step out of line. Well, guess what? His behavior is consistent with that of all our asshole ex-husbands. So if you pop this pustule, you will find at its core a narcissist. Whether the narcissist is a cult leader or some random asshole, he/she acts the same.

[Cults-r-us]

On 11/30/2022 at 9:15 PM, Coconut Flan said:

https://www.etonline.com/sister-wives-robyn-and-kody-fear-shes-going-to-die-amid-covid-hospitalization-exclusive-195194

Years of following protocols:  outdated and ineffective in many cases protocols and this was in 2021 so one year.

They really like to ramp up the drama talking about her dying and getting the kids all petrified.  Kody thinking he can get himself admitted just to be with Robyn.  Selfish as ever.

I hope this is not the way these people really behave. I score their coping at a minus 30. Lacking self awareness, Kody can't comprehend how loco he sounds talking about "admitting myself" to the hospital. I think he was looking for ways to still feel like he had control.

Regarding his grotesque conversation with Janelle where he informs her if she vivisects her personality, grovels for mercy from Queen Robyn, as well as make her sons apologize, then maybe, a big fat maybe, he will consider working on their relationship.  Wouldn't it have been great if Janell said to Kody, "Look, cut your damned hair, grow the fuck up, do something about your fragile ego so you can have normal conversations with people without getting butt-hurt, make Robyn apologize to all of us for manipulating you and hogging family assets, and then maybe I'll reconsider having a relationship with your man-baby self"?

[Coconut Flan]

According to Gwendlyn, Kody was worse off camera than on.  If that's accurate, he had zero coping skills and was dragging anyone who paid attention to him down with him.  

[apandaaries]

For all of Janelle’s numerous qualities, she is starting to look like the warning tale of polygamy. 
No one can dispute that she’s a hard worker who supports the family. As the second wife, she’s been a rock. (I believe their book recalls a time when Kody and Meri quit their jobs to go away for a weekend; I’ve not read their book and got this info off reddit, hence the parenthesis.)

Janelle shows us what happens when a plural wife truly believes in her husband and the principle (not capitalized, since I consider it bullshit). She sparred with Meri and Christine in the shared house, as is to be expected given their family dynamics. With Robyn, obviously, there are many issues, as Janelle quickly glossed over last episode.

Let’s recall a few major ways Janelle has supported the family: she cashed out her retirement to help pay Robyn’s considerable debt; she shared her profits from Vegas to help fund Robyn’s large home; she accepted a (very much) less romantic relationship with Kody; she supported My Sister Wives’ Closet (a huge, expensive fail, which had been a dream of...oh yeah. Robyn’s dream); and she’s always, always, always taken the smallest possible portion from the family pot.

What does Janelle have to show for her years of sacrifice and hard work? No assets in her name alone, and a diminished retirement fund. No home, but a slowly depreciating RV. Shared ownership in undeveloped property, but neither family money nor will to develop it.

Janelle has carried the weight of Meri, Robyn, and Kody’s irresponsible spending and impractical dreams. Meri and Robyn both have issues with huge houses and other expenditures. Kody seems to think he can only drive a small, fancy convertible or his late brother’s truck (since it’s not for soccer moms, you know).  Janelle’s response to this has been to take less, each and every time.

Again, this practical, hard working woman has little to nothing to show for her lifetime of labor. No sole assets, no loving husband, no merry band of sister wives helping shoulder the load.  Her children do seem (rightfully) devoted to her, but with how much she’s given financially, emotionally, and physically to this plural marriage, I think she deserves more. Kody has also demonstrated how he treats a wife who leaves: he attempts to destroy her emotionally, and take as many assets as possible, while whining and yelling about being mistreated and disrespected. Seeing that in action (compared to his earlier statements that if a wife wanted to leave, her house would be her asset) must make Janelle realize the difficulties that would lie ahead if she chose to leave at this point. 

I suspect Janelle doesn’t necessarily feel she deserves as much as others know she does. I suspect some shame in her body type (and Kody seems loud and rude about his personal preferences) fuels other negative thoughts. I know their religion tells her that this suffering is purifying and useful for her afterlife. I know she loves the idea of a huge, happy family. 

We’ve watched as Janelle and Christine willingly took less, and Meri and Robyn demanded (Meri in a forthright fashion, and Robyn passive-aggressively) more. Kody should really examine the sacrifices Janelle and Christine have made (and continue to make) to love him and keep him involved in the family. 
 

Wasn’t Kody’s whole goal of the show to display modern polygamy and tout its benefits? Didn’t he want to demonstrate how plural families work in today’s era?

If so, I think congratulations are in order.  Despite earlier, proud proclamations about the independence of his wives, Kody now demands a patriarchy. AND they all have to show him all the respect, all the time, or he won’t help. Ever. So there. [Please picture Kody with his arms cross, tongue out, then saying “neener-neener,” in the style of a petulant yet furious three-year-old.]

Despite this love of patriarchy and position of top man, he doesn’t seem to help Janelle much in her living situation. That seems like a husband failing to provide for his wife, right? Robyn’s house is in close proximity to their property. He could help a lot more. So even though he’s pretty useless, he still must be respected. Honestly though, how much less could he possibly do for her?

Kody has also shown us how the women can easily be left impoverished, should they choose to leave the marriage. Not only that, but Kody happily targeted the minor child (Truely) in the informal divorce proceedings. He blatantly lied to Christine about Truely’s prospective legal status, hoping to intimidate and control Christine. He also barely spent time with Truely before or after the divorce. He appears to have issues with the children of the disfavored wives. Nothing is off limits for him. He’s a brute. Imagine how much worse he’d be off-camera, out of the public eye. Imagine how other polygamist men would behave, if he’s presenting himself as a “good” one. 
So here’s what I’ve learned about modern polygamy: it’s inherently unfair and ripe for abuse. Wives aren’t given equal resources (time, attention, MONEY) for themselves and their children. This is in contrast to the one husband, who is often celebrated on his visits and remains king in each household (luckily, Christine has shown us that any king can be usurped).
 

Some wives will be given everything: first Meri, then Robyn. Other wives will be given scraps: Christine and Janelle, and now Meri. Gaslighting will ensue should they opt to speak up. Kody obviously emotionally punishes wives he deems “disobedient.”
 

Wives can be financially exploited — perhaps they should even expect it, given the number of bankruptcies filed by the family. Children will be treated according to their mother’s rank: Ysabel’s surgery was perceived as optional, or something she could pursue alone; Robyn’s children couldn’t have a tiny bit of potential exposure to Covid (except for that whole nanny thing, and having an outsider in their house almost daily). 

Wives will be targeted for financial and emotional abuse should they choose to leave. Their children will also be dragged into the crossfire, by Kody and despite their best efforts to keep the kids out of it. 
Also, wives don’t even need to choose to leave to be treated abhorrently! Janelle has been nothing but loyal, and now Kody is targeting her. Why is he compelled to treat her so terribly? Who knows, but he’ll do it anyway! 
For awhile, polygamy benefited Kody and Meri; now it benefits Kody and Robyn. Christine and Janelle settled for less the whole time. So did their children. 
Since most of these marriages are “spiritual,” there is little to no legal recourse for the wives. Child support seems the clearest option (praying Christine has this mandated by a court. Kody owes that to Truely; it has nothing to do with Christine and whether or not she can support T independently. Kody has an actual financial responsibility to his child). Janelle’s kids are just about entirely grown, though. How old is Savanna? What could Janelle do to recoup any financial losses at this point? 
 

Polygamy is just as exploitative, patriarchal, and cruel today as it was in the past. Maybe some legal recognition would allow wives some legal power when leaving, though I doubt the irs would ever go for such a filing. The men involved in polygamy are incredibly self-involved and selfish, to the point of being dangerous to their dependents. 
 

One quick final note: I’d love to know how much Kody spent on his black convertible and his late brother’s truck, along with how much his and Robyn’s watches cost. I have a feeling Janelle knows how much Kody’s been spending.

Edited December 4, 2022 by apandaaries

[Cheetah]

Great take, @apandaaries.  Savannah either just turned 18 or is just about to - I saw a post on reddit about Logan and Michelle throwing an 18th birthday party for her (I think it was from Michelle's Instagram, which I think is private, so maybe I shouldn't even repeat this here, not sure how that works if someone on reddit already reposted it). 

[St.Clara]

On 12/1/2022 at 2:59 AM, noseybutt said:

And this I agree with too. Intent matters and was not considered in my original post.

As a non-native speaker in English (and accordingly having somewhat of an outsider „don´t know but I assume“ perspective) I have always thought this „fixed this for you“-phrase to be a consent-dependent thing. Meaning: you wouldn´t use it if you thought that the original poster would find it offensive or annoying but only if you thought they would find it funny, too. It seems to me that I have often seen it work that way, in this forum and elsewhere. And while there are certainly situations where you absolutely should explicitly confirm that there is consent before you do or say something, in everyday life we usually assume consent in all sorts of things and sometimes learn only afterwards that we were wrong. In my view, this is inevitable to happen now and then and isn´t necessarily a big deal. But when it does happen the right thing to do is to apologize, Besides, it can be uncomfortable to express non-consent in a situation where consent is assumed and not everybody will be willing or able to do that. So I would feel grateful for being made aware of the dissent because it gives me a chance to learn and widen my perspective.

All this, as I said, from a non-native speaker perspective of „I don´t know for sure but that is my impression.“

[FiveAcres]

3 hours ago, St.Clara said:

As a non-native speaker in English (and accordingly having somewhat of an outsider „don´t know but I assume“ perspective) I have always thought this „fixed this for you“-phrase to be a consent-dependent thing. Meaning: you wouldn´t use it if you thought that the original poster would find it offensive or annoying but only if you thought they would find it funny, too. It seems to me that I have often seen it work that way, in this forum and elsewhere. And while there are certainly situations where you absolutely should explicitly confirm that there is consent before you do or say something, in everyday life we usually assume consent in all sorts of things and sometimes learn only afterwards that we were wrong. In my view, this is inevitable to happen now and then and isn´t necessarily a big deal. But when it does happen the right thing to do is to apologize, Besides, it can be uncomfortable to express non-consent in a situation where consent is assumed and not everybody will be willing or able to do that. So I would feel grateful for being made aware of the dissent because it gives me a chance to learn and widen my perspective.

All this, as I said, from a non-native speaker perspective of „I don´t know for sure but that is my impression.“

I like the way you put it as a consent based construct. This is the way I have always used it (or, at least, tried to use it) but I am now reflecting that perhaps it is a type of verbal shorthand that can be replaced by something along the lines of "good point, and I would add ...." I had not previously reflected that it could be a form of gas-lighting.