Alyssa and John 8: Four Daughters, a New House, and a Pool

[JermajestyDuggar]

9 minutes ago, llucie said:

Alyssa also mentioned that currently she is closest with Katie, Carlin, Ellie and Addie of her sisters, and that it has changed with the years.

I can tell you why these 4 are her current favorites. Because they can help her. Those are the 4 that visited when they were moving. The other sisters are too busy with their own children and lives to go help Alyssa in Florida. 

[MaryOrMartha]

8 hours ago, justmy2cents said:

At this point I’m guessing that only Erin, Michaela, and possibly Tori saved their first kiss for the alter. And of course Katie had to since they’re not even holding hands yet. I’m guessing none of the Duggars have broken that rule yet.

I think Carlin said they saved their first kiss but I have my doubts about that too.

What was said around the weddings of those who didn't wait? Silence?

[Jackie3]

9 hours ago, justmy2cents said:

At this point I’m guessing that only Erin, Michaela, and possibly Tori saved their first kiss for the alter. And of course Katie had to since they’re not even holding hands yet. I’m guessing none of the Duggars have broken that rule yet.

They aren't holding hands IN PUBLIC. Who knows what they do in private?

[freethemall]

4 hours ago, llucie said:

In the Q&A she also talked about the girls room situation, and admited the reason for having Allie with the baby is just because she is older and more responsible and can help out. She does plan to put her with Lexi in the future. They also talked a bit about sleep training. John mentioned it was a controversial topic "because some people think its abuse", but that they just used some parts of the baby wise method that worked for them, and that he knew how to diferenciate when the babies cried because they needed him and when they were just being spoiled.

See there's that word again,  spoiled.  I know Alyssa used "spoiled rotten" in a "cute " way but I just have so many issues with anyone thinking babies under younger than a year can in any way be considered "spoiled". Comfort is just as much of a physiological need as food, and that attitude that it's something extra is so problematic. 

[WiseGirl]

11 hours ago, llucie said:

the babies cried because they needed him and when they were just being spoiled.

This thinking drives me nuts. How the hell is a baby spoiled? They need you/comfort from you, you twit (John) ffs these people drive me nuts.

A six year old helping with a newborn? No thank you. Has anyone asked why the kids have to spend so much time nappping? Does she ever interact with them?

How to get away with kissing whike "chaperoning". Hey (young) chaperone XYZ can you go get us some ice cream/ treat from that truck/store? 

Hmm I seem to be very irritated by Batesessess this morning...and I'm okay with that.

[GuineaPigCourtship]

I am for sure not defending the Bates in this one, but we did have a fair amount of crying when we bassinet trained our daughter. We were having issues with getting her asleep in the evening and making sure she had enough restorative sleep overnight. We did the sleep wave method of check in every few minutes while she cried and stopped when she dozed off. She was crying because she wanted me to pick her up, but not at all because she was spoiled. Babies just want comfort and closeness! The problem was that she was no longer sleeping soundly in my arms when there were other things to see and do. She's going to change and have regressions and sick days and vaccines and whatnot which means we'll have to revise our plan sometimes, and that doesn't make her spoiled either. I am finding that for me parenthood is both an exercise in being flexible and also following routines as much as possible (not normally my style).

[IsmeWeatherwax]

Ive got 4 children They are 13, 15, 22, 24. Some slept well, some did not. At times is was so difficult to deal with crying baby and lack of sleep. If I can offer any advice to the mums with babies, - it wont last forever! I got to bed when I want, and I wake up when I want and they all sort themselves out now. I did think at times that I would forever have a child sleeping in bed with me lol I'd give an arm to my babies back and them all snuggling in bed with me ❤️

[SassyPants]

My confession... I can’t dislike John. And I loved that he said something to the effect of not many people can have 20 kids. Good for him. He might be goofy but at least that statement shows he does have some common sense. Didn’t they also say something about doing something “permanent “?

OTOH, Alyssa becomes less endearing on the daily.

[llucie]

49 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

My confession... I can’t dislike John. And I loved that he said something to the effect of not many people can have 20 kids. Good for him. He might be goofy but at least that statement shows he does have some common sense. Didn’t they also say something about doing something “permanent “?

OTOH, Alyssa becomes less endearing on the daily.

I think John is just as responsible as Alyssa on all the kids decisions we snark on here about. Its not really fair to blame just the mother when its decision they both make. He seems hardworking, but thats about it in positive things i can say about him. He definetely is not a good father if he does not think its his responsability to wake up at night when the baby cries or that babies that cry because they want to be held up and not because they are in pain are being spoiled. And the daddy-daughter dates he does with his daughters are beyond creepy to me.

Alyssa did say they would wait 2 years at least before making any permanent decisions on having more kids or not.

 

[SassyPants]

2 hours ago, llucie said:

I think John is just as responsible as Alyssa on all the kids decisions we snark on here about. Its not really fair to blame just the mother when its decision they both make. He seems hardworking, but thats about it in positive things i can say about him. He definetely is not a good father if he does not think its his responsability to wake up at night when the baby cries or that babies that cry because they want to be held up and not because they are in pain are being spoiled. And the daddy-daughter dates he does with his daughters are beyond creepy to me.

Alyssa did say they would wait 2 years at least before making any permanent decisions on having more kids or not.

 

I’ll get flak for this one, but I agree with Alyssa on her reasoning for who gets up at night. She is correct in that a SAHP does have more flexibility in resting when they are tired during the day. Will fewer tasks get done? Yes, but those are the breaks. A person who is on the clock does not have that same level of flexibility in their work day. Plus, Alyssa did say that John would get up at night to help in the immediate PP period. 

As dual working folks, we took turns getting up at night to tend to kids. Luckily, by the time I was back at work post ML, both our babies reliably slept through the night. Once BF was established I also gave by babies a bottle of either EBM or formula before bed. I think that helped them sleep through earlier. I also stopped BF altogether once I went back to work at 6 months of age. This was over 30 years ago. You have to do what works for your lifestyle.

[AussieKrissy]

Omfg now that tiki is her BFF and buying her pool furniture. Has she even met the women???!!!! 

[Jackie3]

John seems inoffensive and nice, but I personally can't stand him. He has been handed everything in life, yet still holds intolerant views about gay rights, the less fortunate, abortion and a host of other topics.

Look at all his god has given him:

a guaranteed job with his dad's business

a prominent father (that must come with some perks)

He is tall and nice looking. He belongs to the majority race (white). He is heterosexual. These things must make his life easier.

an attractive wife who seems to suit him well

four healthy children, born without any complications

supportive inlaws on both sides (!)

good health (why is this so low on the list?)

Despite having all this, he belongs to a church that seems to lack compassion for marginalized groups. I can only take that to mean that HE lacks compassion for those groups. I'm not saying he should be a raging liberal or a socialist, but he belongs to a church that is really right wing, and he goes to that church every Sunday and teaches his children those values.

When faced with ONE problem--Alyssa's heart condition--he spoke about how he "lost faith in God" temporarily. One problem! And a problem that was ultimately remedied. Talk about a weak faith.

Of course John is good natured. He has had everything in life. He has no reason to be mad at anyone. It seems likely he has never experienced discrimination, poverty, unemployment, prejudice or abuse. He does not wish to help those who have.

[SassyPants]

55 minutes ago, Jackie3 said:

John seems inoffensive and nice, but I personally can't stand him. He has been handed everything in life, yet still holds intolerant views about gay rights, the less fortunate, abortion and a host of other topics.

Look at all his god has given him:

a guaranteed job with his dad's business

a prominent father (that must come with some perks)

He is tall and nice looking. He belongs to the majority race (white). He is heterosexual. These things must make his life easier.

an attractive wife who seems to suit him well

four healthy children, born without any complications

supportive inlaws on both sides (!)

good health (why is this so low on the list?)

Despite having all this, he belongs to a church that seems to lack compassion for marginalized groups. I can only take that to mean that HE lacks compassion for those groups. I'm not saying he should be a raging liberal or a socialist, but he belongs to a church that is really right wing, and he goes to that church every Sunday and teaches his children those values.

When faced with ONE problem--Alyssa's heart condition--he spoke about how he "lost faith in God" temporarily. One problem! And a problem that was ultimately remedied. Talk about a weak faith.

Of course John is good natured. He has had everything in life. He has no reason to be mad at anyone. It seems likely he has never experienced discrimination, poverty, unemployment, prejudice or abuse. He does not wish to help those who have.

While I agree with many of your assertions, I wonder what evidence you have of the highlighted?

In addition, I always try to remember that as much as I might disagree with their religious beliefs and approach, they also disagree with mine. So if I want to have my beliefs tolerated or even accepted, I must do the same for their’s.

and vote, vote, vote-

[Satan'sFortress]

7 hours ago, IsmeWeatherwax said:

At times is was so difficult to deal with crying baby and lack of sleep. If I can offer any advice to the mums with babies, - it wont last forever! 

I've been thinking the same thing while reading about the mamas here with little ones with sleep problems.  Sleep deprivation felt like torture. I had one good sleeper and one really tough one. It felt like 10 or 15 years before I got a good night's sleep! But, as they say, the days are long and the years are short.  You mamas have my sincere sympathy; I remember how difficult it can be. It does get better! It really does!

[rebeccawriter01]

7 hours ago, SassyPants said:

My confession... I can’t dislike John. And I loved that he said something to the effect of not many people can have 20 kids. Good for him. He might be goofy but at least that statement shows he does have some common sense. Didn’t they also say something about doing something “permanent “?

OTOH, Alyssa becomes less endearing on the daily.

John lost some points with me when he started saying how much he adores and admires Taliban Dan in the Q&A video. 

[Jackie3]

1 hour ago, SassyPants said:

So if I want to have my beliefs tolerated or even accepted, I must do the same for their’s.

This is very true! Did you feel I was being intolerant of their beliefs, somehow? Is disagreeing with someone the same as being intolerant of them?

I don't believe I was trying to silence John in any way, and the guy's free to think what he likes. I just don't agree with his church's beliefs. I'm assuming he shares those beliefs, since Florida has a million other churches he could belong to.

I guess I'm missing your point, here.  Is it against the rules to dislike John, and his anti-abortion, anti-lgbtq beliefs?

 

Edited April 25, 2021 by Jackie3

[CaptainFunderpants]

1 hour ago, SassyPants said:

In addition, I always try to remember that as much as I might disagree with their religious beliefs and approach, they also disagree with mine. So if I want to have my beliefs tolerated or even accepted, I must do the same for their’s.

and vote, vote, vote-

The paradox of tolerance.

He's a Dominionist. He doesn't believe you should have your beliefs tolerated. He believes you should be barefoot and pregnant, homeschooling your brood, that you're not a person -you merely exist as the property of your husband.

Mmm, no, those are not beliefs that should be tolerated in modern society.

[SassyPants]

4 minutes ago, CaptainFunderpants said:

The paradox of tolerance.

He's a Dominionist. He doesn't believe you should have your beliefs tolerated. He believes you should be barefoot and pregnant, homeschooling your brood, that you're not a person -you merely exist as the property of your husband.

Mmm, no, those are not beliefs that should be tolerated in modern society.

Sorry, but how is it wrong for them to be intolerant of certain beliefs but ok for me to be intolerant of the converse.

Gotta be the change you want to see.

The only way we can change things is to direct our money and our vote accordingly-

[justmy2cents]

On 4/23/2021 at 1:50 PM, justmy2cents said:

At this point I’m guessing that only Erin, Michaela, and possibly Tori saved their first kiss for the alter. 

Somehow my comment made it onto this tumblr, unless someone else made the exact same comment, haha. That’s a first for me.

 

[nelliebelle1197]

On 4/22/2021 at 8:13 PM, SassyPants said:

No doubt that the religious beliefs that the Websters do have are awful-

The Websters are worse than the Batessesses. It is not all about Quiverfull and skirts. 

[nelliebelle1197]

33 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

Sorry, but how is it wrong for them to be intolerant of certain beliefs but ok for me to be intolerant of the converse.

Gotta be the change you want to see.

The only way we can change things is to direct our money and our vote accordingly-

Bull. This is the type of nonsense bothsiderism that allows bigotry and racism to flourish within a society. 

John’s religion should not guide the way rights are given to others but John and Alyssa and their ilk believe their views should. What these people believe is just as abhorrent as segregationists and racists believe/d and are as appalling as apartheid.  They want to remake who gets rights and how our system runs our based on their narrow set of religious beliefs.

Some things are just wrong. Period. Dan and John Webster’s theology is bad and wrong and hurts people. I refuse to tolerate hate. 

[Jackie3]

1 hour ago, nelliebelle1197 said:

Bull. This is the type of nonsense bothsiderism that allows bigotry and racism to flourish within a society. 

John’s religion should not guide the way rights are given to others but John and Alyssa and their ilk believe their views should. What these people believe is just as abhorrent as segregationists and racists believe/d and are as appalling as apartheid.  They want to remake who gets rights and how our system runs our based on their narrow set of religious beliefs.

Some things are just wrong. Period. Dan and John Webster’s theology is bad and wrong and hurts people. I refuse to tolerate hate. 

I understand what Sassypants is saying. We should tolerate racism, homophobia, misogyny, anti-semitism, etc because we expect others to tolerate our views. 

Can't agree, Sassy. Not going to tolerate racism or homophobia or any of those other things. You can, though.

 

Edited April 25, 2021 by Jackie3

[FrumpyAtheist]

I think a definition of "tolerance" is warranted here. To me tolerance just means not willing to go to war over, willing to have a conversation with, willing to shop peacefully next to at the grocery store and generally willing to intellectually accept differences of belief. I think it's a hallmark of civilized society and, frankly, adulthood. 

Tolerance does not mean you have to agree with someone or be a moral relativist. I'm an atheist and think all religion is dead wrong and harmful. But I 100% tolerate religious people. I suspect most of us hold at least one belief others would find wrong. Tolerance is essential. I'm with Sassy on this.

[Jackie3]

1 hour ago, FrumpyAtheist said:

I think a definition of "tolerance" is warranted here. To me tolerance just means not willing to go to war over, willing to have a conversation with, willing to shop peacefully next to at the grocery store and generally willing to intellectually accept differences of belief. I think it's a hallmark of civilized society and, frankly, adulthood. 

But how does posting on a snark board = intolerance? I'm just not sure what her point was. It's "intolerant" to criticize John Webster? Why? 

Honestly, it's almost like a Webster fan came to this board and tried to silence anyone criticizing John.

I can certainly understand crying "intolerance" if I had discriminated against John, or gone to his house to try to change his mind. But criticism on a snark board is intolerance? Makes no sense.

Edited April 25, 2021 by Jackie3

[GreenBeans]

On 4/24/2021 at 1:22 AM, llucie said:

In the Q&A she also talked about the girls room situation, and admited the reason for having Allie with the baby is just because she is older and more responsible and can help out. She does plan to put her with Lexi in the future. They also talked a bit about sleep training. John mentioned it was a controversial topic "because some people think its abuse", but that they just used some parts of the baby wise method that worked for them, and that he knew how to diferenciate when the babies cried because they needed him and when they were just being spoiled..

 

The point is: babies can’t be “spoiled”. When they cry, they need you. It’s as simple as that. Babies don’t cry because they are “just being spoiled”, they’re aren’t capable of crying out of spite or with a plan behind it. “Training” them by not responding to their crying means they learn that mom and dad won’t come to help them when they need them. “Successful training” means they’ve resigned and given up even trying.

It’s so incredibly sad.