Alyssa and John 8: Four Daughters, a New House, and a Pool

[OHFL2009]

My guess is her agreement with Home Chef required her to post a story and she needed a way to segue into the meal prep conversation that made her sound relatable, so she made something up that sounded plausible. 

[AussieKrissy]

One of the bros are in town with Alyssa looks like she picked him up from the airport or bus stop. Unchaperoned warden I think. More free labour for Alyssa. Pure jealousy on my part. I would love to have handy people come help me at the drop of a hat. (That I didn’t have to pay lol) 

[SassyPants]

11 hours ago, AussieKrissy said:

One of the bros are in town with Alyssa looks like she picked him up from the airport or bus stop. Unchaperoned warden I think. More free labour for Alyssa. Pure jealousy on my part. I would love to have handy people come help me at the drop of a hat. (That I didn’t have to pay lol) 

I think with that big house, pool, FL sunshine and spare bedroom, AW is going to have lots of sibling visitors.

[marmalade]

22 hours ago, AussieKrissy said:

One of the bros are in town with Alyssa looks like she picked him up from the airport or bus stop. Unchaperoned warden I think. More free labour for Alyssa. Pure jealousy on my part. I would love to have handy people come help me at the drop of a hat. (That I didn’t have to pay lol) 

Yes, it's Warden, and he looks like a boy band reject. Douchelord in training. ?

[fluffernutter]

15 hours ago, marmalade said:

Yes, it's Warden, and he looks like a boy band reject. Douchelord in training. ?

What a fabulous description. Now I gotta go see. ?

[JMO]

In this week's episode Alyssa made a statement about how she had 4 kids and was only 26 and that they had their kids young but that means in her 40's they'll be all grown up and she'll able to enjoy her (implied kid free) time since she'll still be relatively young. 

[Jackie3]

37 minutes ago, JMO said:

In this week's episode Alyssa made a statement about how she had 4 kids and was only 26 and that they had their kids young but that means in her 40's they'll be all grown up and she'll able to enjoy her (implied kid free) time since she'll still be relatively young. 

She'll be young. John will be almost 52 when Maci is 20. Hardly ready for a nursing home, but not what I would call young.

She does seem to long for a time in her life when she doesn't have babies to care for. I don't blame her, I loved having small children but they can be very draining. When she left home, there were still little Bates around. Then she immediately had Allie. She has never lived for very long in a home without a baby.

What she really wants is the chance to be young and carefree. To be the pretty girl in a bikini who has all day to lie around on the beach, and then stay out late at a party with her friends. That won't happen to her, and she can thank her parents for that. No matter how much she insists we envy her for her pretty children and new (grey) home, I don't think many of us actually do.

Edited May 16, 2021 by Jackie3

[AliceInFundyland]

Setting aside our standard Alyssa reservations, she can be 40 something and live her best life and a hot one.

*I would qualify it with if she really makes peace with life as it is now and enjoys getting there.

[freethemall]

29 minutes ago, AliceInFundyland said:

Setting aside our standard Alyssa reservations, she can be 40 something and live her best life and a hot one.

*I would qualify it with if she really makes peace with life as it is now and enjoys getting there.

Except if the W girls stay fundie she may become a grandma in her early 40s and then that'll be her new "season of life". Sad but true, look at Kendra Duggar's mom who is having kids with her daughter and at like 40 is a grandma of 3.

[AliceInFundyland]

11 minutes ago, freethemall said:

Except if the W girls stay fundie she may become a grandma in her early 40s and then that'll be her new "season of life". Sad but true, look at Kendra Duggar's mom who is having kids with her daughter and at like 40 is a grandma of 3.

1. Kendras Mom isn't unattractive.

2. I was speaking to the idea that she will become happy with this season of life and that will lead to her being happy with later ones.

3. Even if that involves remaining fundie/lite, she could be perfectly happy with Allie having a marriage and kid at that point because that's only sad to us.

My sentiment is that she try to become happy now with what she has and not wait for later. (And 40 yr old grandparents can be perfectly smoking(

[QuiverFullofBooks]

1 hour ago, JMO said:

In this week's episode Alyssa made a statement about how she had 4 kids and was only 26 and that they had their kids young but that means in her 40's they'll be all grown up and she'll able to enjoy her (implied kid free) time since she'll still be relatively young. 

Her mother was having babies in her early 40s, so that’s only true if they’re using birth control. Alyssa has a remarkable way of assuming her current kids will be her only kids, even though she keeps having babies.

[nausicaa]

1 hour ago, QuiverFullofBooks said:

Her mother was having babies in her early 40s, so that’s only true if they’re using birth control. Alyssa has a remarkable way of assuming her current kids will be her only kids, even though she keeps having babies.

Yeah, I don't understand this argument from someone who is (ostensibly) quiverfull. Girl, you're going to be a young mom, an average aged mom, AND an older mom. 

And unlike older 40 year old parents with one or two babies (and likely quite a bit of financial security), she'll have a baby, little kids, teens, and young adult kids (who may be having kids of their own). I agree with others that Alyssa doesn't dig this life, but I also don't think she's reflected enough on her other options and the steps she needs to take to get where she wants. 

[Lgirlrocks]

They could surprise us and not have anymore kids. I don’t think she will but you never know. It’s sad that her kids don’t at least go to a co op of some kind so she can interact with other moms who home school, her kids can make friends, and she could have some child free time. I know this would allow her to actually care about her kids education and future. 

[FrumpyAtheist]

I could see some of her sisters genuinely enjoying being young grandmothers at 40, moving onto quiet hobbies and the next "season" of family life. Not Alyssa. She seems so, so ill-suited for the drudgery of decades of stay at home motherhood. I think she'll dress age inappropriately at 40 to try to feel young and grow bitter as she has more kids and chafes at her life more and more.

[Jackie3]

14 hours ago, AliceInFundyland said:

Setting aside our standard Alyssa reservations, she can be 40 something and live her best life and a hot one.

*I would qualify it with if she really makes peace with life as it is now and enjoys getting there.

Yes, I think this is what she is planning to do!

[Johannah]

12 hours ago, nausicaa said:

Yeah, I don't understand this argument from someone who is (ostensibly) quiverfull. Girl, you're going to be a young mom, an average aged mom, AND an older mom. 

And unlike older 40 year old parents with one or two babies (and likely quite a bit of financial security), she'll have a baby, little kids, teens, and young adult kids (who may be having kids of their own). I agree with others that Alyssa doesn't dig this life, but I also don't think she's reflected enough on her other options and the steps she needs to take to get where she wants. 

I had the same thought. She said, we are doing this in reverse. I’m 26 with 4 kids, but I’ll be 40 with grown kids in college and be able to just enjoy being a grandmother. None of this is consistent. 

1) It’s assuming they have no more children even though they are part of a quiverfull cult and have shown no signs of stopping

2) Her youngest will be 14 when she’s 40. Not a toddler, but that’s hardly moving into a child free zone.

3) College???????? Where did that come from?? And if she thinks she’ll be home alone, I assume she means they’ll be going away to school and staying in a dorm? After graduating from the school of the videos played on a computer?

4) She specifically said grandmother. Allie will be 20 when Alyssa is 40. So this is assuming very early marriage and likely a quiverfull lifestyle, that Alyssa is also implying she’s not continuing herself? And how is Allie going to be away at college and also a young quiverfull mother?

5) I can’t tell if Alyssa doesn’t have the reasoning skills to actually think this through and make decisions accordingly, or if she’s just so miserable with her life that she’s in complete denial and holding onto the false promise of freedom at some point later in her life to get by

 

[QuiverFullofBooks]

12 minutes ago, Johannah said:

I can’t tell if Alyssa doesn’t have the reasoning skills to actually think this through and make decisions accordingly

Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner!

[Mama Mia]

36 minutes ago, Johannah said:

I had the same thought. She said, we are doing this in reverse. I’m 26 with 4 kids, but I’ll be 40 with grown kids in college and be able to just enjoy being a grandmother. None of this is consistent. 

1) It’s assuming they have no more children even though they are part of a quiverfull cult and have shown no signs of stopping

2) Her youngest will be 14 when she’s 40. Not a toddler, but that’s hardly moving into a child free zone.

3) College???????? Where did that come from?? And if she thinks she’ll be home alone, I assume she means they’ll be going away to school and staying in a dorm? After graduating from the school of the videos played on a computer?

4) She specifically said grandmother. Allie will be 20 when Alyssa is 40. So this is assuming very early marriage and likely a quiverfull lifestyle, that Alyssa is also implying she’s not continuing herself? And how is Allie going to be away at college and also a young quiverfull mother?

5) I can’t tell if Alyssa doesn’t have the reasoning skills to actually think this through and make decisions accordingly, or if she’s just so miserable with her life that she’s in complete denial and holding onto the false promise of freedom at some point later in her life to get by

 

I don’t know, I think it’s really, really common for women who have kids in their twenties to be thinking how great it will be to have the ability to travel and hang out with friends and have more freedom in their 40’s. Just like women who wait to have children untill late 30’s-early 40’s talk about how glad they are they got to travel and go to concerts and be free when younger. And someone who has kids in that llate 20’s -early 30’s sweet spot can glory-day their 20’s wildness and look forward to being still  in their early 50’s and able to travel freely again. I don’t see her saying anything different than most mom’s her age. Saying specifically 40, she’s pushing up her real life timeline a bit - but 40 something isn’t. 

Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure Alyssa has said several times that she may not want any more children , or can only see herself having x number of kids ? She’s an adult woman with a phone, I’m sure she can figure out how to prevent pregnancy. It’s doubtful they’d use hormonal birth control, and certainly wouldn’t get an abortion if there was birth control failure — But if they are careful, they may not have more children than they want. 

[nausicaa]

33 minutes ago, Mama Mia said:

I don’t know, I think it’s really, really common for women who have kids in their twenties to be thinking how great it will be to have the ability to travel and hang out with friends and have more freedom in their 40’s. Just like women who wait to have children untill late 30’s-early 40’s talk about how glad they are they got to travel and go to concerts and be free when younger. And someone who has kids in that llate 20’s -early 30’s sweet spot can glory-day their 20’s wildness and look forward to being still  in their early 50’s and able to travel freely again. I don’t see her saying anything different than most mom’s her age. Saying specifically 40, she’s pushing up her real life timeline a bit - but 40 something isn’t. 

Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure Alyssa has said several times that she may not want any more children , or can only see herself having x number of kids ? She’s an adult woman with a phone, I’m sure she can figure out how to prevent pregnancy. It’s doubtful they’d use hormonal birth control, and certainly wouldn’t get an abortion if there was birth control failure — But if they are careful, they may not have more children than they want. 

I don't think it's weird at all for mothers in their twenties to talk about more freedom in their forties. I've heard it from plenty of young moms, but those young moms aren't super religious and quiverfull.

Alyssa and John certainly have enough autonomy to access birth control but they've always danced around actually stating they aren't having anymore. And every time we think they're done, she's pregnant again. So at this point, I'll only believe Alyssa is limiting her family size when we go three or four years with no announcements. 

I agree she doesn't seem down with having 15 kids, but she also doesn't seem down with truly breaking away from the quiverfull mindset, at least not yet. Any type of birth control is a way bigger departure from the beliefs she was raised with than wearing pants. She seems to be dancing in a strange grey area for now. 

And the college presumption is really odd considering the education she is giving her daughters. She confuses me sometimes. 

Edited May 16, 2021 by nausicaa
How the hell did I accidentally post without even touching my keyboard?

[Tangy Bee]

Well, she had kids young...because she really didn't have a choice. If she had married a Jeremy Vuelo type then he probably would have been ok with waiting a little. But she married into another crazy conservative family and well that's just life and the thought of waiting was not an option. 

[OHFL2009]

The spacing between Allie and Lexi was 21 months, and Lexi to Zoey was only 14 months. But Zoey to Maci was 34 months, and given the timing of her posts about being given the all clear from her heart doctor and the timing of Maci's birth, it seems like she got pregnant almost as soon as she was deemed healthy. To me, that seems like decent evidence that they figured out how to prevent pregnancy for those 2 years, and didn't just get lucky with not getting pregnant while she was sick. They have also been open about not being sure if they want anymore kids. Neither of these mean that they'll stop, but they have publicly discussed stopping and they do know how, so I think they are more likely to stop than, say, Tori, who seems fully committed to "leaving it up to God." 

[Melissa1977]

2 hours ago, OHFL2009 said:

The spacing between Allie and Lexi was 21 months, and Lexi to Zoey was only 14 months. But Zoey to Maci was 34 months, and given the timing of her posts about being given the all clear from her heart doctor and the timing of Maci's birth, it seems like she got pregnant almost as soon as she was deemed healthy. To me, that seems like decent evidence that they figured out how to prevent pregnancy for those 2 years, and didn't just get lucky with not getting pregnant while she was sick. They have also been open about not being sure if they want anymore kids. Neither of these mean that they'll stop, but they have publicly discussed stopping and they do know how, so I think they are more likely to stop than, say, Tori, who seems fully committed to "leaving it up to God." 

Exactly. They are very fertile. It's very difficult to believe she didn't got pregnant for more than 2 years and the moment she was healed, boom, it comes Maci. I think the only unplanned baby was Zoey, because the age gap is very short. 

Many fundies use birth control. I don't know why people think Alyssa is quiverful when she has never ever said she was leaving it up to God, not even when she was single. In addition, John and her talk about deciding family size and use expressions as "try for a baby" or "decide to have a baby" not "pray for a baby". It's obvious they are in charge.

This said, I think in a couple years Alyssa will be soooo bored that she will have a baby to have something cute and to feel special again. She will be more overwhelmed and more bored etc. But it's not quiverful, as the baby is planned.

[AliceInFundyland]

l

23 hours ago, AliceInFundyland said:

1. Kendras Mom isn't unattractive.

2. I was speaking to the idea that she will become happy with this season of life and that will lead to her being happy with later ones.

3. Even if that involves remaining fundie/lite, she could be perfectly happy with Allie having a marriage and kid at that point because that's only sad to us.

My sentiment is that she try to become happy now with what she has and not wait for later. (And 40 yr old grandparents can be perfectly smoking(

NM most of this. I was trying to overexplain my previous post whilst under the umbrella of influence of drugs (moderate infection)

Alyssa is confusing. If she has made some kind of statement about being happy in her 40s, all I was yammering about was that I think it’s totally possible but she definitely she needs to start looking for it now. Waiting for your life to start is never good.

[coffeebean7]

She has said on Instagram stories that this is their last child (or “very likely” their last, but I remember it being way more certain than that). I could see them using birth control for a few years but then getting baby fever. 

[AussieKrissy]

1 hour ago, coffeebean7 said:

She has said on Instagram stories that this is their last child (or “very likely” their last, but I remember it being way more certain than that). I could see them using birth control for a few years but then getting baby fever. 

And realistically unless they do something permanent aka vasectomy or tubes tied they have a long fertile time ahead and a opps baby/ies may happen.