Alyssa and John 8: Four Daughters, a New House, and a Pool

[rebeccawriter01]

On 4/18/2021 at 5:28 PM, Markie said:

I don’t follow Alyssa regularly. Has she said why Allie and the baby are sharing a room and the middle two are sharing? My opinion is she wants Allie to get up and soothe the baby throughout the night. Or Allie could be the best sleeper and not apt to wake up when the baby fusses. 

While it is probably at least partially due to the sister mom thing, I'm betting it is also due to the day sleep thing. At least Zoey is probably still a napper in the day, as well as Lexi (don't know the ages). If they are on similar schedules, it makes sense to put them in the room together. Maci is going to sleep more during the day. It wouldn't be as conducive to have Zoey coming in and out. Allie is older and can more easily understand not waking the baby. 

[UnicornHunter]

45 minutes ago, Jackie3 said:

I agree that Alyssa is happy to have Allie as a helper. This was how she was raised.

However, I follow them pretty closely and I see little evidence that she is "the new Michaela." I've seen Allie feed the baby a bottle (something I did as a little girl too). I've seen a post by Alyssa where she boasts that Allie helped her sisters dress. I've seen a few comments about how she's a loving big sister. 

Other than that, I've just seen a six-year old who is mostly running and jumping around with her sisters, like an ordinary child. She's nothing like Michaela, who always had a baby on her hip and whose good nature was probably terribly exploited. 

When I see Allie changing diapers or carrying Maci on her hip, I'll think she is the new Michaela. Right now, I just see a little girl who helps out a little.

I think this is only due to age. Allie just turned six. Give it two years and another baby, she’ll be changing diapers and doing more feedings.

[JermajestyDuggar]

42 minutes ago, rebeccawriter01 said:

While it is probably at least partially due to the sister mom thing, I'm betting it is also due to the day sleep thing. At least Zoey is probably still a napper in the day, as well as Lexi (don't know the ages). If they are on similar schedules, it makes sense to put them in the room together. Maci is going to sleep more during the day. It wouldn't be as conducive to have Zoey coming in and out. Allie is older and can more easily understand not waking the baby. 

That makes sense. The middle two are close in age so they probably have the same nap schedule. I remember why my youngest was Maci’s age. I swear he took six short naps a day! It was hell. I remember I was so damn happy when I got that kid down to a morning nap and an afternoon nap. I know a lot of moms love having a napper, but I hated it. I was glad when my kids gave up naps by age 3. They were just a huge hassle in my life and I preferred not to live our lives around their nap schedules. 

[Jackie3]

40 minutes ago, UnicornHunter said:

I think this is only due to age. Allie just turned six. Give it two years and another baby, she’ll be changing diapers and doing more feedings.

Maybe so, but I remember Jill Duggar saying she changed diapers at 6 (hopefully only pee). Perhaps she was precocious!

[EmiSue]

44 minutes ago, Jackie3 said:

Maybe so, but I remember Jill Duggar saying she changed diapers at 6 (hopefully only pee). Perhaps she was precocious!

Allie has 3 younger siblings and Jill had 4 or 5 at that age, plus 3 who weren't that much older than her. I think it's just a matter of logistics with these families as to when the sister-momming really kicks in. 

[Jackie3]

3 hours ago, EmiSue said:

Allie has 3 younger siblings and Jill had 4 or 5 at that age, plus 3 who weren't that much older than her. I think it's just a matter of logistics with these families as to when the sister-momming really kicks in. 

I think it has to do with the attitude of the parents. Alyssa seems pretty determined to give her kids what she never had (pretty clothes, junk food, playtime, nice house). So I'm not sure Allie will be burdened with childcare duties outside the norm.

[PlentyOfJesusFishInTheSea]

35 minutes ago, Jackie3 said:

I think it has to do with the attitude of the parents. Alyssa seems pretty determined to give her kids what she never had (pretty clothes, junk food, playtime, nice house). So I'm not sure Allie will be burdened with childcare duties outside the norm.

I don't follow Alyssa that closely but she seems really happy and proud when her older kids help parent the younger ones. So I think she wants them to have frilly dresses, junk food, and do as much parenting work as possible.

[Lgirlrocks]

17 minutes ago, PlentyOfJesusFishInTheSea said:

I don't follow Alyssa that closely but she seems really happy and proud when her older kids help parent the younger ones. So I think she wants them to have frilly dresses, junk food, and do as much parenting work as possible.

Or maybe she is just proud that her kids want to help out. Maybe she feels she wasn’t praised for helping out as a kid and doesn’t want her kids to feel that way. 

[Jackie3]

2 hours ago, PlentyOfJesusFishInTheSea said:

I don't follow Alyssa that closely but she seems really happy and proud when her older kids help parent the younger ones. So I think she wants them to have frilly dresses, junk food, and do as much parenting work as possible.

I understand the narrative that Alyssa is creating sistermoms, but I'm just not seeing it in her videos and posts.

[Melissa1977]

Allie started taking care of siblings at age 5 (dressing them, brushing hair etc), and at age 6 she bottlefeeds a baby unsupervised. A year ago, Alyssa posted about the "long training" to get Allie ready to help, and that the effort was worth it because she was helping a lot. Alyssa wants a nanny and Allie is going to be that nanny. 

3 hours ago, Lgirlrocks said:

Or maybe she is just proud that her kids want to help out. Maybe she feels she wasn’t praised for helping out as a kid and doesn’t want her kids to feel that way. 

It's not about what kids want. Allie was trained for long, at 5 years old, to be a helper. It was posted by Alyssa. Alyssa was proud of creating a helper. I bet she thinks she is very smart for that and doesn't see a problem in sistermoms. She was raised that way.

Edited April 21, 2021 by Melissa1977
Spelling

[ophelia]

15 hours ago, BeccaGrim said:

Having rescued a child from drowning once at a birthday party, every time I see one of her pool videos I shudder. 

That is amazing of you and I can totally understand why her videos make you shudder.

I can't even watch them. Just reading about their lack of pool safety on here makes me nauseous.

[Paperplate]

WTF. How exactly is she spoiling her newborn by giving her what she NEEDS?!? Of course it would be more convenient for her not to have to cater for the emotional and physical needs of the little human she created by choice.

No understanding of healthy and normal childhood development plus bad spelling make a great combination for a home-schooling mother of four!

[Jackie3]

2 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

Allie started taking care of siblings at age 5 (dressing them, brushing hair etc), and at age 6 she bottlefeeds a baby unsupervised.

Ok. Those are two things. Real sistermoms would love to have only two things to do!

And to be fair, that was ONE morning that Allie helped her sisters dress. Alyssa posted about it. That's a far, far cry from "taking care of them."

Holding a bottle for a baby? My goodness, I did the same thing as a little girl and thought it was fun. Alyssa should've been supervising but the amount of "work" Allie was doing was minimal.

In 99% of the videos, Allie is jumping around, playing with her sisters, watching TV, eating junk food,  etc.

Why the rush to decide that Allie is an overworked sistermom? I mean, I think Alyssa is a vain, uneducated, simpering fool, but I don't see her overworking Allie. 

[SorenaJ]

Alyssa is bloody insane (and scarily unintelligent). Proof that it is not God who opens the womb (if it was, Alyssa would have zero children). 

Those poor kids. 

[Melissa1977]

2 hours ago, Paperplate said:

WTF. How exactly is she spoiling her newborn by giving her what she NEEDS?!? Of course it would be more convenient for her not to have to cater for the emotional and physical needs of the little human she created by choice.

I hope she is sincere. My fear is that she is only talking about sleepless nights and interminable cuddles because she was critizised when she said she used Babywise.

[JanasTattooParlor]

3 hours ago, Paperplate said:

WTF. How exactly is she spoiling her newborn by giving her what she NEEDS?!? Of course it would be more convenient for her not to have to cater for the emotional and physical needs of the little human she created by choice.

No understanding of healthy and normal childhood development plus bad spelling make a great combination for a home-schooling mother of four!

I honestly think she was joking about Maci being spoiled. The emoji and the wording of that comment seems like she’s poking fun at the people who will without a doubt DM her and tell her that she’s spoiling Maci by holding her. It’s pretty common for people to comment that a baby that is never put down is “spoiled” even though it isn’t a developmentally true statement. I honestly took this post as a good thing because it shows that she’s not just letting Maci scream it out alone and is actually paying attention to her needs and letting Maci sleep on her if that’s what she needs. 

[MaryOrMartha]

Certain family members of mine have told me I am spoiling my babies if I rock them to sleep. One day I asked why and someone said because they'll never go to sleep without being held/rocked again. It made sense, and they were probably right because my son did have some attachment issues. My daughter [while only still a baby] is a lot better with that. I will continue to snuggle my babies as much as they need me to.

[rebeccawriter01]

I don't have so much of a problem with Allie holding the baby, holding the bottle, helping her sisters, etc. It may be in her nature to want to do those things because she thinks it makes her more grown up. She may think it is fun. She may be interested/fascinated by a baby as a tiny human. On another level it might be the only time she gets attention that isn't associated with dressing like her sisters and being cute. 

My concern with Alyssa's parenting (and the rest of the Bates parents for that matter) is the amount of importance placed on those traditional roles of mother. When Kelly Jo posts about the kids' birthdays or Gil does those videos for UP on the kids' birthdays, they often make mention of the younger girls and their clear ability to be a good mom someday. However, with the boys they talk about how hard working they are and loving Jesus. 

When the family talks about Alyssa on the show it is about how helpful she was and what a good cook she was for them. Lawson and Nathan even joked that they missed her cooking more than her as a person. She wasn't recognized (none of them are really) in terms of who she was as a person...was she easy to talk to, great at making someone feel appreciated, always looking to learn something new, slept with two blankets no matter the weather...but more in terms of what chores she performed. 

Zach - oldest

Michaela - loves babies and did any chore before even being asked

Erin - played piano and taught others piano (couldn't cook until married)

And the list goes on...

Alyssa should pay attention to how she talks to and about her daughters. Let them have an identity beyond what they do to make your life easier. While we see snippets from social media, it is pretty evident that this is the way she identifies and reinforces things in her family. I'd like to see her praise Allie for a job well done for one of her homeschool things. When she decorated the item the other day, instead of Alyssa showing it off, she could have talked to Allie about it. What did you use? How did you do that? That color is pretty. What color is that? Instead of a daddy daughter date, what about just one on one time that includes doing something your child likes to do. 

I'm not expecting to see Allie with a baby on her hip and standing over a frying pan any time soon. However, I would love it if Alyssa broke through that bulk parenting her mother did got to know her daughters as individuals. 

[Johannah]

11 hours ago, Paperplate said:

WTF. How exactly is she spoiling her newborn by giving her what she NEEDS?!? Of course it would be more convenient for her not to have to cater for the emotional and physical needs of the little human she created by choice.

No understanding of healthy and normal childhood development plus bad spelling make a great combination for a home-schooling mother of four!

I had a baby who would only sleep while being held. It was hell. A good day included a shower only once my husband got home. I certainly didn’t have blown out styled hair and full makeup on. And I wasn’t also taking care of and homeschooling 3 other children. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

24 minutes ago, Johannah said:

I had a baby who would only sleep while being held. It was hell. A good day included a shower only once my husband got home. I certainly didn’t have blown out styled hair and full makeup on. And I wasn’t also taking care of and homeschooling 3 other children. 

Exactly. I have a feeling she’s exaggerating a bit. Or she just spends an hour doing her hair and makeup while Allie is taking care of Maci while she’s awake. 
I am just now remembering the times I had to take a shower and I would put my baby in a bouncy seat in the bathroom while I showered. I had to look out of the shower every ten seconds and talk to the baby so he wouldn’t cry. 

Edited April 21, 2021 by JermajestyDuggar

[Johannah]

2 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Exactly. I have a feeling she’s exaggerating a bit. Or she just spends an hour doing her hair and makeup while Allie is taking care of Maci while she’s awake. 
I am just now remembering the times I had to take a shower and I would put my baby in a bouncy seat in the bathroom while I showered. I had to look out of the shower every ten seconds and talk to the baby so he wouldn’t cry. 

Same! When that’s what showers are like, there is definitely no time for blush and mascara and hair dryers. Or posed Instagram selfies

[SassyPants]

Alyssa reminds me that of my own mom growing up. She had 3 kids spaced out by 3 and 5.5 years. So I was 8.5 when my youngest brother was born. I was Allie. I shared a room with a newborn and fed the baby while my parents and oldest brother ate dinner. My mom would claim that “I wanted to”, right... My mom was also very concerned with looks, cleanliness, order etc. So, the kids were basically ignored in lieu of clean laundry,  stripped, waxed and buffed floors etc. At 85 my mom now admits the error of her ways. I have the neat and orderly tendencies too, so I feel I can spot that weakness in others. Although, the makeup and fashion gene did miss both my mom and me-

 

[GuineaPigCourtship]

My mom has told me that her biggest regret was not being softer and more patient with us (things like finish your food or you'll eat it for the next meal). I was touched she shared those snippets because it's not easy admitting you were wrong and I actually remembered resenting it as a kid. As an adult, I know she had undiagnosed anxiety which has now been managed for over a decade and even if she hadn't, she's only human. I hope if her social media is reflecting her actual relationship with her daughters, Alyssa can realize it's not too late to take a real interest in them. I hope I'm wrong about Allie being a sister mom in training. My daughter is starting to come out of the need to be held 24/7 now that she's in daycare and I wanna dance and sing... but also to hold her all the time. Weird how that happens.

[Jackie3]

On 4/20/2021 at 1:31 PM, JermajestyDuggar said:

That makes sense. The middle two are close in age so they probably have the same nap schedule.  

If I wanted two little girls to take a nap, I'd want them in separate rooms. Otherwise, they will play and talk and distract each other. 

A "tell tell" sign, huh, Alyssa? The more she posts, the most she reveals her ignorance.

[nelliebelle1197]

On 4/17/2021 at 10:52 PM, 16strong said:

I've always noticed that the way Alyssa interacts with her kids is the same way a normal teenager interacts with their younger siblings. She doesn't speak to them or cuddle with them like a parent, like John does. She always acts like an aunt or older sibling that is babysitting them. She acts so distant and removed, like she is emotionally pushing them away from her. It is so strange.

I think that if she hadn't been born in a cult, she wouldn't have had kids at all, ever, and she would be a very career-oriented person, focused on earning a high salary and the lifestyle that comes with it.

I just don't think Alyssa is that bright and frankly would not be chasing some fancy, high-paying career no matter where she was born.