Justin and Claire 3: Always Beige

[Smash!]

8 hours ago, ihaveanexamintwodays said:

And while weight loss is 100% not the end-all be-all of "good health" in the Western world - and truly I would never shame anyone for their body habitus - it horrible to watch someone's weight actively harm them.

Honestly I never believed the above statement. Since I have gotten older more issues have popped up that were made worse by my overweight. Even my current issue is definitely accelerated by my additional fat.

I don‘t even think a doctor mentioning overweight as a contributing factor is a problem, it‘s important to do that. It‘s that a lot of doctors handle it as if the person is just too lazy to maintain something „so easy“ as a healthy weight. I wish the medical professions would acknowledge that no one wants to be fat, but losing weight is very complex and needs a multilayered approach. 

[SassyPants]

My husband and I were just talking about this and we both agreed that it’s just as hard to lose and keep off those last 10 pounds as it is to lose a larger number of pounds. Those last 5-10 pounds are so hard to KEEP off. It’s as if the body wants/needs them to ward off starvation or a famine.

[ihaveanexamintwodays]

On 3/12/2022 at 10:15 PM, JermajestyDuggar said:

This is what I wish doctors would do:

Treat the patient’s problem as if losing weight is not an option. Some people will never lose weight. That’s just a fact. So treat them as best you can in the bodies they are currently in. So doctors need to get it out of their minds that all these people will lose weight if you tell them to. They probably won’t. So please find an alternative to helping them. 

I'll hold firm that treating weight loss as a non-option is not the answer - because honestly, I see so many patients whose PCP has given up on weight loss being an option. I live in the Bible Belt, the gallows joke goes that a BMI of 35 is "southern small" (and yes, I understand that BMI is no one's favorite measure of health). I agree that the conversation needs to be nutrition, not weight. And that convincing people to change their lifestyle is harder said than done, when people just want a pill that'll fix their problems.....except it's not just one pill, it's 1 for cholesterol and 2 or 3 or 5 for BP and a couple for diabetes +/- insulin and....yeah.

Nutrition. A sprinkle of exercise. Sleep. Please (please please pLeAsE) quit smoking. All in the same bucket, all easier said than done. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

11 minutes ago, ihaveanexamintwodays said:

I'll hold firm that treating weight loss as a non-option is not the answer - because honestly, I see so many patients whose PCP has given up on weight loss being an option. I live in the Bible Belt, the gallows joke goes that a BMI of 35 is "southern small" (and yes, I understand that BMI is no one's favorite measure of health). I agree that the conversation needs to be nutrition, not weight. And that convincing people to change their lifestyle is harder said than done, when people just want a pill that'll fix their problems.....except it's not just one pill, it's 1 for cholesterol and 2 or 3 or 5 for BP and a couple for diabetes +/- insulin and....yeah.

Nutrition. A sprinkle of exercise. Sleep. Please (please please pLeAsE) quit smoking. All in the same bucket, all easier said than done. 

Bigger bodied people are less likely to go to the doctor at all. I think you probably know why. Because they know the doctor is just going to tell them to Lose weight. Which isn’t helpful. So they don’t bother going. And likely suffer much more because of it.

Edited March 15, 2022 by JermajestyDuggar

[ihaveanexamintwodays]

26 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Bigger bodied people are less likely to go to the doctor at all. I think you probably know why. Because they know the doctor is just going to tell them to Lose weight. Which isn’t helpful. So they don’t bother going. And likely suffer much more because of it.

oh for sure, x1000. "Health" is hard. It sucks that a never-ending series of 15-minute clinic visits is all the world gives [patients or doctors] time for. And there's so many barriers to care, even for that. 

[Smash!]

17 hours ago, ihaveanexamintwodays said:

Nutrition. A sprinkle of exercise. Sleep. Please (please please pLeAsE) quit smoking. All in the same bucket, all easier said than done. 

Add stress to that. At least for me this is the biggest factor (hello pandemic!). I know how to cook healthy. But when I‘m stressed and exhausted all I want is cookies, chips, chocolate and a bowl of pasta. I hate when people then say: Easy, just go for a walk instead. It‘s not that simple.

[NotQuiteMotY]

7 hours ago, Smash! said:

Add stress to that. At least for me this is the biggest factor (hello pandemic!). I know how to cook healthy. But when I‘m stressed and exhausted all I want is cookies, chips, chocolate and a bowl of pasta. I hate when people then say: Easy, just go for a walk instead. It‘s not that simple.

This. I either stress-eat mostly unhealthy stuff or in rare circumstances I apparently don't eat at all. The first year of the pandemic I dropped well below my usual weight to a number I haven't seen since puberty because I was skimping on meals as well as not sleeping; I may have been a "healthy" weight but I wasn't there in a healthy manner.

[Bastet]

When I got married I weighed about 95 pounds and my husband was obese. I think I ate more than he did, and I certainly ate more high calorie food.   (I moved around more, but not THAT much more.) Weight is a complex thing for sure. There’s some evidence that our gut microbiome might be a key to this and a source of future weight loss treatments. 
   My husband used to say that watching me eat proved to him there was no god.  

[SisterCupcake]

I feel confortable along this here: does anyone have good resources for maintaining a healthy attitude towards weight while pregnant?

I have a history of disordered eating and I already feel the “gain no more weight than necessary during this (my first) pregnancy” thoughts creeping in. Any resources or advice from folks who have gone through this would be appreciated. 

[Smee]

10 hours ago, SisterCupcake said:

I feel confortable along this here: does anyone have good resources for maintaining a healthy attitude towards weight while pregnant?

I have a history of disordered eating and I already feel the “gain no more weight than necessary during this (my first) pregnancy” thoughts creeping in. Any resources or advice from folks who have gone through this would be appreciated. 

I had an eating disorder during my 3rd (& last) pregnancy and my #1 piece of advice is throw out the scale and if they want to weigh you at your doctors/midwives/OB appointments, ask if it is necessary, be open with them about your history, and face away from the display/tell them you don’t want to know the number. It’s too easy to fixate on gaining the “right” amount and to panic at the sight of the numbers climbing even as you know they have to. I would also recommend giving the relevant healthcare professionals a heads up about your history and making a couple of check-in appointments with a psychologist or counsellor just to keep on top of things. It’s hard, I know, and the fear of weight gain isn’t logical but knowing that doesn’t make it go away.

I would also keep up the “no scales” thing after birth if you can, especially if you intend to breastfeed. Your body will change and that’s ok, the whole notion of getting back to your “pre-pregnancy body” is toxic.

Once I had my baby, I could look at her and think “when she’s hungry, she cries and then eats until she’s not hungry anymore. So simple. And she’s so perfect.”

[fluffernutter]

I agree with letting your health care professional know about your ED and getting weighed backwards. Tell them to only let you know if there is an issue. And if you have a scale ditch it. You are growing a baby! I found that to be quite empowering and healing with my disordered eating, as well as breastfeeding. To be the source of this tiny baby's nutrition and growth, It's pretty freaking awesome- it was to me anyway. I can also completely understand if it feels scary and overwhelming and triggering. If breastfeeding makes you feel freaked about eating issues, do not feel guilty. Your baby needs a healthy mama and will thrive on formula or breastmilk. This may sound weird but maybe talking to a doula could help as well. I had a client with an ed once. And one that had previously been addicted to drugs and was staying clean for the baby but needed someone to support her through it. I didn't serve any medical purpose of course, that's what their doctor was for, but was there simply to listen and encourage and be one more support person for them so they could have a more positive experience. 

[zee_four]

On 3/16/2022 at 12:57 PM, Smee said:

I had an eating disorder during my 3rd (& last) pregnancy and my #1 piece of advice is throw out the scale and if they want to weigh you at your doctors/midwives/OB appointments, ask if it is necessary, be open with them about your history, and face away from the display/tell them you don’t want to know the number. It’s too easy to fixate on gaining the “right” amount and to panic at the sight of the numbers climbing even as you know they have to. I would also recommend giving the relevant healthcare professionals a heads up about your history and making a couple of check-in appointments with a psychologist or counsellor just to keep on top of things. It’s hard, I know, and the fear of weight gain isn’t logical but knowing that doesn’t make it go away.

I would also keep up the “no scales” thing after birth if you can, especially if you intend to breastfeed. Your body will change and that’s ok, the whole notion of getting back to your “pre-pregnancy body” is toxic.

Once I had my baby, I could look at her and think “when she’s hungry, she cries and then eats until she’s not hungry anymore. So simple. And she’s so perfect.”

This is great advice.  When I was pregnant though I was really afraid to share my history with my doctor. There was enough problems with my psych medications and history of addiction, that I was afraid for CPS to be brought in.

I know that sounds ridiculous but I have a lot of family and know others in the Native community that have lost their children. One of my cousins had her baby taken for calling the police when her boyfriend beat her up. They said by being an abusive relationship she was putting her child at risk. That's why she called the police, to get him taken away. They inevitably let him out of jail after a couple months and when the judge didn't renew the restraining order after he was released he showed up at her door and somehow that got reported to her case manager who used that to begin proceedings to permanently sever her custody. Her daughter is 5 and hasn't lived with her mom since. Another cousin went to a methadone clinic when she found out she was pregnant and using. They take pregnant patients as priority and its the safest way to manage a pregnant patient with active addiction, as withdrawal can cause miscarriage and other problems. When she gave birth though and the baby had methadone in her system which had been managed to be the least amount possible and her OBGYN was aware of this and working with her and she was testing clean for everything else, the police were still called and she ended up being arrested for child abuse lying in a hospital bed and she's still going through hoops to get full custody of her 1 1/2 year old daughter. 

I know I made sure not to be told my weight at appointments and not weigh myself at home. I was told to keep a food journal but that got obsessive. WiC benefits helped because they're pretty specific (honestly waaaaay too specific they require certain name brands where you get way less than generic, if something isn't in stock when you shop but you desperately need something else listed on that check, you lose out on everything you couldn't find just to get the one needed item, etc.) With healthy foods. I tried to make sure to do something outside active even if it was just a walk. I was on my feet working as a server until about a week before I gave birth, so I stayed pretty active but it was my eating habits or lack there of that were a problem. I remember hating my body for most of my pregnancy and the fact that everyone, people you know and strangers, feel like its OK to comment on a pregnant woman's body, was a living hell for me especially with my customers. 'Oh you shouldn't be working look how big you are you must be due soon thats not good for the baby' and then they leave $20 on a $200 bill. 'Its people like you that are the reason I'm still here busting ass ma'am" wouldn't have gone over very well haha.

There's some different forums you might find if talking to people in similar situations is helpful.

Definitely talk to your OBGYN if you feel comfortable doing that! But I understand if you might not but don't feel alone if that's the case either. 

 

:big hugs:

[Smee]

3 hours ago, zee_four said:

 I remember hating my body for most of my pregnancy and the fact that everyone, people you know and strangers, feel like its OK to comment on a pregnant woman's body, was a living hell for me especially with my customers. 

Oh God yes, I hated this. I’m tall with a long torso, so it was mostly “how far along are you? Wow! You don’t even look pregnant” but even the “compliments” (that being thin is something to compliment is so fucked up) made me squirm because it was this constant reminder that other people were scrutinising my body.

This is my story if anyone is interested (obvious content warning for restrictive eating behaviours, also suicidal ideation): https://www.adelaidenow.com.au/lifestyle/parenting/when-pregnancy-and-eating-disorders-collide/news-story/b50697aad1048a984e890a1dbaa80a90?amp&nk=de946db25bec109a0767d1de48da61de-1647772417

[JermajestyDuggar]

1 hour ago, Smee said:

Oh God yes, I hated this. I’m tall with a long torso, so it was mostly “how far along are you? Wow! You don’t even look pregnant” but even the “compliments” (that being thin is something to compliment is so fucked up) made me squirm because it was this constant reminder that other people were scrutinising my body.

This is my story if anyone is interested (obvious content warning for restrictive eating behaviours, also suicidal ideation): https://www.adelaidenow.com.au/lifestyle/parenting/when-pregnancy-and-eating-disorders-collide/news-story/b50697aad1048a984e890a1dbaa80a90?amp&nk=de946db25bec109a0767d1de48da61de-1647772417

I’m tall. I was probably 8 months pregnant and got weighed at my OBGYN for a regular appointment. The girl weighing me said, “wow! You don’t look like you weigh that much!” I knew she didn’t mean any harm. But it still bothers me that people make snap judgments on weight. Even in the medical community. 

[patsymae]

IT's been a really long time, but I still remember how it felt when being pregnant suddenly made my body public property. It was awful. As was the apparent need to share labor horror stories with a stranger.

I also learned something from another woman that is worse. This is going back to the 19080s and I had no idea that women whose baby died still carried the child and delivered naturally (guess I just assumed they took it). She talked about how hard it was for people to ask her when the baby was due, etc., even the good wishes were excruciating.

Best plan of action is to just shut up.

[GuineaPigCourtship]

My husband suggested that I tell people I wasn't pregnant if anyone commented on my body.

[patsymae]

37 minutes ago, GuineaPigCourtship said:

My husband suggested that I tell people I wasn't pregnant if anyone commented on my body.

I forget where i first learned it, but an "EXCUSE ME?" always seems to work.
And good for you for having such a smart husband.

[JermajestyDuggar]

I had my baby shower at a restaurant and the waiter said, “so what are you having?” I said very matter of fact, “a velociraptor.” We all laughed. But I admit I got very tired of that question since we didn’t find out what the sex was. People were always shocked I didn’t want to know. I honestly didn’t. I figured it would be a fun surprise at birth.

[Meggo]

4 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I had my baby shower at a restaurant and the waiter said, “so what are you having?” I said very matter of fact, “a velociraptor.” We all laughed. But I admit I got very tired of that question since we didn’t find out what the sex was. People were always shocked I didn’t want to know. I honestly didn’t. I figured it would be a fun surprise at birth.

We had our son via adoption - but had I been pregnant - totally would have done the same. Including Velociraptor. I might have changed up the animals "Well - we're hoping it's an Owl but..." 

Funny - when we did adopt our son we told our neighbor "Yeah - so ... we adopted a baby." 
Neighbor: A baby? A baby cat? (he had cats, we have cats). 
Us: No - a baby. 
Neighbor: But - like a kitten right?
Us: No - a baby... like - of the human variety. A baby human. 

(there was a lot of that - as you can imagine - not being pregnant and then showing up somewhere with a baby can cause some looks - the lady at my local yarn store was floored. "But you were just here for sweater class last month! How did THIS happen??") 

[Belugaloo]

On 3/16/2022 at 6:57 PM, Smee said:

I would also keep up the “no scales” thing after birth if you can, especially if you intend to breastfeed. Your body will change and that’s ok, the whole notion of getting back to your “pre-pregnancy body” is toxic.

I highly recommend avoiding the scale if you plan to breastfed. My daughter is 5 months old and I didn't anticipate how hard it would be to lose weight while nursing. I lost around 15 pounds after giving birth and I haven't lost a pound since... my weight has fluctuated, but anytime I lose a few pounds my appetite causes it to go right back up. I haven't weighed myself in the past month so I have no idea where I am at now, and I plan to keep it that way since it was causing such a struggle internally. 

 

Breastfeeding appetite is nuts. Trying to lose weight while breastfeeding is sooo hard- I would plan to NOT lose weight from the start so you don't get discouraged if your appetite is nuts like mine is. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

11 minutes ago, Belugaloo said:

I highly recommend avoiding the scale if you plan to breastfed. My daughter is 5 months old and I didn't anticipate how hard it would be to lose weight while nursing. I lost around 15 pounds after giving birth and I haven't lost a pound since... my weight has fluctuated, but anytime I lose a few pounds my appetite causes it to go right back up. I haven't weighed myself in the past month so I have no idea where I am at now, and I plan to keep it that way since it was causing such a struggle internally. 

 

Breastfeeding appetite is nuts. Trying to lose weight while breastfeeding is sooo hard- I would plan to NOT lose weight from the start so you don't get discouraged if your appetite is nuts like mine is. 

I felt like I was constantly eating when I was nursing my kid around the clock. It was crazy. 

[GuineaPigCourtship]

2 hours ago, Belugaloo said:

I would plan to NOT lose weight from the start so you don't get discouraged if your appetite is nuts like mine is. 

Everyone told me I'd lose the weight immediately if I breast fed, and literally within 24 hours of delivering her everyone was telling me that if I tried to lose weight while nursing my supply would dry up.  I'm pretty sure some of them were the same people.

I remember the baby falling asleep on me sometimes and I'd suddenly get so ravenous I'd kick my husband until he woke up and then demand he get me like 4 granola bars (already opened).  I'd tell him if I didn't have some food within 2 minutes I was eating the baby.  I have NEVER felt hunger like that.

[SassyPants]

44 minutes ago, GuineaPigCourtship said:

Everyone told me I'd lose the weight immediately if I breast fed, and literally within 24 hours of delivering her everyone was telling me that if I tried to lose weight while nursing my supply would dry up.  I'm pretty sure some of them were the same people.

I remember the baby falling asleep on me sometimes and I'd suddenly get so ravenous I'd kick my husband until he woke up and then demand he get me like 4 granola bars (already opened).  I'd tell him if I didn't have some food within 2 minutes I was eating the baby.  I have NEVER felt hunger like that.

I could eat an entire box of cereal when I nursed. And still be hungry. Straight carbs, duh…Oh, and I never eat cereal, and never was a cereal fan before I had kids either. So weird. I guess it was easy-

[NotQuiteMotY]

17 hours ago, Belugaloo said:

I highly recommend avoiding the scale if you plan to breastfed. My daughter is 5 months old and I didn't anticipate how hard it would be to lose weight while nursing. I lost around 15 pounds after giving birth and I haven't lost a pound since... my weight has fluctuated, but anytime I lose a few pounds my appetite causes it to go right back up. I haven't weighed myself in the past month so I have no idea where I am at now, and I plan to keep it that way since it was causing such a struggle internally. 

 

Breastfeeding appetite is nuts. Trying to lose weight while breastfeeding is sooo hard- I would plan to NOT lose weight from the start so you don't get discouraged if your appetite is nuts like mine is. 

The weight thing is so weird while breastfeeding. Some people plummet, some people plateau until weaning, and there's no way of knowing which is going to happen even with different pregnancies.

@JermajestyDuggar, @Meggo: my oldest brother was once asked either he wanted a brother or a sister. He answered that he'd rather have a pony.

[backyard sylph]

5 hours ago, NotQuiteMotY said:

The weight thing is so weird while breastfeeding. Some people plummet, some people plateau until weaning, and there's no way of knowing which is going to happen even with different pregnancies.

@JermajestyDuggar, @Meggo: my oldest brother was once asked either he wanted a brother or a sister. He answered that he'd rather have a pony.

I lost weight quickly breastfeeding all six of my kids. Would I have otherwise? I do not know, of course, but I remember there were a few other benefits that I appreciated at the time.