Justin and Claire 3: Always Beige

[Idlewild]

Justin’s new mummy was more interested in getting a good snap of him.

[Hazelbunny]

16 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Do you ever wonder if you are in the background of random peoples pictures? I try to avoid being in the background of some stranger’s picture but you can’t always do that. I wonder how this guy feels about being in this picture 😂 poor random dude. 

Yikes!! That is a VERY creepy thought!!! I never really thoght about it.... 😓  I ALWAYS try to keep out of pictures whoever takes them!! 

[Satan'sFortress]

I am catching up here, happy there is no baby on the way yet.

I was reading the discussion about diet/fat shaming and have a question. I will put under a spoiler for those who are uninterested or need any kind of trigger warning.

Spoiler

I have a young adult son who never had any issues with weight. Right before he started his senior year in high school, he put on about 50 pounds in a matter of a few months. He got many large stretch marks all over his legs, stomach, arms (I could see when he was swimming). He hadn't grown any in height. We ended up having to buy all new clothes for him. He continued to gain during his senior year, and then the 1 st year of college---pandemic kept him home--continued gaining. Now 2nd year of college he was able to go to campus, and he has put on even more weight,. We had to buy more clothes again. We have talked about it (I was heavy myself and lost through Weight Watchers---I know the struggle). Me, Mr. Fortress, and my other child are a little "puffy" ourselves, so I am not one who think everyone should be stick thin, but this son is unrecognizable from just 2 years ago. Literally--I was looking at photos and I didn't even know who my own son was from a few years back. He said the same thing to me after he saw a photo. I have tried to support him, but not sure what that should even look like. He is certainly aware of the issue and wants to drop some wight, but nothing seems to change. He sees his dr every 6 months for another issue, and the doctor clearly spoke to him at length about it. I do worry about him and also do not want to keep buying clothes every few months. I am at a loss and reading here makes me more anxious to not do the wrong thing--which I have probably already done.  I don't have much junk  in the house--he goes out to buy it himself--and on campus says he is eating poorly. He did meet with a nutritionist, but again, nothing has changed.

 

[JermajestyDuggar]

19 minutes ago, Satan'sFortress said:

I am catching up here, happy there is no baby on the way yet.

I was reading the discussion about diet/fat shaming and have a question. I will put under a spoiler for those who are uninterested or need any kind of trigger warning.

  Hide contents

I have a young adult son who never had any issues with weight. Right before he started his senior year in high school, he put on about 50 pounds in a matter of a few months. He got many large stretch marks all over his legs, stomach, arms (I could see when he was swimming). He hadn't grown any in height. We ended up having to buy all new clothes for him. He continued to gain during his senior year, and then the 1 st year of college---pandemic kept him home--continued gaining. Now 2nd year of college he was able to go to campus, and he has put on even more weight,. We had to buy more clothes again. We have talked about it (I was heavy myself and lost through Weight Watchers---I know the struggle). Me, Mr. Fortress, and my other child are a little "puffy" ourselves, so I am not one who think everyone should be stick thin, but this son is unrecognizable from just 2 years ago. Literally--I was looking at photos and I didn't even know who my own son was from a few years back. He said the same thing to me after he saw a photo. I have tried to support him, but not sure what that should even look like. He is certainly aware of the issue and wants to drop some wight, but nothing seems to change. He sees his dr every 6 months for another issue, and the doctor clearly spoke to him at length about it. I do worry about him and also do not want to keep buying clothes every few months. I am at a loss and reading here makes me more anxious to not do the wrong thing--which I have probably already done.  I don't have much junk  in the house--he goes out to buy it himself--and on campus says he is eating poorly. He did meet with a nutritionist, but again, nothing has changed.

 

I am no expert. Like not at all. I had to say that. But in my opinion, a HAES nutritionist is probably best. HAES stands for Healthy at every size. The thing is, a nutritionist like that probably won’t focus solely on weight loss. General practice doctors are usually no help because that’s often all they focus on. Weight loss. So a HAES nutritionist might help with his eating habits and becoming healthier. He may always be a bigger guy. And that’s ok. There are healthy people in larger bodies. I know people don’t want to believe that, but it’s true. So many people hate themselves due to their weight and it eats people up and causes so many issues. I often think it’s not the actual weight that can make people depressed, but the societal attitude telling them there is something wrong with them because of their weight. That would depress anyone! 

[Lurker]

52 minutes ago, Satan'sFortress said:

I am catching up here, happy there is no baby on the way yet.

I was reading the discussion about diet/fat shaming and have a question. I will put under a spoiler for those who are uninterested or need any kind of trigger warning.

  Reveal hidden contents

I have a young adult son who never had any issues with weight. Right before he started his senior year in high school, he put on about 50 pounds in a matter of a few months. He got many large stretch marks all over his legs, stomach, arms (I could see when he was swimming). He hadn't grown any in height. We ended up having to buy all new clothes for him. He continued to gain during his senior year, and then the 1 st year of college---pandemic kept him home--continued gaining. Now 2nd year of college he was able to go to campus, and he has put on even more weight,. We had to buy more clothes again. We have talked about it (I was heavy myself and lost through Weight Watchers---I know the struggle). Me, Mr. Fortress, and my other child are a little "puffy" ourselves, so I am not one who think everyone should be stick thin, but this son is unrecognizable from just 2 years ago. Literally--I was looking at photos and I didn't even know who my own son was from a few years back. He said the same thing to me after he saw a photo. I have tried to support him, but not sure what that should even look like. He is certainly aware of the issue and wants to drop some wight, but nothing seems to change. He sees his dr every 6 months for another issue, and the doctor clearly spoke to him at length about it. I do worry about him and also do not want to keep buying clothes every few months. I am at a loss and reading here makes me more anxious to not do the wrong thing--which I have probably already done.  I don't have much junk  in the house--he goes out to buy it himself--and on campus says he is eating poorly. He did meet with a nutritionist, but again, nothing has changed.

 

Do you have access to an good endocrinologist?   I gained weight for years, and even after my type 2 diabetes diagnosis and lots of medication my numbers and weight gains were not controlled.  My third endocrinologist did a deep dive in bloodwork and found I had low level  thyroid problems that were not being addressed.  I was on thyroid meds for a few years plus my diabetes meds that were better though out  for me.   Only after my thyroid numbers back in to the low normal range did I start to lose weight and subsequently start my big improvement in my blood glucose readings.

 

[Jasmar]

2 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Do you ever wonder if you are in the background of random peoples pictures? I try to avoid being in the background of some stranger’s picture but you can’t always do that. I wonder how this guy feels about being in this picture 😂 poor random dude. 

That looks like Bro. Gary, especially with his mouth wide open like that.

[AussieKrissy]

3 hours ago, Satan'sFortress said:

I am catching up here, happy there is no baby on the way yet.

I was reading the discussion about diet/fat shaming and have a question. I will put under a spoiler for those who are uninterested or need any kind of trigger warning.

  Hide contents

I have a young adult son who never had any issues with weight. Right before he started his senior year in high school, he put on about 50 pounds in a matter of a few months. He got many large stretch marks all over his legs, stomach, arms (I could see when he was swimming). He hadn't grown any in height. We ended up having to buy all new clothes for him. He continued to gain during his senior year, and then the 1 st year of college---pandemic kept him home--continued gaining. Now 2nd year of college he was able to go to campus, and he has put on even more weight,. We had to buy more clothes again. We have talked about it (I was heavy myself and lost through Weight Watchers---I know the struggle). Me, Mr. Fortress, and my other child are a little "puffy" ourselves, so I am not one who think everyone should be stick thin, but this son is unrecognizable from just 2 years ago. Literally--I was looking at photos and I didn't even know who my own son was from a few years back. He said the same thing to me after he saw a photo. I have tried to support him, but not sure what that should even look like. He is certainly aware of the issue and wants to drop some wight, but nothing seems to change. He sees his dr every 6 months for another issue, and the doctor clearly spoke to him at length about it. I do worry about him and also do not want to keep buying clothes every few months. I am at a loss and reading here makes me more anxious to not do the wrong thing--which I have probably already done.  I don't have much junk  in the house--he goes out to buy it himself--and on campus says he is eating poorly. He did meet with a nutritionist, but again, nothing has changed.

 

 sending you good ju ju, I feel for you I would not know what to do in this situation either, Maybe you could get out and walk together try and get him interested in exercise again??? see if he is emotionally eating and try to help him recognise the triggers.

[SorenaJ]

7 hours ago, Satan'sFortress said:

I am catching up here, happy there is no baby on the way yet.

I was reading the discussion about diet/fat shaming and have a question. I will put under a spoiler for those who are uninterested or need any kind of trigger warning.

  Reveal hidden contents

I have a young adult son who never had any issues with weight. Right before he started his senior year in high school, he put on about 50 pounds in a matter of a few months. He got many large stretch marks all over his legs, stomach, arms (I could see when he was swimming). He hadn't grown any in height. We ended up having to buy all new clothes for him. He continued to gain during his senior year, and then the 1 st year of college---pandemic kept him home--continued gaining. Now 2nd year of college he was able to go to campus, and he has put on even more weight,. We had to buy more clothes again. We have talked about it (I was heavy myself and lost through Weight Watchers---I know the struggle). Me, Mr. Fortress, and my other child are a little "puffy" ourselves, so I am not one who think everyone should be stick thin, but this son is unrecognizable from just 2 years ago. Literally--I was looking at photos and I didn't even know who my own son was from a few years back. He said the same thing to me after he saw a photo. I have tried to support him, but not sure what that should even look like. He is certainly aware of the issue and wants to drop some wight, but nothing seems to change. He sees his dr every 6 months for another issue, and the doctor clearly spoke to him at length about it. I do worry about him and also do not want to keep buying clothes every few months. I am at a loss and reading here makes me more anxious to not do the wrong thing--which I have probably already done.  I don't have much junk  in the house--he goes out to buy it himself--and on campus says he is eating poorly. He did meet with a nutritionist, but again, nothing has changed.

 

There can be a mental aspect to it as well. I overeat when I am stressed. Perhaps there is a stress factor to it as well? 

[Satan'sFortress]

19 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

So many people hate themselves due to their weight and it eats people up and causes so many issues. 

I hope that isn't the case with my kid. He's a lovely, kind hearted person who has a lot of good friends who care about him. This kid, when he was about 3 or 4, used to pick up worms from the sidewalk and move them into the grass for safety. He is still an absolute sweetheart. I know he is not doing some social things at college because he is feeling self conscious,  and that's another reason I'm concerned.

[JermajestyDuggar]

2 minutes ago, Satan'sFortress said:

I hope that isn't the case with my kid. He's a lovely, kind hearted person who has a lot of good friends who care about him. This kid, when he was about 3 or 4, used to pick up worms from the sidewalk and move them into the grass for safety. He is still an absolute sweetheart. I know he is not doing some social things at college because he is feeling self conscious,  and that's another reason I'm concerned.

My oldest picks up worms on sidewalks and he’s 9! He loves all creatures. Even the ones that people think are gross or scary. We need more people like that in the world. 

[Mrs Ms]

14 minutes ago, Satan'sFortress said:

I hope that isn't the case with my kid. He's a lovely, kind hearted person who has a lot of good friends who care about him. This kid, when he was about 3 or 4, used to pick up worms from the sidewalk and move them into the grass for safety. He is still an absolute sweetheart. I know he is not doing some social things at college because he is feeling self conscious,  and that's another reason I'm concerned.

Is he the kind of person who would respond well to the very, very direct question “How can I help you?”? Especially if you offer a few ideas activity wise you could do with him? Or meal planning with him? Cooking classes? 
Of course this probably won’t work if he is feeling too raw and upset. Internet hugs to you guys!

[Satan'sFortress]

Yikes---I had replies to everyone & lost them. Thanks everyone---I appreciate your thoughts very much. We have tired a lot of things, but at some point, I guess I felt I had done all I could do to offer support and that he had to be the one to make the changes. But then when I read here about other people's experiences with weight & parents and the feelings of shame, I wondered if I had done OK or done more damage---probably both.

@Lurker I had wondered if there wasn't something medical going on because the initial weigh gain happened so fast. As far as I know, his dr hasn't done any blood work. But that is a good question.

@AussieKrissy and @SorenaJ However it started, there is def an emotional/ factor now. He is likely compulsively eating. Food disappears very quickly around here when he is home. He said it started when he got his driver's license and would go out to fast food restaurants or to get junk. Also soda, which I don't keep in the house.

@Mrs Ms  I actually have been direct asking what would be helpful (and unhelpful.) I have to pick times when he's brought it up, and then lead into those more direct questions.  He is interested in cooking, so we have planned healthy meals and cooked together. Have helped him find the nutritionist, who he really liked, but then stopped seeing, and @SorenaJ yes, gone walking (because I need encouragement too!). Now that he's living at school, I don't have as much presence to offer direct help. 

No one tells you that parenting doesn't always get easier when they are grown up!

 

[fundiewatch]

Do you think he is depressed? Sometimes a trial of antidepressants can help with energy that in turn helps to make positive behavior changes. Is he willing to see a counselor? 

[Ms. Brightside]

@Satan'sFortress if you think he would be open to seeing a counselor, it sounds like that could be really helpful- both for understanding what is triggering some of his emotional eating and giving him other coping mechanisms, and for helping give him a push to socialize a bit more so that he isn’t missing out on things due to fear/embarrassment. And as @fundiewatch mentioned, there might be a bigger mental health issue at play that would explain both things. 
 

That being said, you’re correct that he has to actually want to make these changes, or your suggestions won’t do much. I commend you for waiting for him to come to you when you can; it’s hard to watch someone you love having a hard time, and feeling like you don’t have a way to help them. But speaking from experience, some people are very good at telling others what they know they’re supposed to say, and even the best therapists aren’t mind readers… if you’re saying the right things because you just want to get out of the room, they can’t help. He has to be truly willing to go that route. 

[Vivi_music]

I think you are a good Mom for looking out for your son, and I think it shows a lot of love and care. Everyone gave good advice on here, so I don't have much more to add. My two cents isn't much, but I ado agree with some who said it needs to come from him.

I know personally, it took years for me to start exercising from my own free will and not because I was forced too. I had really traumatic memories of P.E. class and sports in general in school. Contrary to your son, I didn't put on weight fast and suddenly. I was always the chubby kid. It seems stupid, but I carried those memories from school for a long time as an adult. It's only in my mid-20's, a few years after college, that I realized I needed to do it for me. I didn't have a ''AH-HA'' kind of moment, I simply thought about it and decided to try stuff, see what kind of exercice I liked. Moving my body and exercising was for my health, for my happiness, so I could feel comfortable, happy and proud. I didn't loose a ton of weight, because it wasn't my goal. I simply, wanted to be more active. I hope your son finds some pleasure in movement again.

[TheGleeTeam]

I'm a bit late to the discussion, but for very thoughtful discussions of fatphobia, diet culture, and related things, I highly recommend the podcast Maintenance Phase, and articles written by Virginia Sole-Smith. It's very very hard to get out of the fatphobic mindset, even as a fat person (or- a person in a bigger body- love that phrase). I have no interest in dieting and had a hard time articulating why until I read a bit about diet culture and food restriction. Wish I could find a Health at Every Size PCP where I live, but no luck yet.

[SassyPants]

30 minutes ago, TheGleeTeam said:

I'm a bit late to the discussion, but for very thoughtful discussions of fatphobia, diet culture, and related things, I highly recommend the podcast Maintenance Phase, and articles written by Virginia Sole-Smith. It's very very hard to get out of the fatphobic mindset, even as a fat person (or- a person in a bigger body- love that phrase). I have no interest in dieting and had a hard time articulating why until I read a bit about diet culture and food restriction. Wish I could find a Health at Every Size PCP where I live, but no luck yet.

I mentioned above I am very averaged sized, not thin, not heavy, but as an older person I am starting to have issues that plague older folks, and my doctor always mentions weight loss as a plausible cure. Heck, she is younger and heavier than me. I wonder how your average, older, PCP feels about giving others the talk on diet and exercise when they clearly are not dieting or exercising? Last month at my annual check,  my fasting blood glucose was 100. 100 now is too high. 15 years ago, a normal glucose was 90-130. Now the cut off for high is 99, and soon, per my MD, will be 80.  My MD discussed diet changes with a BS 1 point off acceptable…OK. Sometimes I think they want everyone on meds.

[JermajestyDuggar]

11 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

I mentioned above I am very averaged sized, not thin, not heavy, but as an older person I am starting to have issues that plague older folks, and my doctor always mentions weight loss as a plausible cure. Heck, she is younger and heavier than me. I wonder how your average, older, PCP feels about giving others the talk on diet and exercise when they clearly are not dieting or exercising? Last month at my annual check,  my fasting blood glucose was 100. 100 now is too high. 15 years ago, a normal glucose was 90-130. Now the cut off for high is 99, and soon, per my MD, will be 80.  My MD discussed diet changes with a BS 1 point off acceptable…OK. Sometimes I think they want everyone on meds.

My PCP is obsessed with weight. It’s so annoying. But I have doubts I can even find another doctor that doesn’t constantly focus on weight. So I stay with my fatphobic doctor for now 🙄

[Mrs. Kravitz]

12 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

I mentioned above I am very averaged sized, not thin, not heavy, but as an older person I am starting to have issues that plague older folks, and my doctor always mentions weight loss as a plausible cure. Heck, she is younger and heavier than me. I wonder how your average, older, PCP feels about giving others the talk on diet and exercise when they clearly are not dieting or exercising? Last month at my annual check,  my fasting blood glucose was 100. 100 now is too high. 15 years ago, a normal glucose was 90-130. Now the cut off for high is 99, and soon, per my MD, will be 80.  My MD discussed diet changes with a BS 1 point off acceptable…OK. Sometimes I think they want everyone on meds.

My grandma had the same issue a few years ago when her doctor described her blood cholesterol as "on the higher side of normal" and wanted to put her back on cholesterol medication. She asked him "why? You just said it's normal." He just gave her a confused look before agreeing with her, like he forgot that high-normal is still normal. 

[SassyPants]

5 minutes ago, Mrs. Kravitz said:

My grandma had the same issue a few years ago when her doctor described her blood cholesterol as "on the higher side of normal" and wanted to put her back on cholesterol medication. She asked him "why? You just said it's normal." He just gave her a confused look before agreeing with her, like he forgot that high-normal is still normal. 

My total cholesterol level hovers right near the limit for meds, BUT we’ve been trending them for 5 years, so when she mentions meds, I make her pull up the graph and for the past 4 years, the LDL has been going down and the HDL up and the total has dropped. Her reply, “Oh, yes, good point. Your levels are better again this year.” And my MD is very good. I like her, but man you have to be your own advocate for sure.

[ihaveanexamintwodays]

....since we're talking about major worldwide health issues....

As a PCP in the US, most everyone I train/work with prescribes cholesterol medicine based on a 10-year risk algorithm for cardiovascular mortality. Your actual cholesterol levels are part of it, but pretty much anyone >40 with diabetes has earned enough risk points for a cholesterol pill. Cholesterol destroys your circulation, high glucose destroys your circulation, nicotine destroys your circulation, chronic inflammatory disease destroys your circulation. Basically everything sucks haha. 

And while weight loss is 100% not the end-all be-all of "good health" in the Western world - and truly I would never shame anyone for their body habitus - it horrible to watch someone's weight actively harm them. I try not to make comments on weight loss without the context of specific comorbidities and individual barriers to nutrition/exercise/sleep/social support/etc that we can work on. 

I'm also well-aware that I'm fortunate to be a healthy skinny girl on a *soapbox*, so always open to feedback from people with different health experiences 😛 

Edited March 13, 2022 by ihaveanexamintwodays

[JermajestyDuggar]

This is what I wish doctors would do:

Treat the patient’s problem as if losing weight is not an option. Some people will never lose weight. That’s just a fact. So treat them as best you can in the bodies they are currently in. So doctors need to get it out of their minds that all these people will lose weight if you tell them to. They probably won’t. So please find an alternative to helping them. 

[Smee]

3 hours ago, TheGleeTeam said:

I'm a bit late to the discussion, but for very thoughtful discussions of fatphobia, diet culture, and related things, I highly recommend the podcast Maintenance Phase, and articles written by Virginia Sole-Smith. It's very very hard to get out of the fatphobic mindset, even as a fat person (or- a person in a bigger body- love that phrase). I have no interest in dieting and had a hard time articulating why until I read a bit about diet culture and food restriction. Wish I could find a Health at Every Size PCP where I live, but no luck yet.

I love Maintenance Phase. Challenge that toxic diet culture bullshit. And the episode on eating disorders among fat people should be required listening for everyone in the healthcare profession (or just everyone generally).

Treat the health issue. If people need to eat a more balanced and nutritious diet then that remains true regardless of their size - skinny people with crap diets risk their health by not eating better too. If people need to increase their physical activity then that’s about fitness and cardiovascular strength, not weight. If taking steps to improve overall health ALSO happens to lead to weight changes then cool, whatever, but if weight loss is the goal itself then fuck off I don’t want to hear it.

 

edited to add: I say this as someone who is not in an especially large body. I’m just an angry feminist mother of daughters, and daughter of a chronic fad dieter.

Edited March 13, 2022 by Smee

[HeartsAFundie]

3 hours ago, SassyPants said:

I mentioned above I am very averaged sized, not thin, not heavy, but as an older person I am starting to have issues that plague older folks, and my doctor always mentions weight loss as a plausible cure. Heck, she is younger and heavier than me. I wonder how your average, older, PCP feels about giving others the talk on diet and exercise when they clearly are not dieting or exercising? Last month at my annual check, my fasting blood glucose was 100. 100 now is too high. 15 years ago, a normal glucose was 90-130. Now the cut off for high is 99, and soon, per my MD, will be 80.  My MD discussed diet changes with a BS 1 point off acceptable…OK. Sometimes I think they want everyone on meds.

I've been on cholesterol meds since 1999 due to my numbers going up and the horrible cardiac family history on my dad's side.  Both his father and brother died of heart issues at 60 and 59, respectfully.  Dad is 81 but has had his share of heart issues, starting with a blocked artery/stent at 55 and a triple bypass/pacemaker at age 78.  He freely admits he would have met the same fate as his father and brother but for these surgeries. 

 I have body dysmorphic disorder and my PCP thankfully does not get into weight with me as my lab results are usually normal.  She is very understanding of my issues.  I happily submit to every other diagnostic measure except the scale, am on the average a size 10 and walk 1.5 miles every day which pleases her on the exercise level.   

I truly am starting to wonder if they are messing with these numbers to get more folks on meds.  Lowering normal glucose to 80 means I will now be a type 2 diabetic as my glucose hovers in the mid to high 90s.  Swell.  Looking forward to that lecture.  On the same vein, I was told 120/80, which has been a normal blood pressure for years, is now considered borderline high.  You just can't win.  

[zee_four]

I just want to send some love to all the lovely, witty, hilarious, beautiful (inside and out because of beautiful personalities) and bad ass FJers. You all deserve love and hugs and nothing but adoration. 

I've lived my life since a teenager always on the verge of an ED. I've always been super tall and thin but by 11 being 6' tall. Before that, even in elementary school, I was being mistaken for being older. I still vividly remember a furious mom screaming at me and dragging me out of a McDonald's playground when I was like 4 or 5 because I was too big and would hurt little kids like her daughter. Her daughter was actually 3 years older than me and I was so upset but embarrassed I ran outside and cried alone. I had my  around the neck hearing aids and was scared and confused and when she found out my age she just said oh and ran to pamper her precious baby leaving me scared and upset. I dont remember my mom jumping in she was probably watching my 2 year old great escapee brother but she didn't stand up for me then like most times, another lesson I learned for better and worse. By 8 or 10 little kids started to say almost everytime I went out in public "Mommy thats the biggest girl I've ever seen!" And "Mommy" would always point out "No no honey she's tall NOT big" so a healthy weight for me as early as 12 was a death sentence in my eyes. That still happens today. At 11 I was 6' and barely 100 lbs with high-water pants big glasses and hearing aids and was soooo painfully shy. Even as I became an outgoing troublemaker I feared more than anything else suddenly being "big not just tall".

Later starting when I was 15 and a national USA track and field junior athlete our coach measured our body fat. I was one of the lowest but was told I should be 6%. I graduated high school at 6' 3" and 125 lbs. I was doing track, working FT in a restaurant and had already started hard drugs.

My mom is very thin and ate mostly healthy vegetarian but we were both similar in that we graze instead of eating big meals. When I was a teen and later using she'd be on my case about food. Now at my heaviest ever 180 lbs after a 4 month miscarriage due to DV with not medical care in the aftermath in my eyes I still have some belly bloat I can't lose. My mom visited over the holidays and it was a constant barrage of criticizing every bite I took, how I looked, how I need to exercise more (I surf, hike, walk 1-5 miles on an average day with the dogs I care for, swim in the ocean for an hour straight etc.) Though with my BP 1 I still have dow times where I struggle to leave the house, way better with my meds. My mom also complained non stop about how fat she is which is insane she's 5' 9", down from 5' 10" 68 years old foes yoga, skis and barely eats, and when she does its veggies and protein like peanut butter, plain chicken or fish, etc. I won't lie my depression when she was here was worse because I was horrified of going to the beach in a bathing suit or being seen as a blob.

As a teenager I realized when I weighed myself I started obsessive disordered eating so I made a pact to never weigh myself which prevented a full blown ED but instead I just became a cocaine then less than a year later an opiate, specifically heroin addict. I was 17. That kept me skinny.

Unfortunately now that I've been clean almost 6 years I am constantly going to the doctor for psych meds and my autoimmune disorder and audiologist means I get weighed more than I want.

Part of me wants to yell at my mom that it seems like she wants me back to be heroin chic thin with actual heroin which kept me stick like from 17-27 with only small periods of sobriety. When I bring up her cruticisizjng my weight she denies it and her OCD and anxiety freak out so I've just stopped it.

No matter our size or shape I think all people especially women are victimized by outrageously unhealthy expectations thrown on us. I just want to say to each and everyone of you you're beautiful and perfect just the way you are and I adore all of you and everyone here deserves all the love, self love, family love, every type of love possible ♡♡♡♡ 

Edited March 13, 2022 by zee_four