Justin and Claire 3: Always Beige

[Expectopatronus]

My 7 year old niece has shared with her mom that one of the reasons she won’t eat is that she is terrified of gaining weight. A kid in her daycare told her that fat is ugly and she believes it. The child is 37 lbs. Needless to say, they are working with a psychiatrist. Fat phobia is rampant even in homes that do not body shame humans. My mom has called my cats fat (I say that they are gorgeous, have a lot of fur and that it is normal for cats to outweigh toddlers) but no one in the family has ever called another person fat in front of my niece. Claire, on the other hand, has been groomed for an eating disorder all her life. Poor girl! 

[just_ordinary]

I don’t believe she has been dieting since age 9. Maybe since 15 - or before the wedding. She is trying to sell something. That’s it. She probably just didn’t realise how unhealthy and stupid her time frame sounded. It’s a scam and those people selling it have no scruples to lie about everything. I wouldn’t be surprised if she isn’t following it at all (maybe another diet though).

 

[LittleMy]

I'll go against the grain here, and say yes I can believe she has been on a diet since she was 9.  I was put on my first diet when I was five years old, by my mother who was terrified of having a fat child, Iooking back on photos, I was probably on the upper side of  normal BMI, but once I was told I was " fat" I started on a lifelong journey of diets and a search for thinness. 

I don't know much about Claire's family, but if her mother ( like mine)  is very appearance conscious, and very concerned about what people think, then she could easily have absorbed that message and started to limit her food consumption at an early age.

[JMO]

I think that it's very reasonable to believe that a 9/10 yo Claire, who lives in a cult that puts Honor thy Mother and Father above all else, bought in to whatever reasoning other people in her family used to justify doing this diet and also felt that it was a sacrifice that she could make to God.  All speculation, but we are talking about a crazy cult here and the cult of limited dieting falls right in line with that. She doesn't even necessarily have had to want to lose weight.  

[Meggo]

It's such a hard cycle to break. My mom was constantly dieting, commenting on her weight etc. I mostly ignored it growing up - but have also been a life long journey with my weight too. I would say I'm trying to lose weight for me, so that I feel more comfortable in my skin, in my clothes, so that I can keep up with my kiddo etc. 
But trying to make sure I put a positive spin on that for my son. So Mommy isn't on a diet. Mommy is working on putting healthy foods into her body. Cookies are great - but they aren't as good a fuel as say... an apple. There are no good or bad foods in our house. Just better options. 
I don't know what has rubbed off on my little dude - but the kid has ALWAYS eaten really well. Broccoli as a snack, a giant plate of salad, etc. That's all him. I only limit him on foods when he's going for his second apple in the day (because of bathroom issues) and if he's reaching for another cookie "is there a better snack we could have? Maybe a yogurt or apple or blueberries?"

But one Christmas - my mom was REALLY annoyed that my son kept eating clementines and kept trying to push cookies at him. Kid wants fruit! And as long as it doesn't cause any issues (bathroom wise, etc) - LET HIM. 

[Travelfan]

I don’t follow Claire, I didn’t see her post so I may be way off here…is it possible she used the word diet to mean eating a certain way and not the way it’s often used meaning to lose weight?  People follow many different “diets” such as gluten free or dairy free or vegetarian or vegan.  Those diets are not the same as going on a diet to lose weight. I often refer to myself as having the diet of a 5 year old, I eat lots of chocolate and sweets and pasta and cheese, my diet certainly isn’t about losing weight.  I just use the word diet to describe the way in which I eat. Again I didn’t see the post, it could very well be that it’s about weight loss, but I wouldn’t jump to that conclusion just based on the word diet…

[Idlewild]

@Travelfan it was a reference to doing the ‘whole30’ diet every January for 11 years - it’s a 30 day programme cutting out various foods . I assume a lot of people use it to drop pounds after Christmas excesses or as a preparation for a holiday.  I have no problem with her doing this and posting her recipes- I do have a problem with the implication that any diet is suitable for a child. Of course children should be encouraged to make healthy choices and treats should be just that- treats not staples, but unless there is a clinical need, children shouldn’t feel they are ‘on a diet’. 
Maybe her parents follow this every January and the whole family tries to eat healthier- she could have expressed herself differently. 

[Bobology]

I googled whole30 for more info. I was not aware of "carrageenan" and have looked up more about it. Supposedly it is in processed peanut butter (among some other processed foods) but I've looked at Jif creamy and crunchy jars and there is no carrageenan or red seaweed listed. What ingredient/additive would I look for to know if it has carrageenan? That is an ingredient that sounds like something I should mostly avoid.

The premise of meat (or plant protein that doesn't contain no-nos,) vegetables and fruit seems pretty sound for most adults. I don't see why it would be questionable for a family to eat that way for one month each year. If they were doing it for weight loss they'd need to do it most of the time. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

Yes, you can be on a diet since age 9. You can also be bullied for your weight so bad that you contemplate suicide at age 11. Ask me how I know. Our country is so completely fucked up about weight and dieting in general. Almost no woman in this country is free from it. Just some have it way worse than others. I’m sure fat shaming is extremely normal in most fundie circles. In places where a woman’s appearance is the main focus, there will be fat shaming. Along with slut shaming of course.

[Expectopatronus]

At one of my schools we had a little guy who couldn’t fit in desks and had to wear the high school uniform top with special ordered pants due to his weight. Poor kid was having obesity related health issues. He didn’t need to be « on a diet », his parents needed help from a dietitian 

[neuroticcat]

Oh yeah, totally possible for parents to put kids on a diet for weight loss OR orthorexia to find the “best” way of eating. I imagine it’s rampant in ATI. I mean, if God cares how you dress, doesn’t he care about what you eat, your body is a temple, etc. The Above Rubies grown adult daughters were on every fad diet train until they hit the gold mine with Trim Healthy Mama. Sure, some people choose Whole 30 for a reset, but if your mom cooks the dinners it becomes yet another way to control your children and make the perfect best purest godly choices in every area of your life.

Also, I imagine the homeschooling subculture propagates this, because if your BFFs are doing it, it seems normal to you. Remember when teen Jana went to Weight Watchers with Michelle who said Jana “loved learning” about nutrition? I think orthorexia is probably a more likely fundie eating disorder, because it sounds responsible and thoughtful vs the vanity of wanting to look skinnier. (Intentionally stereotyping to make the fundie point; I know firsthand disordered eating is very complex).

My parents got into Fit for Life in the 80s which was a cousin to whole 30 when I was a kid. I loathed it. I remember it meant fruit only or warm smoothies for breakfasts, lots of almonds and salads, and discussions about whether our poo floated or not, no lie. It was “health” related but totally inappropriate to restrict a child’s eating to certain foods, etc. I was lower end of average weight wise, but when I hit puberty I, like most girls, rounded out. My mom didn’t put me on a diet but she would constantly say things like: “are you sure you want a second roll? Don’t drink milk it will make your boobs huge. Um, I think you should be done.” She was fat phobic as anything and grew up in a family where it was a moral failure to be overweight.

I never had an appearance related eating disorder but I fell hard for orthorexia for a time. It is always about control and fits in really well with a die to self, disciplined fundie mindset.

 

3 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Our country is so completely fucked up about weight and dieting in general. Almost no woman in this country is free from it. Just some have it way worse than others.

Yes. I remember freaking our when my orthorexia spiraled out of control. I talked to my therapist about it, and he was like: yeah, well, every American has a disordered relationship with food. I mean, he said it in a nicer therapist way, but it stuck with me.

As a mom, I really struggle with teaching standard nutrition to my kids without passing on obsessions over food. It’s really hard.

4 hours ago, Bobology said:

I googled whole30 for more info. I was not aware of "carrageenan" and have looked up more about it. Supposedly it is in processed peanut butter (among some other processed foods) but I've looked at Jif creamy and crunchy jars and there is no carrageenan or red seaweed listed. What ingredient/additive would I look for to know if it has carrageenan? That is an ingredient that sounds like something I should mostly avoid.
 

I think it’s seaweed related? It’s a thickener, so it’s in a lot of ice creams, lunch meats, sauces/dressings, that sort of thing. Even in some toothpastes! 

Edited January 26, 2022 by neuroticcat

[patsymae]

My mother always told me how fat I was--looking back at pictures of me as a kid, I was not fat at all (and of course, even if I was...) At age 16 I was put on diet pills (amphetamines) and a 1,000 calorie a day diet. I was almost 5'7" and weighed 135 pounds at the start of the diet. At one point I was 102 pounds. I still thought I was fat.

Fuck Hillary

[backyard sylph]

6 hours ago, Bobology said:

I googled whole30 for more info. I was not aware of "carrageenan" and have looked up more about it. Supposedly it is in processed peanut butter (among some other processed foods) but I've looked at Jif creamy and crunchy jars and there is no carrageenan or red seaweed listed. What ingredient/additive would I look for to know if it has carrageenan? That is an ingredient that sounds like something I should mostly avoid.

The premise of meat (or plant protein that doesn't contain no-nos,) vegetables and fruit seems pretty sound for most adults. I don't see why it would be questionable for a family to eat that way for one month each year. If they were doing it for weight loss they'd need to do it most of the time. 

It's in some brands of cream, and yes, derived from red seaweed. I don't like when items are thickened that were just fine without it, but carageenan is actually sort of an awesome product, in a broader sense. If you have sensitivity to seaweed you should avoid it but otherwise I think it's probably harmless. 

[Bluebirdbluebell]

I've seen people compare Hillary to Jill R in terms of personality. Putting a 9 year old on a diet is very Jill R.
 

[Travelfan]

I have a few more thoughts on weight/diets.  I’ve mentioned how poorly I eat.  I always grew up with the idea that as long as you weren’t overweight you could eat anything you wanted.  The only point to eating right was to not be overweight.  I spent my entire childhood and teen years eating absolute junk and because I was always tiny (I’m only 5’1 1/2) I thought I was perfectly fine. I thought thin was healthy and fat was unhealthy.  I never hit 100 pounds until I was in college. Now I’m in my 40s and I’m about 20-25 pounds more than I would like to be.  However I’m completely addicted to my unhealthy eating habits. Even though I KNOW it’s unhealthy I can’t motivate myself to change.  
 

Also we’ve been watching a lot of old TV shows from the 80s and I’m absolutely shocked by how overweight people were treated back then!  The “jokes” are completely unbelievable!  Check out the Punky Brewster where her cousin comes to visit or Golden Girls  when Blanches daughter visits…it’s always a visiting relative cause there’s no way the main cast would be overweight. I’m dumbfounded that that was the attitude just a few decades ago. I think it’s terrible if anyone had parents who acted like they were overweight and put pressure on them to be thin…but back in the day that seems to have been the prevailing mindset.  It’s not too hard to understand why parents would want their kids to be thin when the world was so mean towards anyone who wasn’t.  
 

 

[HeartsAFundie]

24 minutes ago, Travelfan said:

Also we’ve been watching a lot of old TV shows from the 80s and I’m absolutely shocked by how overweight people were treated back then!  The “jokes” are completely unbelievable!  Check out the Punky Brewster where her cousin comes to visit or Golden Girls  when Blanches daughter visits…it’s always a visiting relative cause there’s no way the main cast would be overweight. I’m dumbfounded that that was the attitude just a few decades ago. I think it’s terrible if anyone had parents who acted like they were overweight and put pressure on them to be thin…but back in the day that seems to have been the prevailing mindset.  It’s not too hard to understand why parents would want their kids to be thin when the world was so mean towards anyone who wasn’t.  
 

 

The 70s shows were even worse.  If you weren't stick thin, you were a loser-at least that's the subliminal message these shows conveyed to girls and women.  I remember watching "Love Boat" episodes in the late 70s with the rail-thin beauty queen with guys falling at her feet and her "chubby" sidekick friend-who was probably no more than a size 10 or 12 tops-and the fat jokes and abuse the friend predictably took from men were completely over the top and ridiculous.    

Real life case in point: When I was in 8th grade I was 5'1" and weighed approximately 125-130 pounds.  This was in 1977-78.  Needless to say, I was called "fat slob", "fat pig", "fat ass", and "chubbo" by both boys and girls.  Fast forward to now.  If I were in 8th grade today at that height and weight, I guarantee you that no one would blink an eye.  I would happily fade into the average woodwork.   

And parents back then were no better.  When I was 9 I would be sitting in the car with my mom at a red light and if there was a woman walking up the street, my mom would point her out and say to me:  "See that woman over there?  Am I fatter than her?"  I was NINE YEARS OLD.  What was I supposed to say? All I ever got out of it from her was being fat was the worst thing you could ever be.   Oh, and I also got a medical diagnosis of anxiety, body dysmorphic disorder and an absolutely paralyzing fear of stepping on a scale.....which holds true to this day.     

Edited January 27, 2022 by HeartsAFundie

[Smee]

I was literally IN A PSYCH WARD being treated for an eating disorder as well as severe depression/suicidal ideation, 16 weeks pregnant, and talking to my mother on the phone when she asked “are there any fat people there?” I saw her on fad diet after fad diet all through my childhood and teens, ordered my Lite N Easy meal plans with her when I was an adolescent, and it wasn’t until I had a diagnosis myself that I realised how fucked up her relationship with food has always been. I have made several steps against fat shaming and encouraging my kids to eat when they’re hungry and stop when they’re full, but it’s so hard sometimes to break that cycle and not pass on a “good food/bad food” mentality. I am absolutely not surprised that Hillary had her whole family dieting along with her and Claire doesn’t yet see a problem with that.

[fluffernutter]

I had weight issues growing up too. My grandmother would skip giving me easter or xmas candy but give it to my cousins, proclaiming for the entire family to hear that I certainly didn't need it which was so humiliating. My aunt though was the worst. Very superficial, materialistic. My folks were broke so she would throw me incentives like "lose 20 pounds this summer and I'll buy you school clothes." Her nickname for me while I was growing up was fatty fatty boombalatty. By the time 7th grade hit, I was in the throes of an ED that followed me into my twenties. My husband encouraged me to seek help and I've been fine for a long time now. Sometimes, though, I'll still feel those thoughts creeping in. 

[neuroticcat]

Just popping in to say thanks for sharing your stories everyone. I had hopped on Noom/ww this new year to try and drop those last pounds. Revisiting this here made me realize how that’s just based in old wounds, and I cancelled the apps. I am healthy and do not need to go down the road of controlling my food in regimented ways. 

[Sullie06]

I started having issues with my weight when I was 12 and I hit puberty. Then when I was 14 my parents divorced and my Mom had to work multiple jobs to support us and we went from home cooked meals to quick easy processed meals I could make or take out my Mom grabbed between jobs. When we were with my Dad it was always the same food; pizza and wings, spiedies, burgers or bar food. By the time I was a senior in high school I was around 250 pounds but I was the only one who was heavy, my sister was rail thin and my brother (8 years my junior) was still a kid. 

My Mom said that she never approached my weight because she was recovering from an eating disorder herself (she was a ballet dancer from 3-25) and didn't want to give me a complex. I thank her for not introducing me to diet culture but at the same time I wish she had given me some guidance. During my 20s, I really had no interest in diet culture but as I started to near 300 pounds in my 30's I began the yoyo diet culture. I struggled with weight well into my 30s when I had weigh loss surgery. Best decision I made. I lost 120 pounds and did it in a healthy way.  

With my own kids I just want to teach them healthy eating habits and try and provide them healthy snacks and wholesome meals but I've caught my daughter picking up on my own behaviors. Its so hard. I still track my meals (5 years post weight loss surgery) and eat low carb. I've caught my daughter saying that she wasn't going to eat something because she doesn't want to get fat. She also recently started telling me "Mommy your not fat at all". I've realized that she's picked up on my conversations with my husband and I need to do better. I had some weight gain due to Covid and I've been really hard on myself and little ears are listening. 

Edited February 2, 2022 by Sullie06

[meep]

I was being teased for my weight at age 6 when I was super skinny, so yeah age 9 I can believe. A late bloomer if you ask me, sadly. 

[EmiSue]

Justin and Claire made it to their first anniversary with no public pregnancy announcements. There are any number of reasons for this, but given they're the second 2-gen Duggar couple to do so, it seems worth mentioning. 

[NoseyNellie]

On 1/25/2022 at 1:39 AM, Idlewild said:

In her instastory Claire is swapping recipes for a diet she claims to have done every January for 11 years. She’s 20 isn’t she? Why has she done a diet since she was 9??

Is this the Daniel Fast she is doing?  I have had lots of friends who do this.. 

[QuiverFullofBooks]

2 hours ago, EmiSue said:

Justin and Claire made it to their first anniversary with no public pregnancy announcements. There are any number of reasons for this, but given they're the second 2-gen Duggar couple to do so, it seems worth mentioning. 

Yeah. I’d love to think that in a few years they will annul their marriage, and somehow admit that the Spiveys essentially adopted Justin. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

Do you ever wonder if you are in the background of random peoples pictures? I try to avoid being in the background of some stranger’s picture but you can’t always do that. I wonder how this guy feels about being in this picture 😂 poor random dude.