Justin and Claire 3: Always Beige

[JuanitaBanana]

2 hours ago, CaptainFunderpants said:

It just wouldn't (doesn't) look right and it squicks me out. Yes on paper it's totally okay, but the power dynamic still just seems off -partly because the guy inevitably gets treated very differently than I do in public, notably getting taken more seriously.

My ex and I were treated the same. When I've occasionally gone on dates with guys that actually look like they're in their 30s, we get treated very differently and it's uncomfortable.

I guess I'm also just a very visual person. If a guy is three years younger and looks older, I know on some level at least I have some kind of balancing thing, whereas if a guy is five years older and looks it, I feel like I'm at a big risk of being taken advantage of, because honestly: a 35-year-old that wants to date a girl that looks like she's 22 raises red flags.

Ummm I'm sorry but that still doesn't make sense to me. A 35 year old dating a 30 year old doesn't raise any red flags. Maybe your own attitude towards the "age difference" is what makes things uncomfortable because I honestly don't think people care that much about what other couples look like.

 

[Idlewild]

In earlier pictures Claire’s lashes did look lovely and lots of people asked about them. At first she just replied and told them which mascara she used.

She then became Duaggarised and realised she could make money so starting promoting a lash serum. Some pictures look like she’s had lash extensions, which she really didn’t need.

[GreenBeans]

On 10/14/2021 at 11:16 AM, SorenaJ said:

I'd think you can date whoever you want to date, regardless of their facial features. I'm really short, so I often get mistaken as much younger, I don't know if I have babyface or not, I think it's just the height. 

As long as both are over 18 - who cares? Which age difference will work depends very much on the circumstances of each couple, and what they want from the relationship.

My husband is the same age as me, but it just turned out that way, and I’ve never thought or cared about whether one of us looks younger or older. That may change over time as well, and what do you do then? Divorce, because looks don’t “match” anymore? That’s just ridiculous.

Before I met my husband, I had some long-term relationships with various age gaps. With my first boyfriend, I was 17 and he was 22 when we met (stayed together for three years), with my second, I was 20 and he was 28 (yep, that’s 8 years - but it just worked out well at the time), and with the third one, I was 23 and he was only 21. I never had the idea a boyfriend absolutely had to be within a certain age range. It was always more about life circumstances and things we had in common rather than age. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

There are definitely some age gaps I side eye even though they are both adults. Like an 18 year old with a 50 year old. 

[Smash!]

Well my boyfriend is almost 20 years older than me. I‘m in my thirties and we are on an equal footing. We split the bills so no one is financially dependent from the other. I think power imbalance is less about the age gap than personality and money. 

[Whydon'ttheyspeakintongues]

My partner is 15 years older than me (been together 17 years and I'm 41 now). He's very young looking so it's not obvious when people meet us that there is such a big age gap.  When we started going out I made a point of introducing him to friends and family without telling them his age - it meant that everyone got to know him without the judgement that can come with having a big age gap. .  

A few years ago his mother showed me the wedding photos from his first marriage when he was in his 20s.  They were so funny because he really looked like a kid! I even scanned a few and showed a friend and she thought that the bride must have been his Mother getting remarried (given that they were holding hands, looking at each other etc). 

By his own admission, my partner matured (both emotionally and physically) very late in life yet I was quite mature from a young age. (My partner was still watching cartoons in his late teens whereas I was watching the news and serious documentaries in my teens.) We have a successful partnership because we met at the right time in regards to both of us being at the same stage of maturity and age really had nothing to do with this. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

I have said this before on FJ. My husband and I started dating when I was 24 and he was 33. It worked out fine because we were in adult stages of life. But if I was 18 and he was 27, it wouldn’t have worked out at all. We were in completely different stages in life at that point. I think that can make a big difference.

[Not that josh's mom]

My bil was 12 years older than my sister. They married when the both adults, both had previous marriages. It never seemed strange at that stage of their lives. But when I realized she was in kindergarten when he was a senior in high school, it seemed way weird. Guess the time was right for that relationship. They were married nearly forty years before my sister's death.

[Jana814]

10 minutes ago, Not that josh's mom said:

My bil was 12 years older than my sister. They married when the both adults, both had previous marriages. It never seemed strange at that stage of their lives. But when I realized she was in kindergarten when he was a senior in high school, 

I had a classmate in college who’s parents were also 12 years apart. He said it took him till he was in high school to realize that his dad was a senior when  his mother was in kindergarten. 

[Pecansforeveryone]

I give side eye to what someone called the "always with someone just barely legal."Always the partner who is 18-20 years old when you are 35 plus years old. A 40 year old starting to date a 60 year old, not that big a deal if they are both decent people with decent motives. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

1 minute ago, Pecansforeveryone said:

I give side eye to what someone called the "always with someone just barely legal."Always the partner who is 18-20 years old when you are 35 plus years old. A 40 year old starting to date a 60 year old, not that big a deal if they are both decent people with decent motives. 

Like Scott Disick? I hate that I know all this stuff about the Kardashians and their exes. I don’t watch the show but I am aware of the fact that he keeps dating 18/19 year olds. And I find it disturbing. 

[Thorns]

Will the fixer upper end up being beige, I wonder?

Edited October 16, 2021 by Thorns
Spells.

[Glasgowghirl]

1 hour ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Like Scott Disick? I hate that I know all this stuff about the Kardashians and their exes. I don’t watch the show but I am aware of the fact that he keeps dating 18/19 year olds. And I find it disturbing. 

He does, I don’t watch them either but from what I have seen online he has dated a string of young women since he split with Kourtney, Mason is a teen or almost a teen so he is dating people not far off his son’s age.

[yeahthatsme74]

1 hour ago, Jana814 said:

I had a classmate in college who’s parents were also 12 years apart. He said it took him till he was in high school to realize that his dad was a senior when  his mother was in kindergarten. 

My husband and I are 12 years apart. I was 29 when we met. We joke quite a bit about our age difference, especially about how I was only 10 when he went into the military. 😄

Edited October 16, 2021 by yeahthatsme74

[Nothing if not critical]

1 hour ago, Pecansforeveryone said:

I give side eye to what someone called the "always with someone just barely legal."Always the partner who is 18-20 years old when you are 35 plus years old. A 40 year old starting to date a 60 year old, not that big a deal if they are both decent people with decent motives. 

It's a bit like the famous Leo di Caprio age chart:

 

Spoiler

 

Edited October 16, 2021 by Nothing if not critical

[QuiverFullofBooks]

5 hours ago, Nothing if not critical said:

It's a bit like the famous Leo di Caprio age chart:

 

  Hide contents

 

Tom Cruise’s limit is 33. All three of his wives were 33 when they divorced. Or maybe 33 is when a woman becomes too mature to want to be with him. And a tabloid speculated that it’s because of some symbolism it has in Scientology.

[Nothing if not critical]

12 minutes ago, QuiverFullofBooks said:

Or maybe 33 is when a woman becomes too mature to want to be with him

Yeah, I’ve wondered that about Leo as well. Maybe the over-25 crowd is just too smart to put up with him…

[shesinsane]

I apply the John Mellencamp rule* when a couple has a significant difference in ages: Half the (older person's) age plus seven. A 55 year old dating a 45 year old? Not creepy. 25 year old dating a 15 year old? Creepy, and illegal in every state (unless they get married 🤢). 

I think the older someone gets, the less important the age difference becomes. Teens and 20s involve lots of milestones and significant events that can lead to major changes in maturity. 30s and 40s still have lots of milestones but they're less frequent and more individualized. For example, age 18 is when most Americans graduate high school, can't say the same about an age when most Americans become a parent, purchase a house, experience serious illness, etc.

*That's what my sister-in-law calls it, I have no idea if he actually said it.  

[MaryOrMartha]

^I've heard the half age + 7 thing before too.

When I was 22 I decided it would be a smart idea to date an older man of 37 because he had to have been way more mature than the guys my own age, right? Wrong.

Turns out he was the worst boyfriend I ever had (a bouquets worth of red flags) and now 10 years later still won't date anyone older than 25. My theory is that's when a lot of women think of settling down, so he leaves and finds someone younger who is not ready for that sort of long-term commitment. 🙄

[Not that josh's mom]

Claire's mother posted a lot of pictures from whatever camp everyone is at now. Lots of girls and women wearing jeans and other kinds of pants. The Duggar girls stand out still wearing skirts.

And did she really call Justin "Duddy"? She mentioned dropping things off for their flip house and called him "Duddy". Really?

[HereticHick]

On 10/13/2021 at 9:10 PM, CaptainFunderpants said:

I'm sorry, as a baby faced person, you date other baby faced people OR if you're dating a baby-faced person, you don't do and wear things that make you look older than necessary.

This rule of thumb only works if you consider your partner some sort of a fashion accessory, rather than a...partner.

And being obsessed about whether or not someone "looks their age"--by what standards?  Western European White standards?  

[ven]

My best friend married her husband who is 25 years older 10 years ago. She was 30, he was 55. That wasnt a problem really. Now he turns 65 and is thinking about retiring, and she is only 40. She cannot stop working, and he can't enjoy traveling because his wife still has to work fulltime for 20+ years and is not home during the day.  they never thought about it really until now. I am very curious to see how this is going to play out.

[JermajestyDuggar]

1 hour ago, Not that josh's mom said:

Claire's mother posted a lot of pictures from whatever camp everyone is at now. Lots of girls and women wearing jeans and other kinds of pants. The Duggar girls stand out still wearing skirts.

And did she really call Justin "Duddy"? She mentioned dropping things off for their flip house and called him "Duddy". Really?

She creeps me out. She acts like he’s her actual son. And it seems like family Camp is getting more pantsy with the females. A lot of fundies are giving up skirts only it seems. I bet that grinds Jill’s gears. It’s her Jill to die on. 

[Pecansforeveryone]

1 hour ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

She creeps me out. She acts like he’s her actual son. And it seems like family Camp is getting more pantsy with the females. A lot of fundies are giving up skirts only it seems. I bet that grinds Jill’s gears. It’s her Jill to die on. 

I love that you said Jill to die on, whether that was intentional or a typo.

[JermajestyDuggar]

6 minutes ago, Pecansforeveryone said:

I love that you said Jill to die on, whether that was intentional or a typo.

It was a typo I noticed and left it there. Because it was so funny.