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Mom's Corner by Teri


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I admit I'm one of those people that is suddenly homeschooling for the first time in my life due to covid, and I have no ego on taking advice from any source I can find.  So at one point I did read through all of Terri's posts about homeschooling.

Yes, scheduling is a big part of managing your day.  I won't lie, I did make my own schedule and put it on the fridge for all to see.  And it helps tremendously.  But I have family that are IBLP and have Terri's books, and I flat out asked if there was more to learn, and they (who are pro- Maxwells) said the books say to "have a schedule, schedule every minute, don't forget prep time in your schedules, and have textbooks that teach for you." That's it. 

And as other posters said, there is better scheduling software available for free. If you want to create something by hand, use post-it notes. My impression from my cousins is that they liked the kits originally because they only had one computer in the home, and it's for their husband's work.  And even my cousins, who are absolutely the Maxwell's biggest hope for future sales, are not interested in buying more from them. 

The other thing about the Maxwells & homeschooling is that they present it as this terribly hard experience that you must do to appease Jesus. Now that I'm in it, they have no sense of the joy of watching your kids learn.  The wonder of hearing your kids thoughts and ideas (probably because their kids weren't allowed to have thoughts and ideas.) Or the triumph of figuring out how to teach a concept your kid is struggling with.  

Honestly, I think I could cos-play as a fundie, write a better book about homeschooling, and give the Maxwells a run for their money.  

Edited by MomJeans
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4 hours ago, Foudeb said:

They don't even come across with a "we'll make it easy for you" vibe, it's more "you'll be in the trenches and will really suffer but that's what God wants" which is... Not appealing. 

God forbid they adopt a "this is a really enjoyable way to spend time with your children", which is how my homeschooling friends saw it.

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The Maxwells also don’t allow any kind of schedule change, or going with the flow of the children’s passions. They also don’t like kids asking questions.

Before Christmas, at the school I teach in we were learning about food preservation and such in science. One of the kids suddenly piped up and asked “so if cheese doesn’t last long outside the refrigerator does that mean cheesy Doritos won’t last as long as the other type?” (Meaning that kind of standard flavour I can’t remember it’s name)

Anyway this one question led to an experiment that took the rest of the day to set and research and discuss and overlapped across the next week. The kids loved it - we managed to get some Doritos and other potato chips and essentially set up this whole experiment where they were stored in different conditions around the school and we tested how long they lasted and all sorts. We discussed storage situations, wrote up the experiment, used computer programs to visualise results, studied the ingredients and compared outcomes - it was a huge project and it ended up covering curriculum areas that were approaching too. And it was totally unplanned. But they were so motivated because it was their idea.

And yes it completely messed up the schedule.

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18 minutes ago, allyisyourpally5 said:

The Maxwells also don’t allow any kind of schedule change, or going with the flow of the children’s passions. They also don’t like kids asking questions.

Before Christmas, at the school I teach in we were learning about food preservation and such in science. One of the kids suddenly piped up and asked “so if cheese doesn’t last long outside the refrigerator does that mean cheesy Doritos won’t last as long as the other type?” (Meaning that kind of standard flavour I can’t remember it’s name)

Anyway this one question led to an experiment that took the rest of the day to set and research and discuss and overlapped across the next week. The kids loved it - we managed to get some Doritos and other potato chips and essentially set up this whole experiment where they were stored in different conditions around the school and we tested how long they lasted and all sorts. We discussed storage situations, wrote up the experiment, used computer programs to visualise results, studied the ingredients and compared outcomes - it was a huge project and it ended up covering curriculum areas that were approaching too. And it was totally unplanned. But they were so motivated because it was their idea.

And yes it completely messed up the schedule.

I LOVE this!!!!! 

First you took the kid seriously and allowed off topic discussion.. and then you RAN with it.  I have no doubt those kids were all over this.. you made the entire project relatable and exciting.  

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33 minutes ago, allyisyourpally5 said:

The Maxwells also don’t allow any kind of schedule change, or going with the flow of the children’s passions. They also don’t like kids asking questions.

Before Christmas, at the school I teach in we were learning about food preservation and such in science. One of the kids suddenly piped up and asked “so if cheese doesn’t last long outside the refrigerator does that mean cheesy Doritos won’t last as long as the other type?” (Meaning that kind of standard flavour I can’t remember it’s name)

Anyway this one question led to an experiment that took the rest of the day to set and research and discuss and overlapped across the next week. The kids loved it - we managed to get some Doritos and other potato chips and essentially set up this whole experiment where they were stored in different conditions around the school and we tested how long they lasted and all sorts. We discussed storage situations, wrote up the experiment, used computer programs to visualise results, studied the ingredients and compared outcomes - it was a huge project and it ended up covering curriculum areas that were approaching too. And it was totally unplanned. But they were so motivated because it was their idea.

And yes it completely messed up the schedule.

I love teachers like that. Its a great way to teach and kids learn so much more. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

The new Mom's Corner is classic Maxwell more of the same. "Prioritizing Relationships That Matter" (February 2021)

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Next to our salvation and a relationship with Jesus Christ, probably the most important thing to us is our families and relationships with them. Life is busy for all, and maybe even busier for the homeschooling mom. What happens to those priority relationships in the midst of that lifestyle? Is it possible to accomplish what needs to be done but lose the heart thrust of relationships? How can we purposefully nurture relationships but still keep up with the responsibilities the Lord has called us to fulfill?

I wonder how we can nurture relationships but still keep up with responsibilities?! :confusion-shrug: I have no idea. ?

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SCHEDULE

Your schedule is critical for helping you prioritize relationships. First, it maximizes your productivity, allowing you the most time possible to invest in relationships.

Of course this is the answer.

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Next, it shows you where your time is misplaced. Is it possible that you have time for relationship building, but you are spending it in ways that aren’t your real priorities? Social media, texting, and emailing could be your biggest time robbers. Some of the moms I admire the most are the ones who choose to keep those things contained within a scheduled time frame and stay away from them the rest of the time. When your children leave home, what do you want them to remember about you—the mom who had her face glued to her phone or one who looked at them?

You can put activities into the schedule that are relationship building. What about scheduling individual time with a child? It probably won’t be every day except for school time, but it could be once or twice a week. Even a half an hour or hour dedicated to one child will grow that relationship. It might be a time where you simply talk, perhaps discussing spiritual things and the child’s struggles and joys. “She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness” (Proverbs 31:26). It could also be doing something with him that you know he enjoys doing.

This seems like basic advice, but a large amount of fundies don't know to do these things. By these things I mean, put down the phone, spend less time on social media and try to know their kids as individuals. 

Of course Teri had to schedule time to spend with each child, but maybe most people would if they had 8 kids.

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WORKING TOGETHER

If you have your children scheduled one at a time to work with you in the kitchen for meal preparation, you just gained a huge amount of relationship-building time. With 21 meals a week, if we estimated 30 minutes preparation time per meal—breakfast will likely take less and dinner more—that comes up to ten hours of individual, relationship-building time per week.

By keeping it to just one helper, your full attention is on every story that child wants to tell you, every joy he desires to share with you, and every worry that is on his heart. You have the opportunity to speak into his life what you see he is doing well and those things you know he could grow in.

In the process of all of that, in addition to relationship building, your child learns kitchen skills he takes with him through life and character that equips him for the areas of service God will call him to in adulthood. I can assure you that your two-year-old will slow you down in the kitchen, but he will be a happy helper full of enthusiasm and words. By the time he is five, he will be capable of doing many tasks independently and at eight, there might be meals he could do alone. Don’t resort to giving him that assignment on a normal basis, though, because remember—by working together you are taking time with and for that child.

A great way to have one-on-one time is to have one child helping in the kitchen. That way the other kids can do laundry, child care, and other chores that need doing. 

I have no problem with only one child helping sometimes, but the other kids may feel left out even if she rotates which child is helping. Also this probably works better when all the kids are old enough to need constant supervision.  I feel like their tips often show that they haven't had toddlers/babies live with them for a long time. 

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ATTITUDES

Balanced with spending time together for relationship building is your attitude in general. If you spend lots of time with a child but are negative when you are together, I doubt that relationship will grow strong. Take inventory. When you talk to your children, are you negative and critical or encouraging and positive? Do you smile at them or talk to them with your eyes focused on your phone, seeming distracted?

This is a strange tip to me from the Maxwells. It sounds good in theory, but it seems contradictory for people who have such rigid ideas about what is acceptable. I like that they're trying to be positive. 

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BLESSED

Ask the Lord to help you find ways to build relationships with your children. There is nothing dearer to a mother’s heart than for this to be true:  “Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her” (Proverbs 31:28). May I encourage you to purposefully invest in growing relationships with your children.

Yes scheduling is vital to becoming a Proverbs 31 mother. 

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If you need help making a schedule, Managers of Their Homes is a resource we have available for you. It has helped many, many moms do what you want to do.

Of course this is all an elaborate sales pitch. Our book will help make a schedule and a schedule will help become the Proverbs 31 mother of your dreams!

Teri's Mom's Corner seems to be one long Sales Pitch every month.  I get that's a source of income, but I have to wonder if it annoys their readers that every column ends with a pitch to buy something. 

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On 1/31/2021 at 1:46 PM, Foudeb said:

They don't even come across with a "we'll make it easy for you" vibe, it's more "you'll be in the trenches and will really suffer but that's what God wants" which is... Not appealing

The exact definition! While the only simpathy Teri ever shows is for homeschooling moms, her advice to them is to keep digging the grave: more kids, more isolation, more punishments. Teri is so narrow-minded that she can't picture a different kind of family: she thinks all moms are like her, hate raising kids and homeschooling and need strict schedules to overcome depression or overwhelming times. Sometimes, Teri lost her robotic-self and it is possible to notice her pity for young homeschooling moms (she never feels for the children, though). But, as you say, she sees life as a godly duty, and a hard way with no choices.

 

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I'm pretty sure Teri hated being a mother - raising kids, following Steve's rules, being depressed, having more kids than she could handle, homeschooling when she didn't want to and wasn't emotionally capable of doing properly - - -everything about having a family & raising children seems to be Teri's worst nightmare. 

If, as a mother, the most common wording you use when describing raising your children is "in the trenches" you should really have an honest talk with yourself, without the opinion of your husband or what he says his god demands.

She's pushed that language onto her offspring, as Sarah uses it as well.

Raising children is not war. You are not in trenches, fighting for your life. If that's your view of parenthood, you have no business procreating.

Of course, I've never raised kids but I know it is not easy. It's hard work and takes constant commitment, stretching yourself, learning & relearning, adjusting, teaching - even without homeschooling - guiding, strength, etc... but it is not war. 

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I have very very little going on, aside from watching us trying to save our country from certain collapse, so I’ve been reading old blog posts (2011-2013 ish). The family used to be on the road for about three months per year, they reported. That involves SO much packing, planning, coordinating etc, and Sarah in particular seemed to be happy and thriving. She was a full grown up by the this point, with the reversals finishing high school, and she was a very important part of the team, a busy team. They saw friends, stayed with them, ate at restaurants, and were CONSTANTLY fellowshipping. Then they stopped traveling, sold Uriah, and the boys were married off one by one. It’s really clear how little the “girls” now have going on, but their narrative stays the same— so busy! So godly!

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10 minutes ago, fundiewatch said:

It’s really clear how little the “girls” now have going on, but their narrative stays the same— so busy! So godly!

This is just remarkably sad; their world continues to empty and shrink. At least one of the girls daughters has a dog. 

Have there been signs that any of the offspring suffer from depression? 

Edited by Howl
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LOL Teri said "When your children leave home..."

Until very recently I would have responded to that with "and what, move next door?"

And wow, she really does worship the concept of a schedule.

I will, however, give her one tiny prop for using the pronoun "he" when talking about a child helping in the kitchen. So many fundies would have automatically used "she" there. 

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1 hour ago, fundiefan said:

f, as a mother, the most common wording you use when describing raising your children is "in the trenches" you should really have an honest talk with yourself, without the opinion of your husband or what he says his god demands.

She's pushed that language onto her offspring, as Sarah uses it as well.

Raising children is not war. You are not in trenches, fighting for your life. If that's your view of parenthood, you have no business procreating.

Of course, I've never raised kids but I know it is not easy. It's hard work and takes constant commitment, stretching yourself, learning & relearning, adjusting, teaching - even without homeschooling - guiding, strength, etc... but it is not war. 

Beautifully said.  And though you haven't raised children you have a much better outlook on it.

It's been said before, but maybe SarahAnnaAndMary don't really aspire to motherhood.  Sarah especially, having been Little Momma for raising the reversals, possibly remembering a few good times when it was just herself, Chris & Nate and Momma had time for them each, without the stress and strain of homeschooling and babiestoddlerseverywhere.  

Sarah may have internalized that while marriage would be great, motherhood is crawling off and barricading yourself in your bedroom, leaving you olders to monitor the youngers.

Anna and Mary may be perfectly happy with playing with the nieces & nephews and as far as marriage, who knows? Seems like the only thoughts they're allowed to have are the ones their parents allow them to have. 

So if, unlike Sarah, they were never taught they'd someday be married and the mother of many, they are content with their really very carefree lives, sound sleeps, schedule-less days (they don't need to drive across town or farther to go to work) and happy playtimes with the kiddies.

The lack of intimacy with a husband or significant other? Not going to speculate except to say that if eleventy-teen young Arndt men don't seem to have the need, entirely possible that young Maxwell women could lack it, as well.

Edited by MamaJunebug
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38 minutes ago, Howl said:

Have there been signs that any of the offspring suffer from depression?

I would never dream of armchair diagnosing anyone, especially people I don't know in real life, so I won't, even though I have my own thoughts, based on my observation of an offspring with depression.

 

Edited by Black Aliss
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@MamaJunebug, ny only have I wondered if SarahAnnaAndMary really want children of their own and marriage, but I've wondered the same about Jana Duggar.  Sarah and Jana, in particular, have each raised a passel of kids.

Edited by PennySycamore
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I don't see Sarah, Anna, and Mary as a monolith. I tend to think they have different feelings about it. 

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55 minutes ago, PennySycamore said:

@MamaJunebug, ny only have I wondered if SarahAnnaAndMary really want children of their own and marriage, but I've wondered the same about Jana Duggar.  Sarah and Jana, in particular, have each raised a passel of kids.

I thought of Jana earlier today! She's probably seeing the end of raising "her" kids in sight - Josie is 9 now? And she has her garden and heaven knows what other unpublicized businesses and friendships.  If she's nimble - and I imagine she is - she will sidestep any requests to babysit her nieces and nephews. 

Meechelle and Junkboob need a lot of consequences but doubtful they'll get any.

Anyhoo.....

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Josie is 11 already, so yeah, Jana is almost "done". 

I feel like Sarah wants to be married, but maybe not have children. She doesn't seem as enamored of children as her sisters. I imagine the lack of relationship saddens her, as she comes across as someone needing a companion, not just subordinates, like her sisters are to her. 

Anna I think would like to be married and have children. She seems the most interested in domestic tasks and caring for little kids. 

Mary, I'm not so sure, but I suspect she's not all that interested in marriage. She'd probably be happy to have children, but I have a hard time seeing her being able to have a relationship with a man. 

I suspect both Anna and Mary will be content with never marrying and having children, as there will always be nieces and nephews to help care for, but with Anna a bit more wistful about it.

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29 minutes ago, MamaJunebug said:

Meechelle and Junkboob need a lot of consequences but doubtful they'll get any.

Anyhoo.....

Yes, they so do. But I agree I doubt it'll ever happen.

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I fully agree with all of the above - that Sarah has already raised a large family and may not want to do it again. 

However there is a chance she does indeed want a child of her own and is very careful not to let it show because gratefulness and joyful heart and all that crap. 

Avoiding the nieces and nephews could be a way of protecting herself. 

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We don’t know exactly what Anna Mary and Sarah see on a day to day basis either that may be putting them off marriage or making them more cautious if potential have indeed appeared. I’m not talking abuse necessarily (I’m not going to accuse the Maxwell men of being abusers though I’m close to it with Steve)

They're raised to believe that the wife must be submissive. We all know how Steve talks in his articles and on the blog, and to strangers. He very clearly sends his family on a guilt trip daily. I can imagine the daughters hearing comments sometimes made to Teri or themselves and it just, maybe puts them off men?

Less severe I would think, but I could also picture Nate and Christopher always having the final say (I don’t see that for the reversal three) and that would probably make me.....nervous about it.

I don’t know.

 

I agree though that Sarah seems like she would benefit from having a true companion. Now I am in my 30s and single. Not necessarily by choice, though I do decide not to settle with a guy who most thought was The One because something just wasn’t there (best decision I ever made) - but I’m actually doing really well as a single (and maybe a bit too used to being single now so I actually understand the predicament to some extent) - but I do have companions in that I have multiple friends - one absolute best friend who I can turn to about anything and we have a friendship that Sarah will never have witnessed in her life I’m sure. School friends from childhood. Work friends who are not just friends at work. Friends from old work places. Family. Non biological family. Friends from other walks of life too. Multiple WhatsApp threads of pure nonsense and laughter. I’m not alone - how much could Sarah’s soul benefit from this. It’s not a sin to have friends. Jesus had friends!!!!!!

 

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13 hours ago, allyisyourpally5 said:

chool friends from childhood. Work friends who are not just friends at work. Friends from old work places. Family. Non biological family. Friends from other walks of life too. Multiple WhatsApp threads of pure nonsense and laughter. I’m not alone - how much could Sarah’s soul benefit from this. It’s not a sin to have friends. Jesus had friends

Yes, totally agree. Obviously we don't know how much non-family interaction Sarah has, but I think not having a lot (or any) friends to give non-family perspectives and a break from home has really not been good for her. 

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On 2/13/2021 at 6:34 PM, Ozlsn said:

Yes, totally agree. Obviously we don't know how much non-family interaction Sarah has, but I think not having a lot (or any) friends to give non-family perspectives and a break from home has really not been good for her. 

I've got a soft heart for Sarah for multiple reasons, and I believe - or want to believe - that she does have a couple of special friends with whom she can talk and be Sarah, not SARAH MAXWELL AUTHOR AND DEVOTED HOWEVER TRAGICALLY FLAWED* Daughter.

* Referencing Teri's heartless birthday post from '20 or '19 where she more or less said Sarah was a loser for not having married and not having many prospects at this point in life.

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9 hours ago, MamaJunebug said:

I've got a soft heart for Sarah for multiple reasons, and I believe - or want to believe - that she does have a couple of special friends with whom she can talk and be Sarah, not SARAH MAXWELL AUTHOR AND DEVOTED HOWEVER TRAGICALLY FLAWED* Daughter.

* Referencing Teri's heartless birthday post from '20 or '19 where she more or less said Sarah was a loser for not having married and not having many prospects at this point in life.

And yet the irony - where did Steve and Teri meet???? Wasnt it at that place called college that provides education and that normal parents allow,  and often ENCOURAGE, their child to go to??? To broaden their horizons? To enhance their education? To help them gain independence? To stand them on their own two feet? To meet life’s problems and battles face to face and learn how to fight and work through them? To make friends for life and possibly meet someone special? To learn to be a normal, functioning and contributing human being? 
 

And was Sarah allowed to go? Nope

Because college is for heathens. Steve and Teri were just the only lucky people to come out alive.

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On 2/11/2021 at 7:36 AM, Melissa1977 said:

But, as you say, she sees life as a godly duty, and a hard way with no choices.

 

Isn’t that the worst way to live? We humans always need hope, that’s what carries us and helps us survive hard times. 

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