Alyssa & John 6: She's Raising Sister Moms

[Melissa1977]

11 hours ago, mstee said:

can see why Alyssa was super happy about having Allie help out with the younger ones- she’s super sick with this pregnancy (doesn’t make it right though). She said she’s gotten sicker with each pregnancy.

But how could she have 3 children of 2, 3 and 5 years old at home all day if she was unable to look after them? John works full time. It's a very long time daily for the girls to be "alone". Tv and snacks and toys can work for a couple hours, but at some point, it's going to become a nightmare. I imagine myself being in bed so sick and listening the screams, fights and messes the children are doing and being unable to act. I don't know... Doesn't exactly sound as a blessing. I suppose training is getting harder at each child, but 2 and 3 year old children are too little to self-control and behave for hours and hours day after day, even if they are afraid of being hit.

(Another explanation could be that Alyssa was sick, but is exaggerating the situation in her post).

[mstee]

1 hour ago, Melissa1977 said:

But how could she have 3 children of 2, 3 and 5 years old at home all day if she was unable to look after them? John works full time. It's a very long time daily for the girls to be "alone". Tv and snacks and toys can work for a couple hours, but at some point, it's going to become a nightmare. I imagine myself being in bed so sick and listening the screams, fights and messes the children are doing and being unable to act. I don't know... Doesn't exactly sound as a blessing. I suppose training is getting harder at each child, but 2 and 3 year old children are too little to self-control and behave for hours and hours day after day, even if they are afraid of being hit.

(Another explanation could be that Alyssa was sick, but is exaggerating the situation in her post).

Not sure how the kids managed, I was just going off what she said in her post. I hope she was exaggerating because poor Allie shouldn’t have to manage two toddlers on top of being a very young child herself. I know many parents have serious illnesses (my mom had chronic illness throughout my childhood that kept her in bed) but continuing to have kids knowing you’re getting sicker with each one is a bit crazy IMO. She knows she has 3 other young ones to look after. One again, the kids lose out in a situation. 

[AussieKrissy]

1 hour ago, Melissa1977 said:

But how could she have 3 children of 2, 3 and 5 years old at home all day if she was unable to look after them? John works full time. It's a very long time daily for the girls to be "alone". Tv and snacks and toys can work for a couple hours, but at some point, it's going to become a nightmare. I imagine myself being in bed so sick and listening the screams, fights and messes the children are doing and being unable to act. I don't know... Doesn't exactly sound as a blessing. I suppose training is getting harder at each child, but 2 and 3 year old children are too little to self-control and behave for hours and hours day after day, even if they are afraid of being hit.

(Another explanation could be that Alyssa was sick, but is exaggerating the situation in her post).

I dunno bout three kids but my one, four year old could do snacks and iPad for a couple of days straight and stay out of trouble if I was really sick? A whole few months of morning sickness???? I don’t think so.  Especially when they don’t believe in tv and kids YouTube. Man that has saved me on my sick days. My kid just lays in bed with me on her iPad. 

Edited August 15, 2020 by AussieKrissy

[princessmahina]

It’s possible she’s lying on the couch and directing from there. Still in the center of things but physically doing very little. 

[indianabones]

9 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

But how could she have 3 children of 2, 3 and 5 years old at home all day if she was unable to look after them? John works full time. It's a very long time daily for the girls to be "alone". Tv and snacks and toys can work for a couple hours, but at some point, it's going to become a nightmare. I imagine myself being in bed so sick and listening the screams, fights and messes the children are doing and being unable to act. I don't know... Doesn't exactly sound as a blessing. I suppose training is getting harder at each child, but 2 and 3 year old children are too little to self-control and behave for hours and hours day after day, even if they are afraid of being hit.

(Another explanation could be that Alyssa was sick, but is exaggerating the situation in her post).

In one of her videos about her heart condition, she talked about how when she was really feeling sick she'd go over to her mother in law's house with the girls or her mother in law would come over to their place. They could have done the same thing during this pregnancy.

[FluffySnowball]

I can imagine Alyssa has some family support. While her fam is in Tennessee, Kelly night send a sister over to help soon. (Hasn’t she done that when Alyssa had her previous baby? I kinda recall one of the teenage bates daughters flying somewhere - Florida? - to help out somewhere...) 

And I could imagine the Websters might be willing to jump in and be supportive, too. And aside from that, there are paid babysitters available. Sure, the Bateses and Duggars are against kindergartens and public schooling, but I guess paying the daughter of a girlfriend or a lady from church to take the kids to the park is alright in their book - especially under such circumstances. 

[GuineaPigCourtship]

I like her post about John. I'm almost 18 weeks in my first sustained pregnancy and have been feeling pretty lousy for most of it, recently with headaches that last for days without a break. My husband has taken over everything and still makes time to rub my neck and pick up meds. He's a freaking blessing even though this kind of thing fulfills the spirit of our wedding vows. It's the right thing to do for your spouse, but how many fundie men couldn't be arsed to help regardless of how sick their wife was?

This has no bearing on the fact that sister moms are WRONG and she should prioritize the kids she has over potential future kids. But we know she won't.

[nokidsmom]

13 hours ago, GuineaPigCourtship said:

This has no bearing on the fact that sister moms are WRONG and she should prioritize the kids she has over potential future kids. But we know she won't.

While I am glad to hear that John helps out (and honestly not surprised as he does seem to be a pretty supportive husband and father) and she can get help from family, putting her oldest daughter in the position of sister mom already is just wrong.  I knew it's what Alyssa grew up with but still it's wrong.  It is not a kid's job to raise siblings, it's the parents' job to raise their own kids.   I realize there can be extenuating and unforeseen circumstances (death, illness, lack of support, etc) where this happens but that is not the situation in most fundie families, it's because the parents taken on more than they can realistically handle and often in spite of limits (such as finances, health, etc) that would give most people pause.

Full disclosure: the "sister mom" thing ticks me off along with the whole SAHD nonsense.   And if you didn't think this was possible, I just learned of a "brother/dad" situation in my in-law family where the oldest brother is tasked with disciplining his younger brother (there's 4 kids in total) because the younger child is more difficult (there may be some issues such as ADHD not sure) and his SAH mother can't deal with him so has taken the easy way out of letting her oldest son do it. 

 

 

[GuineaPigCourtship]

@nokidsmom That is so wrong and sad.

[Melissa1977]

21 hours ago, FluffySnowball said:

can imagine Alyssa has some family support. While her fam is in Tennessee, Kelly night send a sister over to help soon. (Hasn’t she done that when Alyssa had her previous baby? I kinda recall one of the teenage bates daughters flying somewhere - Florida? - to help out somewhere...)

Katie helped Alyssa after her surgery.  But the 3 young Bates are not working as aunt-moms, they only visit Alyssa sometimes, but always with their parents. Don't seem to be there to help, though, and are never pictured helping at Erin or at Carlin homes, despite living so close.

I don't think megafamilies are raising the young daughters to be helpers at their elder siblings houses. Leave and cleave... It seems that every house has to "built" their own army of helpers. Addallee and Ellie must be working hard to keep Bates house clean, doing laundry for the 10(?) people still at home etc. Kelly is not going to lose her helpers, sending them to other houses. Plus Alyssa does not seem close at all with her little sisters.

[Lgirlrocks]

I know some schools are going remote and some are hybrid but if Alyssa was sending her kids to school it would be so much more helpful for her during this time. It would allow her time to rest and time for the kids to be away. Her youngest may still be home but it would be easier for her with just one child. 

[SassyPants]

The only Webster child eligible for school is Allie. Despite Alyssa acting as if Lexi is school aged, she is only 3.

[HerNameIsBuffy]

23 hours ago, nokidsmom said:

While I am glad to hear that John helps out (and honestly not surprised as he does seem to be a pretty supportive husband and father) and she can get help from family, putting her oldest daughter in the position of sister mom already is just wrong.  I knew it's what Alyssa grew up with but still it's wrong.  It is not a kid's job to raise siblings, it's the parents' job to raise their own kids.   I realize there can be extenuating and unforeseen circumstances (death, illness, lack of support, etc) where this happens but that is not the situation in most fundie families, it's because the parents taken on more than they can realistically handle and often in spite of limits (such as finances, health, etc) that would give most people pause.

Full disclosure: the "sister mom" thing ticks me off along with the whole SAHD nonsense.   And if you didn't think this was possible, I just learned of a "brother/dad" situation in my in-law family where the oldest brother is tasked with disciplining his younger brother (there's 4 kids in total) because the younger child is more difficult (there may be some issues such as ADHD not sure) and his SAH mother can't deal with him so has taken the easy way out of letting her oldest son do it. 

 

 

I agree on the sister mom thing, even though I personally benefited from it.

My parents divorced when I was four and this was absolutely the best thing for our family.  But it left my mom to have to return to school and work part time - such a huge departure from her life as a SAHM for 18 years.

My sisters are much older than me and were in their late teens and while the parenting decisions and discipline etc was saved for our mom, one of my sisters did step in and do a lot more than her fair share of making dinner and watching me.  

We're still close and she still worries about me in a mom-like way...she's the one I run to for advice and to feel better.  If she hadn't stepped up when I was little my mom would have split the sister-momming chores between both of them and as much as I love her now, at the time my other sister wasn't exactly nurturing.

I'll never be able to thank her enough for sacrificing her time to make a very difficult time in my life so much better.

Sorry...rambling.  To be clear she wasn't homeschooling me, nor was she my full time caretaker...she still had a job, boyfriend, friends and life of her own....but she stepped up in a way she didn't have to and I'll always be grateful for that.

[Justme131]

I know some schools are going remote and some are hybrid but if Alyssa was sending her kids to school it would be so much more helpful for her during this time. It would allow her time to rest and time for the kids to be away. Her youngest may still be home but it would be easier for her with just one child. 

All she does is sit her in front of a screen for “homeschooling”

[AussieKrissy]

7 hours ago, SassyPants said:

The only Webster child eligible for school is Allie. Despite Alyssa acting as if Lexi is school aged, she is only 3.

yeah I rolled my eyes so far out of my head when I saw that sign. I almost questioned my parenting...almost. My daughter could start kindergarten in January at 4 9months. I have chosen to start her the year after. Then I was like no way her kid is starting at three... I can be a shitty parent at times but I do believe my kid is going to have so many more advantages, that her kids wont havd and she is a dickhead if she thinks it cool to put up a pic that her three year old is starting kindy and thik people wont be like wtf that's not normal. Sure Jan.... 

I don't think Lexie has shown any signs of being a Dougie houser. How sad for any child that did. It would never be encouraged.

 

[mstee]

My guess is that she wants to “show off” her homeschooling skills and go overboard with starting her kids too young.... Or she envisions them all graduating early and being able to help more around the house....Or she’s just bored being at home and needed something to do with the kids. 

[SassyPants]

Kids get 5 years to play and be some what unstructured. Only an A-hole parent would deprive a little one of such a precious time. Instead these folks just pump out another one. These kids have zero going for them in terms of time, education or age appropriate stimulation.

[AussieKrissy]

26 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

Kids get 5 years to play and be some what unstructured. Only an A-hole parent would deprive a little one of such a precious time. Instead these folks just pump out another one. These kids have zero going for them in terms of time, education or age appropriate stimulation.

major part of my thinking in holding my little one back, what is one more year of play based learning? I am also thinking about the other side, my daughter could potentially start Uni at 17.  

[WiseGirl]

10 hours ago, AussieKrissy said:

daughter could potentially start Uni at 17.  

I did that.  For me personally,  looking back, I should have taken a gap year. I was 17 when I started university.  I don't think my parents were ever advised to delay my enrollment due to my late birthday. 

[nvmbr02]

My husband and I both finished high school at 17. He went on to the military, I went to college for a year and then left for the military as well. I have no regrets about any of my choices I made at the time and would likely do the same again.   Our oldest will be 17 when she leaves home, but not because of her birthday or school start date but because she is choosing to graduate high school a year early. When she graduates she will have also completed her first year of college. We talked about her staying home for a year and taking a few classes at the local community college but she has decided to go straight to a 4 year college. I honestly think she'll likely thrive in that environment though she can always come home or take a break later if she needs to. At this point she is planning on going to medical school so she has many years of schooling ahead of her still.  Our youngest daughter will also graduate high school and may start college at 17 depending on the start date, it will all depend on her first day of classes since she is a mid August birthday. My middle child will be almost 19 when he graduates high school.

Back to Alyssa... I don't know why she is pushing Lexie to start so very young. It is one thing to have a a very young 5 or and older 4 that seems ready to start school and to let them start but that just doesn't seem like what she is doing. All three of my kids went to a heavily play based preschool when they were 3 and 4, but that was more to give them something to do and get them used to being away from me since they didn't go to daycare and didn't really have much time with other adults. But even that was just 2-3 days a week for 2ish hours. 

When my kids were the ages of Alyssa's girls I could set them up with a snack and a movie/activity for a short time when I really needed to. I remember being very ill one day (like crawling the bathroom was too much effort so I just laid on the bathroom floor) and my husband couldn't get off of work.  It was all I could do to direct them from where I was laying. They did amazing and we made it work. For one day. For about 5 hours. I can't imagine trying to make something like that work for a longer period of time with such young children. 

 

[HereticHick]

1 hour ago, WiseGirl said:

I did that.  For me personally,  looking back, I should have taken a gap year. I was 17 when I started university.  I don't think my parents were ever advised to delay my enrollment due to my late birthday. 

Mr. Possum and I both started university at 17.  From a social standpoint, we both regret it.

[HeartsAFundie]

As a December baby I started school at 4 and graduated high school at 17.   Back then the cutoff date for kindergarten was December 31 and I just squeaked in.  Academically I could run circles around most of the kids.  Socially, not so much.  Throw in the fact that I went to school with kids in my grade that were a full 1-2 or even three years older than me-I lived in a very ethnic area where it was common back then (70s) for kids to be held back due to language barriers, plus the fact that I was very easy to make cry so I was an easy target for bullies-and my nine years in a the neighborhood K-8 grammar school, especially grades 4-8, were mostly pure hell. High school was no picnic either for the same reasons.   

Years later, my parents admitted they should have kept me home an extra year due to my social issues that they were very much aware of.  But they felt that I would have been bored being home and needed to be challenged by school, plus the little girl that lived upstairs from me that I played with all the time was born in the same year as me and was going, and they figured I would want to know why she got to go to school every day and I didn't.  Also, they just didn't see any reason to buck the rules; I made the cutoff so I was going and that was that.  Ironically, I met someone in high school who was born on the same day as me and was a full year behind me in school.  She did not repeat any grades so I assume her parents wisely started her a year later.    

The cutoff for my city is now September 1.  My son is a February baby and was smack in the middle.  A good place to be.     

Edited August 18, 2020 by HeartsAFundie

[SassyPants]

53 minutes ago, HeartsAFundie said:

As a December baby I started school at 4 and graduated high school at 17.   Back then the cutoff date for kindergarten was December 31 and I just squeaked in.  Academically I could run circles around most of the kids.  Socially, not so much.  Throw in the fact that I went to school with kids in my grade that were a full 1-2 or even three years older than me-I lived in a very ethnic area where it was common back then (70s) for kids to be held back due to language barriers, plus the fact that I was very easy to make cry so I was an easy target for bullies-and my nine years in a the neighborhood K-8 grammar school, especially grades 4-8, were mostly pure hell. High school was no picnic either for the same reasons.   

Years later, my parents admitted they should have kept me home an extra year due to my social issues that they were very much aware of.  But they felt that I would have been bored being home and needed to be challenged by school, plus the little girl that lived upstairs from me that I played with all the time was born in the same year as me and was going, and they figured I would want to know why she got to go to school every day and I didn't.  Also, they just didn't see any reason to buck the rules; I made the cutoff so I was going and that was that.  Ironically, I met someone in high school who was born on the same day as me and was a full year behind me in school.  She did not repeat any grades so I assume her parents wisely started her a year later.    

The cutoff for my city is now September 1.  My son is a February baby and was smack in the middle.  A good place to be.     

I was a year ahead too. Horrible socially. My son’s birthday is August 28th, and we red shirted for a September 1 cut off. He skated through school. My daughter is a June birthday and was definitely one of the youngest in her class, although the cut off then was Dec 1st. I guess our state made the cut off change in the 4 years between my daughter and son-

[FluffySnowball]

19 hours ago, Justme131 said:

All she does is sit her in front of a screen for “homeschooling”

That’s what makes me sad. School can be so exciting, especially during the early years. The classmates, the different teachers, field trips and playing in the school yard, arts and crafts... and instead of all that joy, Ally only gets a tv screen. 

[indianabones]

3 hours ago, HereticHick said:

Mr. Possum and I both started university at 17.  From a social standpoint, we both regret it.

Same. I broke a finger my freshman year and went to the campus medical center, where they refused to treat me until they got in touch with my parents. ? Painful wait! And I had to wait a year to go out to the bars with all my friends, which was the worst part for me.