Alyssa & John 6: She's Raising Sister Moms

[Slowhitt]

On 8/31/2020 at 12:53 AM, AussieKrissy said:

My four and nearly a half year old is still not night dry. Sigh. I wonder when it will happen. I am using pull ups because changing sheets and the wee smell is killing me. Any tips fellow mothers? She is just a really deep sleeper and won’t even wake if she is cold and wet. I am thinking of getting the wet bed alarm anyone try that. I’m just waiting for the weather to warm up at night to start again. 

My son was like that.  We tried everything under the sun.  He was such a deep sleeper even an alarm for the deaf did not wake him.  We finally started him on medication (on advice from pediatrician).  Most kids outgrow by 11.  He took medicine until 10 1/2 then we tried stopping it and he did fine.  It is tough and they get embarrassed.  Definitely talk to your pediatrician about it! 

[Cupcake79]

Our oldest kid was potty trained when he was about 2,5. It wasn’t exactly a walk in the park, but eventually he got the hang of it. But he kept waking up with wet diapers. Our nurse (where we go for check-ups) said that when the kid has had a dry diaper three mornings in a row it’s time to skip it. Our son just never got to that point. So at six he tried a bed wetting alarm and it worked. A couple weeks later he had learned to wake up when he needed to pee. We actually never had the “the whole bed is wet”-scenario, but at first he wet his pants a bit when the alarm went off. It was indeed a good alarm. Anyway, at first he woke up at least once but often two times each night to go to the bathroom. Then it emerged to once a night and then not every night. Around 11-12 y he didn’t need to wake up anymore to go to the bathroom. Interesting enough though is that even when in his case there wasn’t any psychological issues he had back lashes when something changed in his life, e.g. when school started. I’ve heard that bed wetting runs in the family. My late father is said to have wet the bed when he was a kid.

The kid of a friend of mine also wet his bed. In his case he turned out to still have an active spinal reflex. It is appearantly more common among kids born through c-section, which is the case with this kid. He went to a physiotherapist and they got a few exercises to do and that fixed his bed wetting problem.

Oh, btw, both of our girls stopped wetting their diapers at night when they were potty trained to become dry day time. A lot easier.

[JMO]

They are having a live sex reveal on September 12th. I think it's a boy.

Going back to being dry at night it's a purely physiological thing. Everyone's urinary tract matures at a different rate. Your body has to produce enough antidiuretic hormone to concentrate your urine at night and if you have a full bladder your body has to wake you to go. Bed wetting until after the average age tends to run in families.  I forget the number but a tiny percentage of 18 yo army recruits still wet the bed in one study.  Most pediatricians tell parents to give it time because most kids outgrow it eventually.  

[VBOY9977]

Alyssa and John posted a Q + A today. Alyssa said that when they got married she wanted 10 kids, then went down to 6 and now she think 4 sounds good number but she didn’t sound super decided. John basically they’ll see how this one goes and they’ll go from there. 
 

Alyssa also said that this baby won’t be born in a birth center but in the hospital because of her heart issues. 
 

[GuineaPigCourtship]

She's probably so miserable with her current pregnancy and so glad to have a sister mom set-up.  I'll believe it when I see it, though, these people are all idiots.

[LillyP]

I could seriously peg them to be done after #4....especially if it's a boy. I feel like I read her body language and just how she spoke about how much more sick she's been with each pregnancy. I'd assume she isn't giving  a firm "no" because obviously that leaves them open to being able to change their mind or have an oopsy (and to keep viewers hanging on). 

[AussieKrissy]

6 minutes ago, LillyP said:

I could seriously peg them to be done after #4....especially if it's a boy. I feel like I read her body language and just how she spoke about how much more sick she's been with each pregnancy. I'd assume she isn't giving  a firm "no" because obviously that leaves them open to being able to change their mind or have an oopsy (and to keep viewers hanging on). 

Let’s face it. Unless one of them gets the snip. They are going to have a long fertile using birth control future ahead of them. If they only do want four kids. 

[marmalade]

1 hour ago, LillyP said:

I could seriously peg them to be done after #4....especially if it's a boy. I feel like I read her body language and just how she spoke about how much more sick she's been with each pregnancy. I'd assume she isn't giving  a firm "no" because obviously that leaves them open to being able to change their mind or have an oopsy (and to keep viewers hanging on). 

In the Q&A, she also said that she didn't want to get older and "regret not having more kids." I think they have at least six.

[Melissa1977]

3 hours ago, marmalade said:

In the Q&A, she also said that she didn't want to get older and "regret not having more kids." I think they have at least six.

If she was sincere, why isn't she involved with the 3 she already has? She have them HOURS in front of TV, despite having a big yard. Not only she homeschools with TV, she pottytrained Lexi in front of TV and girls also watch movies and cartoons. Also, she wants them to do long naps and early bedtime, in order to have "adult time".

It is very clear that Alyssa's favorite hobbie is putting on make up, high heels and date John. Which is great. But then, no need to keep having children. 

[Johannah]

I’ve said this before, but out of all of them, I am the saddest that Alyssa missed out on prom and spring break and sorority mixers. She would have loved getting decked out for all that stuff. And instead of being pregnant with her 4th child at age 25, she could be living with friends and going out for happy hours, or a young married living it up with her hubby, waiting to have a baby until she is able to do it intentionally and invest in parenting when/if she wants to. 
 

It’s even more sad that she can’t see the benefit of preschool, elementary school and the occasional babysitter for her kids and herself. Instead she uses television when she’s burned out, which does not seem very fundie of her, and deprives her kids of opportunities for potentially enriching interaction and education.  

[OyToTheVey]

3 hours ago, Johannah said:

I’ve said this before, but out of all of them, I am the saddest that Alyssa missed out on prom and spring break and sorority mixers. She would have loved getting decked out for all that stuff. And instead of being pregnant with her 4th child at age 25, she could be living with friends and going out for happy hours, or a young married living it up with her hubby, waiting to have a baby until she is able to do it intentionally and invest in parenting when/if she wants to. 
 

It’s even more sad that she can’t see the benefit of preschool, elementary school and the occasional babysitter for her kids and herself. Instead she uses television when she’s burned out, which does not seem very fundie of her, and deprives her kids of opportunities for potentially enriching interaction and education.  

I completely agree with you! She would have been great as a cheerleader for football games and all the mixers.  Me on the other hand only found out our high school had prom when my friends came in to school one day talking about the night before lol oops. 

 

Anyway, Alyssa just hasn't taken to parenting and enjoying her kids like her siblings. Erin seems to really enjoy baking with them, they're always seen playing outside, Zach seems like a great dad. Alyssa? Not so much.

[Melissa1977]

1 hour ago, OyToTheVey said:

Anyway, Alyssa just hasn't taken to parenting and enjoying her kids like her siblings. Erin seems to really enjoy baking with them, they're always seen playing outside, Zach seems like a great dad. Alyssa? Not so much

Erin plays favourites with her kids (Carson was the golden child by far) and seems to ignore them in the toddler age. Erin only allows her 4 children to share 1 box of toys, no matter if they have different tastes or are in different development moments. In addition, she homeschools with the same TV curriculum. She keeps a wooden stair in the children bedroom, for decoration purposes, despite being dangerous. She's not better than Alyssa, and at least Alyssa does not seem to have favourites.

[formergothardite]

8 minutes ago, Melissa1977 said:

She's not better than Alyssa, and at least Alyssa does not seem to have favourites.

Yeah. they just express their apathy towards parenting in different ways. I bet behind all those instagram pictures Erin is ignoring her kids just as much as Alyssa does. And in Alyssa's defense, Florida doesn't exactly have great play outside weather. 

[GuineaPigCourtship]

I think in a long list of sad things about people in this cult, the saddest is the compulsion to have children you don't want/aren't interested in.  Not that I expect the world to be fair, but there are so many people dealing with infertility that would LOVE to have children to play with and love on and cherish.  Instead, we have these massive families with mountains of ignored children who are under educated being brought up to have more mountains of ignored children they can under educate.

Ultimately it's up to the adults to make better choices and the real sympathy belongs with the children, but I do have a bit for the guilt that must come along with knowing you don't want more kids and feeling like you have to keep being open to them.

[nausicaa]

8 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

It is very clear that Alyssa's favorite hobbie is putting on make up, high heels and date John. Which is great. But then, no need to keep having children. 

Which is totally normal for a 25 year old. But most 25 year olds don't have four kids.

In some ways I feel bad for her. She was only 19 when she got engaged and her culture left her no other options but marriage and kids. And it's clear that many parts of that culture don't agree with her personality. But she's old enough and experienced enough now to know to stop. 

Alyssa is a good example of how a lot of people need some time before marrying and having kids. I think she would have done much better having kids at 28 or 30 and been a more present mom if she'd had some years to date, party, travel, and buy the things she couldn't afford growing up before jumping into the deep end of the SAHM pool. 

[ifosterkittens]

I wonder if Alyssa takes a little baby break after she has this baby. She could attribute it to her heart if she felt she needed an excuse. I wish Alyssa didn't feel the need to explain/justify a break from pregnancy, but imagine in her family that she does. What she and John do to prevent babies during the break is between them and her OBGYN (if an Rx is necessary).

Alyssa may think four children in their current house is enough. She and John may have a tentative timeline for a larger home in the next few years, and think once they get in the new home with more room then have another child or two. 

 

 

[Perrierwithlemon]

I saw this this morning, and it reminded me of what Alyssa is doing to Allie. It just made me mad and sad because this is so common in fundie-land. They probably just justify it as “babysitting” or “preparation” for when they are to be parents at a young age themselves. 

Spoiler

[OyToTheVey]

4 minutes ago, Perrierwithlemon said:

I saw this this morning, and it reminded me of what Alyssa is doing to Allie. It just made me mad and sad because this is so common in fundie-land. They probably just justify it as “babysitting” or “preparation” for when they are to be parents at a young age themselves. 

  Hide contents

Honestly, I'm an only child and I can mark up like 90% of that list. As a result, I actually don't connect with anyone. Mostly because it's a waste of time before I feel used again. This might not only be relevant for fundies but only children too.

[nausicaa]

21 minutes ago, ifosterkittens said:

I wonder if Alyssa takes a little baby break after she has this baby. She could attribute it to her heart if she felt she needed an excuse. 

I hope so too, but we have been betting on a baby break for the past three babies. ?

[Audrey2]

16 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

If she was sincere, why isn't she involved with the 3 she already has? She have them HOURS in front of TV, despite having a big yard. Not only she homeschools with TV, she pottytrained Lexi in front of TV and girls also watch movies and cartoons. Also, she wants them to do long naps and early bedtime, in order to have "adult time".

It is very clear that Alyssa's favorite hobbie is putting on make up, high heels and date John. Which is great. But then, no need to keep having children. 

I'm wondering how Alyssa's parenting style is that different from Kellys, besides the obvious screen time. Kelly (and Michelle Duggar as well) seemed to enjoy being pregnant and the attention a large family of stair step children bring, but both seem to be detached from the day to day parenting. As one of the older Bates children, I think Alyssa saw this modeled, so she thinks that's what parenthood should be- having cute kids but dressing them nicely (as opposed to some of the early Bates pictures), training your oldest child(ren) to sister mom, and being hands-off beyond that. I wonder at what point Kelly put Michael in charge and was more hands off.

[llucie]

Just watched the video. I got the impression that, despite them saying that John doesnt care about how many kids they have and that its her decision, that he is the one pushing for more. I think Alyssa would be happy with just the ones she has, she seemed to cringe at the idea of cramming her 4 kids in one room. I remember how nice she decorated Allies room when it was just her. You could clearly sense the tension around the subject of the small house between her and John, i wonder whats up with that.

Edited September 6, 2020 by llucie
spelling

[Audrey2]

1 hour ago, llucie said:

Just watched the video. I got the impression that, despite them saying that John doesnt care about how many kids they have and that its her decision, that he is the one pushing for more. I think Alyssa would be happy with just the ones she has, she seemed to cringe at the idea of cramming her 4 kids in one room. I remember how nice she decorated Allies room when it was just her. You could clearly sense the tension around the subject of the small house between her and John, i wonder whats up with that.

She was the Bates sister who had the smaller room, rooming with Josie, I think. I hope they stop at 4, move or enclose the back porch, and, if they have another girl, eventually split the girls up 2 and 2. I can imagine her cringing the idea of cramming the girls into one room, the way the girls in her family were.

[AussieKrissy]

If her heart conditioned is cured why does she have to have the baby in a hospital? If she is so high risk? Why would she have more? Is she risking relapse? If she no longer has a condition or is cured I don’t get why she is any higher risk than anyone else? I do assume that you do get higher risk as your number of babies goes up? I’m not sure about this but in my head it makes sense. She is on number four I suppose. 

[Melissa1977]

2 hours ago, AussieKrissy said:

If her heart conditioned is cured why does she have to have the baby in a hospital? If she is so high risk? Why would she have more? Is she risking relapse? If she no longer has a condition or is cured I don’t get why she is any higher risk than anyone else? I do assume that you do get higher risk as your number of babies goes up? I’m not sure about this but in my head it makes sense. She is on number four I suppose. 

She has had a heart surgery, that's why she needs a hospital birth. A lot of women need to be monitored and can't have homebirths or go to birthing centers. It does not necessary mean the pregnancies are high risk, or that it's a dangerous decision to have a baby. 

There may be also another reason behind Alyssa going to a hospital. The birthing center can simply reject patients with previous health issues, even if they have low risk pregnancies.

Alyssa has very easy deliveries, and I hope the next one is as smooth as the previous ones. May it be the last one, though.

[AussieKrissy]

17 minutes ago, Melissa1977 said:

She has had a heart surgery, that's why she needs a hospital birth. A lot of women need to be monitored and can't have homebirths or go to birthing centers. It does not necessary mean the pregnancies are high risk, or that it's a dangerous decision to have a baby. 

There may be also another reason behind Alyssa going to a hospital. The birthing center can simply reject patients with previous health issues, even if they have low risk pregnancies.

Alyssa has very easy deliveries, and I hope the next one is as smooth as the previous ones. May it be the last one, though.

Cheers. I didn’t think about the birthing center simply saying no, due to previous issues. That does make sense. It’s pretty foreign to me. No such things as birthing Centers in Australia. Just hospital or (uncommon) planned home births and the occasional side of the road babies.