Chelsy and John Maxwell 8: Killing Demons with a Salt Gun

[Austrian Atheist]

9 hours ago, petrushka said:

Steve has two sisters, yet we never see them featured in family photos, visits, nothing!  I guess they are normal and live fulfilling lives.

I vaguely remember a picture of a sister and her husband at some kind of family function (maybe a wedding?). If my memory does not fail me she didn't look like Teri's sister. I tried to find mentions of Steve's sisters on the blog but the only post which came up is over 10 years old (no pic, just a short reference).

(But I only searched for their first names. Searching for "aunt" or "sister" is too general and pretty useless on their blog.)

[Foudeb]

I really don't get naming kids after the dad. You carried that kid for nine months, you gave birth to it which probably hurt, it'll be pulling on your nipples several times a day and night for months and months, your career and sleep patterns will likely never recover, and you name it after someone else? Wtf? Talk about men getting all the credit for women's work. If a random colleague did that to one of my work projects I would go ballistic, but because it's the man you love doing it to the most important project in your lives, you're supposed to say oh sure great let's do that with a smile on your face. 

Patriarchy makes no sense. 

[Ozlsn]

On 5/19/2021 at 8:20 AM, SPHASH said:

His biological dad's name is Paul Bargar.

You mean this thread could have been about the Bargarses?! Missed opportunity... 

[Austrian Atheist]

Found 

2 hours ago, Austrian Atheist said:

I vaguely remember a picture of a sister and her husband at some kind of family function (maybe a wedding?). If my memory does not fail me she didn't look like Teri's sister. I tried to find mentions of Steve's sisters on the blog but the only post which came up is over 10 years old (no pic, just a short reference).

(But I only searched for their first names. Searching for "aunt" or "sister" is too general and pretty useless on their blog.)

Found it and my memory still works: https://blog.titus2.com/2018/01/08/john-and-chelsy-maxwells-wedding/

[JermajestyDuggar]

41 minutes ago, Austrian Atheist said:

Found 

Found it and my memory still works: https://blog.titus2.com/2018/01/08/john-and-chelsy-maxwells-wedding/

“My dad’s sister and her husband.” 
 

Is it strange to anyone else that they don’t name a sibling and husband? I doubt they said, “you can post our pic but don’t use our first names.” I just think the Maxwells can act so odd sometimes. 

[petrushka]

Just now, JermajestyDuggar said:

“My dad’s sister and her husband.” 
 

Is it strange to anyone else that they don’t name a sibling and husband? I doubt they said, “you can post our pic but don’t use our first names.” I just think the Maxwells can act so odd sometimes. 

I found it strange but typically Maxwellian to identify them that way, instead of saying "my aunt so and so and uncle so and so".  But I guess that's how it is when you grow up so isolated.

[ophelia]

2 hours ago, Foudeb said:

Talk about men getting all the credit for women's work.

AMEN and Thank you!!!!

Reading your comment was really empowering and gave me lots of new arguments ?

I can tell that my MIL will bring the subject of the Baby's family name up again and now I feel more prepared.

[Austrian Atheist]

39 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

“My dad’s sister and her husband.” 
 

Is it strange to anyone else that they don’t name a sibling and husband? I doubt they said, “you can post our pic but don’t use our first names.” I just think the Maxwells can act so odd sometimes. 

That's why I didn't find it at first. I think it's the wording of someone who doesn't have a close relationship to their remote relatives.

In comparison: Teri's sister and her husband appear more often on the blog and in the comments. They are always "Aunt Name" and "Uncle Name" (not sure if it's okay to share their names here...)

[Hane]

I’m still not over the idea of taco soup for a wedding reception entree. A cake and punch reception? Cool. Passed hors d’oeuvres and champagne? Cool. A buffet? Cool. A sit-down dinner? Cool.

But a freaking bowl of soup? That’s Saturday afternoon with the kids.

[kpmom]

6 hours ago, Austrian Atheist said:

I vaguely remember a picture of a sister and her husband at some kind of family function (maybe a wedding?). If my memory does not fail me she didn't look like Teri's sister. I tried to find mentions of Steve's sisters on the blog but the only post which came up is over 10 years old (no pic, just a short reference).

(But I only searched for their first names. Searching for "aunt" or "sister" is too general and pretty useless on their blog.)

I agree, I've tried to search for posts and Corners on their blog and nothing useful comes up.

I am almost positive they did have a picture several years ago of one of Steve's sisters and her family.  They had stopped by to visit and have dinner on their way way to somewhere else.  Sarah put a picture of everyone around the table on the blog.

I wish I could find it by searching, but nada.

ETA:  I didn't see @JermajestyDuggar's  post until after I wrote this.  Good job searching!

I still believe one of his sisters and her family stopped by Chez Maxwell several years ago and there was a picture.  I believe Sarah didn't put who was who in that picture too.

 

Edited May 20, 2021 by kpmom
Adding stuff

[fundiewatch]

Thanks for finding that! I love Cathy Jo. The saddest line in this is Sarah telling readers that it’s so exciting to be IN a wedding. I mean... sure, but it’s sad that none of the Max Sisters will ever HAVE a wedding. 

[HerNameIsBuffy]

7 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

“My dad’s sister and her husband.” 
 

Is it strange to anyone else that they don’t name a sibling and husband? I doubt they said, “you can post our pic but don’t use our first names.” I just think the Maxwells can act so odd sometimes. 

Probably completely unrelated, but I had a therapist tell me once that they noticed I used names and "my" relationships for my kids, siblings, and parents ("my dad," "I have sisters and a brother", "my son", etc.) but when I spoke about my mom's family I'd say "my mother's brother/sister" or "my mother has a large family and there are a lot of cousins" as opposed to "I have a lot of cousins."

Therapist said it was distancing language.  According to her using my and names when referring to people indicates you feel a relationship.  Doesn't have to be a healthy relationship or positive connection, but your subconscious acknowledges the relationship/connection without ambiguity.  "My mother's family" and such she said was distancing as if I was parsing my language describing who they are to me in a technically correct way, but ascribing the relationship to my mom rather than myself.  She said a lot of people do this without being aware of it, I wasn't until she pointed it out.

Also, she said I used "my mom" when referring to most of the time, but "my mother" when I was talking about something painful...but it was always "my daddy" or "my dad" no matter if the context was positive, negative, or neutral.

I am enough of a language nerd and pendant to have found that interesting, as well as highly annoying.  

But in this case Maxwells are known for not naming people in pics and odd and stilted verbiage so this could be just regular ol' Max weirdness.  

 

[Black Aliss]

10 hours ago, Foudeb said:

I really don't get naming kids after the dad. You carried that kid for nine months, you gave birth to it which probably hurt, it'll be pulling on your nipples several times a day and night for months and months, your career and sleep patterns will likely never recover, and you name it after someone else? Wtf? Talk about men getting all the credit for women's work. If a random colleague did that to one of my work projects I would go ballistic, but because it's the man you love doing it to the most important project in your lives, you're supposed to say oh sure great let's do that with a smile on your face. 

Patriarchy makes no sense. 

A matriarchal naming system (husband and kids all take the mother's surname) makes even more sense when you consider how often a divorce means the children continue to live with the mother, even when she remarries. If it's so important that all family members have the same surname that's one way to do it. 

[Jana814]

18 minutes ago, Black Aliss said:

A matriarchal naming system (husband and kids all take the mother's surname) makes even more sense when you consider how often a divorce means the children continue to live with the mother, even when she remarries. If it's so important that all family members have the same surname that's one way to do it. 

I have friends who’s parents are divorced. In a few of these cases the mother’s kept their married names so they match their children. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

My mom kept her married name even after my parents divorced. She still uses it to this very day. Professionally, that’s what everyone knew her by. And she loves my dad’s family even though they divorced. So it made sense to her. On my wedding program, it listed my three parents all with the same last name. My dad, mom, and step mom. I told my dad that our wedding program made it look like he had sister wives. ?

[kpmom]

I have a friend who had a fairly brief marriage right after high school.  She never remarried and to this day, decades later, she still uses her ex's last name.

She and ex get along fine but even he has asked why she keeps his last name. 

Idk, maybe she just likes it better.

[Tatar-tot]

10 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

“My dad’s sister and her husband.” 
 

Is it strange to anyone else that they don’t name a sibling and husband? I doubt they said, “you can post our pic but don’t use our first names.” I just think the Maxwells can act so odd sometimes. 

Or Say something to the effect of “ here is dad with Aunt Mary & Uncle John. They flew in from Chicago for the wedding. It was great seeing them.”

( The names were made up!!!)

[Jana814]

47 minutes ago, kpmom said:

 

Idk, maybe she just likes it better.

I can see that. My friend’s parents divorced in 1984. His mother never went back up her maiden name because it’s was long & hard to pronounce. 

Edited May 20, 2021 by Jana814

[CaptainFunderpants]

4 hours ago, kpmom said:

I have a friend who had a fairly brief marriage right after high school.  She never remarried and to this day, decades later, she still uses her ex's last name.

She and ex get along fine but even he has asked why she keeps his last name. 

Idk, maybe she just likes it better.

That was exactly it for my maternal grandma. She liked and kept her third husband's last name, then never remarried again despite the fact that she was only in her mid-40s (now she's almost 80).

Her first marriage could give the S'mortons and Bowertragers a run. I've never sorted through it myself, but someone else put together a family tree and in her generation it was almost nothing but intermarrying, with brothers marrying sisters and the cousins of the brothers marrying the cousins of the sisters and whatnot. My god siblings and I are related both paternally and maternally.

[jakesykora]

15 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

<snip>

Is it strange to anyone else that they don’t name a sibling and husband? I doubt they said, “you can post our pic but don’t use our first names.” I just think the Maxwells can act so odd sometimes. 

Considering they still feel like they need to label themselves in their pictures and add "_____ Maxwell" or "the ____ Maxwell family" to anything about the brothers and their families much of the time also, it somehow seems very "on brand" for them to be odd about that also.

[fundiefan]

My sister's first marriage lasted about a year when she was 20. When they divorced, she kept her ex's last name - until her second marriage when she changed it to husband #2's name. 

In her case, it was because she had no attachment to the name we grew up with. In fact, it wasn't legally our name; my mom did a whole lot of lying and altering of documents to pretend her life was something it wasn't when we were born. We grew up with our sperm donor's last name, but it was never on our birth certificates. Which we didn't know until my sister went to get her marriage license the first time. Back then, it was apparently easy to doctor birth certificates so we had one with the name mom wanted us to have, even though it was all a lie.

When I got divorced, I took "back" the name on my birth certificate. It wasn't my "maiden" name, as far as what I'd been known as for 29 years before marrying. I had no interest in the name I grew up with, and finally living with the name I was given at birth - the name of the family I grew up with and was a part of - actually felt freeing to me. I was no longer my mother's pawn and I was no longer my ex's...anything.

 

[Smash!]

I guess many women don‘t change their name after a divorce because it would get confusing changing names so many times.

My boyfriend has a very elegant French last name but I want to keep my name when we will getting married. Actually I would love taking my maternal grandparents last name. It‘s a bit hard to pronounce outside the German language but I more and more feel like that I don‘t want to have a connection to my dads family.

[HerNameIsBuffy]

15 hours ago, Jana814 said:

I can see that. My friend’s parents divorced in 1984. His mother never went back up her maiden name because it’s was long & hard to pronounce. 

When I divorced my first husband I took back my maiden name going from something simple (think Taylor or Miller) back to something ethnic and hard to spell and pronounce.  When my sister divorced she kept her ex-husband's name even thought her youngest was almost an adult.  Simple reasons, she preferred her married name and I preferred my maiden name.

My ex's family was furious when I took my maiden name back and one former in-law actually asked, "how will people know the kids are yours?"  Uh, because I'm the one on the paperwork?  They were also offended I did it so fast, said it looked like I couldn't wait to remove myself from their family.  Or maybe it's just easier and free to do it while finalizing the divorce.

I did have a friend who has a great last name (same as a political family with a president assassinated in 1963 - but no relation) and he was married for a year or two, no kids.  His ex wanted to keep his name so he asked the court in the divorce to not allow it....to make her "give it back."  It didn't fly - she was entitled to keep it.  Tbf her maiden name wasn't very pleasing to the ear so I'd have probably kept his too, were I her.  

My daughter is going through this right now.  Not engaged but it's coming and she's bummed because she prefers her name.  I asked why she doesn't just keep it, but she wants to have the same name as her (future) kids.   So I pointed out the kids don't have to have his name, they can talk about it....but she's not interested in being innovative about it.  Now that I'm typing this makes me wonder if she was bothered by me having a different last name growing up and that's why she wants the same as her kids?  Guess I need to have a conversation.

 

[HerNameIsBuffy]

5 minutes ago, Smash! said:

I guess many women don‘t change their name after a divorce because it would get confusing changing names so many times.

Twice divorced and went back to my maiden name both times it's going to make me a pita for future generations of genealogists in my family, but it's not that big a deal as people adjust pretty quickly.  Then again, I have a very small social circle so it's probably more difficult for others.  

In between marriages I had some writing published under my maiden name so when I married again I hyphenated on published by-lines and I wish I'd just stuck to only using my maiden name for that.

7 minutes ago, Smash! said:

My boyfriend has a very elegant French last name but I want to keep my name when we will getting married. Actually I would love taking my maternal grandparents last name. It‘s a bit hard to pronounce outside the German language but I more and more feel like that I don‘t want to have a connection to my dads family.

I know some people think it's strange for an adult to change their surname for reasons other than a woman for marriage, but fwiw I've known a few people who have done that for family reasons such as yours and they were much happier for it.  People get used to it faster than you'd think.  My youngest wanted to change his name since high school and I was fully supportive so when he turned 18 I went with him to court.  When he ordered an amended birth certificate with his new name they didn't note what had changed, it looks like his original (that was MD, not sure about other states.)

[daisyjane1234]

16 hours ago, kpmom said:

I have a friend who had a fairly brief marriage right after high school.  She never remarried and to this day, decades later, she still uses her ex's last name.

She and ex get along fine but even he has asked why she keeps his last name. 

Idk, maybe she just likes it better.

My sister kept her ex's name mostly because it's also her kids' last name.  But it also has the added benefit of REALLY pissing off his bitchy and obnoxious second wife.