Josiah & Lauren 17: Proud parents to Lauren's hat...and Bella

[WiseGirl]

5 hours ago, ophelia said:

 Now I really want a book related shower ?

Me too! But for myself! "Please come and join WiseGirl for an afternoon of giving her books" sounds perfect. No impending showers for me. Last year's were all drive bys which were perfect for this introvert.

[Expectopatronus]

2 hours ago, CarrotCake said:

On the topic of registries for showers, I always wondered: do people actually give big gifts like carseats, strollers etc.? Or do they pitch in with a group. I just can't imagine spending that much money on babyshower gifts.

Here sometimes the parents give one big gift but for instance my parents gifted a playpen to my sister and now it will move to us so I will not get a big gift as well. Other family and friends just give a piece of clothing, a toy or a book after the baby is born (and now with the baby showers coming up you have to give two gifts  ).

My aunt gave my sister and I a cheque for $500 for our showers. I used it to buy a travel system as that company was making updates and I bought the design from the previous year. I honestly didn’t care that the car seat was « last year’s » shade of purple. Friends passed down the crib and change table. 

[Grace]

2 hours ago, nausicaa said:

In my experience, the big gifts like that come from the grandparents to be. Sometimes several people will go in together for something bigger like that too. 

I also put the big things on registries because often you get a 'complete the registry' discount so after all the baby was born I was able to buy a few big items for 20% off partially using gift cards from friends. After the showers I also put a bunch of household goods on there so I'd get a discount for my normal shopping for that day ?

[GreenBeans]

4 hours ago, CarrotCake said:

On the topic of registries for showers, I always wondered: do people actually give big gifts like carseats, strollers etc.? Or do they pitch in with a group. I just can't imagine spending that much money on babyshower gifts.

Here sometimes the parents give one big gift but for instance my parents gifted a playpen to my sister and now it will move to us so I will not get a big gift as well. Other family and friends just give a piece of clothing, a toy or a book after the baby is born (and now with the baby showers coming up you have to give two gifts  ).

Same here, no baby showers, really, small gifts from close friends maybe (but only after the birth), and possibly a bigger gift from parents/grandparents. 

Baby showers are becoming more of a thing for some people, but not really in my circles.

I don’t feel like I missed out. We got so many hand-me-downs from family, got a few small gifts from friends, bought some new stuff, and have been buying used clothing off Craigslist ever since baby boy was born. It’s been great, because we didn’t really know what kind of clothing would be practical for us (buttons, zippers, with or without feet etc), how fast he’d grow, how warm/cold the weather would be etc., so we could just get whatever we needed without having to buy something expensive and then realize it’s the wrong size or completely impractical, and it wouldn’t matter if he grew out it quickly.

Buy used and save the difference, ha!

[Jackie3]

12 hours ago, QuiverFullofBooks said:

Every baby is a new person. How is child #2 supposed to feel when she looks at the photo albums and finds out that her older sibling deserved a party but she wasn’t important enough to get one?

Have a shower on the off chance baby #2 will one day look at a photo album? That seems very strange, and inconvenient to all the grownups required to pull this off.

I'm sure baby #2 will have plenty of parties, and will probably be a lot more interested in his own birthday celebrations. In any event, it's easy enough to explain to the child that a shower is for a new parent to get the supplies they need, and it's wrong to ask for more things when you already have enough. 

Besides, there will be lots of differences between how you treat #1 and #2, both good and bad.

What a terrible way to raise a kid, jumping through hoops simply to spare him from reality! I'm sure he is capable of understanding this, and it's a good lesson about how things won't ever be equal.

[kmachete14]

The most useful items from my baby shower were the baby carrier, baby bath, sound machine, diaper bags, changing mat, changing table organizer. 
 

Our parents gifted us big ticket items, like car seat, stroller, rocking chair, & crib. 
 

All of those we will reuse for every kid. 
 

Friends also got us toys, books, outfits, diapers, burp rags, blankets, etc. Truthfully those can mostly be reused too, but if not, we don’t mind buying them. 
 

I think for the next child, diapers will be the biggest expense. Babies don’t NEED new clothes, and they hardly need that many clothes anyways (if you do the laundry often). Having a shower would feel like an embarrassing gift grab honestly. 
 

I could see if the next baby is a different gender people might send us some new outfits, but that would just be their own prerogative and not from a registry!

[fluffernutter]

When I was a doula, I went to something called a mother-baby blessing for one of my clients who was having her third. It was so sweet. It wasn't based on gifts at all- calming music, wonderful food, and everyone did something sweet for the mama. I did a lavender foot bath and massage. Another person was into henna and drew a pretty mandala type drawing on her belly. Someone did one of those baby bump plaster things. Everything centered around making the mom feel good. I carried that into some showers I threw for friends and my sister in law, especially if the need for gifts isn't a priority, as it often is for first time parents. Of course it depends on the mother's preferences- personally I hate being the center of attention and don't like to be touched, so it wouldn't be for me at all. I was much more practical and if someone had thrown something for me for baby two or three I would've asked for a freezer meal shower. ?

[Mama Mia]

13 hours ago, nausicaa said:

My mother didn't have one for me since I was her third, and it doesn't bother me at all. I mean, that's just how life works; it's not a reflection on my value as a person or my parents' love for me. 

I'm not against sprinkles, but in my circle, baby showers are pretty big deals and the hostess normally pays a lot of money and puts in a lot of time to throw the party and most guests buy nice gifts. It seems like a lot to ask of people if you're going to have three or four kids. 

Most brides don't have bridal showers for their second marriages, and I don't think it means they love their husbands-to-be any less. If everyone is on board with multiple bridal/baby showers, that's fine; it's not my hill to die on. But I also understand that people have limited bandwidth. 

I think this topic is always so interesting, just like with what constitutes an appropriate wedding reception, which has led to heated discussions here. There is so much variation in what we consider “normal” in celebrations. Even in the same geographic area, income, social group, religion, age as well as preference will play a part. It’s fascinating to hear the different scenarios. 

[Knight of Ni]

Posted to this thread by mistake. Carry on. Don't mind me.

Edited April 14, 2021 by Knight of Ni

[adidas]

I don’t care to speculate on someone’s body, but I did follow a link to look at the photo everyone is talking about because I wanted to see bridesmaids dresses.
 

Zoom in - is that an M kid picking his nose?! Poor kid - let him do that in private! ?

 

[Flossie]

I didn't have showers for my first two kids, but I had one for my last, given to me by a group of women that I really didn't know.

Just a few days before I had my last baby, I was going through the office to the shop where my husband worked.  A woman there tried to be funny and called out that I fat.  I gasped, and several other women and the secretary looked shocked and started giving me empathetic looks and shooting the loudmouth glares.  Instead of backing down, loudmouth doubled down and said I was enormous.  I pointed out I was pregnant and hopefully very soon I'd lose 25 lbs overnight and have a baby to show for it.  Loudmouth said that wouldn't help.  She said that after the baby was born I'd need to watch my diet and breastfeed until the kid was in college to lose all that weight.  I don't even remember what I said, I just laughed weakly and went into the shop to talk to my husband.  I never mentioned to him what had just occurred, because I didn't want to stir up trouble at his workplace.  Loudmouth wasn't his boss, but she was the boss of the other people that were there, and I didn't want him to start something and make it worse.

Later that day he came home and asked me what happened.  He said that several women had come up to him during the day and asked him if I was OK.  They said Loudmouth had made an ass of herself and they felt bad.  I said I didn't want it to become a big thing.  Loudmouth was rude and always insulting people under the guise of being funny, but she had a mean streak, and in the end I didn't want to deal with her.  I'm sure she got some pushback over it, because she never tried to 'joke' with me again.  We just avoided each other when we could, and were polite when we came face to face.

Anyway, a few days after the incident, I had the baby.  A few weeks after that my husband called from work and told me that some of the drivers wanted to throw me a baby shower.  He asked me to please bring the baby to the drivers lounge later that afternoon.  I really didn't want to.  I didn't really know these people.  My husband told me they had been feeling bad about what happened and they wanted to make it up to me.  They'd been asking him what they could do, and when one of them mentioned a late baby shower, my husband said that I'd never had one with the other two so I wouldn't miss it.

That lit a fire!  They organized a baby shower to be held a few days later between their morning and afternoon runs.  They were positive someone had told my husband and he'd cleared it with me.  He didn't remember it being a firm thing and had promptly forgotten it.  When the day came and the drivers were bringing in the cake and gifts, he realized it was really happening in about three hours.  I told him it was a nice thing, but...  Then he said it was apparently a bigger thing than he realized because his boss told him he was to attend and had put out the word to any other employees around at the time to drop in.

So I went.  No one expected me to do anything other than sit there and show off the baby.  She was awake at first and then fell asleep.  In the meantime I was given some cake.  Within a few minutes someone asked if she could hold the baby.  After that I didn't get her again until it was time to leave.  I opened gifts, chatted with whomever was nearby, and treated like visiting royalty.  My husband abandoned me after about 20 minutes, but by then I felt comfortable.  The other mechanics and his boss dropped by to see the baby and have some cake.  Loudmouth wisely stayed away.

I got some apologies over what went down earlier, and put their minds at ease because we were all stunned and didn't know what to do.  It was over, never to be mentioned again.  Then I got to hear some funny stories about my husband and the other mechanics.  Stories of nice things that people did for each other.  Heard some inside jokes and had them explained to me.  It was a nice time.

When it was over I went home with cake for my older kids, a lot of nice gifts, and some cash.  One of the nicest gifts was from a woman whose son worked for Enfamil, the baby formula company.  He gave her two books of coupons for cases of Enfamil.  Each case had six cans of the dry formula.  I can't remember how many coupons were in each book, but it was enough that we didn't have to buy formula until just before baby's first birthday.  That stuff was expensive back then, I can't imagine how much it costs now!

[Mama Mia]

22 hours ago, Jackie3 said:

Have a shower on the off chance baby #2 will one day look at a photo album? That seems very strange, and inconvenient to all the grownups required to pull this off.

I'm sure baby #2 will have plenty of parties, and will probably be a lot more interested in his own birthday celebrations. In any event, it's easy enough to explain to the child that a shower is for a new parent to get the supplies they need, and it's wrong to ask for more things when you already have enough. 

Besides, there will be lots of differences between how you treat #1 and #2, both good and bad.

What a terrible way to raise a kid, jumping through hoops simply to spare him from reality! I'm sure he is capable of understanding this, and it's a good lesson about how things won't ever be equal.

Well that heir and a spare philosophy of unequal treatment can have some blow-back, I hear ?

[Knight of Ni]

@Flossie I am so sorry that happened to you. I can't imagine being so mean spirited to say something like that. I am so glad your husband's coworkers were kind enough to give you a baby shower but have to admit I'm more than a little jealous of that Enfamil gift. I'm currently struggling to lose that post pregnancy baby weight with my second and it's so much harder than my first.

People really need to think before they say something. About two years ago a friend from college showed her ID to buy alcohol. The cashier said "wow! Looks like someone stopped exercising" Little did she know that my friend recently developed a very serious heart condition and almost died. One of the side effects of her medicine is weight gain. 

Always be kind.  

[SunnySide]

26 minutes ago, Knight of Ni said:

@Flossie I am so sorry that happened to you. I can't imagine being so mean spirited to say something like that. I am so glad your husband's coworkers were kind enough to give you a baby shower but have to admit I'm more than a little jealous of that Enfamil gift. I'm currently struggling to lose that post pregnancy baby weight with my second and it's so much harder than my first.

People really need to think before they say something. About two years ago a friend from college showed her ID to buy alcohol. The cashier said "wow! Looks like someone stopped exercising" Little did she know that my friend recently developed a very serious heart condition and almost died. One of the side effects of her medicine is weight gain. 

Always be kind.  

Stories like Flossies, and that of your friend are why I do not comment on people’s bodies. People tend to lose and gain weight with age, pregnancy, health problems or just because they’re human and crap happens and we’re not always in control of our bodies. The only time I’ll comment is if someone volunteers info such as “this medicine made me lose/gain weight. I’ve got to fix this.” Then I just say something reassuring but polite like “you get healthy and then talk to your doctor about the next step.” People can be so, so rude about physical appearances.

[SunnySide]

On 4/13/2021 at 11:09 PM, QuiverFullofBooks said:

Every baby is a new person. How is child #2 supposed to feel when she looks at the photo albums and finds out that her older sibling deserved a party but she wasn’t important enough to get one?

I don’t know if this is common in every culture/social group. I am in the US and we see having a second shower as a tacky gift grab. In my particular circle the shower for the first child defrays the expense of the high cost items (crib, stroller, car seat). I have a massive extended family on both sides (we are not fundie, nor have we ever been there’s just a lot of us) and it is known that this group of aunties chips in and gets the car seat. That group of cousins chips in and gets the crib, and so on until the big things are taken care of. You’re expected to use these things for subsequent children unless of course an item would be recalled, or is no longer usable, then you’re sort of on your own.  Friends and family who do not have the means to buy a gift often help with preparing the food and decorating the hall the day of the shower. Because there are so many of us the out of towners often send gift cards or cash to help cover some diapers, formula  and clothing. It usually works out pretty well that for the first 6 months the new parents don’t need too much.  Subsequent children will get small gifts when they’re born such as a few onesies, a blanket, or a stuffed animal. One exception to this formula is if someone has a complete surprise. One cousin and his wife had twins after a 13 year gap between children. Then we did what families do. We banded together and found two of everything and helped the family. Some of the aunts and uncles arranged “get me out of the house” days for the 13 year old so he didn’t feel like he was stuck with babies 24/7. 
 

A second baby in my family wouldn’t look at an album and go “why didn’t I deserve this party too?” They’d look at an album and say “first child and I had the same crib! That’s cool!”

 

I am only one person and I know my way isn’t everyone’s way, but I hope it sheds light on how we manage with one shower. 

[Meggo]

We had a "shower" for a friends fourth - which is unusual - but they'd also had a vasectomy so baby number 4 was a bit of a shock (she'd given EVERYTHING away) and after three boys, little MISS was an even bigger shocker. So it was basically a coed party at a winery and everyone brought her something. Some people brought hand me downs, some brought new stuff - I went and out and got some really sweet little girl clothes (that were cute but I thought kind of went with her style of more low key) 
But it was more a party where everyone got to meet the baby and oh - there were presents. There wasn't any "try to measure mom's belly" or that anything silly. It was just a party to welcome baby. 

And I wouldn't allow any games at the showers that people threw for ME. Hard pass on that one. I was thrilled to have showers - I just didn't want any of the silly games. 

 

[Jana814]

I follow a blog of someone who seems to have a new baby every 2 years. She also seems to have a baby shower each time. 

[Bluebirdbluebell]

19 minutes ago, Jana814 said:

I follow a blog of someone who seems to have a new baby every 2 years. She also seems to have a baby shower each time. 

Is she a fundie?

[Jrodseyeliner]

On 4/14/2021 at 1:09 PM, QuiverFullofBooks said:

Every baby is a new person. How is child #2 supposed to feel when she looks at the photo albums and finds out that her older sibling deserved a party but she wasn’t important enough to get one?

I have 2 kids, rest assured that they don’t give a shit... 

 

[Jana814]

38 minutes ago, Bluebirdbluebell said:

Is she a fundie?

Not sure. She’s a big fan of Steven Anderson. She might be baptist. She moved her family from Virginia to Atlanta to attend a certain church.  

[Bluebirdbluebell]

6 minutes ago, Jana814 said:

Not sure. She’s a big fan of Steven Anderson. She might be baptist. She moved her family from Virginia to Atlanta to attend a certain church.  

If she's a fan of Steven Anderson, she sounds like a fundie to me.

[maple802]

On 4/14/2021 at 12:42 PM, kmachete14 said:

Our parents gifted us big ticket items, like car seat, stroller, rocking chair, & crib. 
 

All of those we will reuse for every kid. 

PSA: Car seats do expire, so you may need to replace for successive children depending on how many years have passed since the original was manufactured. 

[GuineaPigCourtship]

Because I didn't have a shower for this baby, I'd like to do something if we have another. I suspect I won't need ANYTHING except diapers, but a nice tea party with friends to celebrate the new baby sounds lovely. As do freezer meals! Something very low key with friends.

[Meggo]

1 hour ago, GuineaPigCourtship said:

Because I didn't have a shower for this baby, I'd like to do something if we have another. I suspect I won't need ANYTHING except diapers, but a nice tea party with friends to celebrate the new baby sounds lovely. As do freezer meals! Something very low key with friends.

Agreed - at the shower my mom threw - there were a LOT of people she wanted to invite - work people etc. And I let her because it was the only chance she'd get at throwing a shower for a grandchild. But I didn't know half those ladies and mixed up which "Barbara" gave me something ... it was awkward. Would have much preferred just hanging out with friends. That shower happened over the summer and was fun. 

[just_ordinary]

15 hours ago, Jana814 said:

Not sure. She’s a big fan of Steven Anderson. She might be baptist. She moved her family from Virginia to Atlanta to attend a certain church.  

Well, if that doesn’t scream Fundie what does. Moving because of a church seems completely crazy to me.