Josiah & Lauren 17: Proud parents to Lauren's hat...and Bella

[raayx01]

I don't get why some people have a shower for every kid, My cousin had three girls in a row and had a shower for everyone of them, even thought they were half ass (they were just held at thanksgiving or Christmas when everyone was already there), but it just seemed like they were trying to get new free clothes. but in the case of Christina and Paul, I see why they had one because they're having a girl and their last girl, Olivia, is now like 8 or ten. They probably got rid of a lot if there girl clothes or gave them too Kendra. 

[OyToTheVey]

23 minutes ago, Jana814 said:

A friend of mine from college who was raised Catholic (13 years of Catholic school) married a non-religious Jewish guy. When she was pregnant with her first daughter her mother through her a baby shower. His mother was their as well as some of his relatives. Their gifts to her was money. I’m one of the a few of her friends that is Jewish & a mutual friend of ours asked why they did that & my response was we don’t have showers. I got her a gift & I sent it to her mother in advance. When I emailed her mother my RSVP & asked about sending a gift ahead of time her response to me was “I was waiting for your email & prepared to get your gift in advance”. 

Money is basically our gift for everything lol I'm not shlepping gift boxes. Unless I can ship them there.

[Not that josh's mom]

We only put up the crib before my son was born. It was used and we wanted to be sure it was all there and ok. My MIL put bedding on it and brought over some sleepers and diapers when I was in the hospital. Guess I didn't need 100 pacifiers, 200 cutie clothes and 75 blankets. He survived!  

I make quilts for babies in our family, but NEVER send or give them until the baby is home. I know I couldn't bear looking at a special quilt without my newborn and I dont want someone else to have to. 

[viii]

I never thought much about setting up/decorating before the baby was born. It's common enough where I live for people to start shopping the minute the pee dries on the stick. 

However, my friend lost her baby at 38 weeks, and having to get rid of all the nursery items and put everything away was a really hard thing to watch. 

Ever since then, I've refrained from giving a gift until the baby is home. 

[Meggo]

1 hour ago, OyToTheVey said:

This is kinda why I love our Jewish traditions. We don't have baby showers, we don't decorate the room, most don't even announce that they're having a baby. It's mostly superstition but I feel like it makes life easier. I never understood people that had multiple baby showers and all that. We don't even bring baby things into the house before the baby is born. Most people just pre-order things, they wait at the store and the husband or grandparents go pick them up while mom is in the hospital. It's not like a newborn needs a completely decorated room right away. They won't exactly use it for at least 6 months.

I have always loved this. When we were in the midst of adopting our son - people kept bringing in hand me downs (crib, clothes etc) and I understand WHY - but at the same time I kept thinking "If this goes belly up - it's going to crush me to have to say come get this all out of my house." 

thankfully it turned out fine - but ... 

[Johannah]

As someone living in New York who has mostly Jewish friends, I am very familiar with the tradition/superstition. However, I’m not sure it’s any easier to lose a pregnancy (especially a late stage one) alone, having possibly not even told anyone you’re pregnant or acknowledged its existence. It doesn’t mean you’re not still grieving!

I’ve had 2 miscarriages. The first one, I wanted to buy a onesie as soon as the pee was dry, but I didn’t. Not out of superstition, just practicality. We had decided to wait until 12 weeks to tell anyone, so I decided to wait until then to buy anything too. I was completely devastated by the loss and to this day I regret not buying the onesie and not telling people I was pregnant.

I had another miscarriage more recently. I told all my close friends, wrote down my due date in my calendar, signed up for pregnancy updates, got baby stuff out of storage. I even took a photo with my SIL and friend because we were all pregnant at the same time. That loss was infinitely less devastating, even though I was farther along. I cherish that photo of all of us pregnant together. And having the support and acknowledgement of the pregnancy from my friends helped immensely.

I don’t think there’s a right way to handle this and it’s different for every individual person and pregnancy, but I think it’s a myth that not preparing for a baby’s arrival will make a potential loss easier. I also think it should be left up to each person to decide and not dictated by custom or religion. I have several Jewish friends who really wanted to celebrate being pregnant and decorate the nursery, have a shower, share name ideas, etc, and felt constrained by family and friends who would have shown serious disapproval. 

[EmmaWoodhouse]

5 hours ago, raayx01 said:

I don't get why some people have a shower for every kid, My cousin had three girls in a row and had a shower for everyone of them, even thought they were half ass (they were just held at thanksgiving or Christmas when everyone was already there), but it just seemed like they were trying to get new free clothes. but in the case of Christina and Paul, I see why they had one because they're having a girl and their last girl, Olivia, is now like 8 or ten. They probably got rid of a lot if there girl clothes or gave them too Kendra. 

I grew up fundie (homeschooled, eight younger siblings, etc). When my mom had her eighth, no one threw her a shower (I guess they figured she already had everything). We began leaving fundamentalism right around the time she got pregnant with #9 and our new church threw her a full shower after he was born. It really meant a lot, not from a gift-perspective, but because nobody acted like baby #9 was just another number lost in the shuffle.

All that to say, I’m not anti-shower. It’s a way to celebrate the baby as an individual. But I agree with you that if you have plenty of baby clothes and gear, maybe have a gift-free shower?

[Expectopatronus]

7 hours ago, OHFL2009 said:

I thought of Lauren last week when a girl I went to high school with posted that she had had a miscarriage on social media. Apparently she was about 6 weeks along and hadn't told anyone she was pregnant. From the hospital she posted a series of sad selfies with a long post about how she wasn't sure how she would ever recover from this devastating loss. I'm not going to judge her because I know she was hurting, and everyone who commented on her post was sympathetic and offering condolences. But I know a few other girls from high school who had much later miscarriages/stillbirths after they had decorated the nursery and told everyone they were pregnant and had baby showers, and even one who had a stillbirth at 38 weeks, who were hurt by the post because it felt so attention seeking. It very much reminded me of Lauren and Asa.

I think that this is an issue where people are very divided. In my opinion, miscarriage doesn’t need to be turned into the suffering olympics where people who are further along are hurt, angered etc by an early miscarriage being grieved. Loss is loss. Your loss does not impact mine and for Lauren, Asa was a baby from the moment of conception onward. Just my thoughts on the matter.

[G33kywife]

1 hour ago, EmmaWoodhouse said:

maybe have a gift-free shower?

I just had one yesterday and it was so lovely! I’m due in 3 weeks with my 4th. I have always felt awkward with being the center of attention and receiving gifts, but also really wanted a chance for a kid free afternoon with a handful of women who are really special to me. My mom, along with 3 close girlfriends, came over for a yummy spread of food and drinks, and to just enjoy time together. Each woman wrote down “wishes for baby,” and I received a few very small gifts. It was perfect!

[AuntCloud]

7 hours ago, OyToTheVey said:

Yup!!!! Cheeseburgers are awesome, electricity on shabbos is even better but a baby shower? HARD NO! It's just one of those things that doesn't happen.

This! And never, ever celebrate a birthday before the actual date.

Even of your birthday is on a Monday, don’t celebrate over the weekend prior to. Just book something for the following Saturday then cancel because your city has gone into yet another lockdown. 

[GuineaPigCourtship]

I had only told my parents and best friend about my pregnancy prior to my miscarriage in 2018. We had been trying for about a year and I remember telling my husband that I was utterly, perfectly happy with our life the afternoon before. It was devastating and I cried for days and had to take a day off work. My husband's boss gave him the day to stay and take care of me. The CEO even reached out briefly with his condolences and to let him know it would be a paid day. I am still so touched by this gesture.

After that period of mourning I mostly went back to life as normal until what would have been the due date when I was so sad not to be pregnant still, although I found out layer that week I was actually pregnant with my daughter. I am still a bit sad when I think about it, even though I couldn't have my current child if the first one had stuck.

No baby showers here due to covid and I made my husband wait til 2 months before my due date to set up any furniture (I couldn't get him to wait any longer). I satisfied myself by not personally buying anything for the baby until the week she was due.

[Mama Mia]

1 hour ago, EmmaWoodhouse said:

I grew up fundie (homeschooled, eight younger siblings, etc). When my mom had her eighth, no one threw her a shower (I guess they figured she already had everything). We began leaving fundamentalism right around the time she got pregnant with #9 and our new church threw her a full shower after he was born. It really meant a lot, not from a gift-perspective, but because nobody acted like baby #9 was just another number lost in the shuffle.

All that to say, I’m not anti-shower. It’s a way to celebrate the baby as an individual. But I agree with you that if you have plenty of baby clothes and gear, maybe have a gift-free shower?

I had a shower for every baby. As far as I can recall my friends and family did too. Even if the babies are close in age and the same sex. It’s interesting how traditions are so different for everyone. To me, it’s a chance to celebrate THIS new little person, and the mama, and pregnancy in general, and play games, and eat, and share stories. Having one shower given by family, another by close friends or co-workers is pretty common too. I don’t think I’ve been to any gift free ones, but ones where most of the gifts are for the mom, or people pitch in to get bigger items.  Or the main focus is on practical things, like diapers. Plus cute outfits, of course.

I had a second trimester loss a long time ago, that ended with me almost dying and being hospitalized, with a long down time. II was in maternity clothes already and had some bags of hand-me-down baby clothes and supplies already in the living room. One of the nicest, most healing things was before I got home from the hospital a good friend of mine packed up and put away the baby things, bought me a very nice, very non-maternity outfit, some good escapist books, chocolates and a nice blanket for lying on the couch. 

Edited April 13, 2021 by Mama Mia

[Audrey2]

I guess I'm a boring shower guest. I usually give diapers and wipes and if it's someone I'm very close to usually a package of inexpensive onesies as well. I also give a book, usually The Pokey Little Puppy for the first child and other books for following children. I don't believe anyone can grow up properly without The Pokey Little Puppy!

Edited April 13, 2021 by Audrey2

[mango_fandango]

Baby showers aren’t really a thing in the U.K. in the same way they are in the US, although people do have them. Personally I would hate having one as I hate being the centre of attention. 

[Bluebirdbluebell]

It appears all the Duggars are holding their announcements. Jed! and Katey's engagement was only announced, because it was leaked. So it could be a combination of factors that Si and Lauren are either waiting to be farther along or TLC and the family's schedule for the announcement. Or both.

[marmalade]

15 minutes ago, Bluebirdbluebell said:

It appears all the Duggars are holding their announcements. Jed! and Katey's engagement was only announced, because it was leaked. So it could be a combination of factors that Si and Lauren are either waiting to be farther along or TLC and the family's schedule for the announcement. Or both.

Jed! never announced his engagement. Some leghumpers probably didn't know anything until he posted the wedding pics on Instagram.

[Bluebirdbluebell]

17 minutes ago, marmalade said:

Jed! never announced his engagement. Some leghumpers probably didn't know anything until he posted the wedding pics on Instagram.

He didn't, but the Nakatsus did. He also announced the wedding. 

[marmalade]

6 minutes ago, Bluebirdbluebell said:

He didn't, but the Nakatsus did. He also announced the wedding. 

But you would have to know Katey was on the radar and that Kory had a blog to know about the engagement. Reddit and FJ knew. Others? Word of mouth in the snarker circles. Probably almost a complete surprise to the leghumpers. 

[ophelia]

13 hours ago, Mama Mia said:

Still, it wouldn’t be surprising if Lauren and Josiah were expecting #2. 2 years ,give or take a few months, is a REALLY common spacing, even in the regular world.

If everything goes well with this pregnancy and we feel comfortable in our new role as parents, we would actually love a short age gape like 1,5-2 years. I know a lot of people that had their first two ones close in age and a larger gap (3-5 years) until they had their third. If they had a third at all.

2 hours ago, mango_fandango said:

Baby showers aren’t really a thing in the U.K. in the same way they are in the US, although people do have them. Personally I would hate having one as I hate being the centre of attention. 

I don't think baby showers are a thing in Germany. At least in my social circles noone ever had one. Sometimes I actually wish I could have a shower. On the one hand I would LOVE to see all my girlfriends again, because I miss them a lot. Covid would make this impossible, but one can dream, right?
On the other hand I'd love to have at least some kind of registry. We are some kind of crunchy and plan on cloth diapering our baby and you could probably call us a little extra since we want organic fabric at least for the clothing parts with skin contact.

[Travlr98]

My sister had two baby showers, but her kids are 8 years apart and different genders. We got my niece involved with planning the shower for her new brother. My mom and I even took her to the store to let her help us pick out decorations.  I even put her name as a hostess on the invitations. She had fun and even handed out the party favors to everyone. Looking back I'm glad we included her.  She didn't have one for her 3rd kid because they are close in age. 

[medimus]

Baby showers are not a thing in Belgium either. When the baby is born the parents send out a birth announcement (usually a cute card with name, weight, length, parents names, godparents names) which includes the birht registry and a bank account number. So you can either buy something of the registry or just put money on the bank account (which will usually be a baby savings account, or ocassionally be for buying something big like a cargo bike). I really like the registry thing, because the parents get exactly what they want and need and you can give as much as you are willing/able. The more expensive items will usually be bought in 'slices'. So if you wanted a 200 euro crib, you could put 10 shares at 20 euros each on the registry. I'm pretty sure you buy everything left on your registry which helps to not put too much on there!

Something really cool that some of my friends have done is a second hand registry. Works the same way, but the organisation doing it finds all the items in really good quality second hand and sometimes does them up. There can be some new things on the list too from sustainable sources. I thought that was a fantastic idea! https://www.micmacminuscule.be/en/

Then to celebrate the baby you have a 'babyborrel', a drink for the baby. So basically a little drinks party at home.

[CarrotCake]

13 hours ago, OHFL2009 said:

I thought of Lauren last week when a girl I went to high school with posted that she had had a miscarriage on social media. Apparently she was about 6 weeks along and hadn't told anyone she was pregnant. From the hospital she posted a series of sad selfies with a long post about how she wasn't sure how she would ever recover from this devastating loss. I'm not going to judge her because I know she was hurting, and everyone who commented on her post was sympathetic and offering condolences. But I know a few other girls from high school who had much later miscarriages/stillbirths after they had decorated the nursery and told everyone they were pregnant and had baby showers, and even one who had a stillbirth at 38 weeks, who were hurt by the post because it felt so attention seeking. It very much reminded me of Lauren and Asa.

I'm six weeks pregnant right now and while I would be sad if I had a miscarriage now it would be more because I really want to have a baby and it means we have to 'start over'. I do not feel any emotional bond yet with the clump of cells in my uturus  ?\

Maybe this will change when I get my first ultrasound in two weeks but for now, I do not understand the Lauren/Asa thing.

[Irishy]

Baby showers are not a thing in Ireland. Gifts arrive after the baby does. Nursery decorating is not a thing either. Babies sleep with their parents and there is no need for a room dedicated to a baby. The only prep people do is buy the essentials like onesies, a Moses basket and a car seat. Sometimes people buy furniture and prams in advance but don’t collect them until baby has arrived. A lot of it has its roots in superstition but it cuts down on stuffing your house with stuff. So much stuff. 

[Jana814]

4 hours ago, Travlr98 said:

My sister had two baby showers, but her kids are 8 years apart and different genders. We got my niece involved with planning the shower for her new brother. My mom and I even took her to the store to let her help us pick out decorations.  I even put her name as a hostess on the invitations. She had fun and even handed out the party favors to everyone. Looking back I'm glad we included her.  She didn't have one for her 3rd kid because they are close in age. 

That’s really sweet you did that for your niece. 

[CarrotCake]

1 hour ago, Irishy said:

Baby showers are not a thing in Ireland. Gifts arrive after the baby does.

They weren't here in the Netherlands either but since a few years they seem to have been popping up as an influence of American culture. I really don't like them, also because you are still expected to also visit with gifts after the baby arrives.

I try to stay out of babyshowers as much as possible and I really do not want one for myself.