Josiah and Lauren 16: Just Another Young Fundie Couple

[Iamtheway]

59 minutes ago, just_ordinary said:

I have never heard from anyone that miscarried a wanted child (disclaimer: I don’t know about any unwanted pregnancies in my circle and I don’t want to assume what someone would or wouldn’t feel) that wasn’t devastated even though we all know the facts. You just don’t expect it would be you.

I totally expected it would be me. After five years of trying and five failed ivf:s I remember feeling mostly resigned about my loss. I was pretty beat down about the whole thing by then though and devastated was pretty much already the default mode. 

I was also sure I would miscarry Miniway all the way up until his birth. It’s one of the reasons I don’t want to try for a second child.

In crazy fundie-land I am the mother of 7 though since that’s how many fertilised eggs I have surely had inside my uterus. I guess they wouldn’t count the 4 that I brutally murdered by letting them become medical waste as my children?

And what about the one that didn’t survive beeing frozen? And the 9 that weren’t good enough to freeze? Am I actually the mother of 21? 

That must be why I’m so freaking tired all the time! 

[Audrey2]

@just_ordinary, I like what you said in your longer post above. I wonder if more people are talking about miscarriages now because people have fewer children and more children are planned than what they were 75 years ago. Sadly, I would guess most miscarriages that are now talked about in general were miscarriages of very wanted children.

I also wonder if Josiah and Lauren will have the first full-time auntie mom (one of the three older Duggar lost girls. I don't see Josie as an auntie mom.)

[justoneoftwo]

There's a lot of judgment here for her announcing early it seems but she only announce early to her family. I certainly did the same with my family and close friends in part because if there was a miscarriage I wanted them to know so I would have support. I think enhancer really And discussing miscarriages openly it's a good thing for society.

[Melissa1977]

6 hours ago, justoneoftwo said:

There's a lot of judgment here for her announcing early it seems but she only announce early to her family. I certainly did the same with my family and close friends in part because if there was a miscarriage I wanted them to know so I would have support. I think enhancer really And discussing miscarriages openly it's a good thing for society.

So true. With my eldest, I did the test one day BEFORE my period was due. I was soooo sure I was pregnant and it was true. After telling my husband, I called my mom. I was aware of early miscarriages and chemical pregnancies and whatever, but it was impossible to me to silent the joy. I know waiting is better, but feelings don't work in a rational way.

All those fundie young women must get really pissed when the first period after the wedding comes. Sad after the second. And definitely scared after the third. So I understand they announce it early: share happiness, avoid uncomfortable questions and pressure and be in the spotlight for a while.

[justoneoftwo]

3 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

So true. With my eldest, I did the test one day BEFORE my period was due. I was soooo sure I was pregnant and it was true. After telling my husband, I called my mom. I was aware of early miscarriages and chemical pregnancies and whatever, but it was impossible to me to silent the joy. I know waiting is better, but feelings don't work in a rational way.

All those fundie young women must get really pissed when the first period after the wedding comes. Sad after the second. And definitely scared after the third. So I understand they announce it early: share happiness, avoid uncomfortable questions and pressure and be in the spotlight for a while.

But why is waiting better? Its not for everyone! It wasn't for you so good for you for telling your mom right away

[LilMissMetaphor]

20 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

 She was a real baby

 

 What the...

[Peaches-n-Beans]

On 12/7/2019 at 8:51 AM, Audrey2 said:

@just_ordinary, I like what you said in your longer post above. I wonder if more people are talking about miscarriages now because people have fewer children and more children are planned than what they were 75 years ago. Sadly, I would guess most miscarriages that are now talked about in general were miscarriages of very wanted children.

I also wonder if Josiah and Lauren will have the first full-time auntie mom (one of the three older Duggar lost girls. I don't see Josie as an auntie mom.)

I think they would yeah, especially with Jill off the show and seemingly not on great terms with her family and is growing her family at a slower rate then the others. Prior to all of that i'd've picked Jill, but definitely Lauren. Jill at least is growing her family slower for what ever reason. I don't see Lauren doing that, Lauren seems like the sort of person who craves the attention from having that many kids. 

[Exposedknees]

I see the picture of baby Bella on Siren's insta story on an arrow print blanket. All I can think of is St Sebastian ? The poor kid has a quiver themed nursery apparently???

Edited December 8, 2019 by Exposedknees

[meee]

On 12/6/2019 at 6:37 PM, mango_fandango said:

The Maxwells are much more private than many fundies; we have no indication of whether they named the miscarried baby or not. They have almost never done a gender reveal prior to the birth, the only time it happened was with Andrew (Drew). 

Well if they did, it wasn't part of the alphabet theme. Their kids are Abby, Bethany, Christina, Deborah, Andrew, Benjamin... not, I don't know, Abby, (miscarriage named Bethany) Christina, Deborah, (miscarriage named Andrew), Benjamin, Caleb, and Elizabeth, or whatever. (I don't remember exactly where in the birth order their miscarriages were. My point is that they have an obvious alphabet theme with their living children, whereas Josiah and Lauren are quite obviously counting every conception.)

[VeryNikeSeamstress]

Quiver themed nursery?! These people are practically a parody of themselves. I'm guessing they eventually have the alphabet posted on the wall with the name of each corresponding blessing beneath it. 

While I appreciate the minimalistic gender neutral decor, it makes me think they're expecting to have babies very close together. If Lauren has a boy next they won't want to put him in a pink room.

Edited December 9, 2019 by VeryNikeSeamstress

[theotherelise]

The arrows are a massive trend in nursery items and baby apparel right now. Honestly so big it’s hard to avoid it. It can be found alongside the woodland creatures or on its own like here. 

That said, I’m sure they don’t hate the association to Psalm 127. 

[LillyP]

Re: Announcing early

I don't think it's that they don't realize how common miscarriages are, but more than in their world they consider every pregnancy to be a gift from God that deserves to be celebrated. I remember in a much earlier episode when an early announcement happened (I think maybe it was Jessa?) there was a comment about announcing early and their general thought was that they think every child is a blessing and they'd want the support of their families should it not be a viable pregnancy.

That being said, I think Lauren (having now been through a miscarriage) probably realizes that while she wants her baby to be celebrated, the sheer number of times they brought it up during interviews/filming is probably not worth her announcing early anymore. I don't think she's emotionally stable enough to handle something like that again.

I think Lauren is almost insufferable, and thought that even before the miscarriage. They are, by far, my least favorite fundie couple and the ones I eye-roll at the most. BUT, I won't snark on her for how she's handled the miscarriage. Having been through it - both with an ectopic pregnancy AND a miscarriage, it's absolutely devastating for anyone, and especially for someone who desperately wants to have a baby. It truly is one of those situations where you just can't understand or relate unless you've been in that position (and I don't say that often about things). My first pregnancy was an ectopic after trying almost a year. Like someone else said, even knowing all the stats/facts I didn't even consider it would happen to me. I quite literally couldn't get out of my own way for months after that. It consumed my daily thoughts, I cried every.single.day, and I was basically just going through the motions. I put on a good face in public but I definitely withdrew from many of my friends. 

My second pregnancy was a miscarriage, and again, that just set me even deeper. By the time I got pregnant on the 3rd time I wasn't even optimistic. I waited a solid week, maybe even longer, before I called my OB to even make an appointment. I just figured "what's the point, it's not going to stick anyway". I was a solid 20 weeks through my pregnancy before I even felt comfortable getting excited about it. Now that my son is here I don't think about those days that often and I certainly don't dwell on it. Lauren is definitely going to need to find a way to move forward with her life and new baby because that child has a long road ahead if she's going to constantly be playing the "you weren't our first child" card.

[lumpentheologie]

On 12/6/2019 at 11:00 PM, just_ordinary said:

Calling the baby „it“ can feel quite wrong even cold and heartless to some (especially in my language). 

Sorry for the language digression, but I’m so curious about what you mean exactly here. I regularly have to tell my husband that it’s not okay to refer to children as ‘it’ in English, but he says it’s so hard for him not to because the word for child is neuter in German. 

[just_ordinary]

12 minutes ago, lumpentheologie said:

Sorry for the language digression, but I’m so curious about what you mean exactly here. I regularly have to tell my husband that it’s not okay to refer to children as ‘it’ in English, but he says it’s so hard for him not to because the word for child is neuter in German. 

German speaking myself- while baby/child is neuter most people often use the whole term. So instead of it/es they use the baby/das baby. Because it is in general used for things. Not exclusively though, especially in dialects. I made the experience that after a miscarriage the parents feel the need to set their lost baby apart from the similarity to things. Maybe it depends on where you live/your social bubble and maybe my experience is actually a lesser common. But just using es/it for miscarriages is definitely not something I have encountered and I too felt pretty weird calling my lost baby something neuter like a thing (I obviously stopped this pretty fast).

[VBOY9977]

Bella’s birth is on TLCgo now in case anyone wants to see it. Episode description says she had bad back labor and got 2 epidurals that didn’t help much. 
 

I’m watching:

She started first signs of labor on nov 6th at at night.

The next day she goes to her parents home to walk some stairs

Apparently Jill is there. They don’t show her but her name is on subtitles while she’s talking. 

After 24 hours, she goes to the hospitals and gets admitted. Michelle and Lauren’s mom are there. 

she gets back labor so Josiah presses on her back. 
 

She gets the epidural at midnight after 30 hrs of labors. It doesn’t work so she gets a second one after a while. She still feels the same. 
 

 

 

 

Edited December 9, 2019 by VBOY9977

[VBOY9977]

Part 2: 

shes given other medications to relax since it isn’t working.

The doctor breaks Lauren’s water. She’s dilated to 8 or 9  cms

They show Michelle calling JB on the phone for some reason.

Jill is in the hospital too apparently although she’s still not on camera. 
 

Lauren starts getting fatigued. 
 

She starts pushing after 46 hours of labor. Josiah is staring at her in a very weird way while she pushes.

They devote a really long time to show her pushing and I’m getting bored lol

Bella is finally born after almost 2 days of labor. She’s super alert and her eyes are wide open. 

they show a compilation of labor pictures at the end

 

 

 

 

[Peaches-n-Beans]

Are the birth episodes ever gonna be available to those of us who have to watch on prime because we don't have cable? Or are they like, TLCgo exclusives?

[VBOY9977]

Just now, Peaches-n-Beans said:

Are the birth episodes ever gonna be available to those of us who have to watch on prime because we don't have cable? Or are they like, TLCgo exclusives?

Birth episodes and season premiers are available without cable on TLC’s website. I don’t live in the us and I was able to watch with a vpn. 

[Peaches-n-Beans]

3 minutes ago, VBOY9977 said:

Birth episodes and season premiers are available without cable on TLC’s website. I don’t live in the us and I was able to watch with a vpn. 

Oh Awesome, I know what I'm doing after my final today! 

[Silas]

I just watched the birth special. 

1. Michelle was weirdly involved/supportive/etc. She never seemed that hands on with anyone else's labor, I don't think, unless I'm forgetting. Good for her for being on earth that day, I guess. 

2. Others might love how supportive Josiah was (as they have every right) but I, personally, would've had a cow. His face was within one foot of hers the entire time. I would've lost my shit.

[JesSky03]

Man, I really felt for Lauren. My son came out face up and the back labor was so absolutely awful and we had some major issues with the epidural. I'm due in 8 weeks and so not looking forward to the labor part again lol. She seemed to handle it all well though and was a lot quieter than I was ?

[lizzybee]

Yeah, that labor looked rough. Nothing to snark on there. I agree she handled it pretty well. 

[Meggo]

46 hours of labor?! I have never been in labor but that sound like a circle of hell!!

The thing that strikes me about Lauren and likely Josiah- we never see them really joyful. Jill/Dwreck, Joy/Austin, Joe and Kendra wrote the book on it- we have seen them all comfortable in their skins and enjoying something in their world. A baby, a wedding, a good joke, whatever it is- all of them seem able to enjoy something and show that enjoyment. A good solid laugh, a genuine smile- something. Josiah and Lauren- just...don’t.

maybe they are private people, not emotional etc - but it doesn’t even sneak out of them..

[AliceInFundyland]

2 hours ago, Silas said:

I just watched the birth special. 

1. Michelle was weirdly involved/supportive/etc. She never seemed that hands on with anyone else's labor, I don't think, unless I'm forgetting. Good for her for being on earth that day, I guess. 

2. Others might love how supportive Josiah was (as they have every right) but I, personally, would've had a cow. His face was within one foot of hers the entire time. I would've lost my shit.

Michelle has had moments of appearing involved with other births. They seem to enjoy having her there. It's her "thing."

I'm thinking of Spurgeon's birth and Jessa needing to go to the hospital.

[neuroticcat]

25 minutes ago, AliceInFundyland said:

Michelle has had moments of appearing involved with other births. They seem to enjoy having her there. It's her "thing."

I'm thinking of Spurgeon's birth and Jessa needing to go to the hospital.

I think we haven’t seen Michelle because most of the births came post 19kids being pulled. I imagine she’s been there for most of em though.