Lori Alexander 73: Looking for Reading Comprehension, Empathy, or Self-awareness.

[Loveday]

Today Lori is talking for the ten THOUSANDTH time about the evils of daycare and how women can afford to stay at home if they give up everything that might possibly make life even remotely enjoyable (while she gives up nothing, of course). But one woman has a different take on things. I'm hoping Lori will respond rather than delete; she's been doing that a little more often lately. Some of her leghumpers really need to read the last sentence. Maybe as often as they read Lori's favourite Bible verses.

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 I love this “lifestyle!!!!” stuff.
My housing payment is 1/3 of my take-home income. No, I cannot move somewhere smaller or “less nice.” We already have four kids in one room. And I make a pretty decent salary and live in a relatively low cost of living area of the country.

The problem isn’t “lifestyle.” It’s that salaries are not increasing at the same rate as cost of living. Go protest that so women can afford to stay at home!

While I’ve never bought into the conservative Christian stuff, I DID buy into being a stay at home mom. I stayed at home and at times worked from home through my kids’ formative years - from the time my oldest was born, I only worked out of the home sporadically for a 2yr period.

That choice did not serve me well when my then-husband tried to kill me in front of my five children and I was faced with the choice to stay or leave. Should I have stayed, Lori?

I was blessed that my work at home experience translated well to a new career that continues to grow. I make decent money and the bills are paid. My kids were all nearly school-age, so daycare was only very briefly a concern and we were blessed to find a great, small in-home daycare during that time. I was also blessed to meet and marry a wonderful man who is disabled and cannot fully financially provide for us as a result.

Is he disabled because he isn’t “good enough?” Should I have passed on marrying someone who exemplifies the love a husband should show his wife, and who is an amazing father to my children?

I didn’t sacrifice my childrens’ stability - their housing and food and clothing - at the altar of my former husband’s horrible choice to hurt me. I chose to take up the mantle of the provider and I’ve done a good job. My children are proud of me for that. They are good, honest, intelligent, kind people despite the evils of the public school system and having their mother off gallivanting about.... I mean, working to provide for them. You could learn a few lessons of kindness and acceptance from the people I’ve raised, actually.

The world isn’t black and white, lady. There are a million shades of gray out here and the version of God and Christlike living you preach is the saddest, most warped thing I’ve ever seen.

 

[FluffySnowball]

The comment you quote is amazing, @Loveday! Sure, a husband trying to murder his wife is rare and extreme, but this woman’s post is a perfect example for all the reasons Lori is wrong. Insisting on being a stay at home mom who categorically rules out divorce is stupid! Life might throw problems and obstacles at you and in order to survive and be well, you need to roll with the punches. Insisting on one narrow way of life makes no sense. 

[FluffySnowball]

On 11/18/2019 at 11:56 PM, Xan said:

She was okay with homesickness herself (from another post) but she shamed her granddaughter for her fear.  Lori is such an ass.

  Hide contents

 

Thanks, @Xan, for sharing Lori’s horrible story. I was just about to ask where I can find it, then saw your post. 

Lori is just cruel. I’ll not go into details as to why what she writes is so wrong and mean, I’ll just say this: My granny is a warm, loving, wonderful woman and she’d have never treated me like this when I was little. Same with my granddad. Acting like this towards me wouldn’t have crossed their minds. When I was scared or sad, they’d hug and console me, not make me feel worse. In fact, once I got homesick while staying with my grandparents over night and couldn’t sleep. Granny pretended to call my dad to pick me up and I relaxed and fell asleep. The next morning, she said my dad had come to pick me up but they decided not to wake me. It was years later that they told me that wasn’t true and she hadn’t actually told him to come and get me. Yes, those were white lies, but they made me feel comfortable and relaxed and that’s what really mattered! They made me feel that it was ok to be emotional, that I wasn’t at fault. My grandma even just pretending to change the situation that made me uncomfortable validated my feelings. 

[SweetLaurel]

58 minutes ago, Loveday said:

Today Lori is talking for the ten THOUSANDTH time about the evils of daycare and how women can afford to stay at home if they give up everything that might possibly make life even remotely enjoyable (while she gives up nothing, of course).

Or not even enjoyable, but just manageable.  Like paying the mortgage every month, keeping the lights on, buying the kids shoes that fit, and keeping food in their stomachs.   My pet peeve is 'every woman works for the fun stuff!' and that is great if that is how life works for you, but some of us - many of us -  work for the basics.   Look around next Thursday,  Thanksgiving, at all the people working - retail, waitresses, chefs,  nurses and aides at my mom's assisted living home.   Yeah, wiping her butt is SO fun for them and pays for all those fancy  vacations and high end cars and their upscale wardrobe.  Lori has no clue how life is outside of her spoiled privileged dr's daughter/indulged wife life.  

[Loveday]

1 minute ago, SweetLaurel said:

Or not even enjoyable, but just manageable.  Like paying the mortgage every month, keeping the lights on, buying the kids shoes that fit, and keeping food in their stomachs.   My pet peeve is 'every woman works for the fun stuff!' and that is great if that is how life works for you, but some of us - many of us -  work for the basics.   Look around next Thursday,  Thanksgiving, at all the people working - retail, waitresses, chefs,  nurses and aides at my mom's assisted living home.   Yeah, wiping her butt is SO fun for them and pays for all those fancy  vacations and high end cars and their upscale wardrobe.  Lori has no clue how life is outside of her spoiled privileged dr's daughter/indulged wife life.  

That's my pet peeve when it  comes to Lori as well. Maybe in HER swanky little enclave, but most of us don't live where homes start in the million-dollar range.  And most women do exactly the jobs you've just described. Every day, five days a week (sometimes more), holidays, too, and for nowhere near enough money to pay for even a week's vacation at a local hotel, much less a cruise to the Bahamas or half a dozen expensive handbags and the latest iPhone. No, they're paying for the 'luxuries' you mentioned. 

Lori's an idiot. 

 

[Sweet Caroline]

Any minute now Lori will mention the “TightwadGazette”, her go to for living frugally. She may have read it but I doubt she has ever had to use any of its suggestions. 

As far as babies/children at school getting no love or attention, that is not always the case. I am a fourth grade teacher in an ebil public school. I love my kiddos as if they were my own. I listen to their stories and troubles. I get/give so many hugs every day. We are a family and so many of my students look forward to school. Their home lives are a mess. School is a place for a warm meal, a place where you are loved, and a stable environment with a routine. Lori needs to get out of her priveleged bubble and see how real people live. 

[Lgirlrocks]

How is their electric bill so low? Do they not use heat or a/c? 

Some people who commented talked about moving to a cheaper part of the country so the wife can stay home. Problem with that is there aren’t a lot of jobs in those areas. The jobs available may also require a certain skill set.

[wallysmommy]

They can go live in McDowell County, WV where the property is cheap.  Except this is the county in the US with the highest unemployment rate, no industry, no stores, not sure about schools, but I'm guessing kids are bussed, so you would have to homeschool.  Lori would be okay with people moving there since they would be frugal (by necessity).  

I hope the other men Lori dated are wiping their brows and heaving a sigh of relief that they didn't marry her.  Ken drew the lucky stick and he's got her for life.  They really do deserve each other based on the last string of word salad he spewed.

[louisa05]

I've said this before...we don't even have kids. But if  I didn't work, (and according to Lori, I shouldn't as no woman should--I believe she has written that married women with no children are supposed to go around helping all the SAHMs or some such thing), we would not have electricity, internet, or FOOD and I would not have basic hygiene items, clothing (at all), shoes (at all), etc...as I pay for all of that out of my own paycheck, too. 

And, yes, Lori, internet is a necessity in 2019. Just as an example, we have spent time the last two weekends setting up our healthcare through my husband's company next year. And if we do not do it online on his non-work time by January 1, then we do not get covered for 2020. Period. Because that's how the world works in 2019. He doesn't just turn in forms at work like in 1982 and is not allowed to use work time or work computers to complete the process. 

And speaking of healthcare...that's one of the massive expenses that I don't think Lori and the other women her age expounding about how women can stay home if they just give up "luxuries" don't get. Insurance is a huge expense. The numbers for employee + spouse are bad enough and while going through the process, I've seen the numbers for + spouse and children. And, like many people already have, we will have a policy beginning in 2020 where we pay 100% out of pocket until we reach a $3000 per person deductible. 

It costs a lot to live and wages have not kept up with the cost of living. We could be ridiculously frugal, but we would still barely eat if I were not working at all.  

 

 

[lilwriter85]

I wouldn't be surprised if Lori has no idea about how much Ken pays for their healthcare or how he much paid when the kids were under their policy.

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Rianne Louise I would love to be home to care for my son. My husband has autism and he can not work. So i have to work otherwise we can not even pay the rent. So unfortunally it is not always possible for mothers to stay at home

I wonder if Lori and the fangirls will reply to this comment or maybe it'll get deleted like that woman months back who posted that she had to work nights for awhile because her husband has a combat related PTSD and TBI. 

[lilwriter85]

Like others here at FJ, I'm tired of the comments from Lori and her fangirls about women working for fun stuff or shopping addictions.  Guess what Princess Priscilla plenty of two income households save money. Many people save money for retirement, education costs, rainy day situations, or other needs. 

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Princess Priscilla Right if it takes 2 salaries to live it's because of the shopping addiction people have. Must spend money. Why not save?

 

[Coco]

Lori would be much happier if she'd just enjoy her privileges and spend her days doing motherly nurturing things for her grown kids/grandkids/charities instead of living in an angry delusional state. Her obsession with authority and submission rules she doesn't even practice herself is so tragic. She'd be fun to laugh at if she didn't remind me so much of my mom. It's sad that people around her let her go instead of helping her see she needs therapy and treatment to deal with her brain injuries in a healthier way. 

On second thought they've probably done all they can. Stubborn is as stubborn does. She's serving to be a cautionary tale at least. And someone who goes viral every so often to alarm everyone about the worst toxic beliefs. 

Edited November 23, 2019 by Coco

[usmcmom]

5 minutes ago, Coco said:

Lori would be much happier if she'd just enjoy her privileges and spend her days doing motherly nurturing things for her grown kids/grandkids/charities instead of living in an angry delusional state.

 

That’s Lori’s whole story, right there.  

Lori does not want to be happy. She is one of those people who is only happy when she’s unhappy.  Even during the happiest occasions, she finds a way to put a hateful spin on it. 

For example, when Alyssa had her baby, she made several snide posts about how a mother should not complain if labor and delivery were difficult. She spends time with her grandkids and mocks them for being sad and teaches them to mock and hate others. She will not see joy in life  

I once told my son he could not continue to carry around his “Sack of Mad.”  He was a teenager and that illustration made sense to him.  That’s Lori. She panics when her sack of mad gets close to empty so she has to drop in some more triggers. Sadly, she will never see how ugly her heart is because she loves her perpetual state of anger. She loves her sack of mad. 

1 hour ago, wallysmommy said:

 

I hope the other men Lori dated are wiping their brows and heaving a sigh of relief that they didn't marry her.  Ken drew the lucky stick and he's got her for life.  They really do deserve each other based on the last string of word salad he spewed.

Can you imagine now humiliating it must be to know that “millions” read your wife’s blog and KNOW she never loved you and married you anyway. 

And nobody deserves that humiliation more than Ken. 

[rayneflower]

I'd love to know what car lori drives, how much she spends on clothes, how much her grocery budget is.. etc.

She was PRIVILEGED. Ken made good money, so she could stay home. She came from wealth and married wealth. She can afford all her nice things. But when other women work to have nice things shes against it. 

She can barely call herself a mother, she gave birth and handed them off to a nanny so she could nap. She thinks shes flipping royalty. She has no idea what it's like to live paycheck to paycheck

[Coco]

1 hour ago, rayneflower said:

I'd love to know what car lori drives, how much she spends on clothes, how much her grocery budget is.. etc.

She was PRIVILEGED. Ken made good money, so she could stay home. She came from wealth and married wealth. She can afford all her nice things. But when other women work to have nice things shes against it. 

She can barely call herself a mother, she gave birth and handed them off to a nanny so she could nap. She thinks shes flipping royalty. She has no idea what it's like to live paycheck to paycheck

This might be tmi and too personal but I feel the pain of her kids/grandkids. There's probably a ton of conservative kids from the 90's whose moms are so much like Lori, extremely privileged and yet judge those they held down even their own kids for having come up in inadequate echo chambers and coping in a recession. Mine isolated and homeschooled my sibs and me and used to laugh at us for not having the tools to cope she learned from having her first job at 15 and from going to college at 17. They don't deserve to call themselves matriarchs imo, deciding to cripple the next generation instead of lift us on. There's really a whole generation of them from the 60's/70's spreading vile ideas going all the way back to Mary Pride/Dobsons. Daughters of women like in the book The Help who decided to be bitter that they needed to step up and accept the responsibilities and struggles of being equals with men I guess and want to revert back to when things were easy for wasps. Who knows. 

And yeah my mom used to take hours long naps (or just time alone where she didn't have to listen to us) every day leaving the older kids to handle the younger ones ? And she got angry if we wanted to talk about our feelings, dreams and fears.  The similarities are just weird. None of us have a good relationship with our parents now. It's just disdain, tolerance from the favorites, and the one unfortunate golden child who has tried to become a clone but also carries the judgemental mad bag ? Probably typical of tons of fundie families. 

Edited November 23, 2019 by Coco

[lilwriter85]

4 hours ago, rayneflower said:

I'd love to know what car lori drives, how much she spends on clothes, how much her grocery budget is.. etc.

She was PRIVILEGED. Ken made good money, so she could stay home. She came from wealth and married wealth. She can afford all her nice things. But when other women work to have nice things shes against it. 

She can barely call herself a mother, she gave birth and handed them off to a nanny so she could nap. She thinks shes flipping royalty. She has no idea what it's like to live paycheck to paycheck

We have gotten some occasional glimpses of how much she spends on certain things. She has posted about buying $70 skirts and expensive brand tennis shoes.  She has talked about spending $14 for butter and IIRC, she spent like $10 a pound on peaches. In past posts on Always Learning, she talked about shopping at health food stores miles away from her home and driving out to farms 30 or 40 minutes away to buy vegetables and fruit.

She has flip flopped a couple of times regarding budgets for household expenses. She claimed that she and Ken used to argue about money and she asked that he give her a budget. Another time on the blog or FB, she said that she doesn't have a budget. Other FJers probably can recall more details. 

But, Lori will never really give in depth details on how much she and Ken spend in their household.  IIRC, an FJer her questioned her on FB about budgets and she ignored or deleted the question. I don't think she does any of money saving trips from Laine's letters, Tightwad Gazette, or other things she links too. A few weeks back, her fangirls talked about how their kids aren't in activities or sports and today I saw a comment from a couple of women who said the same thing. Lori can't relate to those women. Her kids were in sports and activities and I doubt she was buying Alyssa used ballet shoes and clothes and I also doubt she bought second hand clothes or shoes when her sons were in sports. 

[lilwriter85]

Some of these comments piss me off.  Jessica better hope nothing catastrophic happens in her family. There's always a chance some hospital might not be willing to agree to small monthly payments. I love that someone commented regarding insurance and prescriptions. Paula's an idiot and some children did die in the past from lack of health care or treatments because they didn't have the insurance or money to seek treatments. Shit like that still happens today. 

I wouldn't consider people spoiled if they have two cars for their households and there are good reasons for it and it's not always about materialism or being spoiled. 

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Jessica Guciardo I actually do not have health insurance. My husband had to go in the hospital you can negotiate the bill down and make small monthly payments if need be. Healthcare is not really a right it is a luxury and is hospitals would stop inflating the prices because of health insurance it would not be a big deal.. Also if people stopped using the ER are there primary this would not be a issue too.

 

Paula Titus Jessica Guciardo It is never a right and never has been. Years ago there was no such thing as health insurance and people survived with mom at home.

 

 

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Jessica Guciardo Paula Titus so many people think it is , makes me crazy.. People did just fine with 1 car some had none.. people are just spoiled just my opinion

 

Samantha Jonhston Without health insurance, how do you pay for prescriptions? I have a prescription I need to live and cash price is $1100 a month. With health insurance, I pay $10.

 

 

Edited November 24, 2019 by lilwriter85

[wallysmommy]

Here's what they don't understand.  Many community not-for-profit hospitals are going bankrupt because they can't survive financially.  That MRI that you had -- that machine cost over $1 million.  That CT -- another million.  You can't pay the nurses, doctors, clinical and non-clinical staff on small payments a month.  Some people need to be on a payment plan because of their financial circumstances.  If they come into the ED in an emergency, we can stablize and ship to UMC-LA.  But they don't want to be transferred.  Contrary to what Jessica says, they want a private room with room service.  If they just trusted God more, they would have a fine insurance plan like Lori has.  These are the people who are hell on wheels in the ED when they don't get seen immediately.  They complain, then the next sentence is "I expect my bill to be waived."  

It must be miserable to live on the edge so you can follow a rule made up by a few off the cliff people who mis-interpret the Bible.  

[Hane]

I’d like to point out to Lori’s fangirls that it used to be illegal to profit off health care in the US. Michael Moore’s documentary “Sicko” gives historical info on the history of the managed care business: Nixon wanted widespread health care, but didn’t want the government to pay for it—hence the current system.

I ran across an old budget ledger my mother kept when I was a child in the ‘50s. It included doctor’s visits that cost $7–but Dad made $75 a week and our mortgage was $75 a month.

[Liza]

So, Lori's insane posts & ideas come mostly from the Pearls?  Her child-rearing did not because, as she said, she raised her kids before the book TTUAC was published in the 90's.   She was attracted to that child beting manual because that is who she is!!! 

She read Debi's how to be a helpmeet  book in order to keep Ken from leaving.  Very self-serving.   She also started her "ministry" in order to do two things:   1) Keep Ken because she is a godly woman   and  2) Control & abuse women because her own kids are grown & gone and she can't do it to Ken anymore (at least not as much).

Lori's marriage is transactional ... Narcissists are noted for being transactual.  No love.  Just an exchange.

Ken backs her up meaning he likes thinking/believing he is now in control and no longer has to walk on eggshells (his words ... "I walked on eggshells).  Walking on eggshells is what abused people, do @Ken

Edited November 24, 2019 by Liza

[Koala]

 

First thought:

Scarecrow?

Second thought:

Has she lost her damn mind?  What is this, her savior pose?

"Ken, Ken!  Pull over and grab the camera!  I've got an idea!"

[smittykins]

17 hours ago, lilwriter85 said:

Some of these comments piss me off.  Jessica better hope nothing catastrophic happens in her family. There's always a chance some hospital might not be willing to agree to small monthly payments. I love that someone commented regarding insurance and prescriptions. Paula's an idiot and some children did die in the past from lack of health care or treatments because they didn't have the insurance or money to seek treatments. Shit like that still happens today. 

I wouldn't consider people spoiled if they have two cars for their households and there are good reasons for it and it's not always about materialism or being spoiled. 

 

I’ve also seen “The days before Medicaid weren’t so bad because you could usually find a doctor willing to practice charity medicine.” ?

[Free Jana Duggar]

Just saw this one ...

Why in the world is this woman getting up at 3:00 a.m.??? Lady, your husband is a grown man and DOESN'T NEED YOU TO WAKE HIM UP. He can fix his own lunch and coffee.

If you want to help, pack his lunch (though, again he is grown and can fix his own lunch) and set the coffee up the night before so he can grab and go. Keep some frozen waffles or sausage biscuits so he can heat them up.  

You can help out without waking up at that hour.

Edited November 24, 2019 by Free Jana Duggar

[FluffySnowball]

1 hour ago, smittykins said:

I’ve also seen “The days before Medicaid weren’t so bad because you could usually find a doctor willing to practice charity medicine.” ?

When delusion, cruelty and stupidity collide... 

[cindyluvs24]

Yes, back in the good ole' days when my grandfather practiced medicine in Newark's Ironbound neighborhood you didn't go into medical debt or bankruptcy.  Cancer?  Don't worry.  It will be over within the year.  Micro preemie?  You'll have others.  Sepsis?  Amputation and prayer.  Does Lori believe she would have received cyberknife under a hospital's charity care program?