Josiah and Lauren 15: The Drama Llama Rolls On

[mollysmom]

There's a lady I used to work with & we got along really well. She left the company this past May & to be totally honest, my thought process was to not keep in touch after she left. I'm a firm believer that you become like the people you hang out with (and she is not someone I want to be like). I know that's not true for everyone but it's definitely true for me which is one of the reasons I'm very particular about who I get close to. Here we are 6 months later & I'm still trying to figure out how to end this "friendship". She texts me all the time. ALL. THE. TIME!!!! I don't know. If I can tell that someone doesn't really want to be in my life I stop trying. I don't beg people to be in my life. I wish she would do the same but she just keeps texting me. 

[tabitha2]

Put her on ignore.

[JanasTattooParlor]

I am relating so much to this new thread drift. I had a friend in college that I was joined at the hip with. We did everything together and I thought we had a great friendship so we decided to live together, and it was perfect until she got her first serious boyfriend. She basically dropped me and started never coming home. After a few months of it, I confronted her about it and she said that she thought it was a good thing that I had been left alone without her because she didn’t think I knew how to just be okay with being alone and that clearly I had proved that I could take care of myself without depending on anyone. I was engaged at the time, to someone who she said was one of her best friends, and she said that she finally felt comfortable with the fact that I was getting married because living on my own meant I could be my own person in the relationship. I was so mad when she said that that I saw red and never reached out to talk to her again. I saw her recently at an event and didn’t speak to her the whole night, even when she walked up to hug me at the end of the night. 
It hurt at the time and still makes me mad when I think about it, but sometimes, you really gotta do what’s best for you. 

[Meggo]

17 hours ago, JanasTattooParlor said:

I am relating so much to this new thread drift. I had a friend in college that I was joined at the hip with. We did everything together and I thought we had a great friendship so we decided to live together, and it was perfect until she got her first serious boyfriend. She basically dropped me and started never coming home. After a few months of it, I confronted her about it and she said that she thought it was a good thing that I had been left alone without her because she didn’t think I knew how to just be okay with being alone and that clearly I had proved that I could take care of myself without depending on anyone. I was engaged at the time, to someone who she said was one of her best friends, and she said that she finally felt comfortable with the fact that I was getting married because living on my own meant I could be my own person in the relationship. I was so mad when she said that that I saw red and never reached out to talk to her again. I saw her recently at an event and didn’t speak to her the whole night, even when she walked up to hug me at the end of the night. 
It hurt at the time and still makes me mad when I think about it, but sometimes, you really gotta do what’s best for you. 

Yep. I saw my friend at the last high school reunion and she was all "oh I have missed you! I'll reach out!" and I was perfectly cordial but.. knew it would never happen. And it didn't. Her husband reached out because he wanted me to come to her 40th birthday. And he's a super great guy - but... PASS. I'm just not getting involved. She's never met my son - I've not met three of her four kids. And that's sad to me, in a way - because it would be so great to have a friend like her that I've known for SO LONG but - only if she was actually GOOD at being a friend. 

And she's not. So... hard pass.

 

[welshdoll]

Quote

Sex is actually the correct  term no matter what fundies say

Yes! Sex is physical/chromosomal, gender is what’s inside. This is what I understand from my niephew. Ze has a physical sex, but has informed me their gender is “other”. We’re all learning about this. Except my Uncle John’s wife, who’s just a straight up a-hole. Haven’t spoken to her in three years because of the homophobic rant she went on (about a second cousin who had announced her engagement to her same-sex partner) at the last extended family gathering, because of  which my siblings, father, and four of my cousins walked out the door. And none of us have spoken to or contacted her since. This was before my niephew came out to us as agender 18 months ago. My niephew picked that term , btw. 
 edited to add: It has always bugged me how determinedly fundies use the word Gender. Because sex is ebil, donchaknow. 

Edited November 21, 2019 by welshdoll
Added on

[apandaaries]

1 hour ago, welshdoll said:

 edited to add: It has always bugged me how determinedly fundies use the word Gender. Because sex is ebil, donchaknow. 

ITA. Their deliberate misuse of words is grating. 
Here is my favorite response to gender reveal parties (ETA: I’ve posted this in the JRod thread as well, but not everyone reads there, and this is worth seeing):

 

Edited November 21, 2019 by apandaaries

[Bad Wolf]

Gender reveal may not be correct, but it seems like most people I know use it. I just went to a shower for my former foster daughter's wife. They did the gender reveal on Facebook. I'm not going to bother telling people it's a sex reveal.

Is there any easier way to say "my former foster daughter's wife" ? It sounds so cumbersome. She's lovely, by the way.

[Cheetah]

Dan Savage had a great answer to a call-in about a gender-reveal party - actually I think the answer was from another listener - the original caller was good at party planning and was asked to plan a gender-reveal party for her brother and his wife and she really hated the idea of gender-reveal parties but didn't want to disappoint her brother and wasn't sure what to do.  The listener's suggestion was to have a helium balloon and instead of filling it with pink or blue confetti, you'd just have a slip of paper that said 'gender is a social construct'.  

[princessmahina]

Oh man, this thread drift about shitty friends. I had one of my closest friends as a bridesmaid at my wedding this last December. I got pregnant on our honeymoon (fundie points ftw ?). In May she told me that because I was pregnant, my life was no longer relevant to her and that she had no interest in being friends anymore. This was after a few months of ignoring all my texts, then throwing an epic temper tantrum when I didn’t  tell her I quit my job ?. I was devastated at the time, but I think I’m starting to get over it. A snuggly new baby certainly helps. 

[JanasTattooParlor]

2 hours ago, princessmahina said:

Oh man, this thread drift about shitty friends. I had one of my closest friends as a bridesmaid at my wedding this last December. I got pregnant on our honeymoon (fundie points ftw ?). In May she told me that because I was pregnant, my life was no longer relevant to her and that she had no interest in being friends anymore. This was after a few months of ignoring all my texts, then throwing an epic temper tantrum when I didn’t  tell her I quit my job ?. I was devastated at the time, but I think I’m starting to get over it. A snuggly new baby certainly helps. 

Wow I’m both sad and happy for you in that situation. Did she say why she felt you were no longer relevant? Was it because you were going to have a kid? The friend I was discussing upthread told me that we would be friends until I started having kids and then she said we wouldn’t be friends anymore because she hated kids. At the time I just laughed it off but looking back it was one of a million signs that she was not the friend I thought she was. 

[princessmahina]

1 hour ago, JanasTattooParlor said:

Wow I’m both sad and happy for you in that situation. Did she say why she felt you were no longer relevant? Was it because you were going to have a kid? The friend I was discussing upthread told me that we would be friends until I started having kids and then she said we wouldn’t be friends anymore because she hated kids. At the time I just laughed it off but looking back it was one of a million signs that she was not the friend I thought she was. 

Yep! At first she was really excited (or said she was), but she got tired of hearing about it and didn’t like that I was no longer staying out until 2 am drinking with our friend group. 

Also wtf at putting a time limit on a friendship. 

Edited November 21, 2019 by princessmahina

[ALM7]

On 11/14/2019 at 6:57 AM, Ali said:

A durable shopping cart is a great gift for a one year old. I will be sad to give away the shopping cart away when my youngest out grows it. 

A riding car is also a fun gift and books are always good. Sandra Boyton gets one year olds.

:my bold above:

I actually went out and bought one, for my dog.  They are great toy baskets for med/lrg pups. They can easily reach in, pull out their fav toys, again, and again, and again, until they are distributed all over the house.  Then I get to shove the buggy around, picking up the toys.  Of course then we start all over again, I think my pets see me as a push over, and they would be right.

BTW, I know he knows how to put toys back in, because he hid my chess piece in the dang basket!

[Smash!]

As someone who was the one who was ghosted by a very good friend, in my opinion it's not okay to ghost someone you were close with. I wondered for two years what I did to her and asked for clarification but never got one. It was horrible and my self esteem suffered a lot.
I don't say you should stay friends with people who do more harm than good. But have the decency to text said friend and (shortly) explain why you don't want to be friends anymore and block her afterwards. You can prevent a lot of suffering on the other side.
In my case said friend reached out to me 2 years later to apologize. We met for drinks and I honestly could understand why she cut me off. I just wished she would have said something. After that it took a long time to be friends again but we grew gradually closer after finding out we'd make a pretty good sports team and went jogging together regurarly.

[Jana814]

I had 2 classmates in school who were as close as 2 people could be from like elementary school through high school. They even went on family vacations together. Sometime during their college years they had a massive falling out. They now barely speak to each other. My 20 year high school reunion was last November. I honestly thought they would bury the hatchet & be friends again but that didn’t happen. When one went one way the other one went another way. 

[LacyMay]

On 11/21/2019 at 2:09 AM, princessmahina said:

I had one of my closest friends as a bridesmaid at my wedding this last December. I got pregnant on our honeymoon (fundie points ftw ?). In May she told me that because I was pregnant, my life was no longer relevant to her and that she had no interest in being friends anymore.

This baffles me, and I know it's not uncommon but like the concept just seems so strange. I'm not a fan of babies and children, they sort of scare me and I like our no children freedom. BUT my best friend has a 7 year old and this has never bothered me. I'm friends with her because of who she is. And mom friends are great! They always carry snacks. 

 

3 hours ago, Smash! said:

As someone who was the one who was ghosted by a very good friend, in my opinion it's not okay to ghost someone you were close with. I wondered for two years what I did to her and asked for clarification but never got one. It was horrible and my self esteem suffered a lot.

I've had this happen as well and know how hard it is. I'm so sorry you had to go through that.

[Melissa1977]

I hope Bella and Lauren are fine. It's a bit strange that she hasn't posted #bestpapaever #oursecondchild pictures yet (apart from the birth one). 

I also hope her mom is helping her. She's the eldest, so probably her parents are willing to be with their grandchild.

[raspberrymint]

My childhood best friend ghosted me what'll be 7 years ago soon.  We were 23 and 24.  I'm still blocked on her Facebook.  I tried to reach out on Twitter one year and Instagram just this year.  Each time, she didn't respond except to block me.

Edited November 22, 2019 by raspberrymint
She blocked me after contact, not before

[Meggo]

I admit - I do feel bad about the ghosting. Even now - and it's been... yikes - really 14 years? That can't be right ... but more than 10 I'd say. 

I still don't want contact with her. I still don't want to deal with her drama. But I'd feel weird now reaching out and saying "Okay - well I ghosted you all those years ago because you were a shit friend for YEARS previously, you weren't good for my mental health and you were IN NO WAY supportive of my struggle with infertility. But I still don't want to be friends, I still DON'T want you and the crazy family in my life. Namaste." 

 

[Xan]

Most of us have acquaintances with whom we've tried to manage friendships.  Sometimes, it's impossible.  I had a toxic "friend" and I eventually had to break off contact.  We didn't call it ghosting then and it was easier since you either had face to face contact or called on the phone.  

Am I sorry that I broke off contact?  No.  She thrived on drama and took way more than she gave.  (Yeah, "Sheila".  You know what you did!  ... Sorry.  I guess stuff still bothers me.)  My life became more peaceful and I didn't have phone calls interrupting meals and routines because she wanted to constantly complain about her imaginary victimhood.

Frequently, we have to choose to save ourselves.  That's not a bad thing.  And if someone is so annoying that you can't interact with them, it's doubtful that they will accept a reasonable discussion on why you want to end a faux friendship.

Have I been ghosted by other people?  Sure.  We're not all on the same wavelength and that's okay.  I just moved on and made new friends.

[Giraffe]

It’s interesting hearing multiple sides of ghosting. I can understand how painful it can be to be ghosted. At the same time, I’ve also been in a place where (at that time) ghosting was what I needed to do for my sanity. I had a good idea that the person I ghosted would have made a huge deal about it and would’ve brought the drama. I didn’t have the emotional capacity to deal with it. So I chose ghosting (before it was called ghosting, lol). 

[HeartsAFundie]

1 hour ago, Xan said:

Frequently, we have to choose to save ourselves.  That's not a bad thing.  And if someone is so annoying that you can't interact with them, it's doubtful that they will accept a reasonable discussion on why you want to end a faux friendship.

Have I been ghosted by other people?  Sure.  We're not all on the same wavelength and that's okay.  I just moved on and made new friends. 

Reading everyone's stories about ghosting friends/being ghosted by friends brings back memories of my own incident.  My BFF at the time and I, with an eight-year friendship spanning from sophomore year in high school to post college, simply stopped talking.  There were no arguments or harsh words exchanged.   It was very obvious we were going separate ways; she was getting involved with things I knew I didn't want to be involved with and as a result, was making very sketchy choices that honestly scared me.  Anything I would have said to her would have fallen on deaf ears.   We had one final phone call in which both of us said "Talk to you later" and neither one ever called the other back.  That was in March 1988.   I guess you could say we ghosted each other.  I was saddened and puzzled at first as to why she never called back as no one wants to throw an eight-year friendship away, but I didn't miss the drama or worrying about impending self-destruction.  Like Xan said, I moved on and made new friends.   

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

4 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

I hope Bella and Lauren are fine. It's a bit strange that she hasn't posted #bestpapaever #oursecondchild pictures yet (apart from the birth one). 

I also hope her mom is helping her. She's the eldest, so probably her parents are willing to be with their grandchild.

I can imagine there is epic hardships being endured right now, Lauren doesn't strike me as the laid back type and the chaos of a baby will NOT fit well into her nice structured life. 

[Smash!]

I think it's a difference if you ghost an acquaintance or a close friend. I too ghosted people I wasn't close with by "not having time right now for coffee" and the friendship faded away and had it done to me and I don't see a problem with that.
I also think it's easier today with smartphones to explain your decision and block the person because you don't want to deal with their drama than it was in the times of fixed telephones.

[Cheetah]

Along the same lines as ghosting, I've known 3 people who have basically ghosted everyone from their past or from a large chunk of their past.  Two were friends in high school and of those, one I know for sure is not in contact with her family either.  The other is one of those people who never joined FB and ignored any and all attempts to reach him for any of the reunions after high school (and he was still living at least for the 10th and 20th... not sure any more) but I don't know if he also cut his family off.  Another one was a friend in grad school and again, ghosted everyone from grad school but we don't know if she's still in touch with her family or not.  

[QuiverFullofBooks]

7 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

I hope Bella and Lauren are fine. It's a bit strange that she hasn't posted #bestpapaever #oursecondchild pictures yet (apart from the birth one). 

I also hope her mom is helping her. She's the eldest, so probably her parents are willing to be with their grandchild.

The current Homeland Security shitshow may be keeping some of the Duggars off the internet.