Erin & Chad 5: I’m Thoroughly Defrauded by Chad’s Attire

[JermajestyDuggar]

I’m an asshole when pregnant so I basically said to my family: “these are the name choices. They are set in stone. So you may want to keep your opinions to yourself since there’s no changing our minds.” 

Everyone kept any negativity to themselves. 

Edited July 28, 2019 by JermajestyDuggar

[FaithAndReason]

I prefer not to know sex or names before the baby is born. There is something so joyous about revealing that information at the birth and I feel like that has all been lost with knowing the sex and then telling the name immediately as well. Clearly I’m in the minority but I love the surprise at the end of those long months!

We did not know the sex of any of our children before their birth and we told people lots of names options but never told our final decisions. When my brother had his kids they knew the sex and names as early as possible and I told them (and the rest of the family) not to tell me or talk about it in front of me. IMHO it’s  so anti-climactic to get to the delivery and after all that work, and it’s “here’s your daughter Sally that you’ve already known about for five months”. I need surprise revealed at the end. Unpopular and not trendy but that’s what I prefer. 

[LillyP]

We shared our baby name before the birth. It's a pretty "normal" name, kinda preppy, and not popular but certainly not unusual. There really wasn't anything bad anyone could say about it and if they did I didn't care. We decided on that name before we even know the gender if it were a boy, which it was. I know plenty of people who announce the name before birth. I only know a few people who kept the name a secret.

[feministxtian]

my mother hated #1 son's name...mostly because she couldn't pronounce it. I didn't give a shit, that was his name and that was that (he was named at birth since his XX/XY status was unknown before his birth). It's not like his name is complicated or unusual, she just couldn't pronounce it (both my boys have fairly common Old Testament names). 

But the old bitch didn't like anything I did...

[DarkAnts]

They may share the name so other siblings know not to use that one.

[Tangy Bee]

Ok sorry to get off the subject about baby names. But do they still live in that 2 bedroom cottage? If so, it's time to get a bigger place. Not like they can't afford it. Assuming Whitney will assist in the search.

[Angelface]

I agree that it is time to move to a larger house. I know that Erin was brought up in cramped conditions but hopefully she will want better for her own children. Perhaps there is a possibility that they may be able to buy their current home and add on to it. Space is fairly limited. It would drive me crazy, I like my own space and somewhere quiet to curl up with a book so that I can read in peace. 

[lumpentheologie]

1 hour ago, DarkAnts said:

They may share the name so other siblings know not to use that one.

I'm sure there will be repeat names among the Bates cousins.  There will be a ton of them, and cousins having the same name is pretty common even among smaller families.  On just one side of my family we have two matching sets, and if I had been a boy we would have had three. 

I'm hoping Khloé and Kade aren't repeats, but I could totally see another Allie or Brooklyn. 

I'm also in the camp that finds it strange to name a baby before birth. No one I know in real life has done this. I was so startled the first time is read the phrase "keeping the name a secret" on FJ, since in my understanding you could have a plan for a name before the birth, but not have actually given the name yet. I understand now that this is normal for some people, but with fundies it strikes me as part of their whole anti-choice package, especially with the public posts addressed to their fetuses. 

Edited July 28, 2019 by lumpentheologie

[JordynDarby5]

I've seen mixture too. Mostly just what the couple wants or they really like to start referring to the baby by their name. It was really fun and excited to start calling my nephew by his name at five or six months.

[JermajestyDuggar]

Her home is not only a 2 bedroom 1 bath home. But it’s a SMALL 2 bedroom 1 bath home. It might work if both bedrooms were spacious along with a spacious kitchen and bathroom. But it’s all just small. And she has so many rules for the living room that I can’t imagine the kids feel comfortable playing in it. So where do they play? In their bedroom? I doubt it. They squeezed three kids and their stuff in there. It’s a small room. They must only play outside. In the winter they must beg to go to their grandparents’ so they have actual room to play. 

[JordynDarby5]

2 minutes ago, lumpentheologie said:

I'm sure there will be repeat names among the Bates cousins.  There will be a ton of them, and cousins having the same name is pretty common even among smaller families.  On just one side of my family we have two matching sets, and if I had been a boy we would have had three. 

I'm hoping Khloé and Kade aren't repeats, but I could totally see another Allie or Brooklyn. 

I wonder if Josie's going to do that at some point since she really seemed to like Brooklyn and was disappointed that Erin chose it. There's nothing wrong with picking a name you really like even if its already being picked by another relative or friend. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

2 minutes ago, JordynDarby5 said:

I wonder if Josie's going to do that at some point since she really seemed to like Brooklyn and was disappointed that Erin chose it. There's nothing wrong with picking a name you really like even if its already being picked by another relative or friend. 

I’m thinking maybe they will go with slight variations? For instance, someone might use Willa although it’s similar to Willow. Or Cassie even though it’s similar to Kaci. 

I think there will be a lot of same middle names though. That even happened in my family and there were only 14 cousins.

[JordynDarby5]

5 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I’m an asshole when pregnant so I basically said to my family: “these are the name choices. They are set in stone. So you may want to keep your opinions to yourself since there’s no changing our minds.” 

Everyone kept any negativity to themselves. 

I really wish everyone would do that. You don't like the name your friend/sibling/etc picked for their kid. Tough. Shut up and deal. Don't spend forever whining, complaining, yelling, threating to call the kid by another name, trashing the name or any of the other crap. Its absolutely ridiculous to see flipping out and being awful over a name.  Its not your kid, you don't get a say. No, the mom and/or dad shouldn't change it because you don't like it. They should still go with the name they like.  

[lumpentheologie]

2 minutes ago, JordynDarby5 said:

I really wish everyone would do that. You don't like the name your friend/sibling/etc picked for their kid. Tough. Shut up and deal. Don't spend forever whining, complaining, yelling, threating to call the kid by another name, trashing the name or any of the other crap. Its absolutely ridiculous to see flipping out and being awful over a name.  Its not your kid, you don't get a say. No, the mom and/or dad shouldn't change it because you don't like it. They should still go with the name they like.  

I think the one exception to this is when there's a serial killer or something with the same full name and you think the parents might not know.  Otherwise totally agree. 

[JordynDarby5]

9 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I’m thinking maybe they will go with slight variations? For instance, someone might use Willa although it’s similar to Willow. Or Cassie even though it’s similar to Kaci. 

I think there will be a lot of same middle names though. That even happened in my family and there were only 14 cousins.

Maybe and maybe they'll go with Brook with or without the 'e'. That would go well with Willow. Given how much the kids seem to like Papa Bill I'm sure there will be a William or two and probably for middle names too.

[RosyDaisy]

The women in my family can't keep a secret. They announce a pregnancy before the stick dries, the sex seconds after finding out, and the name as soon as they decide. It is also customary in my family for sisters or maternal aunts of the mother to be to host the baby shower. We don't do gender reveal parties. As I said we can't keep a secret.

[JermajestyDuggar]

9 minutes ago, JordynDarby5 said:

Maybe and maybe they'll go with Brook with or without the 'e'. That would go well with Willow. Given how much the kids seem to like Papa Bill I'm sure there will be a William or two and probably for middle names too.

Papa Bill is William. Gil is William Gilvin. Zach is Zachary Gilvin. Bradley is Bradley Gilvin. And Lawson is William Lawson. So there are already quite a few with William or Gilvin in their names.

[JordynDarby5]

3 minutes ago, lumpentheologie said:

I think the one exception to this is when there's a serial killer or something with the same full name and you think the parents might not know.  Otherwise totally agree. 

That's an exception and I do agree with that. If you name your kid Bundy are people going to mostly think of Ted Bundy? Hitler and recently Isis.  No matter how great and beautiful the name Isis its unfortunately now the name of terrorists. In one of those baby name sites I think babyname wizard but it might have been another one they have a forum discussing different names and for babies and for stories. One girl was writing a story and wanted to use a flower name that wasn't Lily or Rose, and asked what we thought of Columbine since its not a flower name that's that commonly used. Now all of the born after 1999 actually thought it was a great idea and great name. The rest didn't because to us no matter what the how great character sounded it would make us think of the Columbine massacre. Its too associated with that shooting for any of us to ever not think of that anytime we name.  Plus given when character was going to be born which I think was sometime around 2004 or 2005 had a hard time believing that anyone in the US would chose that name for their baby because of school shooting. Its a really pretty name and beautiful flower. 

8 minutes ago, RosyDaisy said:

The women in my family can't keep a secret. They announce a pregnancy before the stick dries, the sex seconds after finding out, and the name as soon as they decide. It is also customary in my family for sisters or maternal aunts of the mother to be to host the baby shower. We don't do gender reveal parties. As I said we can't keep a secret.

My brother and sister-in-law planned on getting t-shirts for their parents with Being a mother/father is great being a grandmother/father is better but when they found out they were so excited they couldn't wait that long and just told everyone.

[LawsonBatesEgo]

3 hours ago, lumpentheologie said:

I'm sure there will be repeat names among the Bates cousins.  There will be a ton of them, and cousins having the same name is pretty common even among smaller families.  On just one side of my family we have two matching sets, and if I had been a boy we would have had three. 

I agree, and same with the Duggars.

By the time Callie, Jeb and Judson are having kids, there could very easily be 70+ cousins. That is a whole lot of names to not consider. Some names need to never be used again (yes, I'm talking about Spurgeon), I can see names like Henry or Zoe popping up again in the future. 

[LawsonBatesEgo]

3 hours ago, JordynDarby5 said:

I really wish everyone would do that. You don't like the name your friend/sibling/etc picked for their kid. Tough. Shut up and deal. Don't spend forever whining, complaining, yelling, threating to call the kid by another name, trashing the name or any of the other crap. Its absolutely ridiculous to see flipping out and being awful over a name.  Its not your kid, you don't get a say. No, the mom and/or dad shouldn't change it because you don't like it. They should still go with the name they like.  

I think the one exception is when a sibling uses the same name you gave to your stillborn or deceased child because "it was the name we wanted anyway". 

I saw this happen in my extended family and it was the one time I completely understood the "flip out". 

I also saw a case where someone used the same name as an aunt and told the aunt "you will just have to use a nickname to avoid confusion" and the aunt got angry. I thought it was a bit off to tell someone already alive they need to change their name to accommodate. My name is Isabel and I honestly don't really care if I end up with a niece named Isabel/le, but I will raise hell if the parents were to demand I start going by Izzy in the family to avoid confusion. I fucking HATE the nicknames Izzy. Not happening.

[JordynDarby5]

45 minutes ago, LawsonBatesEgo said:

I think the one exception is when a sibling uses the same name you gave to your stillborn or deceased child because "it was the name we wanted anyway". 

I saw this happen in my extended family and it was the one time I completely understood the "flip out". 

I also saw a case where someone used the same name as an aunt and told the aunt "you will just have to use a nickname to avoid confusion" and the aunt got angry. I thought it was a bit off to tell someone already alive they need to change their name to accommodate. My name is Isabel and I honestly don't really care if I end up with a niece named Isabel/le, but I will raise hell if the parents were to demand I start going by Izzy in the family to avoid confusion. I fucking HATE the nicknames Izzy. Not happening.

I agree if you chose to use a name already being used you don't get tell that person to go by a nickname. You either find one for your kid or accept that there's going to be confusion. 

I can completely understand on the flip out too. That probably would be the only time I'd  change from my favorite name if it was the name of stillborn or deceased child. 

[justmy2cents]

1 hour ago, LawsonBatesEgo said:

I also saw a case where someone used the same name as an aunt and told the aunt "you will just have to use a nickname to avoid confusion" and the aunt got angry. I thought it was a bit off to tell someone already alive they need to change their name to accommodate.

My grandmother had the same name as her aunt. My grandmother is the one who went by a nickname. I can't even imagine asking someone to go by a nickname after they've been using their name for many years.

[dharmapunk]

When I was pregnant I discussed name choices only with my mum, my sister and my closest friend (and my daughter's dad, obviously). I value their feedback and I knew they would not trash a name I really loved. Everyone else was just told the name and only one person told me to my face that they disliked the name. Picking a name our elderly relatives would be able to pronounce and spell was definitely a point that influenced the decision. 

[CarrotCake]

I do not know anyone who shared the name before the birth except for two American colleagues ?

I knew the name of my cousins baby because she told my aunt (her mom) that she was naming her after our shared grandmother. Then my aunt was so proud and started to tell the whole family and my cousin was really pissed ?

In general, in Dutch culture you just don't tell the name before the baby is born. I think it has to do with the past where so many babies did not survive and it was kind of jinxing to already name a baby that might not live. 

Also, it helps with people commenting. Less people dare to say they dislike a name after the baby is born.

[bal maiden]

13 hours ago, FaithAndReason said:

I told them (and the rest of the family) not to tell me or talk about it in front of me. IMHO it’s  so anti-climactic to get to the delivery and after all that work, and it’s “here’s your daughter Sally that you’ve already known about for five months”. I need surprise revealed at the end. Unpopular and not trendy but that’s what I prefer. 

This is what my narcissistic mother did with my decision to share the sex of my children when I was pregnant. Hate to break it to you, but your brother and SIL having kids is not about you or what you want. Their decision to share their joy/excitement and want to reveal the gender trumps your with for 'a surprise'.