Dillards 76: Somewhat successful social media?!?

[Georgiana]

She's done it.  The mad lass has actually done it.  Jill has posted not one, but several cute instagram posts that include pictures of food people might actually WANT to put in their mouths!  

Don't worry, it's not the end times.  Derick is still posting confusing nonsense videos.  But Jill!  Jill is getting better, learning new skills, and using new tools. Sure the bar is so low that it's a trip hazard, but it's nice to see them no longer digging under it.  

Preserved for posterity:

Spoiler

Continuing from:

 

 

Edited May 3, 2019 by Georgiana

[socalrules]

Making a successful social media post is quite an accomplishment. Fifteen year-olds around the world are applauding. 

It is really is sad that this is seen as a reason to celebrate. It’s one of the reasons I find the whole Duggar family sad and pathetic in general. They have such a huge family. Imagine if the kids had gone off to college, the military, had careers, traveled the world on there own, lived a life of their own choosing and not that of their parents? They would have the most interesting gatherings, the stories to be told and heard. Instead it’s one big sameness. How often can these people talk about abortion at an event?

i just don’t get the excuse in the last thread Derick might be an asshole because his dad died. My grandma was the youngest of 12 and a baby when her dad died. Her mother raised the kids by herself. Guess what? She wasn’t an asshole and neither were her siblings. My cousin’s dad died when he was 5 and was raised by his mom. Not an asshole. I feel bad derick lost his dad but it in no way excuses his behavior. For all we know, his dad may have been the same way and felt the same way. We know his mom is a piece of work. He may be how his parents raised him to be, just like Jill. I just don’t see him as being all love the world and then his dad died and he suddenly decides he knows who isn’t properly following Jesus. I am sure he would still have been attacking Jazz if his dad was still alive. 

[Ivycoveredtower]

I think a big reason Jill isn't seen much is one. they lived farther away and recently moved closer, well everyone else sans Jinger lived fairly close. 

2. Jill can't be in any TLC shots so if she's there she has to be hidden or they can't film. and being a girl I think well she used to be JB's favored girl not being on TLC has pushed her off that thrown.  Michelle seems kind of close to Jill but I do think she favors Jinger over all else and Jessa and Jana kind of just float there. 

[Georgiana]

1 hour ago, socalrules said:

Making a successful social media post is quite an accomplishment. Fifteen year-olds around the world are applauding. 

It is really is sad that this is seen as a reason to celebrate. It’s one of the reasons I find the whole Duggar family sad and pathetic in general. They have such a huge family. Imagine if the kids had gone off to college, the military, had careers, traveled the world on there own, lived a life of their own choosing and not that of their parents? They would have the most interesting gatherings, the stories to be told and heard. Instead it’s one big sameness. How often can these people talk about abortion at an event?

i just don’t get the excuse in the last thread Derick might be an asshole because his dad died. My grandma was the youngest of 12 and a baby when her dad died. Her mother raised the kids by herself. Guess what? She wasn’t an asshole and neither were her siblings. My cousin’s dad died when he was 5 and was raised by his mom. Not an asshole. I feel bad derick lost his dad but it in no way excuses his behavior. For all we know, his dad may have been the same way and felt the same way. We know his mom is a piece of work. He may be how his parents raised him to be, just like Jill. I just don’t see him as being all love the world and then his dad died and he suddenly decides he knows who isn’t properly following Jesus. I am sure he would still have been attacking Jazz if his dad was still alive. 

Yeah, I think it's something to celebrate, but it's also sad that it's something to celebrate.  It's sad how much Jill's upbringing has held her back, but it's good to see signs (even small ones) that she may be starting to think critically, learn, and make changes for herself.  It's small, but sometimes the safest place to start exploring new skills and thought processes is in small things where failure won't matter.  I hope she's able to continue doing this in the future in bigger ways with more important things.  And she may be moving slowly, but there is a trend in this general direction with her.  

And I agree that grief is no excuse for Derick's behavior.  Frankly, there ARE no excuses for Derick's behavior.  It's wrong, he's accountable for it, and nothing will change that.  I'm sure there are reasons why he's behaving like he is.  Those reasons may be somewhat valid or sympathetic, but they do not excuse his decision to be a shitty, hateful human.  

[VelociRapture]

2 hours ago, socalrules said:

Making a successful social media post is quite an accomplishment. Fifteen year-olds around the world are applauding. 

It is really is sad that this is seen as a reason to celebrate. It’s one of the reasons I find the whole Duggar family sad and pathetic in general. They have such a huge family. Imagine if the kids had gone off to college, the military, had careers, traveled the world on there own, lived a life of their own choosing and not that of their parents? They would have the most interesting gatherings, the stories to be told and heard. Instead it’s one big sameness. How often can these people talk about abortion at an event?

i just don’t get the excuse in the last thread Derick might be an asshole because his dad died. My grandma was the youngest of 12 and a baby when her dad died. Her mother raised the kids by herself. Guess what? She wasn’t an asshole and neither were her siblings. My cousin’s dad died when he was 5 and was raised by his mom. Not an asshole. I feel bad derick lost his dad but it in no way excuses his behavior. For all we know, his dad may have been the same way and felt the same way. We know his mom is a piece of work. He may be how his parents raised him to be, just like Jill. I just don’t see him as being all love the world and then his dad died and he suddenly decides he knows who isn’t properly following Jesus. I am sure he would still have been attacking Jazz if his dad was still alive. 

I’m not excusing him for being an ass to other people because his dad died. No one said that in the prior thread. I’m not sure what Jazz has to do with this conversation considering she wasn’t mentioned prior to this, which makes sense considering this discussion was strictly about Derick as a parent rather than his social media use in general. I did state it’s possible he’s had more of a struggle to adapt to parenthood than the other Duggar in-laws and that losing his father could have played a role in that, as could the possibility he just doesn’t get how to interact with young kids.

I genuinely think it’s wonderful that you have family that handled that transition well despite similar losses. Unfortunately, not everyone can or will and there isn’t always a way to tell ahead of time. I’d guess that couldn’t have always been easy for them emotionally and that’s honestly great they were able to handle it well. Parenthood is extremely stressful at times though and can be made even more so by not having a strong support system in place, as Derick may not have considering his father was dead, his mother was still battling/recovering from almost dying of cancer, and he made the phenomenally stupid choice to move his young family to another country soon after Izzy was born. Different people react to tragedy and trauma differently. 

Edited May 3, 2019 by VelociRapture
My phone hates me and autocorrects the wrong words.

[SassyPants]

9 hours ago, socalrules said:

Making a successful social media post is quite an accomplishment. Fifteen year-olds around the world are applauding. 

It is really is sad that this is seen as a reason to celebrate. It’s one of the reasons I find the whole Duggar family sad and pathetic in general. They have such a huge family. Imagine if the kids had gone off to college, the military, had careers, traveled the world on there own, lived a life of their own choosing and not that of their parents? They would have the most interesting gatherings, the stories to be told and heard. Instead it’s one big sameness. How often can these people talk about abortion at an event?

i just don’t get the excuse in the last thread Derick might be an asshole because his dad died. My grandma was the youngest of 12 and a baby when her dad died. Her mother raised the kids by herself. Guess what? She wasn’t an asshole and neither were her siblings. My cousin’s dad died when he was 5 and was raised by his mom. Not an asshole. I feel bad derick lost his dad but it in no way excuses his behavior. For all we know, his dad may have been the same way and felt the same way. We know his mom is a piece of work. He may be how his parents raised him to be, just like Jill. I just don’t see him as being all love the world and then his dad died and he suddenly decides he knows who isn’t properly following Jesus. I am sure he would still have been attacking Jazz if his dad was still alive. 

Discussing root causes does not mean that we excuse behaviors at all. I also forget to factor in that he married a Duggar and for whatever rason,the Duggars are like a big, fat, oozing, smelly, festering  boil that spreads and infects anything  in its path. But yes, he is still an asshat who exhibits deplorable behaviors.

 

Edited May 4, 2019 by Blahblah
Remove duplicate text

[Georgiana]

2 minutes ago, VelociRapture said:

I’m not excusing him for being an ass to other people because his dad died. No one said that in the prior thread and not once did Jazz even come up in that conversation, which was strictly about parenting. I did state it’s possible he’s had more of a struggle to adapt to parenthood than the other Duggar in-laws and that losing his father could have played a role in that, as could the possibility he just doesn’t get his to interact with young kids.

I genuinely think it’s wonderful that you have family that handled that transition well despite similar losses. Unfortunately, not everyone can or will and there isn’t always away to tell ahead of time. Parenthood is extremely stressful at times and can be made even more so by not having a strong support system in place, as Derick may not have considering his father was dead, his mother was still battling/recovering from almost dying of cancer, and he made the phenomenally stupid choice to move his young family to another country soon after Izzy was born. Different people react to tragedy and trauma differently. 

I also wonder how much Derick saw in JB as a replacement father figure.  JB was his prayer partner, and in many situations, an older prayer buddy like that will also provide guidance and support, much as a father would.  Then Derick married into the family, married the daughter JB seemed closest to, and I wonder if that was motivated in part by a desire to formalize the bond that JB and Derick had with each other.  Derick was for a time the Golden Son-In-Law.  

But I think their mission trip caused Jill to struggle, and I think that put strain on JB and Derick's relationship.  Because at the end of the day, JB isn't Derick's father.  He's Jill's.  And he ought to be to some extent in her corner over Derick's.  And if Derick saw JB as a stand in for his own father, that could have been a difficult emotional blow that caused Derick first to try and regain JBs favor by being a "strong warrior for Christian values" by going against Jazz (because I don't think any of us doubt that the Duggars in private agree with everything Derick posted), then being hurt further when that backfired and JB wasn't as pleased as he anticipated, and finally moving to lashing out against JB himself and TLC.  

I think one of the issues with Jill and Derick is that JB was too much of the reason they got married.  She married him in large part because the father she adored advocated for him and she trusted his judgement completely.  He, I think, had a genuine relationship with JB that he wanted to cement, for one reason or another.  JB I think responded emotionally to Derick and missed the signs that he may not be right for Jill.  And they all got caught up in this fantasy of a godly father and guide divinely orchestrating a perfect marriage.  And I think all of them had a pretty bad free fall when reality set in.  Which honestly isn't to say their marriage sucks, but rather that no marriage is ever a fantasy, people are flawed, and when your courtship is too much fantasy and not enough reality, that can be rough to adjust to.  

[SassyPants]

6 minutes ago, Georgiana said:

I also wonder how much Derick saw in JB as a replacement father figure.  JB was his prayer partner, and in many situations, an older prayer buddy like that will also provide guidance and support, much as a father would.  Then Derick married into the family, married the daughter JB seemed closest to, and I wonder if that was motivated in part by a desire to formalize the bond that JB and Derick had with each other.  Derick was for a time the Golden Son-In-Law.  

But I think their mission trip caused Jill to struggle, and I think that put strain on JB and Derick's relationship.  Because at the end of the day, JB isn't Derick's father.  He's Jill's.  And he ought to be to some extent in her corner over Derick's.  And if Derick saw JB as a stand in for his own father, that could have been a difficult emotional blow that caused Derick first to try and regain JBs favor by being a "strong warrior for Christian values" by going against Jazz (because I don't think any of us doubt that the Duggars in private agree with everything Derick posted), then being hurt further when that backfired and JB wasn't as pleased as he anticipated, and finally moving to lashing out against JB himself and TLC.  

I think one of the issues with Jill and Derick is that JB was too much of the reason they got married.  She married him in large part because the father she adored advocated for him and she trusted his judgement completely.  He, I think, had a genuine relationship with JB that he wanted to cement, for one reason or another.  JB I think responded emotionally to Derick and missed the signs that he may not be right for Jill.  And they all got caught up in this fantasy of a godly father and guide divinely orchestrating a perfect marriage.  And I think all of them had a pretty bad free fall when reality set in.  Which honestly isn't to say their marriage sucks, but rather that no marriage is ever a fantasy, people are flawed, and when your courtship is too much fantasy and not enough reality, that can be rough to adjust to.  

I agree with all of this. Also what is the glaring elephant in the room is the Dillards strains, and Jill’s in particular, could very much be caused by her lack of preparation for life in the real world, and certainly not for a nomadic life in a foreign country. She was basically  a young woman (with the maturation of a young teen) who had never been to her county’s WM alone, never made a decision all on her own ,and her husband was moving she and her newborn to a foreign, dangerous country where neither spoke the language. On Dereck’s side, he likely had just found out (along with the rest of the world) that his wife had been repeatedly molested by her older brother and that the family’s main source of income was now gone. Many of us would be screaming the F word at  that news! Thanks JB, Pops, NOT!

[Glasgowghirl]

Jill and Derick do seem a lot happier recently. I think apart from Josh and Anna, Jill and Derick have had the hardest few years. Derick has had trouble adjusting to fatherhood and in comparison Ben seemed to bond with both boy's quickly and loved having fun with them. 

[EmmieJ]

7 hours ago, socalrules said:

Making a successful social media post is quite an accomplishment. Fifteen year-olds around the world are applauding. 

It is really is sad that this is seen as a reason to celebrate. It’s one of the reasons I find the whole Duggar family sad and pathetic in general. They have such a huge family. Imagine if the kids had gone off to college, the military, had careers, traveled the world on there own, lived a life of their own choosing and not that of their parents? They would have the most interesting gatherings, the stories to be told and heard. Instead it’s one big sameness. How often can these people talk about abortion at an event?

i just don’t get the excuse in the last thread Derick might be an asshole because his dad died. My grandma was the youngest of 12 and a baby when her dad died. Her mother raised the kids by herself. Guess what? She wasn’t an asshole and neither were her siblings. My cousin’s dad died when he was 5 and was raised by his mom. Not an asshole. I feel bad derick lost his dad but it in no way excuses his behavior. For all we know, his dad may have been the same way and felt the same way. We know his mom is a piece of work. He may be how his parents raised him to be, just like Jill. I just don’t see him as being all love the world and then his dad died and he suddenly decides he knows who isn’t properly following Jesus. I am sure he would still have been attacking Jazz if his dad was still alive. 

fuck any idea that Derick's father's death turned him into an asshole.  My brother died at age 47, one day before his oldest son's birthday.  He left a wife and three kids behind.  None of them turned into assholes.  An employer I worked for many years lost his dad while in high school.  He and his family really struggled for years, but they came through.  He didn't become an asshole.  AOC's father died when she was in college (just like Derick).  

[CharlieInCharge]

I’m not defending Derick, but I just wanted to share my experience. I was 29 when my mom died, it wasn’t unexpected since she had cancer, so I had time to accept what was coming beforehand. After she died I went into grief counseling for six months and did all the things I knew I should do to process my grief. I continued on with my life, finished my MA, got married and had a baby all within about two years of her death. From every outside perspective I had ‘moved on’ the way society expects. The truth is I was deeply, severely depressed for over six years. It was only a little over a year ago that I finally came out of it and it took a few more months to recognize how bad it had been. I have been in therapy for over two years and that helped, but even my therapist didn’t realize how bad things were until they got better. 

Grief and loss are defining human experiences. I am not the same person I was before my mom died and I will never be that person again. To say I have been profoundly changed by her loss is underselling the impact. I love my husband, my child and the life I have built since she died, but I miss her every day. I still see the joy she is missing by never knowing her grandchild and the pain I suffer from not having her love and support. I think I am a good person, but I know I would be a better one if I still had my mom. 

I am not excusing anything, but I feel like it’s impossible to know how people will respond and change when they lose someone close to them. Grief is intensely personal and no one knows what others are hiding inside. 

[TheMustardCardigan]

I lost my dad when I was in law school. It's been a few years and while I have found my "new normal," I do think I'm still working through it sometimes. My primary reaction when it happened was to just throw myself into the distraction of schoolwork because he absolutely would not have wanted me to leave school over this, and that gave my some comfort. I did have a LOT of conflict with other family members and the way they were acting after he died because a lot of things happened that my dad would have never wanted. It was a struggle. And there were some points where things seemed reasonably "fine" on the outside and you wouldn't know how messed up they were unless you were in my immediate family unit or one of the few people I trusted to tell. But everyone handles these things differently. I have a better understanding of and more compassion for those family members now. And there were things that I did that hurt their feelings too. I might have felt justified in everything I was doing at the time but I was wrong sometimes too. I'm not making an excuse for Derick but people react to grief in so many different ways, some of those ways are incredibly ugly, and people take different amounts of time to get through this stuff. 

[backyard sylph]

Causes aren't excuses. No one here has said they are. It can be useful to try to look under the hood when wondering about someone's behavior, as we aren't all the same.

[squiddysquid]

33 minutes ago, TheMustardCardigan said:

I lost my dad when I was in law school. It's been a few years and while I have found my "new normal," I do think I'm still working through it sometimes. My primary reaction when it happened was to just throw myself into the distraction of schoolwork because he absolutely would not have wanted me to leave school over this, and that gave my some comfort. I did have a LOT of conflict with other family members and the way they were acting after he died because a lot of things happened that my dad would have never wanted. It was a struggle. And there were some points where things seemed reasonably "fine" on the outside and you wouldn't know how messed up they were unless you were in my immediate family unit or one of the few people I trusted to tell. But everyone handles these things differently. I have a better understanding of and more compassion for those family members now. And there were things that I did that hurt their feelings too. I might have felt justified in everything I was doing at the time but I was wrong sometimes too. I'm not making an excuse for Derick but people react to grief in so many different ways, some of those ways are incredibly ugly, and people take different amounts of time to get through this stuff. 

That sounds sadly familiar. My dad died suddenly when I was in my freshman year. Avoided dealing with that by piling on the coursework - that worked for about a year and then bit me in the ass. Luckily I met a friend in college who lost their dad a few years before that and helped me through. I did find some kind of father figure again for a short while, until he commited suicide because he couldn't cope with caring for his terminal ill wife anymore - fun times.

But no - grief doesnt turn you into a transphobic condescending egotistical jerk who stirs up shit on twitter. I do not think he attacked Jazz to impress Jim Bob. He was pissed TLC and took it out on a minor. As for the way he treats his kids - I'm an only child, (again, fun times losing half your immediate family in an instant) but I still know how to act around babies and kids - just have some empathy and don't be a condescending jerk... btw Izzy is 4 years old now - that should be enough time to "adjust".

Going away to SA to get away from Jim Bob, I don't think so. SOS ministries was always a Duggar thing. If he really wanted to flee to a safe haven to get some distance from the molestation scandal, why wouldn't he go back to Nepal, where he already knows people? Where he met Jill and all was rainbow unicorn farts? He is just a "not a job type person" who wants to escape his adult responsibilties by becoming college Pistol Pete again.

[Ivycoveredtower]

 

[twoandthrough]

I lost my dad when I was a senior in high school. It was COMPLETELY unexpected (heart attack at 44; otherwise healthy). I was close to him, and it was world-shattering for me. BUT then I graduated, spent that last summer awkwardly at home, and went to college an hour away from home for the next four years and moved on. Of course, I still struggled with it, but in a way, I think I lucked out getting to leave shortly afterward. It wasn't as traumatic as it could have been. I think about him daily, tell my daughters about him, wish my husband could have met him... but I had the opportunity to move on. My younger brother was in 8th grade when it happened, and he has struggled SO much. SO MUCH. My mom couldn't really pull herself together (they had been together since high school), so my younger brother, who was 14 at the time, never got the help he should have, and now, at 27, he is still a mess by society's standards. I really wish I would have figured out a way to help him more at the time, but it wasn't apparent that his life was taking a nosedive until a few years later. ? 

[feministxtian]

My father died when I was 34. To this day I wish he'd been alive to see my daughter's girls. When she was born, he said "oh good now I have another little girl to spoil". He'd have literally been beside himself with her girls. 

The mother...not so much...

However, as was said above, losing a parent at any age doesn't mean you have an excuse for being an asshole. Derrick is straight out of excuses for the things he's said and done. 

[HarleyQuinn]

Talk about a generous thread title.  

[Peaches-n-Beans]

7 hours ago, HarleyQuinn said:

Talk about a generous thread title.  

The best part is the next picture on the post is her kid chewing with his mouth open. Which yeah, kids do, but why would you post a picture of your half chewed oatmeal cookie?

[Carm_88]

I have a friend who lost her Mom after a rather short illness. They were very close and for the first year, there were many tears and struggles. She still does not go on Facebook or any social media during Mother's Day because it is too hard. If Derick is still struggling with his Dad's death, then he needs help. It does not excuse any of the things that he has said or done, but if he is hurting that much, lashing out is not uncommon. To be the best that Derick could possibly be, he should get help. 

I know that he won't because Jesus and all that, but I think it would be good for him. 

[acheronbeach]

20 minutes ago, Carm_88 said:

If Derick is still struggling with his Dad's death, then he needs help. It does not excuse any of the things that he has said or done, but if he is hurting that much, lashing out is not uncommon.

Derick's worst moments of "lashing out" have been focused on Jazz Jennings.  To me, that's telling.  The biggest focus of his bitterness and anger is TLC.    

It really makes me wonder what happened between him and the network.  

[Carm_88]

2 minutes ago, acheronbeach said:

Derick's worst moments of "lashing out" have been focused on Jazz Jennings.  To me, that's telling.  The biggest focus of his bitterness and anger is TLC.    

It really makes me wonder what happened between him and the network.  

He thought TLC owed him something and they didn't agree. He was either fired or walked away in a snit thinking they would beg him to come back. They did not. Now he sees them supporting Jazz and not him, I am sure that he assumes that TLC has paid for the operations that she needed. And that kills him. 

Speculation of course! 

[Don'tlikekoolaid]

Oh look they’re eating those cookies!  Move over Maxwells there’s a new and exciting game in town.

Spoiler

 

[finnlassie]

My boyfriend's dad died 8 days ago like in a snap of fingers and I'm sort of scared to see how things go. Like, no, not expecting my boyfriend to turn into a huge dingus because of this, but it's scary to see all of these emotions in him. Sometimes he's so gentle, but Lord has he been a dick as well, but I'm not blaming him for it. I've NEVER had a family member die of other than old age. I have NO idea how he feels. Shit is fucking tense right now. We'll get through this. But it's just so strange that the person closest to you lost someone so extremely close... and he'll always be without his dad just... existing. Living. It does make me wonder, who's the trusty ol' guy in his life now, then? Who will he go to? I'm stressed out, curious and worried. I overthink so much.

 

In other news, I'm so jelly of mason jars and mason jar mugs re: Jill's instagram. They're so expensive here. Impossible to find. I've been drooling over them ever since I got Pinterest 6 years ago and started my wedding board as a single hopeless romantic.

Edited May 5, 2019 by finnlassie

[onekidanddone]

I wonder how many animal crackers the boys are allowed per day 

Edited May 5, 2019 by onekidanddone