John David and Abbie 6: Flying Off to the Honeymoon

[BachelorToTheRapture]

27 minutes ago, Pecansforeveryone said:

Cults in general prey on vulnerable people. It's a big, big hall mark of cults. Some fundiesh religions dabble in this a bit with "friendship" evangelism. My experience with Evangelical Christianity was that it was very emotions based with emotional manipulation accordingly. From alter calls to loud worship services to testimonies, so much of it was emotional hype and working people up into an emotional frenzy. I really wish I had been exposed to a calmer, more sedatede form  form of worship. date form ddatedate

My experience of loud/emotional hype: I went with a friend to an evangelical (southern Baptist, I believe) service in college. It was geared toward college kids. There were lots of people raising their hands, shouting amen, etc. which was shocking enough to me coming from a catholic background. Then, they had this weird socializing time and this girl asked if she could pray for me. I said okay, thinking she'd ask my name, talk a bit, and include me in her prayers. Nope. She called 5ish of her friends over and they all put their hands on my head and shoulders and loudly prayed for me. It was a bit frightening, honestly. 

[IReallyAmHopewell]

On 12/1/2018 at 4:57 PM, MoonFace said:

I want to be like Diana (her character on Waiting for God) when I grow up.  

I adore Tom as well.   

Diana is one of my role models!

[kmachete14]

I was just at a wedding for of my friends (aged 24). They had a female officiant that I believe was the mentor & pastor for the bride. Despite the fact that the pastor was a woman (and clearly teaching men, and  maybe even married), the wedding vows they had to repeat included:

- the new husband was the head of the household and would lead their future family

- she would go wherever life calls him (will you follow him wherever he may go?) but no reciprocal vow from him 

- she would honor and respect him (again, no reciprocal vow from him)

- he vowed to be her protector and provider and to always be faithful 

- the pastor actually described her as a helpmeet 

- she vowed to build up their home (no reciprocal vow from him) 

I had only been to Catholic weddings in the past so it was all pretty shocking to me how the pastor just rambled (Despite having a book/script seemingly in front of her) and how the vows included all those things. 

It felt very funie-lite to me, but I don't know anything else about what the couple believes religiously. However, both went to college, dance quite provocatively, and lived together before marriage. So it was altogether kind of odd. 

 

[nausicaa]

17 minutes ago, kmachete14 said:

I had only been to Catholic weddings in the past so it was all pretty shocking to me how the pastor just rambled (Despite having a book/script seemingly in front of her) and how the vows included all those things. 

It felt very funie-lite to me, but I don't know anything else about what the couple believes religiously. However, both went to college, dance quite provocatively, and lived together before marriage. So it was altogether kind of odd. 

The one fundie type wedding I went to was my cousin--who had lived with her fiance for years and had two kids with him. The officiant was also a woman, and she stood up there shouting at us about how people don't respect traditional values or marriage anymore and how we (wedding guests) need to learn about chastity and modesty. Um...?

At one point she had stepped beyond the couple, and was pacing back and forth in front of the guests. Other highlights included saying women need love while men want respect, comparing my cousin to a thoroughbred, and making digs at "old churches" knowing the bride's family was overwhelmingly Catholic and the groom's family was overwhelmingly Greek Orthodox. Fun. 

I'd been to mostly Catholic weddings too, and it really surprised me. Hell, technically you can't even have the father give the bride away in a Catholic service!

[Meggo]

21 hours ago, nausicaa said:

 

I'd been to mostly Catholic weddings too, and it really surprised me. Hell, technically you can't even have the father give the bride away in a Catholic service!

Really?? I've been to a million and a half Catholic weddings (my family is Catholic) and I've never NOT see the father walking her down the aisle in that way (like to "give her away"). At my wedding (not Catholic but in a church) - I had both my parents walk me down despite my mom not wanting to.

[QuiverFullofBooks]

16 minutes ago, Meggo said:

Really?? I've been to a million and a half Catholic weddings (my family is Catholic) and I've never NOT see the father walking her down the aisle in that way (like to "give her away"). At my wedding (not Catholic but in a church) - I had both my parents walk me down despite my mom not wanting to.

Walking you down isn’t the same as giving you away. My liberal Lutheran pastor wouldn’t say “Who gives this woman to be married to this man?” but my father walked me down the aisle anyway.

[nausicaa]

1 hour ago, Meggo said:

Really?? I've been to a million and a half Catholic weddings (my family is Catholic) and I've never NOT see the father walking her down the aisle in that way (like to "give her away"). At my wedding (not Catholic but in a church) - I had both my parents walk me down despite my mom not wanting to.

I should have been clearer--it's not the walking down the aisle/kissing her on the cheek part.

Like @QuiverFullofBooks said, a Catholic ceremony won't have the spoken "Who gives this woman to this man" part. I believe it's a holdover from the Middle Ages when the Church wanted to be sure both participants were marrying of their own consent and weren't being forced into it (or so I read on a Catholic forum once--I could be wrong). 

In a weird twist of feminism, some Traditionalist Catholics-- to further set themselves apart from Protestants and what they see as watered down "Cafeteria Catholics"-- believe the bride should walk down the aisle completely by herself. I think that's a very minority position though. 

[Iamtheway]

In Sweden the bride and groom traditionally walk in together. Hollywood movies have made the dad-walk more popular here too though. 

[FundieCentral]

Where I’m originally from in Europe it’s the flower girls first (in front of the bride) to cover the aisle in petals and then the bride by herself holding the bouquet in front of her with both hands. 

I was so surprised when I watched an American movie for the first time and there were bridesmaids and a dad involved  

[lumpentheologie]

I didn't realize people still did the "Who gives this woman to this man" bit.  But I just now realized that I've actually never been to a Protestant wedding--my whole family is Catholic, and the friends' weddings I've been to have been either totally secular or Reform Jewish, plus one Eastern Orthodox wedding. 

At my (secular) wedding my husband and I both had our mothers walk us down the aisle. He and his mom went first and then my mom and  I went.  His father isn't part of his life and my father was officiating, and we liked the idea of both of us getting to enter in a ceremonial way, so that was perfect for us. 

[Meggo]

Part of the reason I had my dad walk me in was that I am the only one who was likely to get married and I thought he'd feel like he'd miss out or something. And I wanted my mom there because she did most of the work in raising me.
If I did it again - now that it's 16 years later - I'd probably walk in with my groom. 

But that's the hindsight of 16 years.

 

[emscm]

I’ve been to many Catholic weddings that the mothers are both escorted in ahead of the wedding party to their own processional hymn. At my own Catholic wedding (and the sister’s wedding I’m old enough to remember) both my mom and dad walked us down the aisle. 

[Carm_88]

In my family, for weddings, Mom and Dad walk the bride down the aisle.

[OyToTheVey]

I'm Jewish, it's always mom and dad that walk down the aisle. The groom first( both parents) and then bridesmaids, super close relatives like grandparents, then the bride with her parents. Both sets of parents are also involved in the actual ceremony. They stand under the chuppah too.

[BullyJBG]

I grew up Mennonite, but I'm 3rd generation Canadian, so my wedding year, it already was "anything goes". I walked down the aisle with my husband, and we had our parents walk in together, one set behind the other, then the "bridal march". And a "parental blessing" part where our pastor asked them if they gave their blessing for this marriage, and all 4 said "we will".

 Traditionally, among the Mennonites, it's bride and groom walking down the aisle together. My grandpa did not want to walk my mom or aunts down the aisle because that was out of the culture they were used to. My mom never liked the dad-walk thing and thought it ideal if both parents did the walking down the aisle. And for my sister, that's how she did it, and it was such with one of my brothers.

 Since becoming Baptist 13 years ago, all the Baptist weddings I've been to, it's the dad-walk thing. But, among the Mennonites, there's been a variety of, dad-walk, both-parents-walk, and bride-by-herself. And, it's a mom-walk if dad has died.

[Jana814]

18 minutes ago, OyToTheVey said:

I'm Jewish, it's always mom and dad that walk down the aisle. The groom first( both parents) and then bridesmaids, super close relatives like grandparents, then the bride with her parents. Both sets of parents are also involved in the actual ceremony. They stand under the chuppah too.

I’m Jewish as well. When my cousin got married. Her husband didn’t walk down the aisle his mother was under the chuppah though. She was escorted by both of her parents. 

[NotQuiteMotY]

7 hours ago, lumpentheologie said:

I didn't realize people still did the "Who gives this woman to this man" bit.  But I just now realized that I've actually never been to a Protestant wedding--my whole family is Catholic, and the friends' weddings I've been to have been either totally secular or Reform Jewish, plus one Eastern Orthodox wedding. 

At my (secular) wedding my husband and I both had our mothers walk us down the aisle. He and his mom went first and then my mom and  I went.  His father isn't part of his life and my father was officiating, and we liked the idea of both of us getting to enter in a ceremonial way, so that was perfect for us. 

At our Protestant wedding, my dad walked me in, with my mom having already been escorted in by my brother, an usher. The minister did ask "Who gives this woman?" and my dad's response was "Her mother and I." We went with a very traditional service, though.

I don't think I've ever been to a wedding where the father didn't walk the bride in, at least, with the exception of one where her father was deceased. I don't remember how many had the giving question, though. Most of them were Protestant or non-denominational, and maybe two Catholic.

[Jana814]

When my first cousin got married her brother walked her down the aisle. My uncle passed away in 1992. 

[VelociRapture]

I had to check the ceremony document our JoP sent us. It did include asking who was giving me away. It wasn’t something I had really thought about while planning. I’d do a few things differently if I were planning now - like a hairdo that didn’t show off my big forehead or funky hairline or embracing a fall theme rather than just doing whatever - and I think I would have either omitted that part or had it worded differently. 

[xlurker]

honestly, my dad had passed before my wedding-I would have then, and still would now, give anything to have him walk me down the aisle.  Whether or not "the question" was asked.  My dad had raised me to be strong and independent, and any question of "who gives this woman" would have been tradition and nothing more.  Well over 30 years have gone since my dad was with us, and the thought that I walked down that aisle alone still can make me cry.  Not because I didn't have anyone else to do so, my mom and both grandfathers were alive, as were many male friends.  But it was my dad's place. That is how I included him, even if no one else understood.  I also had an extra boutonniere made for him, and had it tucked into my bouquet.   My oldest is getting married soon-I don't know if I will be able to hold it together seeing her dad walk her, have a dance with her....hell, now I'm crying already

[TuringMachine]

All the weddings of my friends have been non religious. I think their fathers all walked them down but there was certainly no "who gives this woman" thing.  

I don't think I want a religious wedding. I would like my dad to walk be down the aisle though.

Also I told my dad that if any guy asks him permission to marry me to say no. A guy who thinks my dad should get a say in who I get to marry is not the guy for me. 

edit: just asked my mom if her dad walked her down the aisle, her response: "we didn't have an aisle" ?
They also had a non religious wedding. They were married by the mayor who was a friend of my grandfathers.

[MathQueen]

Xlurker, your post brought me to tears. So sorry for your loss. Losing a parent at a young age is hard to bear, even many decades later. There is something about your perceptions and vulnerabilities as a child that make early loss different, at least in my experience.

My father passed away when I was a young teenager. When Mr. Math and I married, I had my two younger brothers walk me down the aisle. We are close, so it was wonderful to have them do this. But I still so wish my dad could have been there.

 

[Meggo]

13 hours ago, TuringMachine said:

Also I told my dad that if any guy asks him permission to marry me to say no. A guy who thinks my dad should get a say in who I get to marry is not the guy for me. 

I think my mom was disappointed that my husband didn't ask permission to marry me (of them - he DID ask mine! :))
She's so old school though - and my dad apparently DID ask my grandpa. But it was the mid-60s and they weren't the hippies-60s - they were the "might as well be the 50s" 60s. 
So - she just had to get over it - I was 28 - living in my own place - wholly self sufficient. suck it up butter cup.

[BachelorToTheRapture]

I had my dad walk me down the aisle, but that was more because I didn't want to do it alone, and I knew it would be meaningful to him. My husband walked down with both of his parents and my mom walked with one of my brothers 

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

Most of the weddings I've been to have had dad walk the bride down the aisle, one wedding the bride had her brothers walk her down as their father had died when they were kids. I've been to one wedding where mom walked her down the aisle, she was raised by her mom & her father was never in the picture. My friend remarried a few years ago and had her 17 year old son walk her down the aisle, her father is still alive, but she wanted her children involved, her 14 year old daughter was the maid of honor and the grooms 19 year old son was the best man, her son was the other grooms man and his 16 year old daughter was a bridesmaid, they kept it all in their new blended family.